Suspecting child abuse/grooming-- Need opinions and perspective

[Crown_of_Stars]

Yes, When a medical examiner is asked to do an exam for suspected sex abuse/assault. They will need to visual look at private parts, pictures may need to be obtained of those parts, swabs may need to be obtained of those parts. An exam of this nature is not like bringing a child to the doctor to r/o an ear infection…in which all they need to do is look into a child’s ear. A sex abuse medical exam is much much more involved than that and yes it can be very damaging to the dignity of the victim. Which is why I say, I would not recommend that route, unless someone with legal authority, in the midst of their investigation (such as CPS) determines that this exam from a physician/nurse examiner is necessary.

Thank you for answering me. I’m horrified. I feel they should at least put the poor child under so she is asleep during such a thing. She’s endured enough. This makes me very angry, actually!!! Not at you, of course. The situation!!! I’m so mad!!! I can’t help it.

 

[Legend]

First, let me say that I’m horrified at this, especially a man sitting on a young girl! This is entirely inappropriate.
Also, a background attitude is emerging in your posts…the parents, especially the mother, seem to be encouraging these visits, and purposely ‘not seeing’ what is going on. Are their lives so complicated that they would ignore what Ron is most likely doing (sexually abusing one or more of their children) simply to keep him in a ‘helping’ role in their family?!
Authorities should have been called years ago! Believe it or not, this attitude is not that uncommon in dysfunctional families. Ron may be the only person who has offered to help out so completely. Even the kids may be seeing Ron in a positive light, as negative attention is still attention-and they may not have much experience with normal, healthy expressions of love.

But, this remains an extremely sick situation. Call the authorities as soon as possible. You owe it to these innocent children! There is always the risk of overzealous workers who would insist on pelvic exams in order to ‘make these predators pay the maximum penalty’ but just your descriptions, here in writing, have convinced most of us that what Ron is doing is not normal, and that he should be kept away from the children. Please, don’t let anything or anyone keep you from contacting Child Protective services-immediately!

 

[Virga]

Just an update:

I called CPS earlier this week and told them about Ron’s behavior and my observations. I was told that while it does seem off, what I’ve described has not met the criteria for CPS to get involved, especially since my niece has not said anything to me and I have not seen physical signs of sexual abuse *.

Person on the phone’s advice were what most posters have suggested: to speak to my sister and to speak to my niece, allowing her to feel safe and remind her of boundaries that others should not cross etc.

I’ll continue keeping an eye out and spend more time with the kids. I’m trying to find a good time to speak to my sister. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts.*

 

[Viki63]

Another thought occurred to me: even if Ron is totally innocent, and behaving the way he does because he is socially immature and can only relate well to young children, his behavior is desensitizing the children. They are being set up for grooming and molestation by someone else, And given the obtuseness of the parents and the vulnerability of the children, this seems quite likely.
If the young girl thinks a guy laying on her and rubbing her back in front of the family is okay, someday it’ll be a teacher or soccer coach, and she’ll think it’s fine then too, until it’s too late.

.

 

[Virga]

Another thought occurred to me: even if Ron is totally innocent, and behaving the way he does because he is socially immature and can only relate well to young children, his behavior is desensitizing the children. They are being set up for grooming and molestation by someone else, And given the obtuseness of the parents and the vulnerability of the children, this seems quite likely.
If the young girl thinks a guy laying on her and rubbing her back in front of the family is okay, someday it’ll be a teacher or soccer coach, and she’ll think it’s fine then too, until it’s too late.

.

Yes you’re right. As I mentioned in a previous post, my niece said what Ron did was okay… But I told her it wasn’t appropriate even if it was meant to be innocent. It seemed most difficult for her to be open to the idea that Ron, someone so friendly and kind, might be doing something harmful to her.

She’s so used to her parents’ abrasive attitudes that she thinks it’s normal. She and her sister even said they’re fine with it, but that shows how they’re likely to put up with bad treatment or feel responsible for it in future situations. However,I think or at least hope some cogs have started turning since our last conversation.

 

[pianistclare]

Just an update:

I called CPS earlier this week and told them about Ron’s behavior and my observations. I was told that while it does seem off, what I’ve described has not met the criteria for CPS to get involved, especially since my niece has not said anything to me and I have not seen physical signs of sexual abuse *.

Person on the phone’s advice were what most posters have suggested: to speak to my sister and to speak to my niece, allowing her to feel safe and remind her of boundaries that others should not cross etc.

I’ll continue keeping an eye out and spend more time with the kids. I’m trying to find a good time to speak to my sister. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts.*

**
Make an appointment** at CPS and ask to meet with someone in charge.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

All your family except you copy off each other. Their opinions aren’t to be trusted.

Ron is more than backward.

If Ron did those things to Charity IN FRONT OF YOU ALL and she has been with him all day and she says it’s all right, it’s NOT all right. They have a bond.

If CPS have a hang-up about things “pelvic” that’s their affair.

If the family choose to cold shoulder you, hopefully they won’t want to do anything more to you than that.

Are other church members, friends or neighbours able to support your initiative in trying to save these girls and/or their parents? Either by praying or by advocating with the girls’ parents or with an outside body?

Five Our Fathers said.

 

[runningdude]

I would like to add my voice to say that some sort of intervention is necessary here, and that “Ron”, as you describe, seems very creeping and questionable.

I might recommend, however, that you schedule an appointment with a therapist yourself. Discuss what you are seeing with a therapist, and work with her to learn ways to cope with the stress you are experiencing, and skills and strategies to help navigate your family’s difficult dynamic.

This will simply not be an easy process. Schedule this appointment, whether you call CPS or not, and I am leaning towards maybe calling, as even if no actual sexual abuse is occurring, a social worker might be able to help address some of the emotional abuse and potential physical abuse you are describing.

Certainly call if your personal therapist recommends it!

 

[pianistclare]

I would like to add my voice to say that some sort of intervention is necessary here, and that “Ron”, as you describe, seems very creeping and questionable.

I might recommend, however, that you schedule an appointment with a therapist yourself. Discuss what you are seeing with a therapist, and work with her to learn ways to cope with the stress you are experiencing, and skills and strategies to help navigate your family’s difficult dynamic.

This will simply not be an easy process. Schedule this appointment, whether you call CPS or not, and I am leaning towards maybe calling, as even if no actual sexual abuse is occurring, a social worker might be able to help address some of the emotional abuse and potential physical abuse you are describing.

Certainly call if your personal therapist recommends it!

YES,
OP:

Is there no one in your parish that is a Social Worker? I would ask the pastor for resources. the Diocese has OODLES of people you can call and report this to.
Don’t stop with one uncooperative social worker.
it matter. It’s imperative that you get these people HELP NOW.