Staying Chaste

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DavidSears

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Its too hard sometimes. I hear my friends talk about how they do this and this with a girl and I try to change the topic. I’m only 16 and I have a girlfriend. I told her I won’t do anything more than French kissing. However, I can’t get married for another two years and I plan on getting married at 18 or 19 because I feel like I can’t wait any longer… Any suggestions?
 
DavidSears said:
Its too hard sometimes. I hear my friends talk about how they do this and this with a girl and I try to change the topic. I’m only 16 and I have a girlfriend. I told her I won’t do anything more than French kissing. However, I can’t get married for another two years and I plan on getting married at 18 or 19 because I feel like I can’t wait any longer… Any suggestions?
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This is a tough issue for me, too. It’s hard when the culture you live in always supports promiscuity. The only suggestion I can make is to keep going to confession and mass. Both of them really help keep you on the right track. But what you’re doing is good, don’t go any further with your girlfriend until you’re married.
 
OxygenMan said:
This is a tough issue for me, too. It’s hard when the culture you live in always supports promiscuity. The only suggestion I can make is to keep going to confession and mass. Both of them really help keep you on the right track. But what you’re doing is good, don’t go any further with your girlfriend until you’re married.
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I appreciate your response! Thank you!
 
DavidSears said:
I appreciate your response! Thank you!
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No problem! I always like to help when I can. 👍
Waiting for marriage is tough, but it’s worth the wait to please God. And it can bring people a lot closer in the end.
 
OxygenMan said:
No problem! I always like to help when I can. 👍
Waiting for marriage is tough, but it’s worth the wait to please God. And it can bring people a lot closer in the end.
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I agree 100%. That’s why I’m trying so hard to wait, but it feels like an uphill battle sometimes.
 
I would pray to St. Maria Goretti. She is the Patron of Purity and I’m sure she will intercede for you. And of course, take advantage of the Sacraments of Confession and the Holy Eucharist. Live your Catholic Faith. Now is the time for herioc Catholicism. Strive to become a saint. Hope this helps. God bless you.
 
LittleHannah said:
I would pray to St. Maria Goretti. She is the Patron of Purity and I’m sure she will intercede for you. And of course, take advantage of the Sacraments of Confession and the Holy Eucharist. Live your Catholic Faith. Now is the time for herioc Catholicism. Strive to become a saint. Hope this helps. God bless you.
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Thank you for your advice!
 
I’m 19 years old, so I can relate to you. I think the other posters have gotten the main idea, confession every week and daily reflections to Jesus helps!

but I will tell you… but as a fellow…

Chicago BEARS Fan myself… Imagine that you are Mr. Urlacher or one of the Bears Defensive Ends Sacking a Quarterback.

Ask Maria Goretti and the Virgin Mary to pray for you and tell them to help you SACK this attack and temptation viciously!

St. Michael will help you as well! Your wait will be worthwhile! Remember that any activity that causes you to sin before marriage is mortal sin. You have to be chaste and pure until your wedding day.

I have conquered this as well, so I know what the playmaking and strategies are to win over to the loving heart of Jesus. 😉 Although the tempations still come, you can overcome them!

Praying for you brother!
 
Suggestions? Yes. Don’t do things that are proper to married spouses. “French” kissing falls within the category, in my humble opinion.

Chastity is hard only if you are attached to lust. If you grow attached to purity and honor your loved one with the dignity of a virgin, then you will have no trouble in being chaste by her side. Of course, it also boils down to her actions, for ultimately men are called to lead, but it is to women that is given the dignity of guardian of purity.

I would honestly ask for spiritual direction, because discerning matrimony is a delicate matter and you are very young. Young people are always overwhelmed by passion, the senses, and the beauty of new discoveries. Wisdom and self-mastery require time and mortification of the senses.

I pray that you may be blessed in your life, and your efforts are commendable.
 
mike2112 said:
I’m 19 years old, so I can relate to you. I think the other posters have gotten the main idea, confession every week and daily reflections to Jesus helps!

but I will tell you… but as a fellow…

Chicago BEARS Fan myself… Imagine that you are Mr. Urlacher or one of the Bears Defensive Ends Sacking a Quarterback.

Ask Maria Goretti and the Virgin Mary to pray for you and tell them to help you SACK this attack and temptation viciously!

St. Michael will help you as well! Your wait will be worthwhile! Remember that any activity that causes you to sin before marriage is mortal sin. You have to be chaste and pure until your wedding day.

I have conquered this as well, so I know what the playmaking and strategies are to win over to the loving heart of Jesus. 😉 Although the tempations still come, you can overcome them!

Praying for you brother!
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I like the analogy! Go on my profile and go under the threads I started and read “Christianity and Football,” its similar to that. I actually think having a girlfriend is helping out a lot in my life, its teaching me how to love people for who they are not what they look like. But on the same note, I don’t usually like to pray to saints because of the scruples, I prefer to only pray to the Trinity. I just get nervous. Thank you for your help and advice!

P.S. I miss Lovie Smith 😦
 
As someone who didn’t stay chaste until marriage, I very much urge you to wait. I very much regret not waiting until my wedding night even though I was very much deeply in love.
Also, the relationship may not always work out even though you may have intentions of marriage. Then that person takes that piece of you and you can no longer offer ALL of yourself to your spouse.
As a teen, I thought waiting til marriage was silly but now I truly understand how special that time is between spouses. It is a beautiful unity between a man and his wife.

Also, marry for true love and not so you will be able to have sex. I know it’s hard when you are 16, but you are doing the right thing! I’m proud of you and you sound like an honorable young man. We need more of you! 🙂
 
Brother!

Good for you for setting your heart on chastity 🙂 I am 19, and have been dating a GORGEOUS girl for 2 1/2 years. I know the struggles, especially as a former masturbation addict (fortunately I was able to kick the habit before we started dating).

The best advice about how to resist temptation is to resist as little as possible. That is, do everything you can so that you are not even tempted in the first place. If sitting with her a certain way puts thoughts in your head, sit differently. If kissing her a certain way arouses you, don’t do it. And I’m sorry brother, this may be painful for you to hear, but french kissing is an explicitly erotic kind of kissing. It’s really just an invitation for things to take a turn for the worse, and as a fellow Catholic looking out for you, I gotta say to steer clear of it.

Also, just like it takes two to tango, likewise it takes two not to tango. If you want your relationship to be chaste, both you and your girlfriend have to be on board.

Again, congratulations and blessings on you for striving for purity! If faithful, you will have great rewards in this life and even greater in the next 🙂

EDIT: Also, do noooot marry because you feel like you “can’t wait any longer.” Again, I know how you feel, but that is simply no foundation for a marriage. That’s why chastity is so important (not just of the body but of the mind) so that you can clearly discern your suitability for each other without being clouded by lust and other emotions. That said, your mind can still be clouded if you entertain lust, so have zero tolerance for it! 👍
 
Equites_Christi said:
Brother!

Good for you for setting your heart on chastity 🙂 I am 19, and have been dating a GORGEOUS girl for 2 1/2 years. I know the struggles, especially as a former masturbation addict (fortunately I was able to kick the habit before we started dating).

The best advice about how to resist temptation is to resist as little as possible. That is, do everything you can so that you are not even tempted in the first place. If sitting with her a certain way puts thoughts in your head, sit differently. If kissing her a certain way arouses you, don’t do it. And I’m sorry brother, this may be painful for you to hear, but french kissing is an explicitly erotic kind of kissing. It’s really just an invitation for things to take a turn for the worse, and as a fellow Catholic looking out for you, I gotta say to steer clear of it.

Also, just like it takes two to tango, likewise it takes two not to tango. If you want your relationship to be chaste, both you and your girlfriend have to be on board.

Again, congratulations and blessings on you for striving for purity! If faithful, you will have great rewards in this life and even greater in the next 🙂

EDIT: Also, do noooot marry because you feel like you “can’t wait any longer.” Again, I know how you feel, but that is simply no foundation for a marriage. That’s why chastity is so important (not just of the body but of the mind) so that you can clearly discern your suitability for each other without being clouded by lust and other emotions. That said, your mind can still be clouded if you entertain lust, so have zero tolerance for it! 👍
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Understood! When we kiss, I usually don’t get aroused. It’s just how we show affection because we can’t show how we fully feel. I asked my priest and he said its okay. And I’m happy for you! Two and a half years! I hope me and her can last that long, we have been together for 9 months and I have learned so much since then. How to love, how to be respectful, etc. God bless you both, thank you for the advice!
 
ReddyFreddy said:
As someone who didn’t stay chaste until marriage, I very much urge you to wait. I very much regret not waiting until my wedding night even though I was very much deeply in love.
Also, the relationship may not always work out even though you may have intentions of marriage. Then that person takes that piece of you and you can no longer offer ALL of yourself to your spouse.
As a teen, I thought waiting til marriage was silly but now I truly understand how special that time is between spouses. It is a beautiful unity between a man and his wife.

Also, marry for true love and not so you will be able to have sex. I know it’s hard when you are 16, but you are doing the right thing! I’m proud of you and you sound like an honorable young man. We need more of you! 🙂
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Thank you for your advice! Its just, I don’t know. Its too hard. It really is. Its almost impossible sometimes.

That said, I know that through God, all things are possible.
 
You should not date until you are able to get married within a reasonable period of time- one or two years. If you are dating at 16 you are asking for a whole lot of trouble.

Listen to these two talks on Catholic courtship (based on solid Catholic books on the matter) and your whole perspective will change:


http://vimeo.com/39926565

vimeo.com/39939233

Also, you need to stop french kissing. It’s a mortal sin.

Pope Alexander VII, Various Errors on Moral Matters, Sept. 24, 1665 & March 18,1666:
“It is a probable opinion which states that a kiss is only venial when performed for the sake of the carnal and sensible delight which arises from the kiss, if danger of further consent and pollution is excluded.”–CONDEMNED (Denzinger 1140)

Pope Clement V , Council of Vienne, “The Errors of the Beghards and the Beguines”: 1311-1312:
“That a woman’s kiss, since nature does not incline to this, is a mortal sin; but the carnal act, since nature inclines to this, is not a sin, especially when the one exercising it is tempted.”–CONDEMNED (Denzinger 477)
 
DavidSears said:
I asked my priest and he said its okay.
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Just so you know, there are priests out there who will tell you a whole range of things. Research for yourself what the Church teaches and verify it against what priests tell you. Trust but verify.

Believe me, I had a conversion when I was 16 and I had to navigate through all the stuff you are navigating…I’m 30 now. In my opinion you will get better advice from Catholic Answers and these forums then you will get from your average priest.

Just so you know, there are priests out there that will tell you that masturbation is not a sin, even though in the Catechism of the Catholic Church it clearly says that it is.
 
Tradycja said:
Just so you know, there are priests out there who will tell you a whole range of things. Research for yourself what the Church teaches and verify it against what priests tell you. Trust but verify.

Believe me, I had a conversion when I was 16 and I had to navigate through all the stuff you are navigating…I’m 30 now. In my opinion you will get better advice from Catholic Answers and these forums then you will get from your average priest.

Just so you know, there are priests out there that will tell you that masturbation is not a sin, even though in the Catechism of the Catholic Church it clearly says that it is.
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But the Catechism doesn’t say it. Plus it is not sexual stimulation. Its a sign of affection and love. I think it could be a near occasion of sin to some people but not others. And I know what my limits are and she knows not to pass them, so I see no harm in dating?
 
Very nice to hear that you are trying to remain chaste. As others have said, weekly confession is a huge help. As the mother of 3 sons (15, 16 and 24) and 2 daughters (30 and 23), I can understand your situation.

I was young once myself and went against everything my family raised me to believe and ended up making myself downright miserable for many years. Even when I was lost God kept calling until I finally came back to my faith. Without a doubt the nightly family rosary has saved our family and brought about a complete change. It is downright miraculous how it changed our lives.

Just a few thoughts, French kissing is NOT going to help you stay chaste. One thing leads to another and another and before you know it you have done something you didn’t intend to do. Young couples used to have chaperones for a reason. Maybe that would help you and your girlfriend.

Wanting to have marital relations is not the only reason to get married. Trust me, when you are older and they are no longer possible for one reason or another, you had better have other reasons for wanting to be married or you will be very unhappy.

Weekly confession, daily mass if possible, morning and evening prayers, daily rosary, etc all will help you to remain pure. Also asking the Blessed Mother, saints (such a Philomena and others already mentioned) will help.

A good prayer is as follows:

Act of Consecration to Mary for Purity
Oh, Immaculate Heart of Mary, Virgin Most Pure, mindful of the terrible moral dangers threatening on all sides, and aware of my own human weakness, I voluntarily place myself, body and soul, this day and always, under your loving maternal care and protection.
I consecrate to you my body, with all its members, asking you to Help me never to use it as an occasion of sin to others. Help me to remember that my body is “The temple of the Holy Ghost,” and to use it according to God’s Holy Will, for my own salvation, and the salvation of others.
I consecrate to you my soul, asking you to watch over it, and to bring it home safe to you and to Jesus in Heaven for all eternity.
O Mary, my Mother, all that I am, all that I have is yours. Keep me and guard me under your mantle of mercy, as your personal property and possession.
“Jesus, Mary, Joseph, I love you; save souls!”

Finally I would watch what I view at the movies and on television. There is so much filth and garbage out there that entice young people to not be chaste. Why tempt yourself. The closer you grow to God, the less likely you are to want to be unchaste.

I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless.
 
I’m going to tell you things that people will probably hate me for saying. And I don’t give two craps about what they have to say in response. Everything I have to say I will say now, and I will say no more to whoever responds. If anyone wants to pick a fight, go somewhere else.

I’m 22. I’ve been dating my girlfriend since I was 15. We’re finally engaged. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to wait to start dating. You’re at the perfect age to start dating. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to wait to get married. Get married as soon as possible. I wish I would have married at 18. I wish I would have married at 16. I kid you not, I was ready to get married at 14.For over a thousand years Catholics have been marrying at your age. The past century has seen a perverted reversion to paganism. The last time Westerners waited until their 20’s to get married they were pre-Christianized Frankish barbarian pagans. Marry as soon as you can, die, and go to heaven.

It is a dreadful, disgusting, appalling offense to God and the Holy Spirit to set idols before us that cause us to say “Let me just get that degree, that job, that mansion, that car, that income, that security, and THEN I’ll get married.” What an awful mess that mindset has spawned in our culture. Read over the wedding vows, and if you think you are supposed to be economically secure before you get married, you need to reconsider what marriage means. If you don’t believe anything I’m telling you, wait until you go to college and you will see. You will see the countless hordes of bodies committing spiritual suicide. People have sex as often as they shake hands, with as many people as the number of hands they shake. To anybody with a slight sense of morality, it is frustrating beyond belief to live amongst that culture. You would be insane not to be inspired into a raging, anger filled frenzy if you have to live among that. You think Christ threw a fit when we came into Jerusalem? I can only imagine how much wrath He would unload if he walked into the typical college campus. And understand, I speak to you not as an angel or saint pure in heart, but somebody who has experienced the sheer darkness of that way of life.

You are going to have to remove yourself from this world if you want to succeed at this. People say a lot of b.s. about “friends,” but those we often consider to be “friends” are typically the worst influence on us… and more times than not they are the ONLY bad human influence on us. For 6 and a half years my future wife was my best friend, and honestly my only real friend. Only within the past year have I been blessed to meet another man who shares in my desire for justice and Christ. Choose who you associate with wisely. There are good people out there, but it is becoming very hard to find them, and often times it is very painful to find them. And often times we like to tell ourselves that we have found them, just to make ourselves feel better about the people we already do hang out with. Most people in this world will only destroy your purity. Do not think that I’m telling you not to care for anyone. Care for everyone. But do not associate yourself with them, else you will quickly see yourself falling from grace. Do not expect to find happiness from this earth. Do not expect to find joy in “having a good time.” It’s all false. True happiness and joy only comes from being in communion with God, and to get there we have to sever a lot of ties to the things that glue us to this world and burn a lot bridges in the process.

Best of luck in your journey. If you’re anything like most people you will fail, and you will fail miserably. About four years from now you’ll probably have bedded many women, spent a lot of time intoxicated, and participated in feminist/homosexual rallies. But if you have the courage to be different, you will succeed, and you will see God face to face.

Come at me moderator. Give me your best deduction.
 
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