Stress of finances is killing me

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E_7 said:
I’m a stay at home wife & mom, and my busy-overly-stressed husband simply said to me something like: “…dealing with the finances is your job. I don’t have time for it. You do the budget, and I’ll follow, but I want this much into savings…” .
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Is that feasible?
 
I cannot afford my house, my property taxes, credit cards, medical debt. I owe several years of taxes. I feel that I never should have gotten married because I am not organized/mature/secure enough that anybody should be relying on me. I was reluctant to get married for this reason, and I was correct in my assessment.
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Your financial situation, while perhaps disconcerting, is not insurmountable. You would need to provide us with a lot more detail in order for anyone on this thread to provide you with any kind of meaningful direction.

How much debt, and what kind?
What kind of personal income?
How much in savings and retirement?
What is your job and what are your future career prospects?
Could your wife take on a part-time job or even an at-home business (sewing, arts and crafts, etc.) to supplement the family income?
What part of the country do you live and is that sustainable long-term?
Do you have a firm handle on your living expenses?
What have you done so far to alleviate the situation?
Have you negotiated with any of your creditors?

There is quite a lot of explanation and detail you would have to provide in order for the readers to better understand your situation.
My marriage isn’t exactly the best and my wife blames me for our problems so I can’t exactly confide in her.
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You and your wife need to be on the same page, and you need to be able to confide in her. She is, after all, your life partner. Blame games are childish and don’t help the situation. When the ship is sinking, she may just have to take out an oar and help with the rowing to keep the ship afloat, if only on a temporary basis.

You might need to seek marital counseling if she doesn’t turn the corner and become a strong advocate and supporter of your efforts to correct the family’s financial situation. She needs to be your supporter, not one who denigrates your efforts. This is a team effort. She needs to get with the team and not fly solo. Transparency and communication are paramount to making progress.
My family has done so much for me and I do not want to ask for more help.
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Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Help can come in all kinds of forms besides financial help. It might be just some coaching, career advice, and financial education.
Any words of advice?
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It pains me to see others on this thread denigrate Dave Ramsey. You have to start somewhere, and while some may not like Dave’s advice, the advice is sound and will at least provide you with some ground work.

Go on EBay or Amazon and purchase some of Dave’s CDs, books, and start listening to his radio show on your radio or streaming online. Listen to his YouTube videos.

Dave is not the end-all, be-all, but he gives motivation and sound, practical advice. You can learn a lot by listening to his information as a starting point. His main book is called The Total Money Makeover, and his video/CD series is called Financial Peace University. Both are fine starting points, and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. You can usually find affordable copies online for a reasonable price, or perhaps at your local library, even if the items are used.

The main focus or gist of Dave’s advice is quite simple and straightforward - Get really aggressive about reducing debt, cutting your monthly expenses to the bone. That’s the main premise. At the same time, you need to start to build reserves - Dave’s first step is to save $1,000 as an Emergency Savings Fund. But where you will really see the most traction is in focusing like a laser beam on cutting expenses. That might mean selling items that you can no longer afford.

Start with Dave Ramsey, and then branch out from there. There are plenty of free resources online and at your local library if you will take the time to do the research.

On a personal note, right out of college I didn’t have 2 pennies to my name. After 20 plus years of hard work, diligent savings, debt avoidance, and plenty of twists and turns along the way, I have managed to become economically self-reliant, to the point where our immediate family is completely debt-free aside from a small mortgage on our primary residence. The house will be paid in full within the next year.

It can be done, even on a modest income, and I am living proof. For many years, I had a nominal salary until only a few years ago when my hard work started to pay dividends with better income opportunities.
 
A few years back, we were in a financial pickle. It was not the first time. We could put a band aid on it (as we had in the past) but unless we made fundamental changes in our behavior, it would not solve the problem. The good people here on this forum suggested that I read **The Total Money Makeover ** by Dave Ramsey and/or Seven Steps to Becoming Financially Free by Phil Lenehan. It so happened that TMM was available at the library, so I read it first. Good common sense principles to follow. Making and living on a budget was fundamental. Understanding that it needed to be re-made every month was key. Having a basic emergency fund was fundamental. There were “murphy’s” along the way. Working as a team was fundamental. (I am the math nerd & he is the free spender, we had to talk about “fun” money & reason out decisions that would keep us on the same page) It took about 3 1/2 years, but now we are debt free except for the mortgage and now getting the emergency fund up to 6 months of expenses. I use a free online personal finance program called Mint.com - not perfect, but it does what I want. DR also offers a free online budget program called Every Dollar. I never tried YNAB. I also listen to the DR radio program on my commute home from work to keep me motivated.

To the OP, get a copy (from the library) of the Total Money Makeover and/or Seven Steps to Becoming Financially Free. They offer similar, common sense advice & practical steps to get out of debt & get your financial life in order. Your bank might offer free financial advising. Talk to your wife - money is not easy to talk about, but it is critical that you both get a clear picture and purpose. (Because it helped me, I now give TMM as a wedding gift whenever I get an invite). God Bless
 
StGerardMajella said:
Your financial situation, while perhaps disconcerting, is not insurmountable. You would need to provide us with a lot more detail in order for anyone on this thread to provide you with any kind of meaningful direction.

How much debt, and what kind?
What kind of personal income?
How much in savings and retirement?
What is your job and what are your future career prospects?
Could your wife take on a part-time job or even an at-home business (sewing, arts and crafts, etc.) to supplement the family income?
What part of the country do you live and is that sustainable long-term?
Do you have a firm handle on your living expenses?
What have you done so far to alleviate the situation?
Have you negotiated with any of your creditors?

There is quite a lot of explanation and detail you would have to provide in order for the readers to better understand your situation.

You and your wife need to be on the same page, and you need to be able to confide in her. She is, after all, your life partner. Blame games are childish and don’t help the situation. When the ship is sinking, she may just have to take out an oar and help with the rowing to keep the ship afloat, if only on a temporary basis.

You might need to seek marital counseling if she doesn’t turn the corner and become a strong advocate and supporter of your efforts to correct the family’s financial situation. She needs to be your supporter, not one who denigrates your efforts. This is a team effort. She needs to get with the team and not fly solo. Transparency and communication are paramount to making progress.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Help can come in all kinds of forms besides financial help. It might be just some coaching, career advice, and financial education.

It pains me to see others on this thread denigrate Dave Ramsey. You have to start somewhere, and while some may not like Dave’s advice, the advice is sound and will at least provide you with some ground work.

Go on EBay or Amazon and purchase some of Dave’s CDs, books, and start listening to his radio show on your radio or streaming online. Listen to his YouTube videos.

Dave is not the end-all, be-all, but he gives motivation and sound, practical advice. You can learn a lot by listening to his information as a starting point. His main book is called The Total Money Makeover, and his video/CD series is called Financial Peace University. Both are fine starting points, and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. You can usually find affordable copies online for a reasonable price, or perhaps at your local library, even if the items are used.

The main focus or gist of Dave’s advice is quite simple and straightforward - Get really aggressive about reducing debt, cutting your monthly expenses to the bone. That’s the main premise. At the same time, you need to start to build reserves - Dave’s first step is to save $1,000 as an Emergency Savings Fund. But where you will really see the most traction is in focusing like a laser beam on cutting expenses. That might mean selling items that you can no longer afford.

Start with Dave Ramsey, and then branch out from there. There are plenty of free resources online and at your local library if you will take the time to do the research.

On a personal note, right out of college I didn’t have 2 pennies to my name. After 20 plus years of hard work, diligent savings, debt avoidance, and plenty of twists and turns along the way, I have managed to become economically self-reliant, to the point where our immediate family is completely debt-free aside from a small mortgage on our primary residence. The house will be paid in full within the next year.

It can be done, even on a modest income, and I am living proof. For many years, I had a nominal salary until only a few years ago when my hard work started to pay dividends with better income opportunities.
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Very good!
 
DiZent said:
A few years back, we were in a financial pickle. It was not the first time. We could put a band aid on it (as we had in the past) but unless we made fundamental changes in our behavior, it would not solve the problem. The good people here on this forum suggested that I read **The Total Money Makeover ** by Dave Ramsey and/or Seven Steps to Becoming Financially Free by Phil Lenehan. It so happened that TMM was available at the library, so I read it first. Good common sense principles to follow. Making and living on a budget was fundamental. **Understanding that it needed to be re-made every month was key. Having a basic emergency fund was fundamental. **There were “murphy’s” along the way. Working as a team was fundamental. (I am the math nerd & he is the free spender, we had to talk about “fun” money & reason out decisions that would keep us on the same page) It took about 3 1/2 years, but now we are debt free except for the mortgage and now getting the emergency fund up to 6 months of expenses. I use a free online personal finance program called Mint.com - not perfect, but it does what I want. DR also offers a free online budget program called Every Dollar. I never tried YNAB. I also listen to the DR radio program on my commute home from work to keep me motivated.

To the OP, get a copy (from the library) of the Total Money Makeover and/or Seven Steps to Becoming Financially Free. They offer similar, common sense advice & practical steps to get out of debt & get your financial life in order. Your bank might offer free financial advising. **Talk to your wife - money is not easy to talk about, but it is critical that you both get a clear picture and purpose. ** (Because it helped me, I now give TMM as a wedding gift whenever I get an invite). God Bless
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That’s very good.

The need for a new budget every month is especially important, as every month is different: birthdays, Christmas, weddings, graduation, school shopping, senior trip, plus fluctuations in income. Years ago, when I first tried to start doing a budget with my husband, it was a miserable failure because it was the same one for every month. We did much better once we started doing a fresh budget together every single month once my husband’s paycheck arrived.

And this is why you have to get your wife involved in the process–without (name removed by moderator)ut from her, you won’t know what your family’s needs are for the month, and you certainly won’t be able to stick to a budget for the month without her cooperation.
 
I owe several years of taxes.
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Also, this is sloppy. Talk to your CPA or tax preparer, but you should be able to adjust your allowances so that you either break even at the end of the year, or the IRS owes you slightly. This will take a little bit more out of your paycheck, but not enough to notice once you get used to it.

Some will say that you are then “giving free money” to Uncle Sam during the year, but I decided years ago I would rather be generous with Uncle Sam during the year than to have to owe Uncle Sam at the end of the year. Personal preference. Adjust your allowances so that you don’t have a hefty tax bill at the end of the year. I have dependents, but still claim zero exemptions, and get a refund every year instead of owing back taxes.
 
StGerardMajella said:
Also, this is sloppy. Talk to your CPA or tax preparer, but you should be able to adjust your allowances so that you either break even at the end of the year, or the IRS owes you slightly. This will take a little bit more out of your paycheck, but not enough to notice once you get used to it.

Some will say that you are then “giving free money” to Uncle Sam during the year, but I decided years ago I would rather be generous with Uncle Sam during the year than to have to owe Uncle Sam at the end of the year. Personal preference. Adjust your allowances so that you don’t have a hefty tax bill at the end of the year. I have dependents, but still claim zero exemptions, and get a refund every year instead of owing back taxes.
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Right.

It hasn’t ever killed anybody to get a $1,000 refund. It’s a lot easier to get that back than to have to figure out how to pay an extra $1,000.
 
Interesting book.

Title is slightly misleading.

“Prepper’s Financial Guide — Strategies to Invest, Stockpile, and Build Security for Today and the Post-Collapse Marketplace”.

by Jim Cobb

I would rename it: “How to Develop Personal Financial Self Reliance”.

Page 33, for example, shows an outstanding example of a personal budget … demonstrating how you can/“could” find or discover $35 per week in what I would call junk spending. $1000 per year. Sort of like “found money” in your sofa cushions.

[Book is NOT about hydroponics in your basement or snaring local rodents to eat.][Nothing to do with armoring your house and bristling it with guns.][The word “gun” does not appear to even appear in the book.][Although you can bake your own bread for about 1/5th of the supermarket price. Yes, we do use a bread maker machine thing.]

Some years ago, I called my car insurance company to see if there were some ways to reduce my premiums and/or improve my coverage.

And we chatted for an hour and found some money.

After which, I submitted to some generalized financial questions. [They wanted to see if they could sell me some other financial products.]

The results were postively ASTONISHING to the financial planner on the phone.

We had paid off all our debts … and the guy was stunned.

He had a huge list of potential debt items, … and NOPE … all paid off.

He couldn’t believe it.

Also, it turned out that their family of mutual funds were less impressive than the items I had already selected from other sources.

So, yes, it is possible to get out of a less than ideal financial pickle.

And, yes, it is possible to D-I-Y your own financial “structure”.

I enjoy viewing the YouTubes of Dave Ramsey, particularly the “debt free” screams.

It is possible.

Takes some effort to get both spouses on board.

But very possible.
 
Two different newsletters said:

Save money with a total passion.

Invest for the LONG TERM.

Diversify
 
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