M
MGEISING
Guest
HELLISREAL:
Thank yo so much … just trying to help with kind words means the world …
- Status
Thank yo so much … just trying to help with kind words means the world …
F
farmbabe1
Guest
Moe,
My heartfelt prayers for you and your family. My signature is a quote from my mother before she died from cancer: “Pray for peace and joy.” I thought at the time she was nuts (!) asking me to pray for joy when I knew she was dying, like if I felt joy it was somehow a betrayal of her and her suffering. But after she died, that’s exactly what I did. I yearned to feel something other than the thick oppressive grief…and eventually my prayers were answered. Very brief moments of peace at first, then they became longer and more frequent. I also had to pray that I would even recognize when those moments happened as I wasn’t always paying attention.
And so, I now pray the same for you…May the Lord give you peace of mind and joy in your heart again.
My heartfelt prayers for you and your family. My signature is a quote from my mother before she died from cancer: “Pray for peace and joy.” I thought at the time she was nuts (!) asking me to pray for joy when I knew she was dying, like if I felt joy it was somehow a betrayal of her and her suffering. But after she died, that’s exactly what I did. I yearned to feel something other than the thick oppressive grief…and eventually my prayers were answered. Very brief moments of peace at first, then they became longer and more frequent. I also had to pray that I would even recognize when those moments happened as I wasn’t always paying attention.
And so, I now pray the same for you…May the Lord give you peace of mind and joy in your heart again.
M
MGEISING
Guest
Thank you - i really need it! 7 weeks today
P
puppylove
Guest
Moe: I’m just seeing your post today 7 weeks after the most horrible day of you and your family’s life and being the mother of almost a 16 and a 2 year old daughters. My heart is breaking for you at this moment. I cannot begin to understand the pain and anguish you must be feeling and don’t know how I would ever handle such a fate. Know that God loves you and your family and your beautiful daughter is in eternal happiness…
Hugs,
Hugs,
M
MGEISING
Guest
The only way we can handle this is by prayer … from our friends at CAF … I am DREADING 'MOTHER’S DAY" … We haven’t even buried her yet - so we can’t visit her … God may he give me the strength to continue! This is so hard
Love Moe from NH!
T
Tweety
Guest
**Sweet, Sweet Moe, **
Lord, Send Me a Rainbow
Lord, rain keeps pouring down on me,
My little boat is so far from shore.
There’s more coming in than i can bail out,
And Lord, I just can’t take much more.
I have been rowing so long and so hard,
But with all the rain it’s hard to see.
I may be going round in circles,
And Lord, I might just as well be.
So send a dove like You sent Noah,
A signal of land and maybe peace.
Cause i’m doing my best out here,
So help me and let the rains cease.
Let me know it will get better somehow,
And send me a rainbow - just about now.
**May Angels Comfort You Always
I Felt An Angel Near Today,
Though One I Couldn’t See.
I Felt An Angel, Oh-So-Close,
Sent To Comfort Me.
I Felt An Angel’s Gentle Kiss,
Soft Upon My Cheek.
And Oh, Without A Single Word,
Of Caring It Did Speak.
I Felt An Angel’s Loving Touch,
Soft Upon My Heart.
And With That Touch, I Felt The Pain,
And Hurt Within Depart.
I Felt An Angel’s Tepid Tears,
Fall Softly Next To Mine.
And Knew That As Those Tears Did Try,
A New Day Would Be Mine.
I Felt An Angel’s Silken Wings,
Enfold Me With Pure Love.
And Felt A Strength Within Me Grow,
A Strength Sent From Above.
I Felt An Angel, Oh-So-Close,
Though One I Couldn’t See,
I Felt An Angel Near Today,
Sent To Comfort Me.**
As Always with 
:hug1:Sonja
xoxoxoxo
P
puppylove
Guest
Moe: My MIL and FIL lost 2 of their children. Al drowned in 1981 at the age of 16 and John died of lukemia in 1997 at the age of 38 and left behind a very devoted wife and 4 children ages 16, 13, 12, & 3 months @ the time of his death. It has been very hard for the middle two children as their lives have be wrecked ever since with drugs and alcohol mostly. I cannot begin to tell you what loosing a son in 1981 has done to my MIL and then to loose another in 1997 to lukemia! I didn’t know my husband at the time of Al’s death because I was still in high school myself just 2 years younger than Al. My MIL and FIL adore all their grandchildren to pieces!!! They are so afraid that something tragic will happen once again. I can tell you that when they say time heals that is not entirely true. I had the pleasure of reading of book by a Jewish Rabbi who lost of child too and it put lots of things into prospective for me. Its call When Bad Things Happen to Good Peeople by Harold Kushner. The book doesn’t push the Jewish faith but he uses God as his guide through the darkest time of his life. I wish I still had the copy so I could send it to you but I since have given it away to another lady like yourself. May God have mercy on you in your time of grief. I will be praying for you daily.
M
MGEISING
Guest
Moe: My MIL and FIL lost 2 of their children. Al drowned in 1981 at the age of 16 and John died of lukemia in 1997 at the age of 38 and left behind a very devoted wife and 4 children ages 16, 13, 12, & 3 months @ the time of his death.
**OH – I got goose pumps reading this tradegic story. My husband and I often say – Thank God for Mandy … because we would go out of our minds with grief. If anything ever happen to her – it would be unthinkable … although not having KK in our lives is unthinkable. Aching for her is all we know how to do … **
It has been very hard for the middle two children as their lives have be wrecked ever since with drugs and alcohol mostly.
**I know – we had heaven on earth and we know we will never have that feeling again … a feeling of security of happiness with each other … one of us is not here physically and has changed the dynamics tremendously.
My husband, he is amazing. He get’s up every morning and get’s Amanda’s clothes ready for school and makes her lunch … while I struggle daily with can I even think about getting out of bed and getting into work.
Once at work … I am there physically – but not mentally. Thankfully I can close my door if my tears start flowing because the pain is so great!**
I cannot begin to tell you what loosing a son in 1981 has done to my MIL and then to loose another in 1997 to lukemia! I didn’t know my husband at the time of Al’s death because I was still in high school myself just 2 years younger than Al. My MIL and FIL adore all their grandchildren to pieces!!! They are so afraid that something tragic will happen once again.
I can tell you that when they say time heals that is not entirely true.
**I know … I hear from other parents that the pain will never diminish … but we will feel joy and happiness again … not the same as we had before, but we will try and live in our new reality of the three of us.
Recently we got the news from two bereaved parents that the second year is the worst … I can’t tell you how much that makes me sad … because nothing can feel any worse than we are feeling now.**
I had the pleasure of reading of book by a Jewish Rabbi who lost of child too and it put lots of things into prospective for me. Its call When Bad Things Happen to Good Peeople by Harold Kushner. The book doesn’t push the Jewish faith but he uses God as his guide through the darkest time of his life.
**Yes, I am reading that now. It is fabulous … and I like how he outlines the Book of Job – I often didn’t want to concentrate of Job … but he is an example that you can be righteous and good … and still have bad things happen …
I wish I still had the copy so I could send it to you but I since have given it away to another lady like yourself.
You are so kind … a woman from town knocked on our door one day … and she handed us that Book – Why do bad things happen to Good People …
She had also lost her 2 ½ month baby girl to SIDS … and found great joy in reading it.
I just got a new book that … is unreal and I can’t put it down …
A GRIEF UNVEILED … On Father’s Journey Through The Death of a child … it is fabulous …
Someone also gave me Elizabeth Edwards book – Saving Graces … which is a good read.
I am reading many more … but I can’t think of the names … I am reading a few at a time.
I am desperate to hear that joy and happiness will come again – although different, we don’t feel anything … and it is scarey. **
May God have mercy on you in your time of grief. I will be praying for you daily.
Thank you so much …. Thank you!
**OH – I got goose pumps reading this tradegic story. My husband and I often say – Thank God for Mandy … because we would go out of our minds with grief. If anything ever happen to her – it would be unthinkable … although not having KK in our lives is unthinkable. Aching for her is all we know how to do … **
It has been very hard for the middle two children as their lives have be wrecked ever since with drugs and alcohol mostly.
**I know – we had heaven on earth and we know we will never have that feeling again … a feeling of security of happiness with each other … one of us is not here physically and has changed the dynamics tremendously.
My husband, he is amazing. He get’s up every morning and get’s Amanda’s clothes ready for school and makes her lunch … while I struggle daily with can I even think about getting out of bed and getting into work.
Once at work … I am there physically – but not mentally. Thankfully I can close my door if my tears start flowing because the pain is so great!**
I cannot begin to tell you what loosing a son in 1981 has done to my MIL and then to loose another in 1997 to lukemia! I didn’t know my husband at the time of Al’s death because I was still in high school myself just 2 years younger than Al. My MIL and FIL adore all their grandchildren to pieces!!! They are so afraid that something tragic will happen once again.
I can tell you that when they say time heals that is not entirely true.
**I know … I hear from other parents that the pain will never diminish … but we will feel joy and happiness again … not the same as we had before, but we will try and live in our new reality of the three of us.
Recently we got the news from two bereaved parents that the second year is the worst … I can’t tell you how much that makes me sad … because nothing can feel any worse than we are feeling now.**
I had the pleasure of reading of book by a Jewish Rabbi who lost of child too and it put lots of things into prospective for me. Its call When Bad Things Happen to Good Peeople by Harold Kushner. The book doesn’t push the Jewish faith but he uses God as his guide through the darkest time of his life.
**Yes, I am reading that now. It is fabulous … and I like how he outlines the Book of Job – I often didn’t want to concentrate of Job … but he is an example that you can be righteous and good … and still have bad things happen …
I wish I still had the copy so I could send it to you but I since have given it away to another lady like yourself.
You are so kind … a woman from town knocked on our door one day … and she handed us that Book – Why do bad things happen to Good People …
She had also lost her 2 ½ month baby girl to SIDS … and found great joy in reading it.
I just got a new book that … is unreal and I can’t put it down …
A GRIEF UNVEILED … On Father’s Journey Through The Death of a child … it is fabulous …
Someone also gave me Elizabeth Edwards book – Saving Graces … which is a good read.
I am reading many more … but I can’t think of the names … I am reading a few at a time.
I am desperate to hear that joy and happiness will come again – although different, we don’t feel anything … and it is scarey. **
May God have mercy on you in your time of grief. I will be praying for you daily.
Thank you so much …. Thank you!
R
rayne89
Guest
Moe I can tell the day my mom turned a corner on the grief she carried. The day my daughter was born. There was a new life in the family and she carries my sister’s name as her middle name.
Our situation at home after losing my sister was horribly out of control. I basically lost my mom when I lost my sister. She needed serious mental intervention that she did not get. Kids grieve very differently than adults. I wanted to have the security of feeling I still had a family, I wanted things to be the same.
The year my sister died (she died in May) I got up early the day after Thanksgiving. I dragged our artificial tree up the stairs from the basement and all the decorations all by myself. I was 13 at the time. I put everything up by myself, I wanted to surprise my parents. I was desparately trying to make our family normal again. Well the moment my mom saw the Christmas tree she became hysterical. She screamed at me how could I do that to her. And that she wanted Christmas to go away. She never wanted to celebrate Christmas again. I could tell my dad felt really bad for me.
The first two years were the worst but it was pretty bad the rest of my time at home until I moved away after getting married at 18. I don’t think it was normal though to be that bad. We met with other families that had lost a child, friends of my sister from the cancer ward that she was on that had also died. Those mom’s didn’t act like mine. My mom replaced every framed picture around the house (and our family was/is big on pictures) with pictures of my sister. She carried a picture in her purse and she would pull it out everywhere we went (like restaurants) and set it on the table and talk to it like my sister was there.
I had my daughter when I was 24. That is when my mom and I began rebuilding our relationship. Things are a lot better and my daughter gives her so much joy. But so much damage was done over the years. That’s why I urge you to get counseling, especially as a family. Having a child of my own now I understand so much better what my mom went through. But at 13 I was thinking “What about me? You still have me.”
Please don’t think I think you’d do the things my mom did. I just wanted you to be aware your daughter may see things very differently than you do. God Bless. You are in my prayers.
Our situation at home after losing my sister was horribly out of control. I basically lost my mom when I lost my sister. She needed serious mental intervention that she did not get. Kids grieve very differently than adults. I wanted to have the security of feeling I still had a family, I wanted things to be the same.
The year my sister died (she died in May) I got up early the day after Thanksgiving. I dragged our artificial tree up the stairs from the basement and all the decorations all by myself. I was 13 at the time. I put everything up by myself, I wanted to surprise my parents. I was desparately trying to make our family normal again. Well the moment my mom saw the Christmas tree she became hysterical. She screamed at me how could I do that to her. And that she wanted Christmas to go away. She never wanted to celebrate Christmas again. I could tell my dad felt really bad for me.
The first two years were the worst but it was pretty bad the rest of my time at home until I moved away after getting married at 18. I don’t think it was normal though to be that bad. We met with other families that had lost a child, friends of my sister from the cancer ward that she was on that had also died. Those mom’s didn’t act like mine. My mom replaced every framed picture around the house (and our family was/is big on pictures) with pictures of my sister. She carried a picture in her purse and she would pull it out everywhere we went (like restaurants) and set it on the table and talk to it like my sister was there.
I had my daughter when I was 24. That is when my mom and I began rebuilding our relationship. Things are a lot better and my daughter gives her so much joy. But so much damage was done over the years. That’s why I urge you to get counseling, especially as a family. Having a child of my own now I understand so much better what my mom went through. But at 13 I was thinking “What about me? You still have me.”
Please don’t think I think you’d do the things my mom did. I just wanted you to be aware your daughter may see things very differently than you do. God Bless. You are in my prayers.
B
blessedtoo
Guest
**
I am so glad you are reading this. This is one book I keep in my library and re-read periodically because it is a powerful lesson for all of us, regardless of whether we have experienced tragic loss. For me, it was a reminder of everything my faith means to me. I hope it provides you with some comfort. God bless.**
P
puppylove
Guest
I am very glad to hear that you are reading these books. My heart, as a mother of 2 girls, just drowns in sorrow for you. As I said before, I cannot even imagine the pain! I have no idea how I would ever function again. BTW, how are you feeling today? I will check on you daily if you don’t mind?
Hugs,
Hugs,
M
MGEISING
Guest
Moe I can tell the day my mom turned a corner on the grief she carried. The day my daughter was born. There was a new life in the family and she carries my sister’s name as her middle name.
Our situation at home after losing my sister was horribly out of control. I basically lost my mom when I lost my sister. She needed serious mental intervention that she did not get. Kids grieve very differently than adults. I wanted to have the security of feeling I still had a family, I wanted things to be the same.
The year my sister died (she died in May) I got up early the day after Thanksgiving. I dragged our artificial tree up the stairs from the basement and all the decorations all by myself. I was 13 at the time. I put everything up by myself, I wanted to surprise my parents. I was desparately trying to make our family normal again. Well the moment my mom saw the Christmas tree she became hysterical. She screamed at me how could I do that to her. And that she wanted Christmas to go away. She never wanted to celebrate Christmas again. I could tell my dad felt really bad for me.
That breaks my heart to think that you had do deal with that … we have all the holidays – we own a big farm house in NE and have plenty of room for a big sit down dinner. We even celebrated Easter (a couple of weeks after KK left us) and had 38 people over … it was too big I think … I don’t even remember it … friends coordinated the meals … so it worked out great and I didn’t have to think too much!
**Amanda is big on traditions … I would never not celebrate what we always celebrated … it would be so hard on her … she, like you, needs to feel that nothing, and I mean nothing will happen to her family … she misses KK very much – they were best friends … One a triplet and one a twin …. So they always had a special bond and they are only one year and 9 days a part.
Did you have other siblings?**
The first two years were the worst but it was pretty bad the rest of my time at home until I moved away after getting married at 18. I don’t think it was normal though to be that bad. We met with other families that had lost a child, friends of my sister from the cancer ward that she was on that had also died. Those mom’s didn’t act like mine. My mom replaced every framed picture around the house (and our family was/is big on pictures) with pictures of my sister. She carried a picture in her purse and she would pull it out everywhere we went (like restaurants) and set it on the table and talk to it like my sister was there.
**Your mom sounds like my mom … we losted our oldest sister at the age of seven … she was hit by a car crossing the street after school (Before Crossing Guards) … my mother never recovered. My dad was both our dad and our mom … he was amazing. I think my mother has bi-polar or something like that … our holidays were always sad … got lots of toys and stuff … but there was a thickness in the air that just brought us all down.
I don’t want that for Amanda … we will cry and we will miss KK … but we will also celebrate her wonderful 13 years with us … she might not be there physically – but she is there in spirit!**
I had my daughter when I was 24. That is when my mom and I began rebuilding our relationship. Things are a lot better and my daughter gives her so much joy. But so much damage was done over the years. That’s why I urge you to get counseling, especially as a family. Having a child of my own now I understand so much better what my mom went through. But at 13 I was thinking “What about me? You still have me.”
**
Yes, and Mandy is special like her sister was … and we still focus on that … my mother once said that if she knew the pain losing her daughter was going to be – she wouldn’t have married my dad. There are four of us still living … and I said to her … what about us – don’t we matter?
I am speaking to other mom’s who have lost children years ago … and it has helped. When I seek counseling it will be with someone who has walked in my shoes … and not just a therapists … but I am still grieving … and it was seven weeks yesterday **
Please don’t think I think you’d do the things my mom did. I just wanted you to be aware your daughter may see things very differently than you do. God Bless. You are in my prayers.
You write some wonderful insights for me … I try not to cry around Amanda … but sometimes the pain is deep … but I try. Thank you for caring and sharing your story - it is painful to read … but it is also your reality … very helpful to me — Love and God Bless … Moe
M
MGEISING
Guest
**Hi Puppylove:
How sweet of you … today is a better day than the last four … I had such a terrible four days … terrible … but this one is manageable … I think the prayer warriors are on a mission.
I dread Mother’s Day … but I will put on a brave face for Mandy… I wish we had buried KK - so we could at least stop by the cemetary … she won’t be buried until the end of May.
Plus we haven’t gotten the final results from the Medical Examiner … that would be helpful … once we know what caused her to die, we need all to get checked out.
Puppylove, thanks for caring … you put a smile on my face today … all my angels in CAF … God is good …
Love Moe**
R
RWMorris
Guest
Moe,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know Mother’s Day will be ghastly for you. I will certainly think of you on that day.
Try to hold on. We’re thinking and praying for you.
Lissa
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know Mother’s Day will be ghastly for you. I will certainly think of you on that day.
Try to hold on. We’re thinking and praying for you.
Lissa
R
rayne89
Guest
No, I didn’t have any other siblings. So much of what went on in my house was not normal for grieving families I know that. It’s ok to cry Moe. That is normal and I’m sure your daughter knows that. It’s good you were able to have a big family Easter. I’m so sorry you lost your sister when you were little. Through that tragedy you can understand some of your daughter’s feeling which I’m sure helps her.
It must be sooo hard not to have her laid to rest yet. I can’t imagine. After my sister died we were literally were at the cemetary nearly ever day for about a year (I know that’s not normal either). My parents brought folding chairs and we would stay for hours. We even brought the family cat a few times to visit.
It took so many years to come to terms with my sister’s death. I couldn’t grieve for a long time because my mom’s instabilty just didn’t give me the chance to do that. I finally just had to trust in God’s plan. Asking why simply wasn’t going to fix it. Nothing God could tell me could help me understand why she had to die just when she was starting her life (She was 21.) Nothing he could tell me would make it be ok.
God gave me the grace to say “It’s your plan not mine.” Each life is a gift for however long God allows it. My sister shaped me in so many ways, there is so much of her I carry with me. My life is better because she was in it despite all the pain of losing her. I wouldn’t trade those few years for anything. It took me a very long time to get here though. The funny thing is even though I’m 35 and she died at 21 in my mind she is still older than me. She is still the wiser the one, the one I looked up to. I still hear songs that choke me up because they remind me of her. Even though I know longer can consciously remember her voice I do hear it when I dream of her -you don’t ever really forget.
There will be joy again and realize that is what McKayla would want for you. She would not want you to always be sad, and always be hurting. She would want you to be happy and you will be with God’s grace you will be.
M
MGEISING
Guest
T
Tweety
Guest
Dearest Moe,
One thing i can relate to is that my dad wasn’t buried for 111 days from when he died. (100 days from the day they found him.) It tore me apart that he could not be laid to rest and have his funeral, so that part i do understand from my own experience.
I also ‘check up on you’, I can’t help it…
As always 
and :hug1:
P.S.
Extra prayers coming your way for the day that you are dreading…
One thing i can relate to is that my dad wasn’t buried for 111 days from when he died. (100 days from the day they found him.) It tore me apart that he could not be laid to rest and have his funeral, so that part i do understand from my own experience.
I also ‘check up on you’, I can’t help it…
As always
and :hug1:P.S.
Extra prayers coming your way for the day that you are dreading…
L
larryhc
Guest
God loves your daughter very very much. She is safe and in heaven under the eternal care of the Heavenly Father and our Mother , the Blessed Virgin Mary , in the company of the saints and angels waiting for all of us who love God to be with them forever. May the love of God flow in your hearts.
P
puppylove
Guest
Good morning Moe!! How are you feeling today? Oh BTW, my real name is Lori…
Hugs,
Hugs,
M
MGEISING
Guest
Hi Lori:
Well - I got out of bed today - dragged myself into work … went to my office that I could hide in all day without too many interruptions.
Kind of having a tough start …
Last night KK’s soccer coach game over to let us know that the Spring Tournament this year will be dedicated to the Memory of McKayla. We cried … Her team is also going before the Amherst Selectman to petition that one of the new soccer fields that are being built be named after McKayla … and I thought to myself, KK – I wish you knew how much you were loved before you left this world. McKayla had a quiet strength about her … she was beautiful, talented, athletic, and just wonderful … but she was quiet and shy … very independent …. I just wish she knew how so many people love her. I often worried about her because she was so independent … but I guess I was wrong to worry.
I hate this pain Lori.
But … I am in work … not doing much but trying … probably won’t stay all day … too tough of a day …
We will be picking her cemetery plot this week … I so wish she was buried now so I can go to visit her, especially this Sunday … I know she is not there – her soul is in heaven … but I wish I could be close to the body of the child I held in my womb, the child I held and adored for 13 years … I miss her terribly …
Thanks Lori … please keep the prayers going …
- Status