T
Tweety
Guest
Dear Moe 
Thank you for helping me this week. I haven’t realised how much i am still grieving for daddy.
Yesterday i ended up a bigger mess than Sunday. Sent a girlfriend a sms the night before telling her it was ‘safe’ as i was out of the woods, when she turned up i howled and howled… I like to be alone when i feel like that… I am not on medication anymore, but it did help my tears. The hurt and pain was still there. I am proud of you in tackling this head on, without medications.
I have never been the same since - i’ve changed and i don’t think it’s for the better. I have been to Christian Grief Counselling & a Psychologist & i really don’t feel like pouring my heart out to ‘professionals’ anymore. God, my mother, priest and friends are my counsellors, pyschologists, psychiatrists, you name it! It has changed me as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend etc. I have suffered from depression for nearly 2 years. I just ‘don’t care’ about things anymore. Can’t pray like before, i can’t concentrate, 5 minutes**?** and my mind wanders.
I wish i had hymns for daddy, but it was* his *funeral, and i was in deep grief. But Bridge over troubled water is about God and how he will ease my daddy’s mind. Now, i wish i had also added “Here i am Lord, It is I Lord…” - my favourite!
I got in touch with daddy’s doctors. In all this mess, i forgot that i had their numbers - I cannot believe that these doctors names and numbers in *my father’s handwriting * have been in the folder all this time. I have 3 full folders on daddy with all the correspondence with the police, coroner, real estate etc. **Where have i been? ** 3 are away overseas and his general practioner was supposed to ring me back. One Neurosurgeon’s receptionist told me he had lost his ‘muscle’ and had great ‘muscle weakness’ but that was all she could tell me. I hope and pray that they tell me ‘everything’ as i panick as there is no cancer in mum’s family, but my dad’s is riddled with it. I worry for Braden.
I thank you for allowing me to grieve for my daddy through your post with your tremendous sorrow. McKayla’s virtual memorial is truly beautiful Moe… I never knew they did virtual memorials. I should have realised that Ally was McKayla’s best friend…
I pray that you will dream your McKayla. Even though she is in paradise with God, i am sure that she still misses you, how could she not? We only ever have one mother on this earth Moe… Love is from God, so the love continues up in heaven for those left on earth.
I am happy to hear about the redsox, they play baseball don’t they?? Yankees and Redsox, we have even heard of those teams down here… Especially thanks to George on Seinfield. My team is still on top i think, but they had the bye last week so will have to play well Friday night.
My mother said how she could never love anyone more than my brother and myself, but she lied Moe… She loves her grandson MORE than life itself. She would gladly give her all for Braden. Her mother told her when she was younger that the love you have for your grandchildren just overtakes your heart in such a way that it is** undescribable**. I see my mother when she looks at Braden, and when he talks to her i have NEVER seen such joy in her face as she eagerly listens to his little voice. She loves his little fingers, she kisses them to death, and his face, head, neck, legs, bottom etc. He IS her life! I pray that one day you will have that JOY!
The floods are wicked! One bridge collapsed while a young family where all on it in their car - they have all died. The State Government is blaming the Federal Governmnent and nobody wants to take the blame. It should NOT have happened! However they built the bridge - it was built wrong… they took shortcuts obviously… **and we are not happy little ****vegemites down here! **We are desperate for the rain here as our dams are not getting topped up and we are on stage 4 water restrictions soon. We really are running out of water in Australia - that is so scary for Braden’s generation. Houses have quadrupled in value while wages haven’t. He will never be able to afford a house 20 years from now, if we cannot afford **half a million Australian dollars for your average 3 bedroom home which is large but with literally no **backyard for your children to play in. The last 15 years, they are building huge houses with little courtyards for backyards.
Stage 4 water restrictions means NO watering any plants at all. We need a rain tank put in as we are *actually getting *rain!
Thank you Jesus! Now we have looters going into people’s homes which have been flooded and taking what they can. 
Thinking of you, and i apologise once again for raving on about my daddy so much…
As always,
:hug1:
Sonja
xoxoxoxo
Thank you for helping me this week. I haven’t realised how much i am still grieving for daddy.
Yesterday i ended up a bigger mess than Sunday. Sent a girlfriend a sms the night before telling her it was ‘safe’ as i was out of the woods, when she turned up i howled and howled… I like to be alone when i feel like that… I am not on medication anymore, but it did help my tears. The hurt and pain was still there. I am proud of you in tackling this head on, without medications.I have never been the same since - i’ve changed and i don’t think it’s for the better. I have been to Christian Grief Counselling & a Psychologist & i really don’t feel like pouring my heart out to ‘professionals’ anymore. God, my mother, priest and friends are my counsellors, pyschologists, psychiatrists, you name it! It has changed me as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend etc. I have suffered from depression for nearly 2 years. I just ‘don’t care’ about things anymore. Can’t pray like before, i can’t concentrate, 5 minutes**?** and my mind wanders.
I wish i had hymns for daddy, but it was* his *funeral, and i was in deep grief. But Bridge over troubled water is about God and how he will ease my daddy’s mind. Now, i wish i had also added “Here i am Lord, It is I Lord…” - my favourite!
I got in touch with daddy’s doctors. In all this mess, i forgot that i had their numbers - I cannot believe that these doctors names and numbers in *my father’s handwriting * have been in the folder all this time. I have 3 full folders on daddy with all the correspondence with the police, coroner, real estate etc. **Where have i been? ** 3 are away overseas and his general practioner was supposed to ring me back. One Neurosurgeon’s receptionist told me he had lost his ‘muscle’ and had great ‘muscle weakness’ but that was all she could tell me. I hope and pray that they tell me ‘everything’ as i panick as there is no cancer in mum’s family, but my dad’s is riddled with it. I worry for Braden.
I thank you for allowing me to grieve for my daddy through your post with your tremendous sorrow. McKayla’s virtual memorial is truly beautiful Moe… I never knew they did virtual memorials. I should have realised that Ally was McKayla’s best friend…
I pray that you will dream your McKayla. Even though she is in paradise with God, i am sure that she still misses you, how could she not? We only ever have one mother on this earth Moe… Love is from God, so the love continues up in heaven for those left on earth.
I am happy to hear about the redsox, they play baseball don’t they?? Yankees and Redsox, we have even heard of those teams down here… Especially thanks to George on Seinfield. My team is still on top i think, but they had the bye last week so will have to play well Friday night.
My mother said how she could never love anyone more than my brother and myself, but she lied Moe… She loves her grandson MORE than life itself. She would gladly give her all for Braden. Her mother told her when she was younger that the love you have for your grandchildren just overtakes your heart in such a way that it is** undescribable**. I see my mother when she looks at Braden, and when he talks to her i have NEVER seen such joy in her face as she eagerly listens to his little voice. She loves his little fingers, she kisses them to death, and his face, head, neck, legs, bottom etc. He IS her life! I pray that one day you will have that JOY!
The floods are wicked! One bridge collapsed while a young family where all on it in their car - they have all died. The State Government is blaming the Federal Governmnent and nobody wants to take the blame. It should NOT have happened! However they built the bridge - it was built wrong… they took shortcuts obviously… **and we are not happy little ****vegemites down here! **We are desperate for the rain here as our dams are not getting topped up and we are on stage 4 water restrictions soon. We really are running out of water in Australia - that is so scary for Braden’s generation. Houses have quadrupled in value while wages haven’t. He will never be able to afford a house 20 years from now, if we cannot afford **half a million Australian dollars for your average 3 bedroom home which is large but with literally no **backyard for your children to play in. The last 15 years, they are building huge houses with little courtyards for backyards.
Stage 4 water restrictions means NO watering any plants at all. We need a rain tank put in as we are *actually getting *rain!
Thank you Jesus! Now we have looters going into people’s homes which have been flooded and taking what they can. Thinking of you, and i apologise once again for raving on about my daddy so much…
As always,
:hug1:
Sonja
xoxoxoxo
