T
Tweety
Guest
Dearest Moe,
Thinking of you all the time…
In Australia we are 15 hours in front of you i believe. (I will blame my cousin in Florida if i am wrong) Hopefully God hears my prayers in Mass for you to handle tomorrow as best you can…
Father’s day choked me up, i found out 2 days before Father’s Day, so i get sad when that day comes. I hate to say this to you, but and as someone else said, i found the first anniversary to be oh so painful and probably nearly as horrid as when i found out. Immense, deep grief overtook me and i was a mess. This year is the 2nd anniversary… June and September choke me up… Died on 10 June, found 20 June, notified me 2 September (my son’s b’day 4 September) and cremated 29 September, (DH b’day 30 September) so i have 4 daddy grieving days as i call it… i can’t get around this. Saw my grief counsellor again last week and she said that this is all natural… We have our good days and our bad days… If i try too hard… i am a mess… And he was my daddy, not by child, so i really don’t know how you do it! Moe, You are an inspiration to ME!
I have a wonderful Christian grief counsellor who works for the National Loss and Grief Association, she is a retired doctor, and mum’s friends got me onto her. I ended up seeing a psychologist for 9 months also… I was having a bad trot the other week as the gyno said my egg had died that month and that there is no way i would ovulate and i got into deep depression… then dad came out… Cried for 2 days and was a mess, got into a state of depression, didn’t want to shower, wash the dishes, cook dinner, didn’t want to do anything but die… Pulled out the suicide notes, all the documentation between me and the lying police… Showed a girlfriend everything… What for? I don’t know, but i felt better at the end of my crying binge! Joan (my grief counsellor) said this is all normal… I like to hold his things when i get like that… Or i get his cremation box out of its resting place, and i cry and talk to him, hold him and kiss him. I know they are only his remains, i know he is in heaven with God, but as sick as it may sound, that is how i deal with my grief… and i don’t care what ANYBODY says. I am not ready to have his ashes buried… i like to have them close by… My FIL regrets 21 years later that he scattered his wife’s ashes… I will never scatter them, but am not ready to do anything else with them. I am respectful to them and don’t do anything but hold them etc… My Priest is ok with this as long as i am not disrespectful, and that i would NEVER be. I don’t do it very often, only when i am really down.
There were days when i did NOT want to feel better, i wanted to be sad. I know that goes against our faith in a way as we should rejoice that our loved ones are in heaven, but in reality…nah! I never forget one day when i was distraught - screaming and losing it… shaking etc… and mum asked me if i wanted to get better for my son, and i actually said no, as i wanted to be in my grief and get it all out. My DH lost his mum at 15 and never dealt with it properly. He held his pain in for over 15 years and rarely let it out, and i saw his hurt and pain in that, so i refused to be the same. I did not want to smile for people. I was hurting for my daddy. I wanted his big arms and hands around me again. At his funeral in the taped eulogy, i told people how he would cuddle me in those arms and all i wanted was to run into those arms again… i said that this is what i am yearning for, and when i die i will run into his arms again… You see, i am still grieving, so please don’t try to get over this too soon, as i fear you may crash… and that is not good… I was blessed that i didn’t have to go to work, i really don’t know how you do it, you are amazing Moe.
You have helped me in my grief through sharing yours… I hope i never upset you…
In my
:hug1:
Sonja
xoxoxoxo
Thinking of you all the time…
In Australia we are 15 hours in front of you i believe. (I will blame my cousin in Florida if i am wrong) Hopefully God hears my prayers in Mass for you to handle tomorrow as best you can…
Father’s day choked me up, i found out 2 days before Father’s Day, so i get sad when that day comes. I hate to say this to you, but and as someone else said, i found the first anniversary to be oh so painful and probably nearly as horrid as when i found out. Immense, deep grief overtook me and i was a mess. This year is the 2nd anniversary… June and September choke me up… Died on 10 June, found 20 June, notified me 2 September (my son’s b’day 4 September) and cremated 29 September, (DH b’day 30 September) so i have 4 daddy grieving days as i call it… i can’t get around this. Saw my grief counsellor again last week and she said that this is all natural… We have our good days and our bad days… If i try too hard… i am a mess… And he was my daddy, not by child, so i really don’t know how you do it! Moe, You are an inspiration to ME!
I have a wonderful Christian grief counsellor who works for the National Loss and Grief Association, she is a retired doctor, and mum’s friends got me onto her. I ended up seeing a psychologist for 9 months also… I was having a bad trot the other week as the gyno said my egg had died that month and that there is no way i would ovulate and i got into deep depression… then dad came out… Cried for 2 days and was a mess, got into a state of depression, didn’t want to shower, wash the dishes, cook dinner, didn’t want to do anything but die… Pulled out the suicide notes, all the documentation between me and the lying police… Showed a girlfriend everything… What for? I don’t know, but i felt better at the end of my crying binge! Joan (my grief counsellor) said this is all normal… I like to hold his things when i get like that… Or i get his cremation box out of its resting place, and i cry and talk to him, hold him and kiss him. I know they are only his remains, i know he is in heaven with God, but as sick as it may sound, that is how i deal with my grief… and i don’t care what ANYBODY says. I am not ready to have his ashes buried… i like to have them close by… My FIL regrets 21 years later that he scattered his wife’s ashes… I will never scatter them, but am not ready to do anything else with them. I am respectful to them and don’t do anything but hold them etc… My Priest is ok with this as long as i am not disrespectful, and that i would NEVER be. I don’t do it very often, only when i am really down.
There were days when i did NOT want to feel better, i wanted to be sad. I know that goes against our faith in a way as we should rejoice that our loved ones are in heaven, but in reality…nah! I never forget one day when i was distraught - screaming and losing it… shaking etc… and mum asked me if i wanted to get better for my son, and i actually said no, as i wanted to be in my grief and get it all out. My DH lost his mum at 15 and never dealt with it properly. He held his pain in for over 15 years and rarely let it out, and i saw his hurt and pain in that, so i refused to be the same. I did not want to smile for people. I was hurting for my daddy. I wanted his big arms and hands around me again. At his funeral in the taped eulogy, i told people how he would cuddle me in those arms and all i wanted was to run into those arms again… i said that this is what i am yearning for, and when i die i will run into his arms again… You see, i am still grieving, so please don’t try to get over this too soon, as i fear you may crash… and that is not good… I was blessed that i didn’t have to go to work, i really don’t know how you do it, you are amazing Moe.
You have helped me in my grief through sharing yours… I hope i never upset you…
In my
:hug1:Sonja
xoxoxoxo
