F
FelicityC
Guest
Thanks. Today is very rocky. I feel like I dare not let my concentration slip, or focus on anything else - like schoolwork, with midterms coming up - or the pain will just overwhelm me and sweep me far out to sea, too far to swim back.
People around me have no empathy, and take no responsibility for how they’ve affected me. I have multiple medical conditions - not mental health-related - and getting worse through being continually woken up was part of what threw me off. It’s been weeks now, and with my sleep so disrupted almost nightly, and physical pain, my mental equilibrium and spiritual life are just shot. I just don’t feel like I can cope with any of it. And the roommates/landlords are just treating me worse and worse, blaming me for everything. Problems with an anti-Christian professor who is now intent on hurting my grade doesn’t help, and neither does dragging myself all over campus 4 days a week.
God, I’m just ranting now. I’m sorry. I feel like I’m coming unglued, and since I don’t see any way of fixing the situation or escaping it, all I can think of is dying. I know intellectually that God loves me, but I come from an abusive and extremely misogynistic background, so it’s very, very hard for me to emotionally believe any of that. It just sits on top of my consciousness, unable to be absorbed. And it has no effect most of the time.
People around me have no empathy, and take no responsibility for how they’ve affected me. I have multiple medical conditions - not mental health-related - and getting worse through being continually woken up was part of what threw me off. It’s been weeks now, and with my sleep so disrupted almost nightly, and physical pain, my mental equilibrium and spiritual life are just shot. I just don’t feel like I can cope with any of it. And the roommates/landlords are just treating me worse and worse, blaming me for everything. Problems with an anti-Christian professor who is now intent on hurting my grade doesn’t help, and neither does dragging myself all over campus 4 days a week.
God, I’m just ranting now. I’m sorry. I feel like I’m coming unglued, and since I don’t see any way of fixing the situation or escaping it, all I can think of is dying. I know intellectually that God loves me, but I come from an abusive and extremely misogynistic background, so it’s very, very hard for me to emotionally believe any of that. It just sits on top of my consciousness, unable to be absorbed. And it has no effect most of the time.

Prayers continuing for you…