Suggestions for approaching a spouse that is anti-Catholic

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Jrp72

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My wife is very ant-Catholic…born and raised a devout Baptist. I have been feeling a pull to return to my Catholic roots. I hope to participate in Mass to whatever capacity I can given my situation. Discussions of wanting to go to Mass alone are not well received. That is putting it mildly. She saw that I ordered a new Catholic study Bible and flipped out on me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
 
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I would suggest that you two sit down and have a discussion about boundaries. Each of you have a right to your own faith journey and neither of you have a right to interfere with the others. She doesn’t have to like your returning to Catholicism but she needs to respect your journey just as you don’t have have to like her Baptist faith but you need respect it.

If you can’t set fair and respectful boundaries with each other then you need to decide what is more important…a return to Catholicism or your marriage. Hopefully, simple boundaries with each other shouldn’t cause major problems as long as you both follow those boundaries.

Have the discussion sooner rather than later. You two need to talk this through.
 
I had a similar situation when I returned to the faith.

You need to gently figure out her too 2 or 3 objections and work on those. Slowly chip away to each of her objections to you practicing your faith.

Also, keep in mind that she might be seeing this a a sign that you might no longer be the person she fell in love with. You need to show her that you are still the same person you always have been, except that you now are starting to understand you faith better.

BTw - does she practice her Baptist Faith, or is she secular/agnostic/atheist now?
 
I attended a “feel good” nondenominational church with her and our two young twin daughters. I think that is large part of what is calling me home. There are some good Christians at this church, but something is lacking. This is not were I am supposed to be. When I attempt to discuss my desire to go to Mass, she becomes borderline hostile. I am not trying to convert her or engage her in debate. Her knowledge is very limited. She was told what to think growing up. I, on the other hand, am an investigator. I have been reading many books over the past few months on Catholicism to answer my own questions. To ignore the teachings of the early Christians is foolish. Christianity didn’t start with Martin Luther, despite what many Protestants believe. She feels I am too old to not know where I should be worshipping at this stage of my life. I am trying to schedule a meeting with a priest for next week. Unfortunately, I feel like I need to keep this from her.
 
Please remember (and I’m saying this as a practicing Catholic), that you are the one who is upsetting the applecart. She married you with a certain set of beliefs, and now you’re changing it all up.
Also, she might be scared for your salvation.

So, it on you to reassure her—that you still love her, that this isn’t some elaborate exit strategy, and this isn’t a rejection of her.

You also need to show her that it’s better living with Catholic-you than Baptist-you.

Be prepared for a long haul.

And pray every day that God opens the doors and shows you what to do 🙂

I’ll remember you both in my prayers :pray:t2:❤️
 
When we got together, religion was not part of the equation for either of us.
 
But you’re still changing it up.
So be gentle and patient with her 🙂

BTW, I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m a believing and practicing Catholic, I I think you’re on the right track. I’m just saying to be sensitive
 
Jrp72 said:
When we got together, religion was not part of the equation for either of us.
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This here could be why there’s opposition. A sudden and dramatic change like this can be jarring for a spouse since it makes them feel like they can’t know what to expect. Big changes can make a person wonder if their spouse is still the same person they met and fell in love with. Arguing and debating objections probably won’t be a big help here. I’d approach it from a place of love for her, and desiring to be a better husband. I’d say something along the lines of how you want to be a better husband to her, and a better father to your children. You want to love them as completely and perfectly as they deserve and to do that you need to draw closer to God to know what real, pure, lasting love is and give that to her and your kids. Mention that you feel closest to God at Mass, and that love drives you to be all the more in love with her and devoted to her.

Then, do it. Love God deeply and passionately and let that love overflow into your marriage. Show her that you going to Mass is nothing but a benefit for her. Be sure she knows there is no pressure or judgement on her for not going. Resist the temptation to argue, hide, or be defensive with her. Keep showing vulnerability, openness, and love. They Holy Spirit is a great guide in this. 🙂
 
What reasons is she giving you for her reactions? (and they may very well not be the real reasons)
 
Jrp72 said:
When we got together, religion was not part of the equation for either of us.
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& now you regularly attend Sunday service with her & your twins… bravo. Bravo.

Seems to me you’ve taken a journey together & now you want to go your own way… tsk, tsk.

How did you end up where you are? Were you actively involved in choosing this congregation or were you just following her? How can we convince her that the journey is not over?

I like to think nothing happens by chance. There is no “random.” We are who we are, where we are, & with who we are with for a reason. If you are being pulled back home, there’s a reason & you’re probably not supposed to be coming alone.

What was it that got you & your wife started on this journey? Is it possible you’re only halfway there?
 
Very controlling. Not fond when opinions are different than hers. Not very tolerant
 
I took the journey together because…
  1. I wanted some type of religious foundation for our girls
  2. I hoped her attending church of some type would help her find some inner peace
  3. Did not anticipate feeling this strong desire to return to the Church
 
Wow… you’re in for one heck of a ride.

What you need is for your longing to return to Catholicism to reach a certain “critical mass”. That’ll give you the steadfastness to make certain decisions in a calm, unwavering manner. It takes time, possibly years, to work up to that, but it’ll happen. In the mean time, don’t get dragged into arguments. I disagree with others who recommend that you spend your time “convincing” her - serious hostility toward Catholicism can’t be overcome that way, it only leads to the other person digging in their heels.

So, take your time to become steadfast, then take the necessary steps, and pray that that steadfastness will itself be a sign unto your wife, of the authenticity and holiness of your call back to the Church.
 
Family unity is so important. I would suggest you keep going to the current church you choose as a couple while exploring your faith privately. Be kind, considerate and understanding. Be Christ to your wife. I would keep attending the current church together and work out a way you can fulfill your Sunday obligation alone, such as the Saturday evening vigil. Let your wife know she is always welcome and you would love her to come but don’t nag or pressure her.

Don’t be confrontational. Don’t try and convince her with reason and logic. Don’t give her the impression that you consider your spirituality of a higher quality.

Be humble and as a previous poster said reach her by being a more loving Christian husband and father, and most of all friend. Perhaps suggest you do a bible study together so she can see that Catholics love scripture. But again don’t do this in any way to criticize her but to build your marriage.

Whatever you do, don’t let your exploration of your faith take you away from your family. Don’t spend less time with them. If anything, start spending more time together. Have a regular date night and don’t spend any time talking about religion. Just love her. Don’t aggravate her by suddenly becoming an uber Catholic with rosaries, sacramentals and holy cards everywhere. It could feel very alienating for her. Of course read your Catholic bible, say a rosary read Catholic books, but you can do this privately and in your lunch hour as your wife gradually gets used to this new part of your life. Don’t let her feel threatened and scared by a “new you”. The New You should give her more security and love, not less. If you can see a priest or other devout friend regularly for support I think that would be a very good idea.
 
Jrp72 said:
I am trying to schedule a meeting with a priest for next week. Unfortunately, I feel like I need to keep this from her.
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Please don’t do that. It will only make things worse. Either tell her, or wait a while to schedule a meeting. Deceiving your wife is no way to begin your entry into the Church.
 
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