Sudden disbelief, stopped participating in mass

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scared

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Can anyone tell me what this may mean? I have been struggling with the church, but I have continued to fight to go to mass, mainly for my family’s sake. Today we went, I have a tough time when I am in church, but have always participated. Today we were starting, saying the Apostle’s creed and suddenly not into the first line I stopped, I was filled with I guess, anger, or hate I am note sure which one. I didn’t participate in anything else except to take the body of christ in hopes that would change thing. It didn’t. I left the chruch, confused. I had to stop myself from shedding tears. Does this mean it is over, that catholism is dead to me?

I don’t know what to do.

I am truely

scared
 
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scared:
Can anyone tell me what this may mean? I have been struggling with the church, but I have continued to fight to go to mass, mainly for my family’s sake. Today we went, I have a tough time when I am in church, but have always participated. Today we were starting, saying the Apostle’s creed and suddenly not into the first line I stopped, I was filled with I guess, anger, or hate I am note sure which one. I didn’t participate in anything else except to take the body of christ in hopes that would change thing. It didn’t. I left the chruch, confused. I had to stop myself from shedding tears. Does this mean it is over, that catholism is dead to me?

I don’t know what to do.

I am truely

scared
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Dear “Scared”,

No, it does not mean it is over, it means you need to find a good spiritual priest to talk to you and guide you. It sounds like the feeling of anger you describe was not something that you willed, but that it just came over you without you wanting it to.

I have put you on my prayer list ever since I read a different thread that you had started.

Please do not give up…keep praying. I will continue to pray for you for peace and good spiritual direction. The Lord loves you with an infinite love.
 
Could someone please explain what’s going on? I’m not feeling anger, but I’m feeling unconnected and numb. I feel like I’m falling into disbelief and I don’t know why. I don’t want to feel like this, it’s like an “I don’t care” feeling.

I’ve heard that Mother Teresa had felt “Dry and disconnected” for many years. Can someone clarify this more?

I still keep praying and trying. I tell the Lord that I’ll keep praying, but sometimes I feel like a hypocrite, but that I’m still trying.

I used to have bouts of depression (not severe) and anxiety attacks sometimes. I wish I could blame it on that, maybe it’s something mental. I’ve had to struggle with a lot of mental things. I’ll still keep trying.

“Scared” I’ll pray for you as well. I hope you can overcome your problem with the help of God.
 
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BlueRain:
Could someone please explain what’s going on? I’m not feeling anger, but I’m feeling unconnected and numb. I feel like I’m falling into disbelief and I don’t know why. I don’t want to feel like this, it’s like an “I don’t care” feeling.

I’ve heard that Mother Teresa had felt “Dry and disconnected” for many years. Can someone clarify this more?

I still keep praying and trying. I tell the Lord that I’ll keep praying, but sometimes I feel like a hypocrite, but that I’m still trying.

I used to have bouts of depression (not severe) and anxiety attacks sometimes. I wish I could blame it on that, maybe it’s something mental. I’ve had to struggle with a lot of mental things. I’ll still keep trying.

“Scared” I’ll pray for you as well. I hope you can overcome your problem with the help of God.
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Blue Rain,

You said that you keep praying and trying and that is great! Some people are tempted to give up when this happens.

I believe that what Mother Teresa went through is “the Dark Night of the Soul” which is a spiritual purification which she endured with faith. It is difficult and probably not too helpful to try and compare ourselves with others in this way. We are all different and may need different kinds of direction. Hopefully you too can find a priest to relate this to.

I will pray for you as well.
 
Dear scared,

You’re in good company … I remember from reading St. Faustina’s “Diary – Divine Mercy in My Soul” that she was tempted during the Mass in a way similar to you.

You know, I thought of you today, of all days. What I remembered is how you inspired me on a day when I was feeling so sick that I didn’t even have the energy to wash my hair, but because of you, I managed at least that.

I remain grateful to you, am confident that God loves you a great deal, and that He has good plans for you. You are already a blessing to others. 🙂

In prayer for you,

~~ the phoenix
 
Scared,

I’m praying for you, too. Hang in there, because it doesn’t mean what you think.

I had several years where during the Profession of Faith I had a thought in my head saying, “What are you doing here?” It distracted me from the liturgy and made me wonder also.

I think you and I know what is deepest in us, though. Even as small as a mustard seed though it may seem, it’s faith. It’s a gift we do not manufacture for ourselves. But there it is, and I would bet yours is intact if you had to say yea or nay right now and for all eternity. That’s how I dealt with it. If I were going to die in the next minute, would I say I believed or would I say I didn’t? It’s never come out negative when I push myself for a “final” response.

It’s not a bad exercise during times of dryness and trial to make oneself provide an answer – yea or nay. If it’s yea, then we can stop flaggelating ourselves and let God look after us. We can stop thinking that WE are the authors of our faith. We are not. We are the recipients of a gift.

Love and prayers,

ThisOne
 
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scared:
Can anyone tell me what this may mean? … saying the Apostle’s creed and suddenly not into the first line I stopped, I was filled with I guess, anger, or hate I am note sure which one.
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Who can know your heart?

But it is possible that because of you transferring your belief, you have allowed the enemy a foothold into your soul, and he is letting you know that he can’t stand what you are doing, and tormenting you for it: to get you to stop. After all, isn’t it hypocritical to do something you don’t believe? If you listen to it, you are making an implicit choice to be part of his reign. So you must fight it by desiring deliverance somehow, and to make progress in faith.

Mark 9:23 And immediately the father of the boy crying out, with tears said: I do believe, Lord: help my unbelief.

The fact is, you should give your will to God by reason of the fact that He created your will and deserves that you should use it to please Him and His purpose for making you. You do this by deciding to accept whatever happens in your life as being allowed by Him for you to be proven faithful and worthy of Himself.

Judith 8:27 But esteeming these very punishments to be less than our sins deserve, let us believe that these scourges of the Lord, with which like servants we are chastised, have happened for our amendment, and not for our destruction.

Luke 8:15 But that on the good ground, are they who in a good and perfect heart, hearing the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit in patience.

Don’t forget - there is no rule that says you are not allowed to ask for help. In fact, we are expected to be persistent in asking.

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you.
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scared:
Does this mean it is over, that catholism is dead to me?

I don’t know what to do.

I am truely

scared
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It means a battle is raging, and you must fight, using the freedom of your will to make choices as to whom you will serve.

Remember, faith is more certain the world around you. Why? Because the world around you changes, and is uncertain over time. How long will your car last? Where are the clothes you wore 20 years ago? What if someone robs you of your money? Etc. But that which is invisible remains, including your fear, doubt, and uncertainty. And it will stay until you do something about it interiorly. That something has to do with your will. Will you ask, and ask again, and persevere in asking?

Notice that no matter how bad things seem to get, you are still free to make an act of free will. Even though you can’t control your situation, you can control your response. And that is the key. Your disposition means more than your actual situation. Afterall, supposing God suddenly appearing offering you abundance of grace? Are your hands outstretched ready to receive, or are they tucked away in disbelief?

If you believe, you will recieve.
But if you doubt, you’ll have to do without.

So I would encourage you to look into yourself, get to know your disposition of heart, and try to make acts of faith, acts of hope, and to repeat them perseveringly even as often as you see yourself slip back down. As it is said, it is not how many times you fall, but how many times you decide to get back up that will determine whether you failed in life or not.

Consider that God encourages you in that on the Way of the Cross, He also fell several times. Implore Him to grant you some grace from His perseverance in getting back up again. You’ll need it for the times ahead. Prove your desire for this grace by making an outward act of patience as a token.

hurst
 
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ThisOne:
We can stop thinking that WE are the authors of our faith. We are not. We are the recipients of a gift.
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How true this is! Well said.

hurst
 
*I’m feeling unconnected and numb…and I don’t know why. I don’t want to feel like this, it’s like an “I don’t care” feeling.

I still keep praying and trying. I tell the Lord that I’ll keep praying, but sometimes I feel like a hypocrite, but that I’m still trying./I

Blue Rain you have just described how I am feeling at the moment. I am still attending Mass on a Sunday but not during the week, I have stopped the Rosary, Adoration, spiritual reading etc

The unconnected, numb and hypocritical feeling just describes it. I have to go through the motions to be a good role model to my children.

I have asked Christ to melt this block of ice in my heart. I hope that this will pass.*
 
yinekka said:
**

I’ll pray for you as well yinekka. Thanks to all the advice given, I hope it helps you Scared and others that read this thread as well and who feel the same way.

I would like to add something, I used to feel close to Mary when I was young. Then that feeling went away as I got older and farther from the Church. When I started to come back to the faith, I kept praying to the Lord to help me feel close to Mary again.

Even though I feel disconnected, I feel like I believe in Mary and I do feel she is there watching and praying. It’s ironic for me.

Also, for some reason I keep running into episodes of “The Journey Home” on EWTN. My brothers play video games etc, so the TV is rarely tuned to EWTN. It’s helping me.

I’m going to the read the Bible more, it helps inspire me. I hope I get a good copy. Right now I’m reading it in Spanish.
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I thought these insights might help-

Friends of God > The Christian’s Hope > Number 217http://www.escrivaworks.org/images/...ww.escrivaworks.org/images/misc/pixtrans.gifI ought to put you on your guard against a trick that Satan does not hesitate to use in order to rob us of our peace. He never takes a holiday! A time may come when he sows doubts in our minds, tempting us to think that we are slipping sadly backwards and are making scarcely any progress. The conviction may grow upon us that, in spite of all our efforts to improve, we are getting worse. I can assure you that normally this pessimistic judgement is mere fantasy, a deception that needs to be rejected. What has happened, as a rule, is that our soul has become more attentive, our conscience more sensitive, and our love more demanding. It can also be that the light of grace is shining more intensely and exposing to our view many details that would otherwise remain unnoticed in the shadows. In any case, we have to examine our uneasiness carefully, because through these insights Our Lord is asking us to be more humble or more generous. It is good to remember that God in his providence is continuously leading us forward and he spares no effort, whether in the form of portentous signs or of tiny miracles, to make his children progress.

Militia est vita hominis super terram, et sicut dies mercenarii, dies eius. Man’s life on earth is warfare, and his days are spent under the burden of work. No one escapes this law, not even the easygoing who try to turn a deaf ear to it. They desert the ranks of Christ, and then take up other battles to satisfy their laziness, their vanity, or their petty ambitions. They become enslaved to their every whim.

Since to be in a state of struggle is part and parcel of the human condition, let us try to fulfil our obligations with determination. Let us pray and work with good will, with upright motives and with our sights set on what God wants. This way our longing for Love will be satisfied and we shall progress along the path to sanctity, even if we find at the end of the day that we still have a long way to go.

Renew your decision each morning, with a very determined Serviam!, I will serve you, Lord! Renew your resolution not to give in, not to give way to laziness or idleness; to face up to your duties with greater hope and more optimism, convinced that if we are defeated in some small skirmish we can overcome this setback by making a sincere act of love.

The Forge > You can! > Number 309http://www.escrivaworks.org/images/...crivaworks.org/images/misc/pixtrans.gifDoubts assail you, temptations, with that gloss of elegance about them.

I love to hear you say how this shows that the devil considers you his enemy, and that the grace of God will never leave you unprotected. Keep up the struggle!
 
Scared,

I have read some of our story from another thread.

Is it possible you are being oppressed by the devil?

In fact, I had tried to respond to your post about your local church/priest, but after I had finished typing, my power blinked, and it turned the computer off. I couldn’t get back on the internet, and the next day (after dh fixed things), I couldn’t find where your post. (I really felt that a “force” was trying to keep my post from you.)

At that time, I was going to suggest that you spend time at your church. (Even though it is locked, you can sit outside of it, on the steps, or even in your car in the parking lot- as long as you are on church property). You can talk to, and spend time with the Lord from there. -If His presence can reach from the locked tabernacle, to you in the pew, it can certianly extend to you outside the doors of the church.

God bless you, and don’t give up.🙂

(Oh- I would keep a blessed item on your body AT ALL TIMES- even in the shower, even if you HATE IT. And be sure to keep that crucifix up.)
 
I’m a cradle Catholic and used to go to church every Sunday with my family and even on my own when I was in college. Then, I started doing stuff that my mind was saying “no” to but my body was saying “yes”. Eventually, that caused me to stray from the church and still does to this day, even though I’m in alot better shape than I was then.
I feel guilty and just that I don’t belong there anymore but yet there’s no other church I’d rather be apart of. I’ve talked to priests about it and they tell me that it’s either all or nothing. I have to follow ALL of the Catholic teachings or none at all and just not be Catholic. I was scared that they would say that and stayed away from the church for quite some time.
I’m just now easing my way back into it, almost 3 years later. I talked to a priest that inspired me to keep going, even if I don’t feel motivated. There’s a lot of graces to be obtained just by coming to church. I figure in the world we live in now that I could use all the help I can get. 🙂
I’m not perfect and don’t attend every Sunday yet like I used to but I’m going every now and then to re-acquaint myself and slowly try and feel “accepted” again.
Prayer is key and it’s something I’m lacking. I say I’m going to work on it but I always seem so busy. Make an effort to pray at least five minutes each day just thanking God for all the good in your life. I tell others this and wonder why I don’t listen to myself and try it. Maybe I should exert some true effort and see what happens. :cool:
 
Hi,

Keep up the struggle. We’re all like little babies to God. God loves you intensely- Ask his help to get back to where you were. I know you probably are asking. Ask for everything you want or need.
I will pray for you.
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mrs_abbott:
I’m a cradle Catholic and used to go to church every Sunday with my family and even on my own when I was in college. Then, I started doing stuff that my mind was saying “no” to but my body was saying “yes”. Eventually, that caused me to stray from the church and still does to this day, even though I’m in alot better shape than I was then.
I feel guilty and just that I don’t belong there anymore but yet there’s no other church I’d rather be apart of. I’ve talked to priests about it and they tell me that it’s either all or nothing. I have to follow ALL of the Catholic teachings or none at all and just not be Catholic. I was scared that they would say that and stayed away from the church for quite some time.
I’m just now easing my way back into it, almost 3 years later. I talked to a priest that inspired me to keep going, even if I don’t feel motivated. There’s a lot of graces to be obtained just by coming to church. I figure in the world we live in now that I could use all the help I can get. 🙂
I’m not perfect and don’t attend every Sunday yet like I used to but I’m going every now and then to re-acquaint myself and slowly try and feel “accepted” again.
Prayer is key and it’s something I’m lacking. I say I’m going to work on it but I always seem so busy. Make an effort to pray at least five minutes each day just thanking God for all the good in your life. I tell others this and wonder why I don’t listen to myself and try it. Maybe I should exert some true effort and see what happens. :cool:
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Hello All:

Well, after much searching, and continueing to go to mass, getting more angry as I sit there I have come to a decision. Today at mass, the message was dealing with a turn about, giving into God. Well, after sitting there in both spiritual and physical pain, I have come to the conclussion that I am doing no one good by being there. So this week I will ask my parish priest to dispense me from attending Sunday and Holy days of obligation until after my counselling is done. The time frame for this will be close to a year. I will seek permission to come when I have to take my child to lector, sing etc. It is too far for me to drive home, then drive back. I could sit in my car, but at -30 it gets a little chilly. I simply can’t sit in church and continue to boil, I have to find some way to cope with the anger, I feel like a hipocrite sitting there, not sure what I believe and still take the body of christ, which I have been told that as long as I am not in mortal sin I am to do, no matter how I feel. At least with the dispensation, I won’t be in mortal sin for not going. Of course I run the risk of never returning to the Catholic Church, but there is little else I can do at this point.

scared
 
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scared:
Hello All:

Well, after much searching, and continueing to go to mass, getting more angry as I sit there I have come to a decision. Today at mass, the message was dealing with a turn about, giving into God. Well, after sitting there in both spiritual and physical pain, I have come to the conclussion that I am doing no one good by being there. So this week I will ask my parish priest to dispense me from attending Sunday and Holy days of obligation until after my counselling is done. The time frame for this will be close to a year. I will seek permission to come when I have to take my child to lector, sing etc. It is too far for me to drive home, then drive back. I could sit in my car, but at -30 it gets a little chilly. I simply can’t sit in church and continue to boil, I have to find some way to cope with the anger, I feel like a hipocrite sitting there, not sure what I believe and still take the body of christ, which I have been told that as long as I am not in mortal sin I am to do, no matter how I feel. At least with the dispensation, I won’t be in mortal sin for not going. Of course I run the risk of never returning to the Catholic Church, but there is little else I can do at this point.

scared
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I will keep you in my prayers. Hopefully, the counselling will help you be healed of what is causing your anger. There is usually a root cause of this.

Peace and prayers, May the Lord be with you…
 
Thank you Dorothy:

Yes we know what the root cause is and it has alot to do with the church and clergy.

scared
 
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scared:
Thank you Dorothy:

Yes we know what the root cause is and it has alot to do with the church and clergy.

scared
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May I suggest that when you pray you keep in mind to pray for your healing, and the desire for the grace of forgiveness for those who have hurt you. This is key to your healing.

The Holy Spirit can then gradually or suddenly (whatever is His Will) remove the hurt from your spirit, and fill it with Himself.

God bless…
 
Hi Dorothy;

Right now the only prayer I can say is a simple help me. So it will be a very slow process.

scared
 
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