Struggling to go through with conversion

[Student09]

I have to be honest. I need some help. It seems to just get harder and harder … I am fighting with myself every day, just to not give up the whole idea of becoming part of the Church. I feel out of place and mostly unwelcome in my parish … frustrated with the lame preaching … frustrated with the fact that so many Catholics there do not take their faith seriously and are there only for cultural reasons, and even those that are involved in their faith seem to be very concerned with “miracles” and “revelations” that are not even approved, like Medjugorje, while they don’t even know some of the basics of Christian belief. I continue to be upset and disturbed by the priest abuse scandal and I am afraid of priests and deacons. And there is just a growing fear and other mingled emotions that I am struggling against … today I wanted to go to Mass, but I missed it because when it came time to leave I could not stop crying. And then when I feel this way, I think, “The Catholic Church just makes me miserable,” and I have to remind myself that that is not true, but as I said, it is a constant fight with myself and with all these fears. I really needed Mass, but I panicked …

Help.

 

[Lutheranteach]

I’d have to think those feeling don’t come from nowhere, but I would not say that this some kind of sign saying: “Don’t do it.” Maybe it’s a sign pointing toward “Not yet,” or toward “you have more to learn.” Something to ponder.

 

[Carol_Anne_Fran]

Remember that you’re not in church for anyone other than you. It’s not always easy, but try not to judge as you don’t know where people are in their walk with God - He will do His works in them in His own time. You’re there to worship God, give Him thanks and receive Him through the Eucharist. If you go with the right frame of mind and try to shut out the distractions, I think you’ll find the experience much more rewarding. Ask God to help you with this. I always seem to find myself surrounded by parishioners who don’t take the mass as seriously as they should and it does get annoying, but I try to look at them through the eyes of Jesus and feel His love for them. They may not be the best parishioners, but they are there when they could be somewhere else. That has to count for something.

Hang in there and give it time. You’re still new. Stop struggling so much and try to accept. At the end of the day, it’s all about love, even if it’s not expressed perfectly.

God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers. And welcome.

 

[GALAXYOFGOD]

Why do you want to become Catholic? This is what you must ask yourself! Is it because, as I did, came to the realization that the Catholic Church is precisely what It claims to be…The Apostolic Church founded by Jesus Christ? If this is the reason, then you MUST convert! To KNOW this truth, yet refuse to join is denying yourself the safety found within God’s Church.

If it is another reason, let me know, then we can work through it.

Why would you want to belong to a Church God didn’t establish? As well intentioned as many churches are, only one did God found on Pentecost. I pray you will accept this truth, then realize you are at Mass to worship God, not socialize. Certainly a friendly parish is great, yet there are some parishes friendly, some are not. Some are filled by Godly clergy, unfortunately some aren’t emulating Christ as they should. Nonetheless, it is between God and you.

Make the decision based on what you believe to be true.

God Bless

Alan

 

[Student09]

I want to become Catholic because I believe the Catholic Church is the church founded by Jesus and that the Eucharist is His Body and Blood, and I want to be able to receive Him. I was really looking forward to it and longing for Easter, but now I am just full of fear.

 

[Student09]

I pray you will accept this truth, then realize you are at Mass to worship God, not socialize.

I’ve never gone to Mass to socialize, I go to be with Jesus. But when Catholics are so unfriendly and cliquish it makes one wonder if it is the true Church. By the way, your response typifies the kind of arrogant insensitivity that I have encountered in some Catholics that makes me hesitate to convert.

 

[aspirant]

But when Catholics are so unfriendly and cliquish it makes one wonder if it is the true Church.

I am sorry you’re having to endure this. Not all Catholics are like this, and I will pray that you meet some you can connect with soon.

 

[tealblue]

I’ve never gone to Mass to socialize, I go to be with Jesus. But when Catholics are so unfriendly and cliquish it makes one wonder if it is the true Church. By the way, your response typifies the kind of arrogant insensitivity that I have encountered in some Catholics that makes me hesitate to convert.

You have to remember that in most protestant churches going to church is icing on the cake. To a Catholic its an obligation. There are alot of catholics that are obligated to go but hate every minuete they are there and rush out the door at the first possable minute. From my protestant days church was more of a pep rally and very social and friendly. This is why many people leave the Catholic church because they are looking for a good feeling. There are some people who reach out but its a problem everywhere. We just had a talk at mass this last week how we never introduce ourselves just peace be with you and thats it.
I’ve been a convert about 3 years now and still haven’t really met anyone. Its mostly my fault because I’m pretty introverted. This is a tough one I can’t p(name removed by moderator)oint on why things like this are the way they are.

 

[Student09]

I’ve been a convert about 3 years now and still haven’t really met anyone. Its mostly my fault because I’m pretty introverted. This is a tough one I can’t p(name removed by moderator)oint on why things like this are the way they are.

I’m very introverted as well. Part of the problem is that this parish is 99% Hispanic and I am not Hispanic, so there is a cultural barrier and maybe the parishioners feel uncomfortable with me and see me as an outsider. To be fair, there is one person who has been nice to me.

By the way I am not converting from Protestantism but from nothing, I was not raised in a religion. So this is my conversion not just to Catholicism but to Christianity. My parents are not thrilled, to say the least.

I’m sorry for being so negative and snippy, my head is not in a good space right now. Galaxy, I apologize for my last comment to you, I am sure you meant well.

 

[Gertabelle]

I want to become Catholic because I believe the Catholic Church is the church founded by Jesus and that the Eucharist is His Body and Blood, and I want to be able to receive Him. I was really looking forward to it and longing for Easter, but now I am just full of fear.

Dear one, what a struggle I can hear you going through. All I can say is that when it comes to religion, the easy way is often the worst possible choice. What I mean, and forgive my clumsiness in trying to write this, is that in matters of God, fear is often a tool not of God, but of the one who wants to keep you from God. As Chesterton said, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.” We humans in the church with you will always mess up God’s work – through our apathy, our cliques, our sins – and cause grief among others. But God will also use our clumsy efforts, and He will create glorious beauty, all the moreso when we offer Him our efforts and failings in love.

I will keep you in my fervent prayers in the coming weeks, that in this time of difficulty you will cleave to Christ and find your identity and your strength in Him. He loves you and is calling you to Himself. Keep your sight on Him, dear one, and He will direct your path.

God bless you.
Gertie

 

[tealblue]

I’m very introverted as well. Part of the problem is that this parish is 99% Hispanic and I am not Hispanic, so there is a cultural barrier and maybe the parishioners feel uncomfortable with me and see me as an outsider. To be fair, there is one person who has been nice to me.

By the way I am not converting from Protestantism but from nothing, I was not raised in a religion. So this is my conversion not just to Catholicism but to Christianity. My parents are not thrilled, to say the least.

I’m sorry for being so negative and snippy, my head is not in a good space right now. Galaxy, I apologize for my last comment to you, I am sure you meant well.

I’m the only Catholic in my family and my wife who was born Catholic no longer goes so I can relate to what you are saying. As far as the culture thing my wife is asian and feel the effects of barriers there too. I asume you are converting alone. But I never reget converting because my faith is my own and I cherish it.

 

[SemperJase]

I want to become Catholic because I believe the Catholic Church is the church founded by Jesus and that the Eucharist is His Body and Blood, and I want to be able to receive Him. I was really looking forward to it and longing for Easter, but now I am just full of fear.

Your reasons to become Catholic are the right reasons.

The thing about people at the church not taking their faith seriously, you will find that in every church. I was a convert from Evangelicalism and saw that at the church I was going to. When I mentioned it to the deacon, he told me that if that was the reason I was converting from Evangelicalism, then I should not convert. He wasn’t trying to dissuade me for the Catholic faith, but he did have a good point. My first thought when reading the OP was, is there another parish you can try?

Another thing I notice is that your reluctance to continue is because of church teachings. It is fears of things surrounding the church and your own insecurities. I am an introvert myself so I can relate.

It can be uncomfortable to take steps in meeting new people. Work on not letting that keep you back. Is there an RCIA leader you are comfortable talking to?

 

[Monica4316]

I have to be honest. I need some help. It seems to just get harder and harder … I am fighting with myself every day, just to not give up the whole idea of becoming part of the Church. I feel out of place and mostly unwelcome in my parish … frustrated with the lame preaching … frustrated with the fact that so many Catholics there do not take their faith seriously and are there only for cultural reasons, and even those that are involved in their faith seem to be very concerned with “miracles” and “revelations” that are not even approved, like Medjugorje, while they don’t even know some of the basics of Christian belief. I continue to be upset and disturbed by the priest abuse scandal and I am afraid of priests and deacons. And there is just a growing fear and other mingled emotions that I am struggling against … today I wanted to go to Mass, but I missed it because when it came time to leave I could not stop crying. And then when I feel this way, I think, “The Catholic Church just makes me miserable,” and I have to remind myself that that is not true, but as I said, it is a constant fight with myself and with all these fears. I really needed Mass, but I panicked …

Help.

I went through so many times like these and I can say with almost complete certainty that this is a trial or an attack from the devil. I was attacked even the day of my entering the Church. Offer everything to God, especially offer Him your desire to become Catholic despite that. Try to not rely on feelings… I know I’m not saying anything new and it’s easier said that done, but I see now very clearly that these doubts I had were merely a distraction. Don’t focus on what other Catholics are doing… once you are Catholic and stronger and have the Sacraments, it would be easier and you might even get ideas on how to reach out to them. But right now, focus on Jesus and the Eucharist and all the official teachings of the Church… read books by the Saints, devotions, etc… go to Adoration… ask our Blessed Mother for help… also I don’t know why but praying to St John Vianney really helped me

God bless

 

[Monica4316]

I want to become Catholic because I believe the Catholic Church is the church founded by Jesus and that the Eucharist is His Body and Blood, and I want to be able to receive Him. I was really looking forward to it and longing for Easter, but now I am just full of fear.

Have you considered how much Jesus wants you to receive Him? try not to fear and do it for Him I was VERY afraid too… now I’m so glad I did it… because of the Eucharist. It gives so much strength. I wouldn’t exchange it for anything. It’s real union with Him… think of God allowing these trials to happen so you’ll choose Him despite them all and in this way bring Him great glory and grow in your love.

For a time, I considered not converting and going back to my old church cause that would have been much easier. But I see now that in that church I would have everything but I wouldn’t have this union with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament… but this is what our faith is centered on. It’s a foretaste of Heaven.

here are three quotes from St Padre Pio:

“In all the events of life, you must recognize the Divine will. Adore and bless it, especially in the things which are the hardest for you.”

“The more you are afflicted, the more you ought to rejoice, because in the fire of tribulation the soul will become pure gold, worthy to be placed and to shine in the heavenly palace.”

“Keep your eyes fixed on Him who is your guide to the heavenly country, where He is leading you. What does it matter to you whether Jesus wishes to guide you to Heaven by way of the desert or by the meadow, so long as He is always with you and you arrive at the possession of a blessed eternity?”

Think ahead to the joy you will feel being with Christ and the joy you would give Him. So few love Him… and you have the opportunity to console His Heart in Communion. Everything else - all the problems with the parish, etc - can be fixed… you probably won’t attend the same parish all your life.

:hug1:

 

[Student09]

Another thing I notice is that your reluctance to continue is not because of church teachings. It is fears of things surrounding the church and your own insecurities.

You’re right. Intellectually, I believe the Church is correct. I think I allow myself to be led by fear a lot in my life, on the pretext that my fears are justified or have been justified in the past. But I know it holds me back a lot and makes me miserable. I don’t want to make that mistake here.

Is there an RCIA leader you are comfortable talking to?

Unfortunately, no, because the RCIA leader is the priest and I’m not comfortable with him.

Monica, I think praying to St. John Vianney is a good idea; maybe he will help me to overcome this fear of priests that I have.

Thank you to everyone who has posted thus far …

 

[Student09]

Think ahead to the joy you will feel being with Christ and the joy you would give Him. So few love Him… and you have the opportunity to console His Heart in Communion. Everything else - all the problems with the parish, etc - can be fixed… you probably won’t attend the same parish all your life.

:hug1:

That’s true … probably I won’t even be attending the same parish two years from now because I think I will be living somewhere else.

Thank you.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I think the enemy is really slamming you because you will make such a great Catholic and he hates that fact.

St. Therese of Lisieux wrote about something similar. She was enduring terrible suffering from a disease and was brought to the point of death. Her siblings also suffered. She wrote later in her biography that she believed the devil attacked them so horribly because he knew how much good would end up coming from this family on behalf of the Kingdom of God.

I have to be honest. I need some help. It seems to just get harder and harder … I am fighting with myself every day, just to not give up the whole idea of becoming part of the Church. I feel out of place and mostly unwelcome in my parish … frustrated with the lame preaching … frustrated with the fact that so many Catholics there do not take their faith seriously and are there only for cultural reasons, and even those that are involved in their faith seem to be very concerned with “miracles” and “revelations” that are not even approved, like Medjugorje, while they don’t even know some of the basics of Christian belief. I continue to be upset and disturbed by the priest abuse scandal and I am afraid of priests and deacons. And there is just a growing fear and other mingled emotions that I am struggling against … today I wanted to go to Mass, but I missed it because when it came time to leave I could not stop crying. And then when I feel this way, I think, “The Catholic Church just makes me miserable,” and I have to remind myself that that is not true, but as I said, it is a constant fight with myself and with all these fears. I really needed Mass, but I panicked …

Help.

This kind of barrage often happens to people who are coming closer to God. Yours is an intense attack, but I can’t imagine how much you’ll grow from it.

Your parish may have many faults, but that is the failings of men, not the nature of the Catholic Church . . . oh, I wish you could come to mine for daily Mass! It is the opposite of everything you just described.

It is not the Catholic Church that makes you miserable. I too was very miserable during my conversion process. The reason I was miserable was because of enemy attacks. The dark night of sense is a horrible experience to go through, yet it has overwhelmingly beautiful results when at length it comes to an end and the dawn of God’s light shines on you and bathes your whole soul.

Just keep praying for strength, perseverance, wisdom, faith, hope and love to Jesus, Mary and the saints, and your Guardian Angel, and stick it out. The day that is waiting for you is many times brighter than the darkness is dark.

 

[LARSCOUT0311]

I just want to take this snippet to hopefully ease your mind a bit. The priests involved in the scandals and abuse are but a small percentage of the priest community. The percentage would scale to the amount of abuse and most likely less than in common society. Unfortunately, because of their vocation they are more scrutinized. Thats not to say it makes it okay, its just saying that because of a few the many catch a “bad rap”.

I agree with you that the priests and deacons are a bit intimidating, however, I have found that after speaking with them for just a few minutes I can let my guard down. For the most part they are outstanding communicators and will listen intently and show concern. They are there/here to guide us spiritually through conducting Mass, the Sacraments and by advising us when necessary…they are here to help us by acting as guidance counselors on our way to the promised eternal life. Also, be relieved that anything you tell a priest will be kept in strict confidence. You have to remember that priests are people that have given up the joys of children, families, etc. in order to dedicate their lives to the service of God and us. Please, I implore you to speak with one about your concerns. They are very friendly people.

One last thing. Don’t worry about what the other parishioners are doing so much. When it all comes to the end you will be standing in front of God alone. You do the right thing and when others see you, they may either follow in your footsteps or go their own path…but you have to remain true. Hope some of this helps.*

 

[Student09]

I just want to take this snippet to hopefully ease your mind a bit. The priests involved in the scandals and abuse are but a small percentage of the priest community. The percentage would scale to the amount of abuse and most likely less than in common society. Unfortunately, because of their vocation they are more scrutinized. Thats not to say it makes it okay, its just saying that because of a few the many catch a “bad rap”.
.

After I read your post this morning I was thinking about this. I have encountered, unfortunately, people who molest children and teenagers in schools and other non-religious places, and I know it is rampant and most common within the family unit. None of that changes the fact that it is especially bad - I would argue, worst of all - when it happens in the Church. So I found myself thinking, why is it worse in the Church? The answer I came up with - which I think is theologically correct - is that evil is a perverse use of good, and the greater the good that is misused, the greater the evil that consists in its misuse. So not in spite of, but *because *the Church especially is good and holy, the evil of its misuse is especially evil.

I suppose, then, if this argument is true, that a commitment to the holy and an association with the good, in this sinful world, necessarily brings us into proximity with greater possibilities for evil … but that is not an argument for avoiding greater goods. I suppose it’s rather an argument for the Cross …

I don’t know if I expressed my thoughts very well; I’m pretty tired right now. It’s something for me to think about, though.

 

[LARSCOUT0311]

It is worse in the fact that it happens under the roof of the Church. My argument is more for the fact that there are more good priests than there are bad priests and it is unfortunate that these “evil monsters” have blackened the eye of not only the good priests but even the laymen of the Catholic Church by abusing their positions. They, as we are, were representatives of the Church…the most recognizable face yet they violated a trust that made us all look bad. But, they are only a small portion and the Church has more good in it. The people, the traditions(and capital T), sacraments, religious and priests in the majority are good. It is unfortunate though that the most recognizable thing about our Church is that priests were involved in scandals. Even if you become involved in a discussion with someone who is not involved in any type of religious community the first thing they bring up is the scandals.

However, the Catholic Church is not the only religious institution that has been involved in scandals(ie. Jim Baker), its just that we are more visible.

Like I said before I just want to ease your mind. I’m a recent convert. I was Muslim in the past and drifted off to not really caring who or what was going on. It wasn’t until last year that I found my way home. It has been the best and most fulfilling thing I have done.

It is good that you are asking questions and have doubt. Thats what these boards are here for.