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Litcrit
Guest
You don’t owe your friend your child. That would be ridiculous. You could refuse her even if she asked you to borrow your car - how is she entitled to your offspring? I’m sure she knows this and will not be offended.
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M
Monster_Simpson
Guest
That’s all you need to say, I don’t want to be a dad, problem solved no risk to friendship.
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EasterJoy
Guest
This is entirely obvious. I don’t see how she can have a problem with it. I know people hold grudges for absurd reasons, but I’ve never heard of someone thinking they were entitled to have some relative or acquaintance “help them out” in this way.
This is not even someone you’d nominate to be the mother of your child if you had a child and needed to specify a guardian in case you die. You’re not that close to this woman. She’d have to be over the top to think your cooperation would be anything but good fortune. She’s not remotely entitled to it, even from the most secular of prospectives.
Honestly, you have much more reason to be offended by the request than she would ever have to be offended by your refusal. Don’t overthink this. Just say what Litcrit suggested, and don’t be persuaded into any further discussion of the matter.
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Aggies08
Guest
I’d just say “No, I’m not interested.”
You don’t owe her an explanation- “no” is a sentence.
You don’t owe her an explanation- “no” is a sentence.
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EasterJoy
Guest
I’d just say “No, I’m not interested.”
You don’t owe her an explanation- “no” is a sentence.
(explanations only invite discussions, and there won’t be one)
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Ophelia23
Guest
This.
Nothing can indebt one to owe their child. It is beyond ridiculous. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing to consider, pray over, mull over, talk to friends about… it’s a flat and easy “No.”
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novelista
Guest
I would take a polite tack, but with a firm no. You could say something like, “After thinking and praying on it for awhile, I have come to the conclusion that being a sperm donor is something I am not comfortable with. Thanks, but no thanks.”
If she is a real friend, she will understand, and won’t ask again.
Like others have posted, no matter the contract, a judge could make you pay child support.
If she is a real friend, she will understand, and won’t ask again.
Like others have posted, no matter the contract, a judge could make you pay child support.
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Contra_Mundum_1
Guest
Just explain to her that being a sperm donor would mean you would be the father of that child. Obviously, she is not making this connection because she and her lover would be the parents. Sperm-man-father link is obviously not clear to her.
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Contra_Mundum_1
Guest
This is the problem. People treat children as a commodity, something they deserve and something they own. This sick attitude is not only found with homosexual couples who feel entitled to children, and couples using IVF because they can’t conceive. This view of children has spread like the plague into all sections of society.
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KCT
Guest
Simply say that when/ if you father a child you want it to be with your wife.
If you never marry, so be it.
If you never marry, so be it.
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28562
Guest
If she wants to be impregnated that badly, I am sure she could hang around a bar a few nights and there would be more than a couple guys willing to give it a shot.
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1cor1313
Guest
There are so many things to consider here. First of all, if you feel strongly against something, there’s a reason for that. God gives us a conscience to be used, not to be ignored. So if you strongly oppose gay/lesbian relationships (I do too as a practicing Catholic), then you should not do anything to support that relationship. It’s nothing against the people as people, rather it’s against what they’re doing, so it shouldn’t negatively affect your friendship. Also, they can’t honestly base their friendship with you on something like this. I’m sure that they will understand and respect your decision.
Now for the Catholic doctrine. As has been said by others, a child is a gift to its parents, not to another individual. Children are not things or property, they are people and they deserve to be raised by the people who helped in their creation if at all possible, and to be loved by those people. A child has a right to know and be raised by its natural parents wherever possible.
Then there’s the other part, which unless I missed it, nobody has mentioned yet. There’s the whole problem with how the baby is conceived. Either you have to have intercourse with the woman that will become pregnant (probably more than once), or you’ll have to donate sperm. There are the obvious problems with having sex with a woman that you’re not in love with, let alone not married to. But there’s also a huge problem with sperm donation - the act that must be done to get the sperm is not something that the Catholic church approves of either. Masturbation is a sin, just like extramartial sex is.
Now for the Catholic doctrine. As has been said by others, a child is a gift to its parents, not to another individual. Children are not things or property, they are people and they deserve to be raised by the people who helped in their creation if at all possible, and to be loved by those people. A child has a right to know and be raised by its natural parents wherever possible.
Then there’s the other part, which unless I missed it, nobody has mentioned yet. There’s the whole problem with how the baby is conceived. Either you have to have intercourse with the woman that will become pregnant (probably more than once), or you’ll have to donate sperm. There are the obvious problems with having sex with a woman that you’re not in love with, let alone not married to. But there’s also a huge problem with sperm donation - the act that must be done to get the sperm is not something that the Catholic church approves of either. Masturbation is a sin, just like extramartial sex is.
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Gwendolen
Guest
My son was about 18 months old when it fully hit me how irreplaceable fathers are.
My husband was working long hours and didn’t see as much of him as an infant – that, and although he is a great father, babies are less his forte, he really starts to shine once kids are able to actually talk, lol. Anyway, much of my son’s parental interaction was with me and his nanny (I worked part time) whom he completely adored (and still does at 9 years old). He was very close to us, and perhaps less comfortable with his dad at that particular point in his life.
But, whenever his father was around, it was him who he would imitate. It was always Daddy he would emulate. Somehow, his baby brain just understood that he was a boy, and so was Daddy, and he wanted to “be like Daddy”, even though Mommy and nanny “Deda” were the boo-boo kissers, snack makers, etc. We could not begin to replace a daddy with 2 mommies, not at 18 months, certainly not at 9.
We have a daughter, too. Mommies and Daddies both are just as important for daughters, as ours enters her teen years, and gains in grace and confidence. It is more subtle, and hard to explain, but our girl has had no premature “boyfriend” relationships, or absence of male affection that adores her.
And a "father figure " is NOT a father. Not even close.
Others here are far more well versed in explaining the reasons from the perspective of the Catholic Faith. I am a baby Catholic, and not qualified, but these are my observations as a parent.
To donate your sperm to a lesbian union would be sinful for the reasons others have listed, and it would be way selling yourself short in your importance in your child’s life. YOU ARE NOT REPLACEABLE WITH ANOTHER MOMMY and that is what they are asking.
God bless you.
My husband was working long hours and didn’t see as much of him as an infant – that, and although he is a great father, babies are less his forte, he really starts to shine once kids are able to actually talk, lol. Anyway, much of my son’s parental interaction was with me and his nanny (I worked part time) whom he completely adored (and still does at 9 years old). He was very close to us, and perhaps less comfortable with his dad at that particular point in his life.
But, whenever his father was around, it was him who he would imitate. It was always Daddy he would emulate. Somehow, his baby brain just understood that he was a boy, and so was Daddy, and he wanted to “be like Daddy”, even though Mommy and nanny “Deda” were the boo-boo kissers, snack makers, etc. We could not begin to replace a daddy with 2 mommies, not at 18 months, certainly not at 9.
We have a daughter, too. Mommies and Daddies both are just as important for daughters, as ours enters her teen years, and gains in grace and confidence. It is more subtle, and hard to explain, but our girl has had no premature “boyfriend” relationships, or absence of male affection that adores her.
And a "father figure " is NOT a father. Not even close.
Others here are far more well versed in explaining the reasons from the perspective of the Catholic Faith. I am a baby Catholic, and not qualified, but these are my observations as a parent.
To donate your sperm to a lesbian union would be sinful for the reasons others have listed, and it would be way selling yourself short in your importance in your child’s life. YOU ARE NOT REPLACEABLE WITH ANOTHER MOMMY and that is what they are asking.
God bless you.
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EasterJoy
Guest
This is a Catholic forum, please!
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