Struggling with sin. Please help

[allthatisgold93]

Hello everyone. I am an eighteen year old girl who has been struggling with a problem lately. First of all, I have really bad OCD which makes everything ten times worse. It’s embarrassing to say, but the sin I am struggling with is masturbation and looking at impure images and such. For years, I did not know that masturbation was a sin…or even that what I was doing had a name! Once I had found out, it was so hard to stop that I couldn’t. Also, depression caused me to do it more to relax…I am so ashamed to say it. But anyhow, I am so confused about whether my sin is venial or mortal (crazy I know, but I know habit has something to do with making it less grave). I’ve been receiving Communion, and plan to go to confession next Saturday when a church in our area offers it. Today I received Communion and said an Act of Contrition beforehand…and figured that I would confess it next week. The problem is…I am so unsure about my sins and such. And then my OCD makes it ten times worse and makes me think that I am presuming (committing a sin and figuring that I will confess it anyway) and that I will never be forgiven.

I am on medication for anxiety and depression, but lately it has not been working.

My questions are…is this venial or mortal? And am I presuming? Please pray for me. Thanks in advance and God bless

 

[jprice66]

First of all, find a confessor to go to regularly. He’ll be the best to tell you whether it’s venial or mortal, and he’ll help you work through your various issues.

Nonetheless, having said that, you really don’t seem like you’re in much of a state to give deliberate consent, because you started the habit before you realized it was at all wrong, and are now firmly within its grasp. Second of all, your various emotional problems would also remove much of your ability to consent. Just my personal opinion, take your confessor’s over mine any day.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

First of all, find a confessor to go to regularly. He’ll be the best to tell you whether it’s venial or mortal, and he’ll help you work through your various issues.

Nonetheless, having said that, you really don’t seem like you’re in much of a state to give deliberate consent, because you started the habit before you realized it was at all wrong, and are now firmly within its grasp. Second of all, your various emotional problems would also remove much of your ability to consent. Just my personal opinion, take your confessor’s over mine any day.

I’m going to come down on the opposite side. You know this is wrong, you know it’s sinful, juts because it’s a habit doesn’t mean you get a pass to keep doing it. It’s going to be harder to stop because you’ve been doing it for years, but you still have to fight the good fight. Pray the rosary when you are tempted, it is a powerful weapon against that kind of temptation. Get some filtering software on your computer and get an accountability partner. Confess this ASAP. And go to your doctor to talk about your medications not working.

 

[jprice66]

I’m going to come down on the opposite side. You know this is wrong, you know it’s sinful, just because it’s a habit doesn’t mean you get a pass to keep doing it. It’s going to be harder to stop because you’ve been doing it for years, but you still have to fight the good fight. Pray the rosary when you are tempted, it is a powerful weapon against that kind of temptation. Get some filtering software on your computer and get an accountability partner. Confess this ASAP. And go to your doctor to talk about your medications not working.

Of course she has to try to stop, and of course it’s still sinful, but the Catechism says that there conditions like, “affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.” She seems to have most if not all of these, and she started as well when she didn’t know anything about it or its being sinful.

But our disagreement is irrelevant in the long run. Please, find a Confessor and tell him these things, he’s far more able to make a decision than either of us.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

Hello everyone. I am an eighteen year old girl who has been struggling with a problem lately. First of all, I have really bad OCD which makes everything ten times worse. It’s embarrassing to say, but the sin I am struggling with is masturbation and looking at impure images and such. For years, I did not know that masturbation was a sin…or even that what I was doing had a name! Once I had found out, it was so hard to stop that I couldn’t. Also, depression caused me to do it more to relax…I am so ashamed to say it. But anyhow, I am so confused about whether my sin is venial or mortal (crazy I know, but I know habit has something to do with making it less grave). I’ve been receiving Communion, and plan to go to confession next Saturday when a church in our area offers it. Today I received Communion and said an Act of Contrition beforehand…and figured that I would confess it next week. The problem is…I am so unsure about my sins and such. And then my OCD makes it ten times worse and makes me think that I am presuming (committing a sin and figuring that I will confess it anyway) and that I will never be forgiven.

I am on medication for anxiety and depression, but lately it has not been working.

My questions are…is this venial or mortal? And am I presuming? Please pray for me. Thanks in advance and God bless

My opinion: forget about the distinction of mortal or venial sin. You are only punishing yourself and that distinction will not help in any way to improve your state of mind.

Second: treat your depression. If it is not working with the medicines, you need to tell your doctors.

Third, practice some kind of exercise. It helps you to be pretty and to feel better.

Fourth, go on to confession and communion and never miss one of them. What you did was perfect. Jesus came to sinners not to the good people. Never restrain from going to communion, say sorry to Jesus and that you love Him and search for him. He will give strength and power.

Fifth, you will always be forgiven. Jesus loves you. You seem to be a nice girl, He will help you.

Sixth, do not live your life around masturbation. If it happens, it happens. Ask Jesus for forgiveness, tell Him you love Him and go ahead. Masturbation is caused by emotional imbalances and you must have some imbalance and thus it causes sexual imbalance too. Chastity is not the main commandment. The main commandment is to love God and second to love your fellow man and woman.

Seventh, see what your emotional imbalances are, if you anti-social, if you have a poor image of your body or whatever. Try to balance it to the other side.

And God Bless You.

 

[allthatisgold93]

Hello. Thank you both for your answers. I am not having difficulty not looking at the images. That was just a temporary slip that I have stopped. It was with the masturbation that I have a bit of trouble…although I have been able to keep from doing that for a little while, which I am pleased about. I forgot to mention that at times when I knew it was wrong, I felt like I didn’t care because I was angry with God about stuff and I was depressed. Does that still count as psychological factors? I am ashamed…and I do not feel like being OCD gives me a pass…I want to go to confession. I just want to know if I am presuming or something.

 

[LayingHands]

I’m going to come down on the opposite side. You know this is wrong, you know it’s sinful, juts because it’s a habit doesn’t mean you get a pass to keep doing it. It’s going to be harder to stop because you’ve been doing it for years, but you still have to fight the good fight. Pray the rosary when you are tempted, it is a powerful weapon against that kind of temptation. Get some filtering software on your computer and get an accountability partner. Confess this ASAP. And go to your doctor to talk about your medications not working.

I have understood masturbation among boys and men as sinful due to the wasteful spilling of seed, however, how is this considered sinful for girls and women? Is there a biblical scripture for the female of our race, that I am unaware of? Please clarify…

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hello. Thank you both for your answers. I am not having difficulty not looking at the images. That was just a temporary slip that I have stopped. It was with the masturbation that I have a bit of trouble…although I have been able to keep from doing that for a little while, which I am pleased about. I forgot to mention that at times when I knew it was wrong, I felt like I didn’t care because I was angry with God about stuff and I was depressed. Does that still count as psychological factors? I am ashamed…and I do not feel like being OCD gives me a pass…I want to go to confession. I just want to know if I am presuming or something.

I did not mean to be in the least uncharitable, and I think you are brave to be so honest on this forum. I think you are kind of getting stuck on this “presumption” point though. Leave all of that in God’s hands. Go to confession and be honest with God about your problem. Confess often, and use every spiritual tool at your disposal in order to gain freedom from this problem. Go to adoration, pray the rosary, confess, get a spiritual director, receive the Eucharist.

Then, I agree with Pfaffenhoffen - be sure you are taking care of yourself physically too. Eat well, exercise, and go back to your doctor as often as you need to in order to give yourself every possible chance for health. If there are activities you enjoy, do them! If you have any particular tempting times when you used to self-stimulate, substitute prayer instead.

We’re all in support of you!

:grouphug:

 

[surritter]

jprice is right. It’s a bad habit, so it will be an uphill struggle. But the fact that it’s an ingrained habit probably lessens the “consent” aspect which is required to classify something as a mortal sin. Really, you’ve already made the most important step – to realize it’s a sin and have a desire to purge it from your life!

Think of it this way: suppose you’ve unwittingly invited a dragon into your house. Once you realize that this wasn’t a good idea, you fight like heck to get him out of the house. You may be struck or burned by the dragon, but those injuries sustained while pushing him out the door aren’t mortal sins. (Neither was inviting him in, since you didn’t know he was a danger.)

I am NOT condoning masturbation nor saying that everything’s okey-dokey. I’m just saying don’t be too hard on yourself – once you make the decision to purge sin from your life the devil will employ the trick of discouragement. The best advice is of course to find a good priest and during confession ask him for advice on fighting the temptations. Don’t be embarrassed; realize that this is something priests often hear, and like a doctor he will have a plan to help you, though it may take time.

 

[BGR_15]

I have understood masturbation among boys and men as sinful due to the wasteful spilling of seed, however, how is this considered sinful for girls and women? Is there a biblical scripture for the female of our race, that I am unaware of? Please clarify…

I think it’s because of lust that makes it sinful (correct me if I’m wrong).

OP: I was diagnosed with severe ritualistic OCD so I know how hard it can be to overcome some things. However, I’m not sure if your masturbation is caused by OCD or not. Do you feel like you need to do it because something will happen to you? If not, then it probably is just a bad habit that needs to be broken. But then again, I’m not Psychologist or anything.

God bless!

 

[Rosatus]

As someone who is around your age and has been dealing with a very similar problem, I can totally understand where you are coming from, especially when it comes to “presumption” and the “force of habit”. Sexual sins can be very difficult to overcome, but they are not really as difficult to overcome with God’s grace as the devil would have you believe.

A confessor once asked me what I did to try to banish impure thoughts that would lead to the behavior you are describing. I told him I prayed the rosary. The advice he gave me was that, in such moments of temptation, a better method would be to pray FOR someone else. This way, it becomes much less about you, and more about loving someone else. So I pray the rosary for someone else when I am confronted with that temptation; sometimes I pray for sinners who are struggling just as I am, or someone specific, like a friend, who needs God’s help.

I’ve struggled with the presumption you are describing as well. I’ve learned that the more I focus on being good, the less I’ve had to worry about not being bad. There are certain things you can do that will help facilitate this. First, I would suggest developing a greater devotion to the Blessed Virgin. Having great devotion to her is the quickest and easiest way that we are led to Jesus Christ. If you go to www.ageofmary.com and click on “True Devotion,” you can read something called “The Secret of Mary” by St. Louis de Montfort. It describes the devotion I am talking about, the quickest and easiest means of achieving holiness.

Also, another great free online resource that I’ve personally found very helpful in dealing with a wide range of psychological difficulties is www.chastitysf.com which is an amazing website created by a psychologist who can teach you how to deal with psychological problems from the Catholic point of view. It has been very helpful to me and has given me a lot of insight into various behaviors and emotional wounds that I have dealt with throughout my life.

On our own, it is impossible to overcome anything, but with God, ANYTHING is possible. You can overcome this, and all of your difficulties, I am praying for you!

 

[surritter]

I think it’s because of lust that makes it sinful (correct me if I’m wrong).

Yes, lust is sinful, but masturbation is also sinful because it engages the biology of reproduction but misuses it. Think of it this way: someone can be having intercourse with his/her spouse but could be sinning if lust is raging in their intentions (i.e., doing it for purely selfish reasons). Masturbation is sinful objectively speaking because it is misusing the function of sex (spilling of the seed), but lust is a compounding factor too.

 

[LayingHands]

Yes, lust is sinful, but masturbation is also sinful because it engages the biology of reproduction but misuses it. Think of it this way: someone can be having intercourse with his/her spouse but could be sinning if lust is raging in their intentions (i.e., doing it for purely selfish reasons). Masturbation is sinful objectively speaking because it is misusing the function of sex (spilling of the seed), but lust is a compounding factor too.

I’m still waiting for the biblical reference about women being sinful while masturbating? Women masturbation does not have to be Lustful…jeesh!

The spilling of actual seed is the sinful offense, because it was wasteful…what was that analogy and exact verse?

Women do not spill nor waste seed.

Orgasm is not mandated for the ovulation or uterine preparation of conception.

Rape has proven that…

I believe women may masturbate…there is a tremendous release of mental and bodily stress and also helps with insomnia (inability to sleep…both are health conditions, which may be taken care of through conventional medicine…however, why take more pills, when the release is natural and simple, done within the boundaries of your privacy.

 

[surritter]

I’m still waiting for the biblical reference about women being sinful while masturbating? Women masturbation does not have to be Lustful…jeesh!

The spilling of actual seed is the sinful offense, because it was wasteful…what was that analogy and exact verse?

Women do not spill nor waste seed.

Orgasm is not mandated for the ovulation or uterine preparation of conception.

Rape has proven that…

I believe women may masturbate…there is a tremendous release of mental and bodily stress and also helps with insomnia (inability to sleep…both are health conditions, which may be taken care of through conventional medicine…however, why take more pills, when the release is natural and simple, done within the boundaries of your privacy.

Of course “spilling of the seed” is technically referring to males; I guess I was trying to use a euphemism. So while no seed is lost, masturbation for women is still sinful because it is using the reproductive faculties for self-pleasure. They are not toys. They are instruments to be used in intimate love between married spouses.

I’m sorry that as a Catholic you don’t agree with Catholic teachings. We’re talking about Catholic moral theology, not what each person believes. A couple other misconceptions – that everything we believe is to be strictly found in the Bible. (Where do you think the Bible came from? The Bible itself comes from the same authority that teaches us faith and morals.) And just because something is done in privacy doesn’t make it morally acceptable!

 

[truthsave]

I think the actual accepting a sin to be a sin is either an act of faith of believing without feeling if some action is “bad” for the soul and lead to built a wall of fog between we and the Grace of opur Lord or is just a counscous realization. The second option is the easier to live, but at the same time more difficult…it is like: I didn’t steal since I have been thought that stealing is bad, and I didn’t steal since I really feel that stealing is bad.
If for a reason or another you end up stealing, in the second case you feel much worse.

It is a difficult matter the counsciousness of sins.
when I was younger expecially in the context of sexually related sins for me was extremely difficult to feel they were not good for my soul.
I still had a too strong egoistically centered mind. It is difficult to accept as bad something that “is good” for you, or better that makes you feels good, at least for the moment.

Now for me things have changed but I recal the difficulties.
What i could say some sins are like sweets.
You eat them and you like. They make you feel good. Even if you force yourself to understand you just feel it is just good.
One day you end up having diabete… and you realize all that good was bad.

You can do the same with alchol, or livind a very inactive life or whatever.

Praying for you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m still waiting for the biblical reference about women being sinful while masturbating? Women masturbation does not have to be Lustful…jeesh!

The spilling of actual seed is the sinful offense, because it was wasteful…what was that analogy and exact verse?

Women do not spill nor waste seed.

Orgasm is not mandated for the ovulation or uterine preparation of conception.

Rape has proven that…
**
I believe women may masturbate.**…there is a tremendous release of mental and bodily stress and also helps with insomnia (inability to sleep…both are health conditions, which may be taken care of through conventional medicine…however, why take more pills, when the release is natural and simple, done within the boundaries of your privacy.

The Catechism has no “out” clause for females…Masturbation directs our sexuality inward, whether by males or females, is gravely disordered, needs to be stopped, repented of, and confessed. Your belief that it is a natural cure for insomnia (for women) is preposterous.

 

[stewstew03]

…the quickest and easiest means of achieving holiness…/QUOTE]

We become holy by persevering; there is no “quick and easy” means of achieving holiness.

 

[LayingHands]

The Catechism has no “out” clause for females…Masturbation directs our sexuality inward, whether by males or females, is gravely disordered, needs to be stopped, repented of, and confessed. Your belief that it is a natural cure for insomnia (for women) is preposterous.

I guess we are all entitiled to our own opinion and interpretation, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat? Masturbation directs our sexuality inward…huh? What?

Nice opinion.

Certainly not biblical, as that written directly for men!..:slapfight:

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I’m still waiting for the biblical reference about women being sinful while masturbating? Women masturbation does not have to be Lustful…jeesh!

The spilling of actual seed is the sinful offense, because it was wasteful…what was that analogy and exact verse?

Women do not spill nor waste seed.

Orgasm is not mandated for the ovulation or uterine preparation of conception.

Rape has proven that…

I believe women may masturbate…there is a tremendous release of mental and bodily stress and also helps with insomnia (inability to sleep…both are health conditions, which may be taken care of through conventional medicine…however, why take more pills, when the release is natural and simple, done within the boundaries of your privacy.

I am not a woman but I think woman’s masturbation is not healthy.
You said it all. release of tensions, pills and so on. why not masturbate?
I mean, that is not the purpose of the female orgasm, no?
There are so many things you can do to release tension, why choose masturbation?
Suppose you have so much tension…your are going to masturbate everyday? Twice a day?

You may find here in internet so many healthy ways to release tension within the boundaries of healthy habits!

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I guess we are all entitiled to our own opinion and interpretation, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat? Masturbation directs our sexuality inward…huh? What?

Nice opinion.

Certainly not biblical, as that written directly for men!..:slapfight:

Why not?
Masturbation leads one to give pleasure to the other as in sex with another person or leads one to give pleasure to oneself?

Woman and man are not at the same speed concerning orgasm. I think that a Christian and selfish was to see pleasure in sex is: Woman’s sex pleasure is to give pleasure to man. Man’s sexual pleasure is to give pleasure to the woman.