Sudden disbelief, stopped participating in mass

[ThisOne]

By yourself, you can do nothing, scared. Until you come to the “end” of yourself, you push God away with your self-sufficiency. Without Him, you can do nothing, literally.

John 15:5:

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.”

usccb.org/nab/bible/john/john15.htm

 

[JoyToBeCatholic]

But, I have a priest who wants no part of helping me, no part of me being in the church while I have issues.

I think some people are phobic about abuse issues, and perhaps many are stand-offish b/c they don’t want to give you the wrong advice.

So much conflict and pain, trust in the church may never happen again.

God is teaching you that no one outside of Himself can be trusted. Consider your childhood. Think about the sex abuse scandal in the Church; so much distrust,.many people scarred. It is a great benefit to our spiritual welfare to know that God is our only reliance.

If God exists what does he want?

Remember St. John’s analogy of the mother and child? I think God does this to teach us how to abandon ourselves completely to Him; that we cannot rely on other people, nor ourselves, nor feelings of spiritual consolation. God draws those He loves into a deeper relationship, and perhaps he is calling you to a deeper union with Himself via this darkness; so that you will learn to abandon everything: your own previous concepts of Him - even the comfort of feeling His presence or believing in His exsistence.

How can I walk into a church and be so consummed with anger and hate, I shake?

Can you get to church outside of mass to have a 1 on 1 with God? Could you go to a shrine or other holy place? Maybe even just your favorite beautiful location that inspires you? I think that if you are able to have some quiet reflection on these recent events, and take on some prayerful consideration of the abandonment and suffering of Jesus, and his Sorrowful Mother, you will find some peace. You must develop a close relationship with the crucified Christ and Our Lady of Sorrows. “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”. Jesus knows this darkness and abandonment, as does Our Lady.

How do you turn it around? Do I have to fall even farther?

It may be a consolation for you to consider that, although the future does not have in store only care-free and trial-less days, we can learn how to endure it with peace and even joy. St. Francis of Assisi is a great example, as is St. Therese of Lisieux. To learn how to trust in God’s Divine Providence; to abandon oneself completely to it - let this be your aim. A must-read is “Self-Abandonment To Divine Providence” by Father J.P. deCaussade, S.J. You can obtain a copy here: amazon.com/gp/product/offer-listing/0895553120/qid=1138808872/ref=sr_pb_a//104-7017117-9583126?condition=all If you cannot get one, please let me know. I can get one for you. This book touches on the many ways in which God draws us to the practice of abandonment (many times, through trial and darkness) and the many benefits obtained through the practice.
You should find consolation in reading St. John of the Cross’s 'Dark Night of the Soul" also. I have an extra copy. If you PM me I will send it to you.

I would start with Reconciling yourself to God and the Church. I pray that you will place your complete trust in Him, and forgive the priests who are giving you conflicting advice.
Please remember that the Sacraments are still beneficial even if the priest is not holy, pious, or worse, even if he is corrupt. The priest is merely an instrument through which God works. Sick people need a doctor - they shouldn’t run from the hospital. From what I have heard you say about your past, I think you are very broken inside and desperately need to emmerse yourself in the Sacraments: Reconciliation to help you cope with your emotions as you revisit your past, and the Eucharist as the healing balm to restore you to health. Attend healing masses if possible. Try to keep in contact with this holy man you mentioned. But pray for him too. Sometimes we idolize people too much, and they can disappoint us. He is human too. If he is a prayerful man and open to the promptings of the Spirit, he will be a fabulous director.
There will be times when you are very angry or hateful - it is always prudent to abstain from communion when in doubt. But keep seeking reconciliation; go to confession and then receive communion again. It’s a cycle that we all go through. Every relationship has it’s ups and downs.

I am praying you will forgive your councellors/priests, realize God’s presence throughout this trial, and find peace in your spirit.
~donna

 

[Dorothy]

scared:

Hello:

Forgiveness is obtained at the end of healing, it is close to the end of the grieving process. I am still very much at the beginning. I can’t forgive anyone until I can learn to forgive myself and accept what happened and appropriate blame in the right place. Right now it rests squarely on my shoulders. I have to find away to remove it, no easy task.

scared

God is not on a schedule. You can start to forgive by making an act of the will to forgive…you don’t have to actually feel the forgiveness with your emotions, an act of the will is sufficient…letting Jesus do the forgiving. It is a healing thing to do…a process.

I am a widow now, but many times I have been tempted to be angry with my now deceased husband when a thought just pops into my head about an untimely, hurtful remark he made to me. (We had a marriage with poor communication). I had to battle these thoughts when he was alive as well.

I have to then focus directly on the Lord and say “I forgive him Lord”, or I would be constantly haunted by these temptations to be angry. Thanks to the grace of God he was reconciled to the Church two months before his death and died with all our children around his bed.

A great ble