Just wanted to check in and say hello and that I pray for you all the time.
Thank you – it helps I believe tremendously … life is so hard at time … and it is just overwhelming …. Missing her with every heartbeat – and that is not an exaggeration ::crying:
I dont know if this is ok to put on here, but hopefully you read it in the way I’m intending. I was talking to a friend at work, and she was saying how her and her friend were talking about the adversities of life, and she said, Well, God is making you stronger.
Her friend paused…and said “Why does God want us all so strong?” It was a funny moment, but there was a lot of truth there too.
**I have heard that – and I know that Mother Theresa had a saying — God won’t give us more than we can handle … I WISH HE DIDN’T TRUST ME SO MUCH ……and that is exactly how I feel. **
Some of us are stronger than others, and I know that you are one of the strongest people I know. You may not feel that way, but you are taking it step by step and one day at a time, and sometimes one breath at a time. And believe it or not, you have 64 (and counting) pages of proof that you are inspiring other people.
It is either inspiration or they feel bad for us … or both. All I know Vester is that the prayers that we are receiving from CAF have to be from God – because it is only He that can get me out of bed in the morning. Some mornings, after awakinging, and thinking – oh this has to be a dream …. And when I realize it isn’t … I just want to stay in bed and put the covers over my head … it is just so painful … and it is only through prayers that we are continuing … rough as it is – we are somehow – by the grace of God … getting out of bed.
I dont know if any of that is any comfort to you - I dont know if anything can actually comfort you ------- well, except the Grace of God.
**CAF is a comfort for me …. It helps me – if I didn’t have my faith … I call I my life preserver … well I have no clue as to where I might be … do you know what I mean? **
I know that I was listening to EWTN radio and one of the lady speakers on there was talking about losing her child. Have you ever heard her or listened to her? It was heartwrenching for her to retell the story.
**Johnnette Benkovic from The Abundant Life … she has been amazing to me. She has emailed me back twice and sent to me a few CD’s on hers and Fr. Mitch’s programs. One of the programs was from Gregory Floyd who lost his son in a car accident … I read his book – A Grief Unveiled … it was the best book I have read to day on losing a child. **
I** owe her a debt of gratitude for her kindness … and like her – I ache for my McKayla. 7 months tomorrow … I don’t know if I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow. And with the holidays coming – how are we going to be able to survive them. Halloween and Christmas have always been magical for our kids … Amanda doesn’t even want to celebrate any of them. KK’s candy bad from last Halloween still hangs from her chair in her bedroom. Her bags from camp are still unpacked and lined up in her room. We can’t – just can’t deal with that yet
**
I pray for you often. I cant even imagine how you strong you must be to just continue on, but if it matters at all to you - I think of it like this -
PLEASE keep pouring out your heart to us. If all of us take just a small bit of your burden away from you, we can all carry it together and it will be a much lighter burden for you.
**Thank you for your kindness and kind words. I do get strength from this group. I do not know why us … as I read not too long ago – why not you …. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We are definitely in the dark nights of our soul …. Today is one day closer to being with McKayla and I have to make sure I am ready for that day – be it tomorrow of 40 years from now … my soul must be ready … **
Wishing you again all of God’s peace…
Peace and love to you as well.
Vester
