Stop Masturbation

[Aquilina16]

It may very well be that you’ve got this as a maladaptive coping behavior. Other people use alcohol or drugs or food or gambling or other behaviors. None of them are good for you, but they provide a temporary release and are, on a surface level, easier than healthy coping behaviors or dealing with the primary issue.

The first thing I’d do in your case is make sure you are getting good food and good sleep. Go to bed tired, so you eliminate a really tempting time for yourself, but also get up at a regular time and don’t depend on caffeine or other stimulants to stay awake. Don’t spend lots of time alone - see if there’s a common area of your home where you can complete your academic work, or even at your school or library. A regular exercise routine - which can be as easy as a good brisk walk, will help tire out your body and help you clear your head (I would avoid music because it just bombards the brain with more “noise” and you probably need a break from brain noise!)

Get good quality time with your family and friends too, and have a good routine for your daily life that involves time for prayer. This is a hard time psychologically because there’s a lot of preparation involved and it’s a transition to a new time in life, but it will help you in college to be focused and self-assured without relying on substances or bad behaviors. And while it can be awkward, keep in mind that awkwardness of confession every time you feel tempted to stray. Sometimes the eternal feels too distant, but you know what it feels like to say out loud what you’ve done. That’s a strong motivator for me!

God bless you.

Thanks! Do you think I could somehow replace this maladaptive coping behavior with something else? Like maybe video games or something less harmful? I want to be free of this before I go to college, but I’ve read about it taking years for some people get that far… it’s really disheartening.

 

[pensmama87]

Thanks! Do you think I could somehow replace this maladaptive coping behavior with something else? Like maybe video games or something less harmful? I want to be free of this before I go to college, but I’ve read about it taking years for some people get that far… it’s really disheartening.

Video games could be OK, but I’d pick something else that’s more wholesome. Maybe a form of exercise, or a hobby where you actually produce something. I can see the appeal of video games because it occupies your mind and your hands, but what about taking up knitting or crocheting? (I know that sounds old ladyish, but there are a lot of women my age - late 20s, early 30s - who make some really nice things, and they talk about it as a great stress reliever. Plus it’s the kind of thing you can do while watching TV or being social with friends, or while alone. It’s versatile.)

It can take a while, but I would not be disheartened. Wanting to change is a big step, and I would say that typically, this behavior is not as common and does not have the same kind of pull on women as it does on men. It’s possible that you’re an exception to that general rule, but no need to despair. (And no reason for any male reading this to despair, either.)

And in addition to finding a hobby or something to do, I’d do other stuff too. Spend time with friends (who are good influences), take care of yourself, and get involved with activities where you can help others. I think a one-to-one replacement is probably not going to be helpful long term. What you’re looking for is overall improvement spiritually and mentally, and becoming whole and not self-focused (which is really what masturbation is on a purely physical level - total self-absorption that doesn’t actually do anything to help you grow or mature.)

If you have a setback, you try again. It may be that you manage two days of chastity, then fall. Then maybe you’ll have a week. But gradually, if you make a serious, sustained effort, you will find that as you get used to doing other things to cope and finding other things to occupy your time that you fall less and less on the bad habit, and cope more using the positive ones. That’s the goal, ultimately. You will never be sinless - that is a part of the human condition. But you may conquer this particular sin over time - and grace from the Lord will help you if you ask. That is part of what confession is for.

 

[Catherinabird]

I dislike posting on this subject, because ah, um, embarrassing! But I feel like I should because I don’t want Aquilina to feel alone or hopeless or abnormal.

Like you, I took up this habit without knowing it was a sin. I’m a little different because I was 9. I had no idea what it was or why it felt like that! When I found out it was gravely wrong it had become a very ingrained habit and has been extremely hard to kick. I did stop for a while because I hated knowing I was sinning, but then I picked it up again when someone insisted it wasn’t wrong and because it can be self comforting (until afterwards when I’d feel terrible and guilty and not comforted at all).

The thing that is helping me now is to keep repeating that I love God more. And I do. I love God more than this action. If I’m tempted, I repeat this.

Also, it is one thing I CAN completely control. I might not be able to control every hurtful thing that happens in life, but I can choose not to do this. And so can you. This is one thing you have the ability to control. You can stop. You can.

But please don’t give up or despair if you falter, just start over and begin again. And know that there are women just as troubled in this area as you are.

 

[Aquilina16]

Thank you for this. It really is embarrassing, but I’m desperate to put an end to this. You’ve given me a lot of hope and comfort, plus some good advice which I will definitely take. I’m glad I’m not alone. That thought actually helps a little too.

 

[nikathecat]

I’m lucky in my family everyone is very asexual. I never had problems with masturbation or porn but lately I think I might not be straight. I will pray for you, you just consider yourself healed.