I
irena
Guest
Hello Everybody…
I need some sane people to talk to right now.
I have a herniated cervical disc, and will be having surgery in 2 weeks. I am very scared about the surgery, I will get an artificial cervical disc, which is a new FDA-approved procedure, instead of a neck fusion. I have been in alot of pain for sometime.
My family is very messed up. I lived through much abuse growing up. My alcoholic father primarily singled me out for the abuse. I was physical assaulted at least once a week for years. My dad would say terrible things to me, that I was a “parasite” or a “trash can” and so on. Often I wasn’t allowed to eat dinner with the rest of the family because my dad labelled me as a “manipulator” and he accused me of many vile things. Through counselling, I have learned that my dad was so jealous of my mother’s relationship with me and he saw me as a threat. My life was very, very hard for many years. My brother also abused me. I know he suffered abuse, too, but I feel I bore the brunt of it. I have read recently how siblings of “severely scapegoated children” often acquire an empathy deficit for their sibling, because they learn its not safe to associate with the sibling who is getting the brunt of the abuse. I think that is what is going on with my brother, because he is very mean to me.
OK, here is what happened last Thursday. My mom is here with me to help me and will be with me for my surgery. Neither my brother or father have called me yet to wish me well with my health problems. Just before Easter my dad did call my Mom and I picked up the phone. Instead of wishing me well, he just told me to go get my mother. At the time of this call, my dad went off on a vacation to Hawaii with my brother. I think my brother heard this call, and decided to finally send me an email. He did say he wished me well with my surgery. (I can’t help wishing I had someone talk to me in person instead of just one email.) Anyway, my brother has a little daughter who I rarely have gotten to see. My brother just doesn’t like me. I have been sending her gifts because I want her to know she has an aunt who cares about her. She loves dresses. So, I sent her a beautiful dress for Easter. My brother said in this email that she is talking constantly about her dress. I responded and thanked him for wishing me well, and I said, “Could you send me a picture of her in her dress?” My brother never responded back. My mom and I were talking about the dress beforehand and how we hoped to see her in it. Easter came and went, and I did mention just once, “Do you think you’ll get a picture of her in her dress”? I never said anything more about it.
This past Thursday I finally got my surgery scheduled and I felt better than I had in months. That evening the phone rang and it was my brother. He was so angry, and after some terse smalltalk, he launched into that he didn’t like me very much, that I was manipulating my mother and holding her hostage. When I said, why are you telling me this? I"m having surgery in 2 weeks… He said that he is unable to feel empathy. I hung up on him at that point. My mom heard the whole interchange and was dumbfounded. She had talked to him earlier, and had mentioned if he could send a photo of Samantha in her pretty dress. At that point, she said, he got very upset, and said some bad things about me. My mom had said to him, just forget sending a picture, and thought it was all done. So, when he called me that evening to harangue me, it was totally unexpected.
To make a long story short, it escalated with him sending me an email to say I was not to ever contact him, his wife or her daughter ever again, and that nothing good could come out of me contacting them.
My mother and I have been talking about this, because I spent 2 days crying. She says this is how my father treats her. This is all over a Easter dress for a little girl. It’s crazy. My dad does the same thing, pick something out of the blue, and attack. My mom tried to talk to my brother the next day, and she told him she was very dissappointed in what he did. He did admit the timing was bad, just before my surgery, but he refused to budge in calling me a manipulator. My brother is in counselling for his own issues, and has been diagnosed with hypomania, whathever that is. He also has told my mom he can’t remember things from our childhood. My brother did tell me mom that he doesn’t want his daughter to see him react this way. This is probably why I am now shunned. I feel my brother is blaming me for his totally over-the-top behavior.
I just feel so wrongly accused. All I did was buy a dress and give it as a gift. And, I got this attack when I am most vulnerable.
I need some sane people to talk to right now.
I have a herniated cervical disc, and will be having surgery in 2 weeks. I am very scared about the surgery, I will get an artificial cervical disc, which is a new FDA-approved procedure, instead of a neck fusion. I have been in alot of pain for sometime.
My family is very messed up. I lived through much abuse growing up. My alcoholic father primarily singled me out for the abuse. I was physical assaulted at least once a week for years. My dad would say terrible things to me, that I was a “parasite” or a “trash can” and so on. Often I wasn’t allowed to eat dinner with the rest of the family because my dad labelled me as a “manipulator” and he accused me of many vile things. Through counselling, I have learned that my dad was so jealous of my mother’s relationship with me and he saw me as a threat. My life was very, very hard for many years. My brother also abused me. I know he suffered abuse, too, but I feel I bore the brunt of it. I have read recently how siblings of “severely scapegoated children” often acquire an empathy deficit for their sibling, because they learn its not safe to associate with the sibling who is getting the brunt of the abuse. I think that is what is going on with my brother, because he is very mean to me.
OK, here is what happened last Thursday. My mom is here with me to help me and will be with me for my surgery. Neither my brother or father have called me yet to wish me well with my health problems. Just before Easter my dad did call my Mom and I picked up the phone. Instead of wishing me well, he just told me to go get my mother. At the time of this call, my dad went off on a vacation to Hawaii with my brother. I think my brother heard this call, and decided to finally send me an email. He did say he wished me well with my surgery. (I can’t help wishing I had someone talk to me in person instead of just one email.) Anyway, my brother has a little daughter who I rarely have gotten to see. My brother just doesn’t like me. I have been sending her gifts because I want her to know she has an aunt who cares about her. She loves dresses. So, I sent her a beautiful dress for Easter. My brother said in this email that she is talking constantly about her dress. I responded and thanked him for wishing me well, and I said, “Could you send me a picture of her in her dress?” My brother never responded back. My mom and I were talking about the dress beforehand and how we hoped to see her in it. Easter came and went, and I did mention just once, “Do you think you’ll get a picture of her in her dress”? I never said anything more about it.
This past Thursday I finally got my surgery scheduled and I felt better than I had in months. That evening the phone rang and it was my brother. He was so angry, and after some terse smalltalk, he launched into that he didn’t like me very much, that I was manipulating my mother and holding her hostage. When I said, why are you telling me this? I"m having surgery in 2 weeks… He said that he is unable to feel empathy. I hung up on him at that point. My mom heard the whole interchange and was dumbfounded. She had talked to him earlier, and had mentioned if he could send a photo of Samantha in her pretty dress. At that point, she said, he got very upset, and said some bad things about me. My mom had said to him, just forget sending a picture, and thought it was all done. So, when he called me that evening to harangue me, it was totally unexpected.
To make a long story short, it escalated with him sending me an email to say I was not to ever contact him, his wife or her daughter ever again, and that nothing good could come out of me contacting them.
My mother and I have been talking about this, because I spent 2 days crying. She says this is how my father treats her. This is all over a Easter dress for a little girl. It’s crazy. My dad does the same thing, pick something out of the blue, and attack. My mom tried to talk to my brother the next day, and she told him she was very dissappointed in what he did. He did admit the timing was bad, just before my surgery, but he refused to budge in calling me a manipulator. My brother is in counselling for his own issues, and has been diagnosed with hypomania, whathever that is. He also has told my mom he can’t remember things from our childhood. My brother did tell me mom that he doesn’t want his daughter to see him react this way. This is probably why I am now shunned. I feel my brother is blaming me for his totally over-the-top behavior.
I just feel so wrongly accused. All I did was buy a dress and give it as a gift. And, I got this attack when I am most vulnerable.
I was belitted by my BIL growing up…I was raised by my sister and her husband…my parents died when I was very young…so, I know your pain. I wasn’t hit, but the belitting still hurts, thinking back. But, you have to forgive…even if you never hear an apology…because without forgiving, you’ll never move on–for yourself.
