It is obvious that the couple does not know, or more likely, does not care, about the teachings of the Church regarding marriage. (I say that partially because we are told that they have Catholic parents who have reminded the couple about the matter.) They have been poorly catechized, as has the OP, who himself did not understand what the word *scandal *means in this context, or how it applies to his own participation. (He thought that it had to do with immodest dress, which is not surprising, since most Catholics today are not properly taught about what scandal is.) The fact that a Jesuit facility would allow an invalid marriage to ake place there is also scandalous.
“To observe the laws of the Church regarding marriage” is one iof the precepts of the Church. Simply put, it is that important. The rest is just rationalizing. Typical examples of rationalizing participation at an invalid attempt at marriage by Catholics:
–They are going to do it, anyway, whether I am there or not
–I want to keep the lines of communication open
–It is better than cohabitation
–They don’t know any better
–It will cause a family rift
–It’s not my place to be judgmental
Most justifications fall into at least one of these categories, the OP’s included, though I do believe that he is beginning to understand things on this subject that he had not previously. To him I would point out the following, all intended in charity:
You say that you believe “in the power of conversion, even if it takes years,” but apparently you will not say or do anything here and now that witesses to that end. It is OK if the couple somehow reconciles to the Church later, but you are not willing to have any role in that, in the present.
If the couple had a silly “themed wedding,” you would “conveniently be on vacation,” but apparently an obviously invalid wedding in and of itself does not similarly motivate you to be absent, if it is held at a Jesuit facility.
Clearly your conscience bothers you, or you would not be posting here, or considering checking on whether or not the Blessed Sacrament will be present. You should pay attention to that pang of conscience, as it is there for a reason. If what is planned is as you describe, it is wrong, pure and simple, and you are right to wonder about it.
We all have a tendency to exempt ourselves from witnessing to our faith, citing our “modern world,” as if living in the present age somehow means that we should not be called upon to stand up for what is right. We like to believe that because we live in a free and democratic society, one of industry and technology, that we are not expected to behave as if certain values really matter, as people did in times past. This is especially true for Americans, as we tend to believe that our society is innately good, and therefore specifcally Catholic witness will not be needed. Needless to say, this is all malarkey, and we are simply rationalizing our own inaction and silence. There has been hostility to the faith, and/or an unwillingness to stand up for the more socially inconvenient aspects of it, throughout the history of the Church. Our Lord Himself told us that the faith will not make us socially popular, including among family and friends. But in a media-driven, consumeristic age, we have numbed ourselves to anything that is even remotely unpleasant. We start rationalizing the path of least resistance by citing one or more of the above. We even cloak it in rightousness, by saying that we are trying to be authentically Christian by being “non-judgmental” and are “leaving the door open.” How pious we moderns can sound when we are wimping out.
What we do not like to acknowledge is that others know we are Catholic and they see and hear us. They may be atheists, non-Christians, Protestant Christians, or lukewarm Catholics, but they observe what the known Catholics (including the not-so-practicing ones) say and do. They may or may not speak aloud about what they observe, but they do notice, and it informs their perspective as to the Catholic Church. We have all heard the more verbal of these observers say at least one of the following, about something, marriage-related or not:
–It must be OK, if So-and-So did it, since So-and-So is a Catholic
–I don’t think that So-and-So would ever knowingly do something against the faith
–How bad can it be, since even So-and-So does it?
–Look at all of the Catholics who do that. The Church must have changed its teaching
–Look at all of the Catholics who do that. The Church must be wrong in its teaching
The latter is particularly scandlous. Some of the people who say these things are openly hostile to the faith and are looking for more ammunition against it. Others are simply unsure, and may even be considering the Catholic faith, so they evaluate things morally from the perspective of clarity and consistency, through which they hope to see stated beliefs lived out, not only talked about…
