M
MamaJewel
Guest
To make this short and sweet, I have hunted God down and can say that I believe in God again.
But I still don’t know the Christ anymore.
Jesus is foreign to me, like a firewall is still between us.
On top of that, in my journey from healing of severe childhood trauma, I have come to the place where I can’t trust the hierarchy to do right by children.
Please understand the very priest who gave me my first sacraments (6 of the 7 within a month of becoming Catholic), turned out to have ra…
Needless to say, I knew it (there) was something very, very, very wrong in his past between him and a woman when he gave me extreme unction. It took all of my human strength to tell him, “It’s going to be ok, Father” when he freaked out over my pregnant belly. I knew a female had been involved, but I didn’t think she was a minor.
But now, it’s not ok.
It’s not ok.
And it’s the other junk too.
Like the priest yelling at me and telling me to get a tubal when my then husband cheated on me the first time.
And the deacon being angry at me for telling him my then husband was cheating (2nd time) and that’s why he had to leave the house. it took the deacon realizing I wasn’t lying to get over his anger at me.
On top of that, I had begged my priest at that time (different from the first one that yelled at me), to at least sit down with me and my husband, for wise counsel and so I could at least get some questions answered.
The priest refused and gave me 8 minutes of his time about the situation, telling me that he had spoken to my husband over an hour about it.
A few months later, during a very brief chat about my marriage, and the priest ended up laughing at me as he told me, "Oh, he was using you then (referring to my husband’s relationship toward me).
I have worked so hard to overcome adversity. I have learned to stay away from people and circumstances that are toxic and unhealthy. And when I look at the Church I converted into, I can’t help but recognize how toxic and unhealthy it is, because of its leadership.
My marriage produced over 1/2 a dozen children and only one is left a Christian and Catholic (Baby Catholic). This is the youngest of the family, who is under 10. He wants to learn his Catholic Faith and wants me to pray with him. I’m struggling so much and he sees it. He gets angry at his father for cheating and leaving (he was a toddler) and wants me to go get a boyfriend. I told him that I have so many children that I don’t get to spend enough time with, and the grandbabies, too, that I don’t want or need a boyfriend. I am happy with family and want more time with them.
IDK, it’s too much. especially with lent coming. Baby Catholic wants to do Lent and is looking forward to learning and participating in it. I know his dad isn’t going to be there to guide him and I don’t know if I can do it.
But I still don’t know the Christ anymore.
Jesus is foreign to me, like a firewall is still between us.
On top of that, in my journey from healing of severe childhood trauma, I have come to the place where I can’t trust the hierarchy to do right by children.
Please understand the very priest who gave me my first sacraments (6 of the 7 within a month of becoming Catholic), turned out to have ra…
Needless to say, I knew it (there) was something very, very, very wrong in his past between him and a woman when he gave me extreme unction. It took all of my human strength to tell him, “It’s going to be ok, Father” when he freaked out over my pregnant belly. I knew a female had been involved, but I didn’t think she was a minor.
But now, it’s not ok.
It’s not ok.
And it’s the other junk too.
Like the priest yelling at me and telling me to get a tubal when my then husband cheated on me the first time.
And the deacon being angry at me for telling him my then husband was cheating (2nd time) and that’s why he had to leave the house. it took the deacon realizing I wasn’t lying to get over his anger at me.
On top of that, I had begged my priest at that time (different from the first one that yelled at me), to at least sit down with me and my husband, for wise counsel and so I could at least get some questions answered.
The priest refused and gave me 8 minutes of his time about the situation, telling me that he had spoken to my husband over an hour about it.
A few months later, during a very brief chat about my marriage, and the priest ended up laughing at me as he told me, "Oh, he was using you then (referring to my husband’s relationship toward me).
I have worked so hard to overcome adversity. I have learned to stay away from people and circumstances that are toxic and unhealthy. And when I look at the Church I converted into, I can’t help but recognize how toxic and unhealthy it is, because of its leadership.
My marriage produced over 1/2 a dozen children and only one is left a Christian and Catholic (Baby Catholic). This is the youngest of the family, who is under 10. He wants to learn his Catholic Faith and wants me to pray with him. I’m struggling so much and he sees it. He gets angry at his father for cheating and leaving (he was a toddler) and wants me to go get a boyfriend. I told him that I have so many children that I don’t get to spend enough time with, and the grandbabies, too, that I don’t want or need a boyfriend. I am happy with family and want more time with them.
IDK, it’s too much. especially with lent coming. Baby Catholic wants to do Lent and is looking forward to learning and participating in it. I know his dad isn’t going to be there to guide him and I don’t know if I can do it.
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