Stuck in sadness

[kablueangels]

I freely choose to align my will with God’s… and it’s not easy for me to do that when it comes to relationships. I have an awesome career where it is clear and easy to know I’m following God’s path for my life, but in my personal life, knowing God’s will and being okay with that has been hard.

I think it is somewhat of a mystery because I have to “freely” force myself to accept what is happening in my life. For many months I refused to accept that at least at this current point in time, it is not God’s will for me to be married. I still do not completely understand because I truly believe it is my vocation to marry this person, but I cannot force him to love me again since love must always be freely given. So I have now freely accepted being single. I was in denial for a long time and just fought with God to give me this person back.

I wasted months of time, effort, and money trying to “convince” my ex he was wrong and that we should still plan our wedding. It was almost pathetic because in the process I completely lost my own sense of self-worth and self-respect. Only recently have I started to come to realization, through God’s grace, that I deserve someone who loves me unconditionally without me needing to force or push or convince them into being with me. I have to freely back off though and give God the time and space to work in my life, rather than bossing God around and telling Him who I should marry and when. If that person doesn’t feel the same, I have to walk away, because that’s not from God.

 

[JustinK]

I freely choose to align my will with God’s… and it’s not easy for me to do that when it comes to relationships. I have an awesome career where it is clear and easy to know I’m following God’s path for my life, but in my personal life, knowing God’s will and being okay with that has been hard.

I think it is somewhat of a mystery because I have to “freely” force myself to accept what is happening in my life. For many months I refused to accept that at least at this current point in time, it is not God’s will for me to be married. I still do not completely understand because I truly believe it is my vocation to marry this person, but I cannot force him to love me again since love must always be freely given. So I have now freely accepted being single. I was in denial for a long time and just fought with God to give me this person back.

I wasted months of time, effort, and money trying to “convince” my ex he was wrong and that we should still plan our wedding. It was almost pathetic because in the process I completely lost my own sense of self-worth and self-respect. Only recently have I started to come to realization, through God’s grace, that I deserve someone who loves me unconditionally without me needing to force or push or convince them into being with me. I have to freely back off though and give God the time and space to work in my life, rather than bossing God around and telling Him who I should marry and when. If that person doesn’t feel the same, I have to walk away, because that’s not from God.

There’s a quote that I think pertains to you. A man prayed to God his whole life to win the lottery. He never did. Why? He never bought a ticket.

I can appreciate that you put trust in God. But I think there’s a time where you have to allow yourself some of that self-worth and respect. You have to believe on your own that you’re good enough and worthy of a relationship. I may not know everything that I believe, but I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you can learn from your breakup. Maybe there’s another person out there.

I agree that you don’t want to force anyone to love you. That never ends well for either person. If someone doesn’t feel the same way you do for them, it’s probably not meant to be anyway. I know it hurts because I’ve been on both sides of it. It will get better though. I have no doubts of that.

Keep your head up.