Struggling with Mass attendance

[Rence]

I think its nuts that some people accurately describe canon law regarding mass attendence and you guys jump on them saying they don’t know her situation, can’t make judgements, and are being cold or close-minded.

Yet in the same breath you, based on information gleaned from one post on an internet forum, have diagnosed her with a complex psychological disorder and excused her from mass attendence.

Who is really leaping to conclusions here? Who is really doing a greater disservice to the Church?

I haven’t diagnosed anyone. How could I anyway? I said what she described sounded like depression (and I wasn’t the only one), That’s not a diagnosis, that’s an observation and a correlation. What I did say was: I said she should contact her priest and her physician. I said this multiple times. Canon law makes allowances for those who, for whatever reason, can’t attend Mass, so I wasn’t contradicting Canon either. Since only her priest can make that determination, I was correct to suggest that. I never excused her from Mass either. Again, I said she should contact her priest and her physician. Multiple times. And I don’t think I am doing a disservice to the Church at all for suggesting she contact her priest and her physician. It’s what she should do.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP, you are not going to Mass alone. Jesus is waiting for you!!!

I know you and your husband have been close, and that it is sad for you to go on your own now, but it is something you need to grow from. My husband has been traveling all year, 2 weeks here, 2 weeks away. When he was gone, for most of the year, my younger son was working and if he wasn’t, he would refuse to go with me. I had no choice but to go alone. I go to the Vigil Mass, which is a lot of singletons and widows. The pew where we sit is one where 2 single women also sit, so when I am on my own, I feel a part of the “Widow’s Pew.”



It’s hardest when a loving couple sits in front of me and it’s obvious they share a strong faith life as well as intimacy. But I would feel the same way if my husband were sitting next to me, because those elements are missing in our relationship at the moment.

If you are crying because he is gone, it’s probably time to talk to your doctor. Don’t miss Mass any more, though - you just add guilt to your list of woes.

 

[Godfollower]

Hi again ,

Thank you all for your concern, prayers, suggestions, and advice. Just knowing that I’m not the only one who struggles with this is tremendously helpful.

I do have depression and generalized anxiety disorder, for which I am medicated and go to therapy to cope with. I will bring this fact up with my priest. Thank you for those who mentioned this because it never occurred to me to do so.

I will seriously consider changing Mass times and see if that makes a difference. I only wish our parish had a “bring a singleton to Mass” ministry. When I’m more used to my new living situation, I may ask my parish if they know of anyone who struggles with transportation to and from Mass and volunteer to help a parishioner out that way.

My husband and I Skype at least once a day, and we email 2-3 times/week. He’s also romantic enough to send me postcards from the various places he’s been while on the road. None of this replaces having him at home every night, however.

And thanks for the suggestion to watch televised Mass. I can’t speak to it fulfilling my Sunday obligation, but it’s a moot point anyway since I don’t have television. Maybe if Netflix had streaming Masses…

Luna

Another thing you could do is ask your husband what time he is going to mass (if he is able) and go at the same time at a parish in your area. You can go together without being together.

Feeling alone is hard. I am often alone at church but my own loneliness is nothing in comparison to being away from a spouse. Remember to offer up this suffering to God for the redemption of souls.

I will spend some time in front of the blessed sacrament for you this evening.

I was going to make the same suggestion as Kmuestwin: if you can, go to different Masses together.

Does your husband know how you’re feeling? I know there’s a tendency to keep this sort of thing private (“so he won’t worry”), but maybe he can find the time to get to Mass at the same time you go – “I’ll be in California Sunday; let me find a Mass at 9:00 so you can go to the 11:00” or some such. Even if you can’t go at the same time, perhaps you can go at different times and pray for each other.

Another possible suggestion: go to Mass alone in honor of the military widows and widowers who have to do so for the rest of their lives. Every time you start to cry, say a prayer to God for them and ask Him for the strength to go on for just one more hour. I’m not saying this will make it easy; but sometimes thinking about people who are worse off can help us overcome our own burdens – even though our own burdens remain just as large.

Above all, hang in there! We’ll be praying for you, and I hope things get easier.

And don’t worry about us armchair theologian-psychologist-physician-canonists. God knows how you feel, and He knows when you’re whimsically avoiding Him versus actually having problems. You only need to deal with right now.

 

[charliedrake]

As a senior and minimal income, the EWTN televised mass has been wonders for me, thank you for supporting it and not look down on those who do. My Priest says its just fine when I can’t make mass with limited transportation.

You are in the same situation as many, watching mass on TV is great. I applaud your desire to stay connected with the RC Church. It’s a big open tent. No reasonable person would frown on you for not being able to attend mass in person.
You have tremendous faith.

God Bless,

 

[TrueLight]

It’s a big open tent.

What does this mean exactly?

 

[PrayForMeStJude]

As a senior and minimal income, the EWTN televised mass has been wonders for me, thank you for supporting it and not look down on those who do. My Priest says its just fine when I can’t make mass with limited transportation.

Yes, EWTN televised masses are a wonderful tool for the faithful! The little kerfuffle we are having here is over a bit of a canon law technicality. If it is absolutely impossible for someone to make it to mass due to age, illness, being lost in the jungle, etc., then that person has no obligation to go to mass. Watching a televised mass is good, but does not fulfill the Sunday obligation.

So, in your case you may not be obligated to attend mass when transportation is unavailable. It is very good that you still want to participate in mass in some way by watching a televised one. But you would not be obligated to watch the mass on a Sunday.

The little argument we had here started when one poster suggested the OP could simply watch a televised mass to fulfill her obligation. This was wrong because if the OP was able to attend mass she would be obligated to be physically present, and if she was unable to attend mass she would not be obligated to be there or to watch the broadcast.

I haven’t diagnosed anyone. How could I anyway? I said what she described sounded like depression (and I wasn’t the only one), That’s not a diagnosis, that’s an observation and a correlation. What I did say was: I said she should contact her priest and her physician. I said this multiple times. Canon law makes allowances for those who, for whatever reason, can’t attend Mass, so I wasn’t contradicting Canon either. Since only her priest can make that determination, I was correct to suggest that. I never excused her from Mass either. Again, I said she should contact her priest and her physician. Multiple times. And I don’t think I am doing a disservice to the Church at all for suggesting she contact her priest and her physician. It’s what she should do.

You also weren’t the only one to whom I was referring. When I wrote my post I did not realize that both quotes were yours. I just hit the multi-quote button on a few threads. So I apologize that it seemed like I was singling you out for attack. That was not the intent.

However, looking back over your posts to re-evaluate my comments, I still feel that your posts came quite close to offering a diagnosis. Therefore I stand by my argument that you and others were criticizing us for leaping to opinions while doing so yourselves.

That being said, what you wrote most recently is, I think, logical and correct.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Another thing you could do is ask your husband what time he is going to mass (if he is able) and go at the same time at a parish in your area. You can go together without being together.

Feeling alone is hard. I am often alone at church but my own loneliness is nothing in comparison to being away from a spouse. Remember to offer up this suffering to God for the redemption of souls.

I will spend some time in front of the blessed sacrament for you this evening.

It is very difficult if not impossible for an over the road truck driver to attend Mass. He may be driving anywhere in the country, unable to stop when Masses are held. But it’s a nice idea, in theory.

 

[Senior_Pal]

You are in the same situation as many, watching mass on TV is great. I applaud your desire to stay connected with the RC Church. It’s a big open tent. No reasonable person would frown on you for not being able to attend mass in person.
You have tremendous faith.

God Bless,

Thank you for understanding and giving such wonderful advice on watching EWTN mass on television.

 

[odile53]

I always go to Mass alone: My husband is not only an over-the-road driver, he’s also Lutheran. We were married in the Catholic Church, with a dispensation, but shortly after the wedding he stopped attending Mass unless it was a particularly special occasion. Christmas and Easter didn’t count in his opinion, either. The only time you see him at Mass is for a wedding or a funeral.

Here’s what I did: I started by attending the earliest possible Sunday morning Mass in a nearby parish (they have a 6:30 AM one.) There are very few people at it. Most of them are alone. Then I started attending Mass during the week, again, pretty sparsely attended, but this time at my own parish. It took a few months but I started to become a fixture there a few times a week, and got to be on at least nodding acquaintance with other attendees. Since Adoration proceeds the evening Mass, it enriches being alone with Jesus. It doesn’t feel like loneliness anymore, it feels like holy solitude.

Now I can go to even a family-packed later Mass on Sunday morning and there are people who recognize me and know me by name. I feel pretty much like I’m stopping at a favorite relative’s home by myself but know I’m going to be in the company of friends.

One nice thing too is this: Even though I belong to a parish, I’m not locked in. I just came over to CAF this evening after looking online for where Midnight Mass is being offered, and came up with a few different options, all of which sound great.

 

[jyuen]

Hi again ,
And thanks for the suggestion to watch televised Mass. I can’t speak to it fulfilling my Sunday obligation, but it’s a moot point anyway since I don’t have television. Maybe if Netflix had streaming Masses…

Luna

While not speaking to the subject of online Mass and Sunday obligations, if you do want to watch any of the wide variety of programs on EWTN without a TV, it is available online as streaming media:
ewtn.com/audiovideo/index.asp

I hope this is helpful.

Jennifer

 

[Joan_M]

Mis information. When someone goes through a tough period in life the good Lord will accept attendance of mass via television or another means as a temporary Sabbath commitment.

And you know this how?

 

[SamanthaT]

My husband is also often gone for long periods of time (military) so I can sympathize with the long distance marriage. I just wanted to say that it does get easier and as much as you might not want to, it does help to try and do the same things as you used to. Even if you only make it to the door the first time and then the car the next, eventually you’ll get through the day. For me it is always one minute to the next, then I look back and realize that 6 months of minutes have gone by. Anyways if you ever want to vent or need someone who has been there, feel free to message me
Sam

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

Hi and welcome!

:angel1: I too am very sorry you are feeling this way. I do have a suggestion that may truly inspire you. Yes, we must attend Mass unless it is for a serious reason, and God’s love will always pull us towards Himself in the Holy Eucharist, never away from Himself. I agree with the poster who asked if you might find a friend to go with you to Mass, as that can be so helpful at times.

May I suggest a wonderful book called “Miracles, a novel about Elizabeth Ann Seton, first American born saint?” :nun1:“Mother Seton” was a widow with several children who converted to Catholicism. Her life is so inspiring, as she battled so much and was so devoted to The Blessed Sacrament that she became the courageous saint who founded schools for the poor, and who inspired what later became the Catholic school system in America. When I read of her courage, battling the terrors of illness (consumption) and walking fifty miles to set up the first school in Emmitsburg, MD. where the sisters barely survived the first winter, all this gives me courage. Widowed, she could have simply disappeared from society, but instead, she thought of others, children of the poor who needed education, and even after the death of two of her own beloved children, she kept working for God.
:heaven:

Whenever I think of my own little sacrifices, I think of “Mother Seton.” Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton was known for inspiring others, and I hope she inspires you too. There are many books available at local libraries on the saints, many who faced all their trials completely “alone,” but as one poster stated, we are never alone. God is with you when you seem to sit alone at Mass. He wants you there.

There is the famous saying “We consume Christ so that He consumes us.” If you look around, you may notice many older people attending Mass without a spouse. Widows, widowers, single men and women. The beauty of it all is Christ’s Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist. You see, He knew you would feel alone, and made sure that you are not, ever alone at all. He is with us all when we are only feeling that way. May God bless you abundantly, and may you feel His Presence with you, drawing you nearer, and back to the Mass.

Love and prayers,:harp::grouphug:
Kathryn Ann

 

[csperez]

It is the pain
of not having
your loved one.
Not the attendance
at Mass.
not attending
because of
meeting intense
pain is not
“mortally sinful”.
It is as human
and as spiritual
as Jesus’
longing when
He cried to Father
God on the cross
" why do You
abandon me ? "

 

[lebbiedynnw]

You really should speak with the priest. I was always taught that the main reason television mass did not fulfill your Sunday Obligation is because you are not able to recieve the Eucharist. I am a Eucharistic Minister and we have many people who visit the home-bound on Sunday and bring them Communion. While under the care of your physician, if he suggests not venturing out when you are not feeling up to it, you could watch mass on the computer and then be visited by a minister with Communion.
My other suggestion would be that when you are feeling better you get involved with your church. My husband is Methodist and works at a Methodist church, so Sunday is one of his work days. We have been married 31 years and have grown daughters who have left home. That means I go to mass most often alone. But I am a lector and a Eucharistic Minister and have made many good friends who attend the 9:00 mass, many of them alone as well. I don’t feel alone any more as I have many smiles and hugs as soon as I get to church.
God Bless You

 

[YoungTradCath]

Well, no, the reason watching a TV mass doesn’t satisfy your obligation is because the Church says in Canon Law that you must go to mass to satisfy your obligation. You don’t have to receive the Eucharist every Sunday. That is a very common misconception.

 

[JGMendes4049]

You really should speak with the priest. I was always taught that the main reason television mass did not fulfill your Sunday Obligation is because you are not able to recieve the Eucharist. I am a Eucharistic Minister and we have many people who visit the home-bound on Sunday and bring them Communion. While under the care of your physician, if he suggests not venturing out when you are not feeling up to it, you could watch mass on the computer and then be visited by a minister with Communion.
My other suggestion would be that when you are feeling better you get involved with your church. My husband is Methodist and works at a Methodist church, so Sunday is one of his work days. We have been married 31 years and have grown daughters who have left home. That means I go to mass most often alone. But I am a lector and a Eucharistic Minister and have made many good friends who attend the 9:00 mass, many of them alone as well. I don’t feel alone any more as I have many smiles and hugs as soon as I get to church.
God Bless You

No Catholic is ever required to receive Communion, except for once during the Easter season.

This is not necessarily true for the Eastern Catholic Churches.