Still not sure I'm getting it right...help is appreciated!

[rowenacg]

I hope someone can give me some advice.
No-one in my family is Catholic, so I wasn’t brought up Catholic and can’t get personal advice from people I know who know about the Church.
I was confirmed at University last November at the age of 21, but during the meetings with the univeristy’s Priest to help prepare me, I asked him if I needed to go to Confession before being confirmed. He said “No no, don’t worry about that.” So I didn’t and got confirmed, being left with the impression that Confession is optional.
After a few months I strongly started getting the feeling that I wasn’t doing things right, so I started going to Confession. I did my best and have been trying really hard to live a moral life, but as I’ve been learning more from sites such as this one, it’s now plaguing me that because I didn’t confess all my sins before being confirmed that even my confirmation (and every subsequent Holy Communion and Confession) has been invalid.

What do I do? I was ignorant of how essential the sacrament of confession is before being confirmed (not helped by the Priest’s advice), but if it’s all invalid regardless then I’ll be heartbroken.
And, on a more practical level, how do I go about fixing it? I intend to mention it at my next confession on Saturday but I’m scared that the new Priest will say something like “How has it taken you this long to figure it out? You shouldn’t have made several invalid Confessions and received Holy Communion unworthily goodness knows how many times since if you didn’t even know that you weren’t confirmed properly”.

I so want to live my faith my properly but I feel at such a disadvantage that I wasn’t brought up in it and instructed properly

 

[NPC]

I hope someone can give me some advice.
No-one in my family is Catholic, so I wasn’t brought up Catholic and can’t get personal advice from people I know who know about the Church.
I was confirmed at University last November at the age of 21, but during the meetings with the univeristy’s Priest to help prepare me, I asked him if I needed to go to Confession before being confirmed. He said “No no, don’t worry about that.” So I didn’t and got confirmed, being left with the impression that Confession is optional.
After a few months I strongly started getting the feeling that I wasn’t doing things right, so I started going to Confession. I did my best and have been trying really hard to live a moral life, but as I’ve been learning more from sites such as this one, it’s now plaguing me that because I didn’t confess all my sins before being confirmed that even my confirmation (and every subsequent Holy Communion and Confession) has been invalid.

What do I do? I was ignorant of how essential the sacrament of confession is before being confirmed (not helped by the Priest’s advice), but if it’s all invalid regardless then I’ll be heartbroken.
And, on a more practical level, how do I go about fixing it? I intend to mention it at my next confession on Saturday but I’m scared that the new Priest will say something like “How has it taken you this long to figure it out? You shouldn’t have made several invalid Confessions and received Holy Communion unworthily goodness knows how many times since if you didn’t even know that you weren’t confirmed properly”.

I so want to live my faith my properly but I feel at such a disadvantage that I wasn’t brought up in it and instructed properly

I don’t think there is a problem with the validity of the sacraments. Regarding Confirmation, Canon Law says this:

Can. 889 §1. Every baptized person not yet confirmed and only such a person is capable of receiving confirmation.

§2. To receive confirmation licitly outside the danger of death requires that a person who has the use of reason be suitably instructed, properly disposed, and able to renew the baptismal promises.

Can. 890 The faithful are obliged to receive this sacrament at the proper time. Parents and pastors of souls, especially pastors of parishes, are to take care that the faithful are properly instructed to receive the sacrament and come to it at the appropriate time.

If the priest hadn’t instructed you properly, the validity of the sacrament wouldn’t be in question, though its licitness might… However, regarding the fact that you didn’t go to confession before Confirmation - I presume you had received the Sacrament of Reconciliation before your First Holy Communion as is usual? Certainly it would have been appropriate to go to Confession in the period leading up to Confirmation, but you were acting on the advice of your priest and you took his word in good faith & you were still learning about the practices of the Catholic faith. From what you’ve told us, I don’t think you have anything to worry about - by all means mention it in the confessional if you like. I think that the priest who instructed you should certainly have encouraged Confession before Confirmation - the same would go for Marriage too, ie. that the couple would be at least encouraged to go to Confession before getting married.

 

[puzzleannie]

missing info
are you baptized?
are you Catholic?
did you celebrate the other sacraments as a child?
are you married?

the priest may have assumed that you were a Catholic who had already made first confession and first communion, were in the habit of frequenting the sacraments, and so were ready for confirmation after instruction. It was his job to make sure he understood your situation fully, but if he did not, you are not to blame. Yes an adult must be in a state of sanctifying grace (not conscious of any unabsolved mortal sin) to receive the other sacraments–confirmation, matrimony, Eucharist etc. Here or on the spirituality forum you will find guides to confession, but someone in your campus ministry can help here as well. The first time you should confess all the grave sins of your past life that you can remember. After that, you need only confess the grave sins since your last confession, and if you have any you must confess before receiving communion.

Welcome Home if you are returning to the Faith through these great sacraments.

It would be a good idea to go back to that priest if he is still around and talk this over, as there may be paperwork or other rites that were neglected that should be taken care of, depending on your situation. For instance, to make sure your confirmation was properly recorded so it will be available when you eventually marry.

 

[rowenacg]

missing info
are you baptized?
are you Catholic?
did you celebrate the other sacraments as a child?
are you married?

Thank you for the reply.

I was baptised and confirmed into the Church of England as a child, because my parents thought it was the conventional thing to do. They never went to church or encouraged me to go. They sent me to a state-funded Catholic school (so a broadly secular curriculum with just the basics of the faith), and I kind of took it all for granted while I was there, but when I left school and went to university I realised that something was deeply missing from my life. I began to turn towards God, although I was reluctant to identify myself as Catholic because I hadn’t been brought up by Catholic parents and didn’t feel I had a right to it just by virtue of attending the school I did.
So I attended an Anglican church for a while but it just wasn’t fulfilling, so I made steps towards becoming Catholic and got confirmed, but I’m still plagued by doubts that I’ve not followed the rules correctly. I have the certificate from my Catholic confirmation but not my original baptism certificate, because it was so long ago and my parents lost it when we moved house.
That’s a (very) brief rundown of my story for background information, I hope it helps!
I don’t want to be too bogged down with worry to be able to worship God properly but at the same time I hate feeling like a fraud, because I really want everything about my faith to be genuine.

 

[rowenacg]

I don’t think there is a problem with the validity of the sacraments. Regarding Confirmation, Canon Law says this:

If the priest hadn’t instructed you properly, the validity of the sacrament wouldn’t be in question, though its licitness might… However, regarding the fact that you didn’t go to confession before Confirmation - I presume you had received the Sacrament of Reconciliation before your First Holy Communion as is usual? Certainly it would have been appropriate to go to Confession in the period leading up to Confirmation, but you were acting on the advice of your priest and you took his word in good faith & you were still learning about the practices of the Catholic faith. From what you’ve told us, I don’t think you have anything to worry about - by all means mention it in the confessional if you like. I think that the priest who instructed you should certainly have encouraged Confession before Confirmation - the same would go for Marriage too, ie. that the couple would be at least encouraged to go to Confession before getting married.

Thank you for your reassuring reply too.
I shall mention it in the confessional and keep doing my best to learn as much as possible.

 

[NPC]

Thank you for your reassuring reply too.
I shall mention it in the confessional and keep doing my best to learn as much as possible.

Could you just clarify - had you received the Sacrament of Reconciliation at any stage before you were confirmed? Because one would not receive their first Holy Communion without first having celebrated the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If any aspects of your initiation into the Church were misguided, it doesn’t seem to be your fault, but you probably should make sure that the proper steps were followed. Maybe it would be worth talking to a RCIA co-ordinator for clarification. Regarding your baptismal certificate - did you contact the church where you were baptised? They should have held a copy of it.

 

[rowenacg]

Could you just clarify - had you received the Sacrament of Reconciliation at any stage before you were confirmed? Because one would not receive their first Holy Communion without first having celebrated the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If any aspects of your initiation into the Church were misguided, it doesn’t seem to be your fault, but you probably should make sure that the proper steps were followed. Maybe it would be worth talking to a RCIA co-ordinator for clarification. Regarding your baptismal certificate - did you contact the church where you were baptised? They should have held a copy of it.

No, I hadn’t, which is why I was/am so worried. The Priest knew that I had been brought up in an Anglican / secular environment so he should have impressed upon me the need for confession. That said, I also should have made more of an effort to find out what was required of me. When he said I didn’t have to worry about it I just let it lie

I’ll contact the church where I was baptised to get a copy of the certificate, I think the same vicar is still there after all these years.

 

[Bookcat]

I hope someone can give me some advice.
No-one in my family is Catholic, so I wasn’t brought up Catholic and can’t get personal advice from people I know who know about the Church.
I was confirmed at University last November at the age of 21, but during the meetings with the univeristy’s Priest to help prepare me, I asked him if I needed to go to Confession before being confirmed. He said “No no, don’t worry about that.” So I didn’t and got confirmed, being left with the impression that Confession is optional.
After a few months I strongly started getting the feeling that I wasn’t doing things right, so I started going to Confession. I did my best and have been trying really hard to live a moral life, but as I’ve been learning more from sites such as this one, it’s now plaguing me that because I didn’t confess all my sins before being confirmed that even my confirmation (and every subsequent Holy Communion and Confession) has been invalid.

What do I do? I was ignorant of how essential the sacrament of confession is before being confirmed (not helped by the Priest’s advice), but if it’s all invalid regardless then I’ll be heartbroken.
And, on a more practical level, how do I go about fixing it? I intend to mention it at my next confession on Saturday but I’m scared that the new Priest will say something like “How has it taken you this long to figure it out? You shouldn’t have made several invalid Confessions and received Holy Communion unworthily goodness knows how many times since if you didn’t even know that you weren’t confirmed properly”.

I so want to live my faith my properly but I feel at such a disadvantage that I wasn’t brought up in it and instructed properly

Even being in a state of mortal sin – would NOT invalidate your confirmation.

(and do not worry…you can be certain of this…i have a degree in Catholic Theology from Franciscan University of Steubenville…and I am a convert like you…

PS --one IS NOT responsible for what one did not know in this matter…you where new and learning and did not know you should find out or do something different…

and as for confession --yes make sure you sit down with a different Priest and explain things (make an appointment soon) and confess any and all mortal sins in number and kind (murder 3x…lust 1x, adultry 2 x etc) …if this has not been done yet.

And do not be afraid!!!

 

[JRKH]

I hope someone can give me some advice.
No-one in my family is Catholic, so I wasn’t brought up Catholic and can’t get personal advice from people I know who know about the Church.
I was confirmed at University last November at the age of 21, but during the meetings with the univeristy’s Priest to help prepare me, I asked him if I needed to go to Confession before being confirmed. He said “No no, don’t worry about that.” So I didn’t and got confirmed, being left with the impression that Confession is optional.
After a few months I strongly started getting the feeling that I wasn’t doing things right, so I started going to Confession. I did my best and have been trying really hard to live a moral life, but as I’ve been learning more from sites such as this one, it’s now plaguing me that because I didn’t confess all my sins before being confirmed that even my confirmation (and every subsequent Holy Communion and Confession) has been invalid.

What do I do? I was ignorant of how essential the sacrament of confession is before being confirmed (not helped by the Priest’s advice), but if it’s all invalid regardless then I’ll be heartbroken.
And, on a more practical level, how do I go about fixing it? I intend to mention it at my next confession on Saturday but I’m scared that the new Priest will say something like “How has it taken you this long to figure it out? You shouldn’t have made several invalid Confessions and received Holy Communion unworthily goodness knows how many times since if you didn’t even know that you weren’t confirmed properly”.

I so want to live my faith my properly but I feel at such a disadvantage that I wasn’t brought up in it and instructed properly

Please do not beat yourself up over this.
Here is my take on it.
You asked your instructor and followed what he taught you. That clears you of any wrongdoing re: confirmation.
Later, as you learned more you incorporated this new knowledge into your spiritual life. I see no real problem here.

If your confessor asks you such things (highly doubtful I think) simply answer honestly.

Peace
James

 

[puzzleannie]

Thank you for the reply.

So I attended an Anglican church for a while but it just wasn’t fulfilling, so I made steps towards becoming Catholic and got confirmed, but I’m still plagued by doubts that I’ve not followed the rules correctly. I have the certificate from my Catholic confirmation but not my original baptism certificate, because it was so long ago and my parents lost it when we moved house.
.

welcome home, again, that is more or less the kind of scenario I expected. you followed the rules in that you followed the direction of the priest. My guess is that everything was done properly, but not explained properly to you at the time. I think and interview with the priest, or whoever is in charge of the parish or campus ministry where you received, would set your mind at rest. Because it is my job I am concerned about paperwork and recording sacraments properly, as that priest should have been. When a baptized Christian is received into full communion with the Catholic Church the record of his confirmation is supposed to note that fact, and list the facts of his original baptism. Since you don’t recall providing a baptismal record, my worry is that this was not done, so when it comes time to marry you won’t have it.

For that reason some investigating would be worthwhile for your peace of mind. If a record of your baptism no longer exists–unlikely because Anglicans generally keep good sacramental records–an affidavit from witnesses is enough. As I say it should have been provided before confirmation, but that is also not your fault. And the only reason to follow through with it is so that no difficulties will arise should you ever decide to marry (or pursue a religious vocation).

There is no matter for confession if you have been confessing regularly as needed since then and are not aware of any unconfessed sins. you did nothing wrong in connection with your reception into the Church, but the fact you did have qualms is evidence of the Holy Spirit working within you. Simply mention it to the priest the next time,
by the way, when I was received into the Catholic Church in 200x, the priest told me I did not need confession, but it has been worrying me. I have already since then confessed all grave sins of my past life, should I be concerned?

even supposing, say at the time of confirmation, you had been aware of a serious sin, your confirmation would still be valid, but the grace of the sacrament would only have been available to you after your next good confession. The simple fact that this is causing you concern is enough reason to mention it to the priest, but don’t blame yourself because somebody else dropped the ball.

 

[Bookcat]

PS: get a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church if you do not have one yet…they sell little paperbacks --and start with a section at a time…you will love it!

Also you can get the shorter Compendium which can be read real fast to start with…

and here is an online version

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

 

[NPC]

No, I hadn’t, which is why I was/am so worried. The Priest knew that I had been brought up in an Anglican / secular environment so he should have impressed upon me the need for confession. That said, I also should have made more of an effort to find out what was required of me. When he said I didn’t have to worry about it I just let it lie

I’ll contact the church where I was baptised to get a copy of the certificate, I think the same vicar is still there after all these years.

Ok - that changes things somewhat… But remember, this is NOT your fault - you trusted the advice of the priest, no one could fault you for that.

I don’t know what you may have to do in this case (I’m sure someone on CAF will!) - but I would again recommend that you speak to a trusted and well-informed priest or perhaps an RCIA director.

 

[Bookcat]

Not having been to first Confession…-- would NOT invalidate your confirmation.

NO WORRIES.

and even if a person is in a state of mortal sin at the time …

with later confession the REALITY of Confirmation comes into effect … it revives as they used to say.

So while one should not receive without ‘first’ confession --that is the order followed in the West --for those in the Latin Rite (in Eastern Catholic Rites – it is given to infants )

…and even a non convert should not receive in a state of mortal sin…it does not invalidate the sacrament.

 

[rowenacg]

I am truly grateful for all these wonderfully helpful replies!
I just pray that I can keep on the straight and narrow and be worthy of God’s love.
Peace to you all and thanks once again

 

[EvelynEVF]

I was in a similar boat, when our confession during RCIA was a communal service and we were just supposed to pick our top couple of sins. I found out later about doing an examination of conscience over my whole previous life. I know that because I was ignorant, I wasn’t in any trouble, but it made me feel better to go back and dig through it all and do a long confession, so that I could know for myself just when I started with a clean slate. Some of my current sins are related to old issues, so it helped me make connections in my head, too.

So if it helps you feel better and sort things out to do a longer confession, go ahead and do it!

 

[Teneas]

Welcome to the Church! You are not at fault as others have stated, and you are fully Confirmed.

Glad to have you wanting to live out your faith as well as possible to.

 

[jmcrae]

I intend to mention it at my next confession on Saturday but I’m scared that the new Priest will say something like “How has it taken you this long to figure it out? You shouldn’t have made several invalid Confessions and received Holy Communion unworthily goodness knows how many times since if you didn’t even know that you weren’t confirmed properly”.

PLEASE have no fear of what the priest will say. First, even if it is as bad as you fear, he is not going to blame you. Second, things are probably not so bad - your Confirmation is most likely valid. As soon as you make a General Confession, you will begin to receive all of the graces that are waiting for you from it.

it’s too bad that you were not afforded the opportunity to make a General Confession before hand, but it is never too late.

With regard to your record of baptism, the parish church where your Confirmation was recorded will most likely have tracked it down for you - I have had to do this, once, where someone failed to turn in her baptismal record, and it’s not all that difficult - I didn’t contact the person involved, because she had other things going on that were occupying her attention, and also she was under the impression that she had already done this, but it turned out that she had not been baptized in the place where she thought she was. In any case, it only took a couple of phone calls to sort it out. If you are curious, you can contact the parish church where your Confirmation record is being held - they will know what happened. They cannot have recorded your Confirmation, without a record of your baptism being attached to it, and you would not have received a Certificate, without a record of Confirmation having been made, so it seems to me that that aspect of it is probably fine.

I so want to live my faith my properly but I feel at such a disadvantage that I wasn’t brought up in it and instructed properly

I have often felt the same way (I’m an adult convert with no Catholic close friends or relatives), and I am so grateful for the ministry of these Forums, to be the Catholic mother and father and teachers that I never had.

 

[reggieM]

I found out later about doing an examination of conscience over my whole previous life. I know that because I was ignorant, I wasn’t in any trouble, but it made me feel better to go back and dig through it all and do a long confession, so that I could know for myself just when I started with a clean slate. Some of my current sins are related to old issues, so it helped me make connections in my head, too.

So if it helps you feel better and sort things out to do a longer confession, go ahead and do it!

That is a great idea and a good practice for anyone. On retreat or on certain times in one’s life (reaching a milestone of years, for example) it can be repeated. You have to find a priest who is willing to spend a bit more time and who understands what you’re doing. It’s a traditional Catholic practice - a “general confession” which includes as much of the sins of your life as you can remember after a longer examination.

It has great effects – a big increase in humility (remembering our mishaps of the past) and a very fresh beginning to life again.

As in this case with Confirmation before Confession – if there was no knowledge of the proper form, it’s not the Confirmand’s error but that of those who prepared him. Many priests lately have been too lax and uncaring about the important need for Confession.

I am curious about the effects of Confirmation also, and I think it may absolve sin in itself. I’m not sure about that, but in any case – as many others have stated – there is nothing to worry about here. The sacrament was received validly and a new life in the Holy Spirit has begun!

Congratulations to rowenacg.

 

[rowenacg]

PLEASE have no fear of what the priest will say. First, even if it is as bad as you fear, he is not going to blame you. Second, things are probably not so bad - your Confirmation is most likely valid. As soon as you make a General Confession, you will begin to receive all of the graces that are waiting for you from it.

it’s too bad that you were not afforded the opportunity to make a General Confession before hand, but it is never too late.

With regard to your record of baptism, the parish church where your Confirmation was recorded will most likely have tracked it down for you - I have had to do this, once, where someone failed to turn in her baptismal record, and it’s not all that difficult - I didn’t contact the person involved, because she had other things going on that were occupying her attention, and also she was under the impression that she had already done this, but it turned out that she had not been baptized in the place where she thought she was. In any case, it only took a couple of phone calls to sort it out. If you are curious, you can contact the parish church where your Confirmation record is being held - they will know what happened. They cannot have recorded your Confirmation, without a record of your baptism being attached to it, and you would not have received a Certificate, without a record of Confirmation having been made, so it seems to me that that aspect of it is probably fine.

I have often felt the same way (I’m an adult convert with no Catholic close friends or relatives), and I am so grateful for the ministry of these Forums, to be the Catholic mother and father and teachers that I never had.

Thank you, yes I’m really glad to have these forums!

Update - I got in contact with the old vicar yesterday about my baptism certificate - he said that he remembers me and can give me a copy from their records when I go to see him tomorrow, how nice is that!

Then it’s just a case of mentioning it at my next Confession (either tomorrow or next week) and hopefully the matter can be put to rest…what a relief

 

[mwscott]

Welcome Home! :yyeess: