Submission as a wife

  • Thread starter Thread starter mariam1976
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Julianna said:
Good for you. You have taken the first step by getting counseling. You need to get your spiritual self ready to prepare for whatever comes next. (sorry about the children part…you know what they say about assume 😃 )
Click to expand...
what do they say about assume?
 
Julianna said:
It is difficult to write something to people who can’t make a move without reading lists, consulting a zillion canon laws, when basically…it boils down to common sense.
Click to expand...
I have not read the church’s canon law, but it boils down to whether one is willing to take seriously he words of scripture and tradition. I will let you in on a secret, I am not exactly of the submisson thing. I am not sure I could pull it off if I were married, and to be perfectly honest, it makes me feel a little insulted. But none of that means I can dismiss Paul, or scripture, and tradition for the sake of my own “common sense.” Now, if you can find sound theological argument to get out of it, I might be with. 😉

Kendy
 
Kendy said:
I have not read the church’s canon law, but it boils down to whether one is willing to take seriously he words of scripture and tradition. I will let you in on a secret, I am not exactly of the submisson thing. I am not sure I could pull it off if I were married, and to be perfectly honest, it makes me feel a little insulted. But none of that means I can dismiss Paul, or scripture, and tradition for the sake of my own “common sense.” Now, if you can find sound theological argument to get out of it, I might be with. 😉

Kendy
Click to expand...
Read this all the way through. “WIVES, BE SUBJECT TO YOUR HUSBANDS”:
THE AUTHORITY OF THE HUSBAND ACCORDING TO THE MAGISTERIUM
 
Kendy said:
I have not read the church’s canon law, but it boils down to whether one is willing to take seriously he words of scripture and tradition. I will let you in on a secret, I am not exactly of the submisson thing. I am not sure I could pull it off if I were married, and to be perfectly honest, it makes me feel a little insulted. But none of that means I can dismiss Paul, or scripture, and tradition for the sake of my own “common sense.” Now, if you can find sound theological argument to get out of it, I might be with. 😉

Kendy
Click to expand...
Submitting is much easier than trying to be the one worth submitting to. Do you think it is easier to be a child or a parent? Just go over to the parenting sub-forum, and you can see the pressure and worry and care.

If you have children, it’ll probably help you out, to try your best to help build up the husband and father to be that person who is worth being submitted to, unless you prefer to add an adult to the children list you have to care for. On the other hand, being disrespected might drive him out of the family too. Chances are if your the one caring around the child in utero along with the hormones to go along, your probably going to have the much stronger bond to the child.
 
I asked my husband which of us was the dominant in our marriage, did he think, and he answered, “Neither, J. (ds) is”.
Come to think of it we are putty in his nearly 3 year old hands.
 
jman507 said:
Submitting is much easier than trying to be the one worth submitting to. Do you think it is easier to be a child or a parent? Just go over to the parenting sub-forum, and you can see the pressure and worry and care.
Click to expand...
Of course, you are right, but what grown woman wants to be compared with her children.
jman507 said:
If you have children, it’ll probably help you out, to try your best to help build up the husband and father to be that person who is worth being submitted to, unless you prefer to add an adult to the children list you have to care for. On the other hand, being disrespected might drive him out of the family too. Chances are if your the one caring around the child in utero along with the hormones to go along, your probably going to have the much stronger bond to the child.
Click to expand...
Who said anything about disrespecting him?
 
I have said this before.

A civil divorce only takes care of the civil obligations and protections in a Sacramental Marriage. It does not give license for the parties to date or marry. It takes an official Holy Mother Church annulment for that.

In the eyes of God you are married even when a civil divorce is granted.
 
Kendy said:
Of course, you are right, but what grown woman wants to be compared with her children.
Click to expand...
I agree with you. I’m probably going to be flamed and called a lousy Catholic, but I don’t think the Church or St. Paul intended for us to be like children to our husbands. I know that if I behaved as a child and treated my husband as a parent, our marriage would be over in a matter of months.
 
KellyJelly said:
But what if it’s a bad decision and you know it but he doesn’t? Like spending $20,000 on a celebrity item on ebay? Would you still let him decide regardless?
Click to expand...
I don’t do what my husband decides, regardless of morality, any more than I do what legitimately-elected government tells me to do, regardless of morality. Nevertheless, when we have made a good faith effort to decide and are at a deadlock, I’d need a compelling reason not to have his way.

This means I would not let him abuse me or anyone else, I wouldn’t let him flagrantly abuse our financial future, and so on.

To answer the e-bay question, it wouldn’t be a matter of amount so much as a matter of the morality of the impact it would have on the family finances. Sometimes a wife has to be Nathan to her husband’s King David and say, not “I don’t agree with this”, but “This is wrong”…not merely incorrect, but in the sense of being objectively immoral.
SeekerJen said:
I agree with you. I’m probably going to be flamed and called a lousy Catholic, but I don’t think the Church or St. Paul intended for us to be like children to our husbands. I know that if I behaved as a child and treated my husband as a parent, our marriage would be over in a matter of months.
Click to expand...
This is absolutely correct. A child has to trust that their parents know more than they do. A wife has only to decide that there are circumstances when, for practical reasons, one adult would choose to consistently submit to the decisions of another adult.

By the way, I have a rule for selecting a spouse: Whether man or woman, if this is not someone for whom you would be willing to live in house that is painted a color you despise, keep looking. (Or grow up before you marry.)
 
mariam1976 said:
I had many of those where he insisted on giving parties to his friends even though he was going into credit card debt and I could do nothing about it…
i would like to know the answer to that one too…
Click to expand...
For me, personally, this is easy. The money on the credit card is not your H’s or yours, it belongs to the company that extended the credit to you. If he’s using it and has no way to or no intention of paying it back then he’s stealing. A moot point in your case, but I continue to be amazed at the number of people who don’t realize that credit doesn’t actually belong to them.
 
mariam1976 said:
how do you practice submission as a wife? i am wondering what is the right way to do it?
Does it mean giving over all the finances to your husband? what if he is a spendthrift and is not good with money and you are? If you retain control of the finances does that mean that you are not being submissive according to God’s law?
I know you are not supposed to condone drinking and wild parties with your husband as that is not part of God’s plan.

Any suggestions?
Click to expand...
Hi Mariam,
Submission as a wife to me means submitting to God first. Putting God first in everything allows us to look at our spouses with renewed respect.
I personally am a very strong wife, mentally and physically my husband’s equal, but in the mariage dynamic he is the head of our family and my role is to lift him up in prayer and to support his growth as God’s child. Even if that means hardship in some ways for me. The joy when he succeeds is beyond description. There is a book by Stormie Omartian called “The Power of a praying wife” which is very insightful as to our roles as wives. Stormie is not a Catholic but a Christian(evangelical-I believe), But this book is a God send for women.
I hope this helps.
In all as wives Mary is the perfect role model.
Blessings,
Maria Rose
 
Kendy said:
Of course, you are right, but what grown woman wants to be compared with her children.

Who said anything about disrespecting him?
Click to expand...
Just because one submits does not mean that one is a child. Jesus submitted to his Father. A man must submit to Jesus.

When I say is “Do you think it is easier to be a child or a parent?” I do not try to compare a woman to a child. A woman is an adult. If a man submits to no one but his own will, if I was a woman I’d never submit to that. If a man submits to Jesus, who submits to the Father, who happens to be Good, that is completely different. The whole equation is flipped on it’s head, it actually goes quite the opposite. The man must submit to the needs of the woman, and they must submit to the needs of the children.

If it makes you feel any better, I submitted to my employer, and they were nice enough to give me my paycheck. I also submitted to the traffic laws, which means I am allowed to drive to my work. I’m also happy to report many others have done so too, so the drive was relatively safe. At one point in time I almost wanted to say, forget their traffics laws, I want my own, but I decided against it.
 
One other thing, if you think children have a great track record at submitting, once again I invite you to go over to the parenting thread. Let’s just go by this, the one worth submitting to is the one who is best at submitting, given it is good.

Also as far as the traffic laws, who has it worse me the driver or the ones who makes the laws. The ones who makes the laws has to be constantly concerned about how the laws should be changed or applied. If their is a major case of neglict, the city or state could be at risk of a lawsuit.
 
mariam1976 said:
how do you practice submission as a wife? i am wondering what is the right way to do it?
Does it mean giving over all the finances to your husband? what if he is a spendthrift and is not good with money and you are? If you retain control of the finances does that mean that you are not being submissive according to God’s law?
I know you are not supposed to condone drinking and wild parties with your husband as that is not part of God’s plan.

Any suggestions?
Click to expand...
My husband put me in charge of finances because he knows i’m more fiscally responsible. A couple should divvy up the workload in part based on natural abilities and interest. For example, my husband shows no interest or aptitude for carrying babies in his womb for nine months. That’s my job. He also isn’t a very good breast feeder (don’t bring it up; he’s very sensitive about it). I submit to him by not sniping at him in front of the children (i’m getting better), and by budgeting money for things he wants that i’m not necessarily all for. I think movie theatres are a huge waste of cash, but since he enjoys the experience, i submit and we spend our money that way.
Fortunately, i married a reasonable man who agrees with me on the important issues. If people would take time to find someone who can agree with them on the big stuff, submitting to your husband would be no problem. Instead, they jump into bed first thing and cohabit so they’re blinded by carnality and can’t make rational decisions.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top