Suspicious of Traveling husband :(

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OP…

I too must apologize for going off topic. I am sorry for derailing your thread…that was not my intention.
God Bless!
 
Wow… there have been many posts on this thread.
To the OP:

I am praying for both of you. God probably has many wonderful things in store for your future, be patient and trust in Him. As for your husband, have you ever thought of attending Marriage Encounter? I am sure that this one incidence doesn’t encompass all of your doubts or issues in your marriage and although to some it may seem like a trivial incident on one day, it wasn’t to you, otherwise you would not have posted here. There is also a book called the 5 Love Languages that might help both of you love eachother/ communicate in a way that both of you feel loved by one another. I know it helped me see a lot of flaws in the way I was communicating with my SO. Good Luck, my prayers are with you.
God Bless.
 
While I am sorry to be the cause of such ire, never did I say that ALL working moms were wrong. How is it that you felt you were being judged? If you aren’t a working mom who frivolously wastes money that could be spent keeping the mom or dad at home with the kids, why would you be upset & feel judged? Just as I said…there are needs and wants. My listing of the needs matched the very things some so hotly & needlessly tried to defend. We have the same needs. Food, clothing, insurance,a big home that is a necessity because there are four kids, my mom & dad (RIP) lives/d with us,educational expenses, vehicle expenses, etc.too. I never said anyone should go without these things.
I certainly didn’t intend to convey judgement, whatever one’s definition of that may be…because I have no idea whether any of you are going to hell or straight to heaven. Saying “X” is going to hell would be judging.
The mom who takes birth control pills will be upset when someone tells her it is against the Church’s teaching. She will shout, “How dare you judge me.You have no idea what I’ve been through.” Yet, it is still wrong and we can still say that without judging. We have the Church.
So, not knowing any of you personally, I would have no idea whether or not you NEED to work. It is likely that some moms on here do waste money…others may actually NEED to work. AND I never said it was a mortal sin to work…even if you don’t need to do so. The only assumption I make is that you would want to be with your kids.
Maybe there are insecurities with some of your choices that make you second guess whether it might be possible for some working moms to be at home. Or maybe you feel bad for NOT actually wanting to be at home. Second guessing your choice isn’t always a bad thing. It looks like it touched a nerve in someone to know that I was once in the “working mom club” and left. That means, in your mind, that I look down on you. Nope. But, I can hope for you that same peace that came when I found a way to be with my kids. They are the most important focus in my life and if that means I get looked down on by you for choosing to make the sacrifices to make it happen that I can be with them all day, every day…oh, well. My many homeschooling friends & friends who send their kids to school have found ways to make it work, as well. Some of their husbands make WAY less than mine and none of us live in shacks or in the middle of nowhere. We don’t even grow our own food or sew our own clothes. (Never took home-ec).Some of you could possibly make it happen too without going hill-billy. (Which isn’t really the norm for homeschoolers FYI)

We all just do the best we can at the time, with the knowledge we have then and have the regret later. I wasted about eight years before I was able to figure out a way to be at home. Missing out on that time with the kids is a regret of mine. God gave me children and I believe that is the primary responsibility-to raise them myself. It really bothered me that someone else saw milestones that I missed out on while I was managing things at work. Then, I’d come home feed them and too soon it was time for bed so I could truck them off to daycare the next day. But, I saw my life as doing what was needed…going to school to get my degree while working too…finding a job…felt a bit better when the oldest were in school because I didn’t feel quite so guilty (they HAVE to go, don’t they so I might as well work…) then there was aftercare…I didn’t have time to worry about whether they were even learning the Faith sufficiently-I left that others too.

I think anything that raises internal questions involving our parenting tends to affect us and moreover the stronger the reaction, the more soul searching may be needed. A good friend of mine made me really mad when she reminded me what my vocation as a wife and mother was about. But, in the end, she was right. I needed to change my ways & so I leaned on God to help me. It may seem impossible but He can do anything.

After praying about it and seeing how I actually wanted a change, I asked God to help me be at home. I told my husband I felt like I should be at home and he balked about it saying there was no way etc. We ended up actually losing everything we owned in a disaster and had to start over three months after I quit work. Our insurance wouldn’t pay for a “flash” flood. I was just pleased that we were rescued by boat and lived. I thought, “Great. Now I know I’ll need to work.” I had began to homeschool right away and so the kids had already been pulled from school. Surprisingly, God made it so we made it okay with me at home, despite the odds. Sure, not without sacrifices, not without fear initially…but it has been seven years. We have been blessed by our decision and we don’t regret it.So, it is possible to be at home with God’s Divine assistance. Ask for it, if you’d like to try.
 
Oh I understand, Mograce. For instance, the mother who decided to forgo much and stay home with her children will often feel as though she is being looked down upon by those who are out in the world AND raising their children. I have seen women who have been so blessed to have a husband at all, let alone a husband who makes enough money to make it possible for his wife to stay at home and raise HIS children that she is incapable of having any kind of compassion for those couples who are not in that position. She will point at any kind of material things they have and shout, “SEE! I TOLD you the only reason you are working and not staying at home raising your children is because you are SELFISH” and then be surprised when the very person she is trying to convince of the righteousness of her position withdraws.
It is almost as sad as the woman who quite rightfully questions her husband regarding his whereabouts being told that somehow, by doing so, she is being insecure and naggy. Rather than being guided towards, perhaps, a more productive way to ask the question she is somehow lead to believe that asking the question at all means SHE is at fault.
I think the OP has a very good reason for wanting her husband to be easily accessible at any time. While she may need to come up with a more productive way to give him this information, she has the right as his partner in life to do so. I also urge her, as someone who has experienced sudden loss of a spouse, to not be kept in the dark at all about her family finances. That is dangerous for him, for her and for her children.

Well, now that we all know that those mothers who work are wonderful and those who stay at home are wonderful and that no one is judging anyone simply by what they see on the outside, don’t we all feel better?👍
 
Mograce said:
While I am sorry to be the cause of such ire, never did I say that ALL working moms were wrong. How is it that you felt you were being judged? If you aren’t a working mom who frivolously wastes money that could be spent keeping the mom or dad at home with the kids, why would you be upset & feel judged?

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Seems like your “judging” again:shrug: using “your” own set of standards.
 
I’m really sorry you are going through this. But I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been a stay at home mom and I also didn’t have access to any financial information. Late 2006 my husband had gone on a business trip out of state. When he returned he was not acting the same. He became less affectionate, talkative and when I asked what was going on he just got upset. That night I was walking by him and he was writing an email, he got all nervous and quickly closed the window. But I read the first part. It started out with sweetie… And I knew something was wrong. He said it was work related. Then I asked why did it begin with sweetie. He said I was overreacting. Changed his story said it was for me but he never sent me emails or called me sweetie before. Fast forward a year, now he has something going on with his co-worker that got transfered from out of state to where he works. He sent the kids and me away to my parents out of state. I don’t think you’re husband is cheating but there could be temptation.Is he still affectionate with you? He still goes to church so thats a good sign. I think that maybe you need to get some time for yourself. Maybe take a college course,yoga or work part time so that you can distract your mind. Also I would recommend reading What Every Man Wants in a Woman by John Hagee. It has some good advice that I wish I had read a year ago. Don’t keep bringing up the subject, that may push him away. If it was a one time occurance I think its ok, but if it keeps happening or he acts out of character then I would worry. Pray for your husband that he be kept from temptation.

Iris79
 
movingmom said:
Little backround, I am a stay at home mom for the last 10 years (3 kids). My husband travels frequently as part of his job. I have always had my insecurities about him traveling, me staying home doing the everyday stuff. His life = glamour, mine = mundane. He has told me that it is no picnic traveling, being away from his family and I believe it - sort of.
I called him approx 3 times to let him know how the kids did. Finally at about 6:00pm I got a creepy call from someone from the “cable company.” I got weirded out and really needed to talk to him - no answer. Finally he calls at 9:30 like there‘s no big deal. I ask if he‘s hurt/in the hospital before I lay into him about being irresponsible, what if the kids are hurt and I couldn‘t reach him etc. He says his phone and blackberry (which, I am not kidding are vitual extensions of his body) were both left in the rental car most of the day. I found this incredible hard to believe, he did not contact ANYONE for 24 hours, not me, not work, nobody? He literally does not go anywhere without his phone. I asked him if I was supposed to believe this and he said he didn‘t have to put up with listening to me and hung up.
He spends most week days away from the house. He has his own work laptop, phone, expense account. He does the bills for our home. I would have no idea if takes out money and where it goes. On the flip side, when his is home he is always accounted for. He doesn‘t go outside to use the phone, he doesn‘t text much, I do all of the wash, he goes to Mass with me and loves his kids. However, when he works from the office (about 45 minutes from here) he comes home most nights at about 8:00 and some nights much later after business dinners. I have always trusted him and let him have free reign concerning his hours.
Am I missing something? Is he just the workaholic I think he is or is there something going on? I have no money of my own to speak of, I have no access to his phone or computer. Should I just let this go? He is flying home tonight, he is supposed to go to Mass with us this evening. Any advice and prayers would be greatly appeciated!
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  1. You have been a stay at home mom for 10 yrs and you don’t have access to the bank accounts. Lady, it’s 2008, get a grip. Do you have a computer at home for your use? If not, get one. Get the online banking info and learn how to use it. If you don’t know how to operate a computer many community colleges offer night classes on the cheap. Heck, I’ll come over and show you.
  2. His life=glamous …yours mundane…you chose to stay at home. Not all stay at home moms view their lives as mundane.
  3. You should have access to the insurance policies, credit cards, mortgage statements, tax notices, car notes, medical bills and insurance. Is the house and car in YOUR name too? If not, you are really missing the boat here and should know better.
  4. I’d hang up on you too. I work with directly with all men. We have a guy whose wife calls every hour on the hour. It really ticks him off and annoys the heck out of me because his line rings to mine when he is not at his desk and I have to answer it. A call at lunch is fine…you’ll live until he calls you before the kidlets go to bed. Most cell phones have speakers…why not say your prayers together with daddy over the phone when he is away?
  5. How do you think military wives survive? It ain’t easy, but it is possible.
  6. You can handle the cable guy, come on now.
  7. You are the captain of the Home Ship. Run it! And learn something for yourself. Read, take a computer class, have a mom’s morning with other stay at home moms & kids. When the kids are in school, do something YOU enjoy for YOU.
 
Mograce: And that’s it for me…I think my comments make people uncomfortable because of the traditional tone, anyway. I always find it so odd that I find Catholics who disagree with traditional values. I would have done well in the olden days,

Mograce…I must say you are really something. The suffregettes must be rolling over in their graves.

Olden days…ah yes…
  • women could not vote
  • women could not own property
  • women could not have bank accounts
  • women did not discuss politics
  • women were not allowed to run for office (heck, they couldn’t vote)
  • women were not encouraged to persue higher education
  • women could not take out loans or credit without “permission” and a signature from their husbands
We’ve come a long way baby…and I for one…like it!

I think you scaring the OP into abject submission is way over the top. Your suspicions about women who work with your husband do not help the OP at all, in fact they confirm her worst nightmare. Something of which may not even be true.

I work with men. I prefer working with men. They don’t have “issues”. It is, or it isn’t. I have been happily married for 26 yrs and looking at someone’s elses husband is just ridiculas. We don’t discuss personal issues…it’s business or the weather. Keeps things in focus.

However, I will say…a stressed out man at work…is easy pickens for a vixen. Wife calling 10 times a day doesn’t help with the stress. Our supervisor has counseled a few of the guys about wives calling constantly without an emergency. That adds “stress”. Remember ladies, if hubby is happy at work, the bills get paid. Keep him happy at home…and he won’t roam.
 
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