Suspicious of Traveling husband :(

[scarlet405]

I wish I had trusted my instincts the FIRST time I couldn’t reach my traveling husband and the explanations just didn’t seem to add up.

Many men and women travel and work very hard in all kinds of situations without compromising themselves or their families.

Others do not. Sometimes the ones you would least expect to not . . .

I realize, and agree, that talking with friends and family about the marriage is often a bad idea; but it may be time to discuss your fears and feelings with an outsider. I was isolated, too; and there was no one to counter his explanations. I would never have spoken ill of my husband, and, as a result, there was no one to say to me, “you’re right – that just doesn’t sound right to me, either.”

I agree with this with the exception of one thing. It really doesn’t matter who you talk to, they are going to try to reassure you that everything is ok, and that you are overreacting. People ALWAYS protect the cheater, because they think they are protecting YOU. Now having said that, I still believe you should talk with your husband first, and try to work things through: get involved in the money, make scheduled times of the day to speak when he is traveling (give a couple of hours flexibility). Give him the benefit of the doubt. But if deep down in your heart you know things are not right, pray about it and think about it. Ask God what you should do. Remember this denial is always the first answer.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m sorry but I don’t really understand this at all. Are you saying women shouldn’t be in the workforce at all? Or in jobs where they don’t work around men? Because that’s what it would take in order for a man and a woman not to be around each more than their spouse. I work 40-60 hours a week and I see people at work more than I see my husband and child some weeks.

I agree with you maria.

Some women have to work. If you are worried that you have a cheating spouse…ask him to quit his/her job, and see if it corrects the problem. Cheating is not more pronouced in the work place. If someone wants to cheat, he/she will find a way.

Working outside of the home for women, is not going against the Church, or God. Somewhere along the lines, some people started looking at it as such, but Mary and other women worked in the fields. If you go to third world countries, many women work out in the fields with men.

I am in the business world, and have been approached, and I have always declined, of course. I have always told people I am happily married…and it has not been an issue. If a man or woman wouldn’t cheat out of work, being at work, isn’t going to change things. On that note, though…did anyone ever hear about how Billy Graham, on his business trips with women, or with women meeting with him in his office–how he always had a third person, typically male, accompanying him? For a variety of reasons, I’m sure he chose to do this, but it shows that there can be temptation, and having a ‘chaperone’ there can lessen the pull to do something wrong. I always found that admirable.

But…I have been on long car rides with men and women, and nothing ever happened…not remotely. I don’t think that men and women not working together is the problem. And, I have known stay at home moms, and not stay at home moms who are afraid of losing their husbands, and thus sometimes, look at things as suspicious.

So, there are a lot of variables here. But, to eliminate men and women working together, is kind of archaic thinking. lol Especially if there are women who need to provide for their families out of necessity. Not all women can be stayathome moms…or some are divorced. The key for you movingmom, is to just talk it out with your husband…and at some stage, you have to trust him…but if you don’t, and you see true signs of ‘something afoot,’ then I would seek counseling together. That is why we look at marriage as a vocation–it does take work sometimes. God bless you movingmom–I pray for God to provide you with new insight into this.

 

[maria29]

Dear Maria,

Yep, I actually mean that men and women should not be working side by side for long periods of time, nor should they be on business trips sharing a ride, a hotel or a hot tub…

Maybe people who are married should choose careers that keep a more stable home life and not travel. Yes, it is ideal for women to be at home, in my opinion.

I am sorry but I don’t agree with at all and in many ways offensive to the men and women on here who have to work in order to provide for their families.

If if was up to you there would be no women doctors, teachers, scientists etc basically any job is out because as a woman you’d be required to spend time around the opposite sex since it would be unavoidable.

 

[kage_ar]

Every single business trip I’ve ever been on - not one hot-tub involved. Polyester business suits and long hours…

This thread has gone down the usual “working women = sin” path. Sigh.

If someone is going to cheat, they will do it at home or on the road. Sin does not respect geographical boundries.

There is no “women shalt not work” 6th commandment.

There is also no prohibition on men and women being friends. The CCC teaches us…

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.
Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.

 

[scarlet405]

Every single business trip I’ve ever been on - not one hot-tub involved. Polyester business suits and long hours…

This thread has gone down the usual “working women = sin” path. Sigh.

If someone is going to cheat, they will do it at home or on the road. Sin does not respect geographical boundries.

There is no “women shalt not work” 6th commandment.

There is also no prohibition on men and women being friends. The CCC teaches us…

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.
Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.

You know while I might agree with most of what you said and I do believe in the virtue of Chastity, but I live in a real world. I believe that men and women can work together, I also believe they can become too close and this can cause an adulturous relationship whether it is on the job, at church, or with your neighbor. Men and women can NOT spend time after time after time together, bonding and forging a relationship and not expect (except with the most Godly people) to go beyond what is acceptable. Remember we still dwell on Earth and as long as we are here temptation is just a stone’s throw away.

As I said I believe in the virtue of Chastity and have ALWAYS lived it, but I know so very many people in my small community that it is a sport to see how many notches they can obtain be they male or female. FYI, if you think the school you send your child to is safe from adulturous staff and teachers, think again I work with some of the best. Evil is out here people, guard against it. Do your job, visit your neighbor but watch what you do and how you represent not only yourself and your family, but watch how you represent God.

Maybe I am too harsh, but we have to protect our right to have a Christian Family in this day and time and we have to PROTECT the rights of our innocent children and raise them in a Godly fashion and sometimes that means getting back to basic old fashioned “Family Values”.

 

[Mograce]

Actually, I believe I mentioned in my post that there are always exceptions-which would indicate the divorced women (how did they get that way?) and the widowed and the single women, who must work outside the home…

While the “working” women comment, -Yes, I’ve been hit upon but I’ve never done anything- I cringe with the close calls you have been exposed to in the work environment you have chosen for yourself.

As a stay at homer with kids to educate, I’m happy to say that I have never been “hit upon” nor propositioned in the life I have chosen. (No, I’m not ugly or weird but rather attractive, they say.) I spend time with my “men friends” with my husband present and the men friend’s wives present. We all appreciate chastity and friendship. No one hits on anyone. I would never think of asking a man friend over for a drink while my husband is gone. That is an occasion of sin and Satan is WAITING for any little opening we give him to insert “feelings” and “desires”. Marriage is his number one target, folks.

Should we be proud to say we spend more time with Co-workers than the time with our children and husband/wife? Is this something to strive for? Will the amount of time we spend at work with Co-worker/s mean anything to us on our deathbeds?

I realize the world has sold us this big bright package that you are worth nothing unless you bring in money…that women aren’t quite living up to their potential unless they are side by side with a man at work. That just isn’t true.

This isn’t the old women at work=sin…This is a different twist. Someone obviously has to work to support the family. Statistics are saying men generally make more money…so that would be a big factor in why it would be the woman who would logically stay at home with kids.

No one said a working woman=sin. An over-working anyone =Occasion of sin- whether it be a man working too closely with women or visa versa.

At home, I guarantee I am much less likely to have an affair than a working woman/man. Facts and all. We have all heard the polls. Most affairs do occur from the workplace!

Do people go out and hunt at bars/parks/bus stops for people to cheat with? Yes.

But, isn’t it more likely that an affair would develop with someone we already know and have a "relationship/friendship/work relationship with? Someone we “have to” be with more than our spouse? Someone who admires us and we see them at their best everyday, instead of the sweat pants like the spouse wears?

If it was up to me, the mothers would be raising their children at home instead of the daycare or Grandma or the neighbor. If it was up to me, people would put their Catholic faith before their love of power, money, vain glory and nice vehicles and vacations. If it was up to me, no one would get too familiar with their co-workers and take chances with their souls and marriages. If it was up to me, Daddies would be at home to bless their children and tuck them in every night.

Archaic? Maybe, but it works better than the alternative “new” way.

 

[whatevergirl]

Actually, I believe I mentioned in my post that there are always exceptions-which would indicate the divorced women (how did they get that way?) and the widowed and the single women, who must work outside the home…

While the “working” women comment, -Yes, I’ve been hit upon but I’ve never done anything- I cringe with the close calls you have been exposed to in the work environment you have chosen for yourself.

As a stay at homer with kids to educate, I’m happy to say that I have never been “hit upon” nor propositioned in the life I have chosen. (No, I’m not ugly or weird but rather attractive, they say.) I spend time with my “men friends” with my husband present and the men friend’s wives present. We all appreciate chastity and friendship. No one hits on anyone. I would never think of asking a man friend over for a drink while my husband is gone. That is an occasion of sin and Satan is WAITING for any little opening we give him to insert “feelings” and “desires”. Marriage is his number one target, folks.

Should we be proud to say we spend more time with Co-workers than the time with our children and husband/wife? Is this something to strive for? Will the amount of time we spend at work with Co-worker/s mean anything to us on our deathbeds?

I realize the world has sold us this big bright package that you are worth nothing unless you bring in money…that women aren’t quite living up to their potential unless they are side by side with a man at work. That just isn’t true.

This isn’t the old women at work=sin…This is a different twist. Someone obviously has to work to support the family. Statistics are saying men generally make more money…so that would be a big factor in why it would be the woman who would logically stay at home with kids.

No one said a working woman=sin. An over-working anyone =Occasion of sin- whether it be a man working too closely with women or visa versa.

At home, I guarantee I am much less likely to have an affair than a working woman/man. Facts and all. We have all heard the polls. Most affairs do occur from the workplace!

Do people go out and hunt at bars/parks/bus stops for people to cheat with? Yes.

But, isn’t it more likely that an affair would develop with someone we already know and have a "relationship/friendship/work relationship with? Someone we “have to” be with more than our spouse? Someone who admires us and we see them at their best everyday, instead of the sweat pants like the spouse wears?

If it was up to me, the mothers would be raising their children at home instead of the daycare or Grandma or the neighbor. If it was up to me, people would put their Catholic faith before their love of power, money, vain glory and nice vehicles and vacations. If it was up to me, no one would get too familiar with their co-workers and take chances with their souls and marriages. If it was up to me, Daddies would be at home to bless their children and tuck them in every night.

Archaic? Maybe, but it works better than the alternative “new” way.

Truthfully, marriages are not breaking up by and large, due to people running off with others at work. I think that people can have affairs in working situations, sure. But, I don’t look at my life as selling out for money or anything like that. There is an old saying…don’t judge a person, unless you have walked a mile in his/her shoes. Not all women who are divorced were working women who didn’t want to spend time with their families. I have known quite a few stay at home moms, who’s husband upped and left, and they had to find ways to make ends meet…those might be who are working as single (divorced) mothers. So, please don’t be quick to judge. I know that you have good intentions…you sound like a great mom, wife, and person. But, it is unfair to put labels on situations that we really know nothing about.

Anyways…sorry to the OP if we have gone off topic.

 

[scarlet405]

“DITTO” Mograce, you hit the nail on the HEAD!!! Do not get too comfortable with those friends though, the devil gets to them also. The largest percent of cheaters, cheat with someone familiar and if the wife is a stay at homer…a lot of times it’s her best friend, I’ve seen it. The stats are accurate.

 

[Aninhas]

I am sorry but I don’t agree with at all and in many ways offensive to the men and women on here who have to work in order to provide for their families.

If if was up to you there would be no women doctors, teachers, scientists etc basically any job is out because as a woman you’d be required to spend time around the opposite sex since it would be unavoidable.

There is nothing wrong men and women working together. I work with a lot of male co-workers. But what you should avoid is certain signs of affection. Like kissing a man at your work just because he told you are fantastic today… or hugging a man everytime you see him.

There is also no prohibition on men and women being friends. The CCC teaches us…

**2347 **The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.
Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.

Friendship is not have physical contacts with the opposite sex. You can work with men, be kind, nice and gentle to them. Help them if they need your help, and pray for them. This is holy friendship. Calling them at night, kissing them at work, talk with them with sensual voice, dress with short skirts to impress them or make yourself sexually interesting, leads to adultery.

Yes, the Catholic Church approves friendship between man and woman. But you don’t see the Pope or the Bishops drinking cofee or holding hands with women, right?

 

[kentuckyliz]

My mom was a very savvy lady. After her death, I found a lot of her letters that Dad had saved, and read them. Oh, my. There was a section of letters that she had packed in his suitcase when he went on business trips. They were very romantic and even steamy. She knew how to keep his attention fixed on home.

I don’t know if she had particular concerns, or if Dad ever cheated–he just doesn’t seem capable of it, he’s such a moral guy. But she knew that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.

Now about men and women working together–I can think of only a few workplace affairs over my working career. No one got divorced, and both the man and the woman lost respect in the eyes of their colleagues for behaving this way, and there were consequences to their reputations and careers. It’s just not acceptable.

I’m a single woman and have traveled and worked with men and never been hit on. I have a sense of humor and fun but I don’t cross the line and act in a sexy or flirtatious way. I am attractive but have never been hit on by colleagues. I think it’s because I’m a sincere Catholic and have morals. If someone actually tried to hit on me, I would be surprised and offended, like, what makes you even think that I would be approachable in that way? What have I said or done that makes you think I have low morals?

The same applies to a man. If men are being hit on in the workplace, what are they saying or doing that makes other women think they’re approachable that way?

Re married couples and finances, you should start reading and listening to Dave Ramsey. He is excellent in this area.
www.daveramsey.com I’m a big fan. And being economically productive and financially savvy and a good advisor to your husband is part of being a Proverbs 31 woman.

I also think you should appreciate your husband for being a good provider and making all the sacrifices that his career demands, for the sake of his family. Not enough men get appreciated for this and they crave it. Even if there’s things you don’t like about the job–the hours, the travel–appreciate him anyway. Appreciation goes a lot further than criticism.

In this economy, be grateful he has a good job, and hope he keeps it! There may come a day when you look back on this job of his with longing. There’s lots of economic instability nowadays.

 

[MSParrott]

To the OP: You had valid reasons to be upset with your DH for missing your child’s award, but (like others have said) perhaps he was having a bad day and snapped at you, but didn’t really mean it. I hope that you both can have a heart to heart talk. I think that talking with a priest or a councelor will do you both much good.

I am sorry that you have had to go through this and I hope you will update us on the situation. I will be praying for you and your family.

**I realize the world has sold us this big bright package that you are worth nothing unless you bring in money…that women aren’t quite living up to their potential unless they are side by side with a man at work. That just isn’t true. **

---

This isn’t the old women at work=sin…This is a different twist. Someone obviously has to work to support the family. Statistics are saying men generally make more money…so that would be a big factor in why it would be the woman who would logically stay at home with kids.

If it was up to me, the mothers would be raising their children at home instead of the daycare or Grandma or the neighbor. If it was up to me, people would put their Catholic faith before their love of power, money, vain glory and nice vehicles and vacations. If it was up to me, no one would get too familiar with their co-workers and take chances with their souls and marriages. If it was up to me, Daddies would be at home to bless their children and tuck them in every night.

Archaic? Maybe, but it works better than the alternative “new” way.

I apologize to the OP, but I have to comment on this. Both DH and I work - because we need both incomes not to give in to worldly goods (cars, power, vain or glory) but to survive. I was out of work for 2 months during the summer and I felt horrible for not contributing financially. DH told me not to feel bad and that he would take care of us, but I knew that as far as finances go, I had to find a job, fast!

Did I enjoy getting to spend extra time with DD? Of course! But now that I have a job it doesn’t mean I love her any less or that my Catholic faith was put on the back-burner. In fact it’s just the opposite - my faith has gotten stronger for the blessings God has provided and I treasure the time I get to spend with DD at night.

With that being said, there are some people who enjoy their job, and it is unfair to judge them for it. We don’t know what is in the hearts of others.

 

[LSK]

And just a quick aside - some women get divorced because their husbands walk out on them, not because they were bad wives.

I would also join the chorus of people urging you to become thoroughly familiar with family finances. From a very practical standpoint, women on average live longer than men. I cannot tell you the number of women who lost their husbands and found themselves absolutely lost. They had no idea where they stood financially, where the papers for their accounts, their insurance etc were, what had been paid and what hadn’t…especially in light of having children to protect and a husband who travels. Anything could happen. You need to know how your household is funded.

I spoke to my husband on the phone and thirty minutes later came home to find him dead. Do not make the mistake of thinking that life cannot have major hiccups.

 

[whatevergirl]

Also–this occured to be today…that the adultery commandment is not new…lol God handed these laws down to Moses, so obviously, people were committing adultery back during Biblical times…we see it with the story of King David…who was walking about on his rooftop, and noticed his beautiful neighbor!

This law was handed down long before there was Corporate America–(long before there was America lol) …long before there were executives, etc…the long and short of it is, is that adultery is not caused by women working with men. I think there are a myriad of reasons, why a person cheats. Frankly, I remember back in the 70’s, when my mom stayed at home, my dad having a secretary. (they were called secretaries back then) I remember when that was the main role a woman played in business back in the 50’s even…should men have not had female secretaries for fear they might be tempted? It just seems like a leap.

If you fear that your spouse cannot be with members of the opposite sex, in any setting, for hours at a time without you present, without you worrying about his/her fidelity, that says more about your trust (lack), and where you are at in your relationship, than it does about society, as a whole. That is a truth that we sometimes don’t want to face, but it is very unhealthy to think that one’s spouse might be cheating, or tempted to cheat–thoughts like this can destroy one’s self esteem, and productivity. (and marriage) God wants us to trust our spouses. Sure–there are temptations. I cannot say that I never thought like this when I was a stay at home mom…but, I prayed about it, and gave my concerns to God–and His message back was to trust…and He will take care of things.

Worrying about someone cheating, will not stop it from happening, and it can be actually very destructive, if a spouse is accusing or suspicious when the other spouse is just trying to do his/her job.

movingmom–you are in my prayers for a happy, trusting, healthy marriage!

 

[BlestOne]

Wow Mograce and Scarlet,
No offense, but you both sound like you have trust issues. Maybe it is just that you feel out of the loop or like you may be missing out on something by staying at home. Trust me, having a career is not as glamorous as it sounds. I don’t have the option to stay at home, I have to work. Although I have never had the option, so I really don’t know which I would choose if given the choice. It sounds wonderful to me to be able to stay at home, it gets pretty lonely when you have to be away from family so much. But like I said, I don’t have the option. It’s called a kid in college, a senior and a sophomore in high school and $6000 tuition to private Catholic high school and a step kid with a greedy mom that keeps going back to increase child support.

I resent that you both seem to think that wearing a bathing suit makes one sin. I am not ruled by lust, and I make that very clear, and my co-workers know I am married and we have many functions we have to attend with our spouses so we get to know each other. I am close to all the employees where I work, because we have to be. I have to trust my life to the two men I had a meeting with… Not only are we starting a major business together, but they are also my pilots, and the job all 3 of us do back at the home office requires the use of a laboratory where we could potentially blow each other up … they flew me to these meetings. Both are attractive men, and I am not ugly either, yet none of us has ever had any kind of relationship improprieties… we all know our business success depends on it, not to mention if the CEO ever thought that there was anything going on… one or more of us would be off the team… none of us would risk that!!!

Men and women can be friends in the workforce without affairs. It is a matter of giving and expecting respect. I would never be able to do the things we do if we had trust or respect issues. Yes, when I first started this job, one of the guys flirted with me but I told him I was getting married very soon and he left it alone after that which I think shows admirable respect. It just so happens that there are 3 men and 2 women where I work that are within 5 yrs of each other in age (myself included). Of those 5, 3 are single, and 2 married. Not one of us dates each other.

The CEO is about 15-20 yrs older than us and is more like a dad in a family business. He and his wife spend time with each of us individually and we also do alot together because that is how business gets done in some cases. Our job requires not only travel, but constant communication… at all hours. If I had a jealous spouse, we would have serious problems when work calls at 2 am on a Saturday night and I have to run out the door. My husband knows this phase of getting a business started won’t last forever and we will have more time together in about 8-9 months, but until then, I have to do this.

My bosses wife is really the one who set the tone for this work environment, she makes sure we all feel comfortable with each other and makes sure our spouses don’t have any problems either. Every couple months she spends time alone with us or with our spouses or kids… Maybe I am just very lucky, but my kids can drop by work to see me, as can the husband. That is when I am in town… but even when I have to travel, I can take a family member if possible. A couple years ago, my now 20 yr old son accompanied me on a trip and even worked with me to complete the out of town job.

My trips tend to be very last minute notice which could look suspicious too… I just got told that I may be going back to Alabama on Friday, and what… it is Wed??? Thankfully it is a short trip and I should be back by Sunday… actually if it were just me and the one pilot, we could come back Friday night because I know we could get the job done, but the boss wants to go and check on things… Anyway, the point is… nothing happens if we don’t want it to and we respect each others boundaries. I hate to think that the morals in this country have decayed to the point where we think affairs and workplace trysts are “normal” kwim?

To the OP… Hopefully by now you have talked to DH and both of you are much more relaxed and happy. Personally, without proof of impropriety, you need to assume that you both just had a bad and hectic day. If this continues to be a problem, the only way you are going to feel better is if he stops traveling or changes careers to be home more often.

 

[Mograce]

Regarding my last post:
“…divorced women-how did they get that way?,…”

Some posters seem to be inserting a judgment upon me, the archaic non-working mom, and assuming I was saying that it was the woman’s fault for working that caused her divorce. Not at all. Whatever caused the divorce, (cheating on male or female’s part, money problems, blah, blah,) causes women to HAVE to work outside the home just as losing one’s husband necessitates working outside the home.

Another jump to judgement-that I don’t understand the “working world”. Been there, done that. Seen it all. Hated the moral climate. Sought refuge in traditional undertakings.

That I may not realize that some couples both must work “just to survive.” I told myself that as well in the past. I guess that depends upon what is really needed! For food, used car, discount clothing, a modest home and insurance/medical care?..or for pricey Catholic and private schools, internet, satellite, cell-phones, to pay for daycare/preschool because Mom can’t figure out how to clean and deal with the kids on her own, expensive clothes or for a larger than needed home in an expensive area, for several weekly trips out to restaurants/movies/beauty salons, for huge flat screen TV’s, frequent golf, plastic surgery for vanities sake,… We all struggle with discerning what is needed.

Perhaps, we all might re-evaluate what is really a necessity and what is a want. Simplification seems to be the call of the Holy Spirit in these times. One day consumerism will come crashing down when our economy fails and leave those not used to self-control,dazed and feeling massively deprived.

The OP should be very concerned about the situation with the husband claiming he left ALL his communication devices in the rental car for 24 hours. How many workers keep themselves out of communication with their boss, who sent them somewhere for a reason?

Does this mean the OP is untrusting and has a problem because she is using her brain and is sharp to see irregularities occurring?

The modern society we exist in has, indeed, fallen so low that affairs are quite common, although not “normal” by any means. It is up to each of us to pay particular attention to our spouses and their happiness and well-being, even if that be to deprive ourselves of certain ego boosts that Co-workers are happy to provide when we cavort with them in gleeful work situations.

For my part, I don’t trouble my husband and interrogate him daily because I trust my husband. I feel confident he is not cheating. IT is the others I have trouble trusting. I don’t even want women coming on to him. I’m funny like that! I don’t want the contagion of sin near us.

The kids and I are able to go to daily Mass and I feel a certain amount of confidence in our prayers for our marriage and family, hoping that the Lord will head off any unforeseen obstacles to an intact family. However, that doesn’t preclude the exercise of free will if someone allows themselves to be in a situation they shouldn’t have allowed. What about the damage to the marrriage spiritually when a man/woman is fantasizing about someone else?

Which brings me back to the steamy hot-tub: While Blest was not lustful over her attractive Co-workers, nor does wearing a swimming suit cause HER to sin, what about the effect upon the men she was soaking with?

Shouldn’t we be concerned about the spirituallity of everyone we come into contact with-including our friends and co-workers? Not to bash men, but isn’t it more true than not that visuals are a heady temptation? If she had been “hit on/flirted with” once by one of these men in the beginning, would it not stand to reason that that man would still find her attractive and even more so in a swimming suit? It is always lovely to be found attractive and be wanted but…

And that’s it for me…I think my comments make people uncomfortable because of the traditional tone, anyway. I always find it so odd that I find Catholics who disagree with traditional values. I would have done well in the olden days, I think. I should make my own topic post so OP can get back to the forefront!

God Bless our marriages!

 

[gmarie21]

Mograce, can I just say “Wow”. Your last post was very demeaning in many ways (assuming all moms who are married are working outside the home because they don’t want to deal with spending time with their children). Sorry to say, but I know families who would love to have the wife stay home, however, while the wife has the lower paying job, she’s also the one who has the job with the health insurance (a necessity in my book). Many people work as independent contractors and make a lot more money doing so but don’t have the benefit of health insurance so the wife picks up by working for that reason so that they don’t have to dish out thousands of dollars to go to the doctor.

Does our system/society need to change to allow families to thrive and live on one income households? Yes, but unfortunately the majority in this country may agree in theory but when push comes to shove do not agree in practice. I have to move over an hour away to be able to afford a home for my daughter and myself, yet I have to factor in gas prices too. I am blessed to be able to work with my mom so my daughter can come with me. I sacrifice making 2 to 3 times more than what I make with my mom so that I can be with my daughter and help my mom (who is disabled). If my mom didn’t desperately need the help, I would be working somewhere where I could make a lot more and live closer to my family so that when I worked, my dd could be with them.

Have you checked out prices of homes lately? Maybe in your area they are affordable on one income, but I know that in most metropolitan areas a basic home is not affordable for anyone who makes under $100000. And that isn’t even factoring in all the other expenses associated with life and work.

 

[kage_ar]

Sought refuge in traditional undertakings.

Which tradition? Please, give me the time period and part of the world where then social norm mirrors your chosen lifestyle.

That I may not realize that some couples both must work “just to survive.” I told myself that as well in the past. I guess that depends upon what is really needed! For food, used car, discount clothing, a modest home and insurance/medical care?..or for pricey Catholic and private schools, internet, satellite, cell-phones, to pay for daycare/preschool because Mom can’t figure out how to clean and deal with the kids on her own, expensive clothes or for a larger than needed home in an expensive area, for several weekly trips out to restaurants/movies/beauty salons, for huge flat screen TV’s, frequent golf, plastic surgery for vanities sake,… We all struggle with discerning what is needed.

Perhaps, we all might re-evaluate what is really a necessity and what is a want.

How offensive and unkind. You owe the working moms here an apology.

Did you know that the Church has actually canonized some working women, women who were even financially successful in business?

 

[BlestOne]

Dear Lord… Help me to be patient…

Mograce… hello… how offensive! If I didn’t work, I would have no health insurance AND we literally would not eat… Who do you suggest I starve first? Me, Dh, Ds, or Dd?

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Regarding my last post:
“…divorced women-how did they get that way?,…”

Some posters seem to be inserting a judgment upon me.

No I dont think anybody judged you…you by the meer fact of how you wrote it judged!

Another jump to judgement-that I don’t understand the “working world”. Been there, done that. Seen it all. Hated the moral climate. Sought refuge in traditional undertakings.

Well goodie for you! What do you want a medal??
Do you think that somehow you are “better” than the rest of us??

That I may not realize that some couples both must work “just to survive.” I told myself that as well in the past.

Yup some of us do have to work to survive especially in this day and age. Not all of us live in a shack in the middle of nowhere growing our own food sewing our own clothes and raising our own animals.

I guess that depends upon what is really needed!

Oh gosh lets see…food, clothing, shelter, medical care/insurance., car insurance, car mantinance, property taxes, tuition to private schools as the public schools SUCK, toll money for that commute to work and if at all possible some money to put away for our kids college educations and our own retirement (you know SS barely keeps you above water)

For food, used car, discount clothing, a modest home and insurance/medical care? YES…or for pricey Catholic and private schools YES (EXPLAINED WHY ABOVE), to pay for daycare/preschool because Mom can’t figure out how to clean and deal with the kids on her own **THIS IS THE RUDEST THING I HAVE HEARD! YOU REALLY HAVE ALOT OF GUMPTION TO ASSUME THESE THINGS! ** , expensive clothes (what is expensive?) or for a larger than needed home in an expensive area (YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA DO YOU!, ,… We all struggle with discerning what is needed. Not you it seems, you have it all figrued out so well that you feel you can JUDGE AND PREACH TO US!

Perhaps, we all might re-evaluate what is really a necessity and what is a want. Perhaps you might re-evaluate what you say when you open your trap and make such nasty comments!
Simplification seems to be the call of the Holy Spirit in these times. But whose version oh master? By your standard we should all be living in shacks and eating outta garbage cans!

The OP should be very concerned about the situation with the husband claiming he left ALL his communication devices in the rental car for 24 hours. How many workers keep themselves out of communication with their boss, who sent them somewhere for a reason? Many…most bosses dont call their employees 24/7 when they are traveling. Go back to the kitchen you really have no idea what the “real” world outside your door is like!

For my part, I don’t trouble my husband and interrogate him daily because I trust my husband. I feel confident he is not cheating. **GREAT…PEOPLE LIKE YOU USUALLY ARE THE LAST TO KNOW! Statistics dont lie **

And that’s it for me…I think my comments make people uncomfortable because of the traditional tone, No that is not the issue it is your HOLIER THAN THOUGH ATTITUDE that does it for me!
anyway. I always find it so odd that I find Catholics who disagree with traditional values. I would have done well in the olden days, I think. I should make my own topic post so OP can get back to the forefront!

God Bless our marriages!

 

[MSParrott]

I don’t mean to take this thread away from the OP, but again I feel the need to respond. I apologize if I reacted in a way where I was placing judgement upon you Mograce, however I do feel that perhaps you are placing an unfair judgement upon those of us that have to work.

Speaking from my own experience, we have 1 vehicle - an almost 7 year old station wagon, our child goes to public school because unfortunately we cannot afford to send her to Catholic school - not because we are living “high off the hog”, but because like many others, we have monthly financial obligations that have to be met in order to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. We have the basic necessities, definitely no exotic vacations or designer clothes for us - we’re a Wal-Mart family.

You are blessed that you have the option to stay home and homeschool your children - God Bless you! But please don’t pass judgement on those of us that HAVE to work. Judgement hurts and I didn’t see anyone judging you until the first stone was cast. Everyone has their own frame of mind, and it’s obvious that we will just have to agree to disagree. But for goodness sakes please don’t judge.

To the OP, again I apologize and I am continuing to pray for you and your family.