S
sdeco
Guest
I’m having some major difficulties accepting Church teaching on contraception and I was wondering if anyone can help me out.
First of all, I want to make it clear that I’m in complete agreement with Church teaching on the immorality of the pill and other hormonal methods of contraception, because these methods are abortifacient (and therefore not really contraceptives). However, I do question Church teaching on condoms and other non-abortifacient methods of contraception.
I have been married for a little over three years, and we have always used NFP in accordance with Church teaching. I have cycles that range from 40 days to 90 days, and my fertility signs are confusing. I’ve already had one unplanned pregnancy. I am terrified of another, because right now is a very bad time for us to have another child, mostly because of financial reasons (we both work full-time out of necessity) and because my husband is still in grad school. Our daughter is two years old and is a wonderful, delightful child and a huge blessing – but we aren’t ready for another by any stretch of the imagination.
I will concede that we have been able to successfully avoid pregnancy for the past two years, partly because of breastfeeding infertility that lasted for about a year and partly because the vitamin A from eating carrot sticks every day has made my fertile time more obvious. But we’ve still had long periods of abstinence (not while I was breastfeeding - it’s like this all the time) because of confusing signs. So while I have been able to correctly identify the fertile time for the past two years, I’ve also had many, many “false fertile times” when I thought I was fertile and I wasn’t. I recently had more than 3 weeks of very stretchy mucus, and my temperature never went up. I had to induce my period that time with Provera. That’s the only time so far I’ve done that – despite my long cycles, I always ovulate (at least in all the other cycles I’ve charted) because my temperature always goes up. I got pregnant 3 months after I got married without even trying.
Basically my question is – what does a couple do if NFP doesn’t work for them? I have very confusing mucus and have already had one “surprise.” Fortunately I think I’ve got NFP figured out, at least somewhat, though I still have many, many days when I honestly have no idea if I’m fertile or not. Most of the time we just take chances those days, because most of the time it’s rather unlikely I’m fertile since I have such long cycles. If we abstained every time we weren’t 100% sure I was infertile we would be abstaining 90% of the time. Other times, if the mucus is more stretchy, we end up abstaining for long periods of time when we didn’t have to.
I’m actually going to an NFP-only Dr. right now who thinks I have PCOS, which would explain a lot of the difficulties I’m having with NFP. I’m still waiting to go to a follow-up to find out what I can do about my cycles. But what if someone tried everything – medical interventions, nutritional solutions, etc. – and still couldn’t figure out when they’re fertile and when they’re not? Some people have confusing mucus signs and confusing temperature signs. Fortunately for me my temperature at least is fairly clear.
For that matter, what did people do when they had to rely on the rhythm method? For me, the rhythm method is completely and utterly useless. With my cycles, NFP is hard enough. The rhythm method would be impossible. It seems unreasonable to me to force people to rely on methods that are so unreliable. I know NFP works very well for many people, perhaps most people. But the Church seems to take it for granted that NFP is always 98% effective, not taking into account that every woman’s body is different. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I had to use the rhythm method. The only options then would be possibly having more children then I could handle or complete abstinence. Isn’t having more children than you can handle actually a sin, because you’re not using the virtue of prudence? And wouldn’t complete abstinence be very harmful to a marriage, and therefore also a sin? Yet these are the only options for some people who can’t use NFP because of cycle problems, and they would have been the only options for many people when all we had was the rhythm method, or before people even knew about the rhythm method.
I would not mind abstaining for 10 days a month if I could easily tell when I’m fertile. If every woman could easily tell, I could accept this teaching. I agree with CCL that periodic abstinence can be good for a marriage, but they neglect to mention that too much abstinence is harmful to a marriage. Yet many couples will need to abstain for unreasonable lengths of time to make sure they avoid pregnancy.
The only reason I use NFP is fear of hell. I continue to use it, even though I question the teaching, because when the Church says something is a mortal sin I take that very seriously. I’m tired of long periods of abstinence because of confusing signs and I’m tired of constantly worrying about pregnancy. Sometimes my temperature will be up for a day or two for some reason other than ovulation and I’ll be having an anxiety attack the whole time thinking I might have ovulated and may have gotten pregnant. However, it’s not worth playing Russian roulette with my soul, so I continue to use it. Better stress and anxiety in this life than hellfire in the next.
Can someone please help me out here? I’ve read a ton of stuff about Church teaching on contraception, but I’ve never seen it addressed what couples are supposed to do when NFP simply doesn’t work (or what they should have done when the only option was the rhythm method), because everyone seems to assume it works equally well for everyone. I do think it’s possible the Church may be wrong on this issue, but I’ve been praying that God will show me the answer, whether I like it or not. Thanks, and thanks for reading my long post.
First of all, I want to make it clear that I’m in complete agreement with Church teaching on the immorality of the pill and other hormonal methods of contraception, because these methods are abortifacient (and therefore not really contraceptives). However, I do question Church teaching on condoms and other non-abortifacient methods of contraception.
I have been married for a little over three years, and we have always used NFP in accordance with Church teaching. I have cycles that range from 40 days to 90 days, and my fertility signs are confusing. I’ve already had one unplanned pregnancy. I am terrified of another, because right now is a very bad time for us to have another child, mostly because of financial reasons (we both work full-time out of necessity) and because my husband is still in grad school. Our daughter is two years old and is a wonderful, delightful child and a huge blessing – but we aren’t ready for another by any stretch of the imagination.
I will concede that we have been able to successfully avoid pregnancy for the past two years, partly because of breastfeeding infertility that lasted for about a year and partly because the vitamin A from eating carrot sticks every day has made my fertile time more obvious. But we’ve still had long periods of abstinence (not while I was breastfeeding - it’s like this all the time) because of confusing signs. So while I have been able to correctly identify the fertile time for the past two years, I’ve also had many, many “false fertile times” when I thought I was fertile and I wasn’t. I recently had more than 3 weeks of very stretchy mucus, and my temperature never went up. I had to induce my period that time with Provera. That’s the only time so far I’ve done that – despite my long cycles, I always ovulate (at least in all the other cycles I’ve charted) because my temperature always goes up. I got pregnant 3 months after I got married without even trying.
Basically my question is – what does a couple do if NFP doesn’t work for them? I have very confusing mucus and have already had one “surprise.” Fortunately I think I’ve got NFP figured out, at least somewhat, though I still have many, many days when I honestly have no idea if I’m fertile or not. Most of the time we just take chances those days, because most of the time it’s rather unlikely I’m fertile since I have such long cycles. If we abstained every time we weren’t 100% sure I was infertile we would be abstaining 90% of the time. Other times, if the mucus is more stretchy, we end up abstaining for long periods of time when we didn’t have to.
I’m actually going to an NFP-only Dr. right now who thinks I have PCOS, which would explain a lot of the difficulties I’m having with NFP. I’m still waiting to go to a follow-up to find out what I can do about my cycles. But what if someone tried everything – medical interventions, nutritional solutions, etc. – and still couldn’t figure out when they’re fertile and when they’re not? Some people have confusing mucus signs and confusing temperature signs. Fortunately for me my temperature at least is fairly clear.
For that matter, what did people do when they had to rely on the rhythm method? For me, the rhythm method is completely and utterly useless. With my cycles, NFP is hard enough. The rhythm method would be impossible. It seems unreasonable to me to force people to rely on methods that are so unreliable. I know NFP works very well for many people, perhaps most people. But the Church seems to take it for granted that NFP is always 98% effective, not taking into account that every woman’s body is different. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I had to use the rhythm method. The only options then would be possibly having more children then I could handle or complete abstinence. Isn’t having more children than you can handle actually a sin, because you’re not using the virtue of prudence? And wouldn’t complete abstinence be very harmful to a marriage, and therefore also a sin? Yet these are the only options for some people who can’t use NFP because of cycle problems, and they would have been the only options for many people when all we had was the rhythm method, or before people even knew about the rhythm method.
I would not mind abstaining for 10 days a month if I could easily tell when I’m fertile. If every woman could easily tell, I could accept this teaching. I agree with CCL that periodic abstinence can be good for a marriage, but they neglect to mention that too much abstinence is harmful to a marriage. Yet many couples will need to abstain for unreasonable lengths of time to make sure they avoid pregnancy.
The only reason I use NFP is fear of hell. I continue to use it, even though I question the teaching, because when the Church says something is a mortal sin I take that very seriously. I’m tired of long periods of abstinence because of confusing signs and I’m tired of constantly worrying about pregnancy. Sometimes my temperature will be up for a day or two for some reason other than ovulation and I’ll be having an anxiety attack the whole time thinking I might have ovulated and may have gotten pregnant. However, it’s not worth playing Russian roulette with my soul, so I continue to use it. Better stress and anxiety in this life than hellfire in the next.
Can someone please help me out here? I’ve read a ton of stuff about Church teaching on contraception, but I’ve never seen it addressed what couples are supposed to do when NFP simply doesn’t work (or what they should have done when the only option was the rhythm method), because everyone seems to assume it works equally well for everyone. I do think it’s possible the Church may be wrong on this issue, but I’ve been praying that God will show me the answer, whether I like it or not. Thanks, and thanks for reading my long post.
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