Support needed to remain chaste as a single woman

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Don’t worry about the naysayers, they’ll hopefully understand the err of their ways someday down the line. Don’t even listen to them. You are doing a great thing, and women like yourself are all too uncommon in this day and age of sex on demand.

I know it can be difficult, being a virgin myself at 19. I’ve had temptations at times, particularly with my one and to this point only girlfriend. But I tend to think of it like this: When I God willing do find and marry that special lady who is out there somewhere waiting for me, and likewise I her, if I’ve saved myself and kept my virginity specifically for her (and hopefully she has done the same), on my wedding night when her and I have sex for the very first time, it will mean so much more then it could ever mean outside of it.

First of all, it will make the marriage official, and the lifelong bond created. Also you both know the risk of one or the other leaving you and hurting you at any point after having shared such a bond, with each other will be severely lessened. That of course cannot be said for sex outside of that sacred union.

Bear in mind as well, that by saving yourself for marriage, you then make it easier on yourself as far as finding a husband. I say that because, when you have sex outside of marriage, that bond can effect your judgment, to where you think you’re in love with the person, when in reality it’s more lust. Then if you end up marrying said person, you may notice things you hadn’t seen before (partly because of your impaired judgment), which could create problems and maybe even divorce. I don’t think there’s any coincidence that the divorce rate has increased since the sexual revolution.

But when you don’t have that to impact your judgment, you are able to see both the good and bad of a person clearly, and make a conscious decision based upon what you see.

Beyond those things though, one benefit of all this is simply that you’ll have something to look forward to, that being your wedding night. If you have sex before that, whether it be with the person you eventually marry or not, the wedding night won’t be the same. You’ll have already done it before, so it won’t be anything new to you. But if you haven’t had that experience prior to that, it makes it exciting, it’s fresh and different.

That more then anything really, is part of why it will mean so much more if you’ve waited. You’ll be doing it with the person you love and want to be with, and it will be completely new and exciting. So I wouldn’t take much stock in what the others may say. They don’t know what the rest of us do.
 
I have heard of people regretting sex before marriage, but never of anyone regretting that they waited. —KCT
 
It sure can be challenging to live against the grain of society. I enjoy watching Pure Love Club on EWTN TV, and find it inspiring, even though its usually for college age strudents. They inspire me. Also there is a website, www.pureloveclub.com.

Also I find that anything I do to build my faith strengthens me. And also does anything I do to listen to myself and take care of myself, or strengthen my self esteem in any way inspires me to be proud to live as I think is right.

…http://www.tldm.org/News7/OurLady1.jpg
 
STAY STRONG!!!

Thirty is the new twenty, so you’ve got plenty of time to find someone and you don’t need to sacrifice your values to do it! Go where the good single men are - church functions, libraries, volunteer organizations, etc!

A college buddy of mine lived the whole “casual sex” lifestyle for a number of years, and he told me that when it comes right down to it, guys don’t marry the girl who puts out - they marry the one that makes them wait. This was the case with his wife, she was the first one to turn down his sexual advances because she wanted to remain chaste. He couldn’t understand it, but it made him desire her that much more. He went from being a non-practicing Lutheran to a baptized Catholic all for the love of this woman! She took a stand to safeguard her soul, and she ended up saving another in the process! 🙂

Stay strong! YOU’RE WORTH WAITING FOR! 👍
 
Friends,

Thank you all for your time. It is hard; i have always been an outsider where this is concerned. i am outsider, in my family as well as out side the family. i was popular in school and went to parties, but had to leave (as i said in other threads) because i do not do as others do. i am ridiculed not only by family, but at work as well due to my choice of clothing. i must say that i do hide in my clothes (i am built). My mother as well and the rest of the family and those at work seem so interested in changing me. i have become a mission. They say that i dress as an old lady (nicer version of what is really said). One day, i thought i was the only one left at work and was fixing to leave to walk with God, i changed into my workout clothes and a group of co-workers saw me as i was leaving. They had a conniption because of what i really look like. Since this day, they have not left me alone.
We went out for lunch on another day and they started asking me the most personal questions, such as, have you have never had sex? “Boy, you do not know what you are missing. Hey guys, we need to get Chyna a date! Do you masturbate”? i told them i think masturbation is repulsive and i do not think about such things.
i have been made to feel very ashamed of my choice of chastity and started feeling sick and small (i am only 4’9”, not must smaller can i get). Any way they wanted to take me to this “store” to buy me things.
Just yesterday, i was threatened (to me this is a threat) that someone is creating an on line dating profile on me. They make it seem as though i do not wish to date or marry at all. i do, i do so much want to but, as i said, i am not homely looking and learned early with these looks that i attract the wrong men. i keep telling them that God is the one that will choose for me, not them! i do feel that sometimes there is something wrong with me. i do feel awkward in my skin. i do have reason. i have more to offer than what i look like and God is my first priority, my only priority. Anyway y’all, thank you for your advice and support. It is very hard to have no one.

Chyna
 
Chyna said:
Friends,

Thank you all for your time. It is hard; i have always been an outsider where this is concerned. i am outsider, in my family as well as out side the family. i was popular in school and went to parties, but had to leave (as i said in other threads) because i do not do as others do. i am ridiculed not only by family, but at work as well due to my choice of clothing. i must say that i do hide in my clothes (i am built). My mother as well and the rest of the family and those at work seem so interested in changing me. i have become a mission. They say that i dress as an old lady (nicer version of what is really said). One day, i thought i was the only one left at work and was fixing to leave to walk with God, i changed into my workout clothes and a group of co-workers saw me as i was leaving. They had a conniption because of what i really look like. Since this day, they have not left me alone.
We went out for lunch on another day and they started asking me the most personal questions, such as, have you have never had sex? “Boy, you do not know what you are missing. Hey guys, we need to get Chyna a date! Do you masturbate”? i told them i think masturbation is repulsive and i do not think about such things.
i have been made to feel very ashamed of my choice of chastity and started feeling sick and small (i am only 4’9”, not must smaller can i get). Any way they wanted to take me to this “store” to buy me things.
Just yesterday, i was threatened (to me this is a threat) that someone is creating an on line dating profile on me. They make it seem as though i do not wish to date or marry at all. i do, i do so much want to but, as i said, i am not homely looking and learned early with these looks that i attract the wrong men. i keep telling them that God is the one that will choose for me, not them! i do feel that sometimes there is something wrong with me. i do feel awkward in my skin. i do have reason. i have more to offer than what i look like and God is my first priority, my only priority. Anyway y’all, thank you for your advice and support. It is very hard to have no one.

Chyna
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Wow, you poor thing! :hug1: I’ve put up with some harassment b/c I was a virgin till marriage and so all through college and at my work places I got heckled by coworkers who said I “needed to get laid”. But what you have to put up with sounds so much worse then what I dealt with!!!

I dunno, if I was you, it sounds like to me you are being sexually harassed and should take it to the boss. Its none of their business what your “sex status” is or if your dating or not, or anything like that…it’s not appropriate! I dunno, just my :twocents:
 
Chyna said:
Friends,

Thank you all for your time. It is hard; i have always been an outsider where this is concerned. i am outsider, in my family as well as out side the family. i was popular in school and went to parties, but had to leave (as i said in other threads) because i do not do as others do. i am ridiculed not only by family, but at work as well due to my choice of clothing. i must say that i do hide in my clothes (i am built). My mother as well and the rest of the family and those at work seem so interested in changing me. i have become a mission. They say that i dress as an old lady (nicer version of what is really said). One day, i thought i was the only one left at work and was fixing to leave to walk with God, i changed into my workout clothes and a group of co-workers saw me as i was leaving. They had a conniption because of what i really look like. Since this day, they have not left me alone.
We went out for lunch on another day and they started asking me the most personal questions, such as, have you have never had sex? “Boy, you do not know what you are missing. Hey guys, we need to get Chyna a date! Do you masturbate”? i told them i think masturbation is repulsive and i do not think about such things.
i have been made to feel very ashamed of my choice of chastity and started feeling sick and small (i am only 4’9”, not must smaller can i get). Any way they wanted to take me to this “store” to buy me things.
Just yesterday, i was threatened (to me this is a threat) that someone is creating an on line dating profile on me. They make it seem as though i do not wish to date or marry at all. i do, i do so much want to but, as i said, i am not homely looking and learned early with these looks that i attract the wrong men. i keep telling them that God is the one that will choose for me, not them! i do feel that sometimes there is something wrong with me. i do feel awkward in my skin. i do have reason. i have more to offer than what i look like and God is my first priority, my only priority. Anyway y’all, thank you for your advice and support. It is very hard to have no one.

Chyna
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If this is going on at work, I would go to HR about the harassement. “Friends” do not treat you this way and this is inappropriate. You do not deserve this!
 
Yup, they need to stop. Contact the bosses and see what can be done.
 
It really does not matter. i am use to this. My point really is that God is my priority, first, last and in between. Also, i do want to marry. Just because someone does not have sex, does not mean she is gay or that she is not interested in marriage. It is hard though, to be quiet and not be mean, stick to my guns. The worst i think, is that my daddy will tell people in a disappointed tone, “some times people just are single”. Then will turn around later and tell me that, “God has made someone for everyone, you know the post man will not deliver him”! " i worry about you, Chyna girl". i hate that one. Then of course, i go and sit wondering what is wrong with me, why am i so different. It is very hard to ignore people, especially when it is for all sides, all this being said, i do not believe that i will change my thinking, views or actions (or lack of actions). i have always been like this. i will continue to wait for my husband, if he is out there and IF it is God’s will. i guess what i needed was confirmation that my husband would want me, even though i do not know how to do anything. i wonder sometimes if it is too late though.

Anyway, again thank you for your comments. Some of them are very funny. Others are very kind. i do value what y’all think. Thank you again.

Chyna
 
Chyna,

I dont want to get too personal. But may I ask how you are an outsider in your own family? I am assuming that they raised you to be a good Catholic. How can they be doing this to you?
Why would they do this to you?
🤷
The suffering you recieve from your own family as well as the other people around you can only bring you closer to God.
 
Chyna,

Reading through this thread gave me deep admiration for you. Your commitment to God is awesome. You are a role model for others.

Physical passion between a man and a woman tends to fade over time. If any part of a marriage is built on a foundation of sex, then, when that passion fades, the marriage can collapse. Marriage needs to be built on a strong foundation of faith and friendship. True love is not sex. True sex is not love. True love is centered around God. God is love.
 
Chyna,

The only thing you need to listen to is your heart. Do what’s best for you and you don’t need to advertise your status. If someone asks you a question you’re unconfortable with it tell them it’s none of their business. Don’t let family pressure stear you in wrong direction either. Listen to God and he’ll see you through. 👍
 
Chyna said:
i guess what i needed was confirmation that my husband would want me, even though i do not know how to do anything.
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One of the reasons my husband and I wanted to marry each other was because neither of us knew how to do anything sexual; we wanted to learn together. We joked that if anything was “bad,” or “boring,” how would we even know? 😃 We have no one else to compare each other to, it’s just us. :love:
 
Chyna said:
I guess what i needed was confirmation that my husband would want me, even though i do not know how to do anything. i wonder sometimes if it is too late though.
While I am no spring chicken, and I have had a couple of failed attempts at marriage, I think any man worth his salt would absolutely want to “figure things out” with a woman who had kept herself pure
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Chyna,

though I have not been in a work place similar to yours, I am in a similar position in general…

my father and brother both have told me that only little children date without having sex, and that at about thirteen or fourteen it’s expected that we “grow up” and “explore our bodies some”… my

mother and doctor were both adamant that I take birth control, because I will surely eventually come to my senses and decide to start having sex, and I’ll want to be on the pill then so that I don’t have to wait…

and my mother keeps insisting that she would rather I be on birth control than she end up paying for abortions later (because she initially declined bc and later had two abortions, and I must be destined to do the exact same as her), completely ignoring the fact that I’ve explained time and again why bc is wrong and why I don’t need a “safety net” because I will not ever have sex outside of marriage…

at seventeen I was in a conversation with my friends about “the first time” and when they asked me what my first time was like, and I told them I was a virgin, I got called a prude and was told that seventeen is too old to be a virgin.

one friend told me that it’s like buying a car. test drive before you buy. kind of like your shoe analogy. I informed him that I, as a human being and a reflection of the most Holy God, happen to be worth more than a hunk of metal.

I mean, you crash a car, you buy a new one - you dent it, or scratch the paint, you repair it. How do you repair or replace a human being, unique in all the world? I’m not a Honda Civic, and there’s no twenty identical copies of me waiting to be bought if someone trashes me.

same thing with shoes - you go through pair of shoes after pair of shoes. it only costs a couple dollars to replace them if you burn a hole in toe. but a human being, God’s very own reflection made by His own hand? certainly in my books, you’re worth more than a couple of dollars or a test-drive…

since then I’ve made new friends… and disconnected somewhat from my family… I haven’t spoken to my brother in two years, my father in almost as long… my mom I wound up snapping on a while back, essentially screaming at her that I would rather die than abandon my values so would she please back off on the issue (I’m not proud of snapping on her, but… nothing else seemed to get through, and it can be stressful to be the only sensible one around at seventeen)

but it’s hard, with things strained between me and my family.

I don’t know if I have any good advice for you, so much as empathy and a similar wistful longing for someone to agree and support in a decision to remain chaste.

Esther Rose
 
I dunno if this is helpful, but just a thought I had reflecting back to when I was single…

Honestly, now that I’m married and have had sex, I think I would’ve hated it if I did it with someone that wasn’t my DH just b/c sex is messy and I thought was kinda gross at first (don’t get me wrong, it has it’s good points too! 👍) but the point I’m making is that it’s not this magical, whimsical thing it’s made out to be and the only real value it has is between married people. If I had casual sex, then it would’ve been very hollow and empty, in other words, b/c outside of the marriage, it’s all for the physical aspect of it and that aspect of sex isn’t all that it’s chalked up to be…

I’m not downplaying sex, it’s a very wonderful thing…as long as it’s between married people. Outside of that, it’s just shallow…

Prayers for the OP that you will stay strong! :gopray2:
 
since then I’ve made new friends… and disconnected somewhat from my family… I haven’t spoken to my brother in two years, my father in almost as long… my mom I wound up snapping on a while back, essentially screaming at her that I would rather die than abandon my values so would she please back off on the issue (I’m not proud of snapping on her, but… nothing else seemed to get through, and it can be stressful to be the only sensible one around at seventeen)
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but it’s hard, with things strained between me and my family.
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Esther Rose,

Thank you for telling me what happened to you. i however can not fight back. i am usually very quite (although, to look at my posting y’all would not know this). i can not disrespect them as i am to Honor my mother and father. To has meant my sacrifice of peace of mind and love. There is a reason that i remain obedient to them, there is a reason that i was born into this family. i do not question due to, i accept these things. There is one thing that i do however regret… i am sorry for them and myself for this missing emotion.

As i said prior, the reason for my thread was to, i guess, verify if what has been drilled into my head correct.

Reading these wonderful people’s replies has touched my heart in a way that i can not express. i am truly Blessed that y’all have taken me into CAF kindly. i am very thankful.

Chyna
 
gam3rchic - just b/c sex is messy and I thought was kinda gross at first
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i heard you, however this remark truly turned my stomach, :bigyikes:yuck!:blushing:
Prayers for the OP that you will stay strong!
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i will, thank you.

Chyna
 
It pains me to have to say this, to you sweet girls, but I would be remiss in not warning you. When you date, especially if it’s guys who are more than a few years older than you, beware of telling them about your virginity status too early. There is an especially creepy breed of man called The Virgin Chaser.

They love purity. But only to defile it. Trust me on this. I am watching it at work elsewhere. Find a man who has waited too. They are out there. Stay far away from the kind of man who seems to especially prize your virginity without holding out for it himself. What you have is precious. Don’t waste it on someone completely unworthy.
 
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