Take the screaming baby out, please.

[PPeterson]

I think everyone is happy to see babies and children at Mass. But when a child is screaming for 10 minutes, it is time to take the child out.

I am just starting my take the baby to mass days, as my first baby is one year old. Either my wife or I always take our son out as soon as he starts screaming.

However, in my experience, nasty looks from other parishioners frequently start with the very first peep a baby makes. If he makes one noise, often there is an old lady head somewhere within view snapping around to glare before I can say “shhhh.” My family is on the move a lot, visiting our many relatives, and attending mass in many different parishes, and I think this has been pretty consistent.

I’m willing to believe that all the posters in this forum are kind souls who refrain from giving babbling infants the stink eye. Still, just going to mass baby-in-tow generally involves being mean-mugged (getting mean looks) at some point (unless one stays in the crying room the whole time).

 

[zab]

Well, nursing a baby is the best way to keep him or her quiet. But if that had happened, this thread would be about the rudeness of a mother breastfeeding in mass.

No if’s about it. It happens all the time in our church but it is so discreet that I doubt that many other parishioners even know about it. There are some neat cover up wraps that help. One of our parishioners has a business selling these breastfeeding coverup wraps.

 

[Lorrie]

I don’t personally like to nurse in Mass because I know it bothers some people.

I don’t have children so I don’t know much about nursing, but I’ve heard of women using a breast pump and then feeding their baby the milk through a regular bottle - maybe this would be an easier route (if it’s not too time consuming)?

However, in my experience, nasty looks from other parishioners frequently start with the very first peep a baby makes. If he makes one noise, often there is an old lady head somewhere within view snapping around to glare before I can say “shhhh.”

This is sad and I’m sorry that you have to deal with this type of behavior from others. Babies make noises, they cry, this can’t be helped. My only gripe was a baby screaming for 10 minutes with no action from the parents. I can’t see the reasoning for people giving parents a bad look just because their baby makes a peep.

 

[OhMalley]

We take our little one out as soon as she starts to act up… and no food or drinks (after all, it’s only an hour). However I have more compassion then I did pre-baby for the poor mom who’s by herself with four kids trying to get the two year old to be quiet and not getting up and leaving because she doesn’t want to leave the other three (under the age of six) by themselves. I imagine the five of them could trudge back and forth down the aisle each time the little one cries, but then people would probably complain about that.

Of course we could just give the mom mean looks and then wonder why there’s hardly any young families in our parishes. I can think of quite a few things more inappropriate going on then some poor mother trying to keep her baby quiet (although I do agree that it’s just common sense to take them out). I find it far more annoying when adults sit in the car and smoke and then come in and reek for the net hour right next to me.

Our old priest used to stop mid homily when a baby would cry and go over, pick up the child and tell us that this child needed to be cherished… Just a thought, although I know it can be hard to focus on anything else when you’re annoyed… like how I feel when I’m next to a smoker who’s come in at the last minute and there are no seats left to move to!

Great post. I remember being a visitor at a Saturday vigil Mass just before the Agnus Dei a baby started crying. The priest stopped the Mass and (apparently) stared at the woman who was standing in the back (actually in the small vestibule) trying to quiet her infant. She finally said in a half nervous/scared, half exhausted voice “do you want us to go outside?” (it was pouring oustide) and he said “why do you think I stopped the Mass?” I was floored! Anyway she left with her child, the Mass went on.

Just before the closing prayer he asked those of us in the pews if he had done the right thing – he clearly knew he had made a mistake yet he was seeking support for his decision. Sure enough we were treated to a chorus of “you did the right thing, father”, etc.
I said “oh come on grow-up father. That was a mother with an infant and it’s pouring out.” I could hear the inappropriate comments from his minions. THAT was the straw that broke the camel’s back! I then said that any man who had a problem with my comment could discuss it with me outside and I walked out before the final blessing.

Sure enough there’s a guy right behind me! I gave him a very hard look and said “do you have a problem with what I said?” He said no, that he too was offended and he followed me to watch my back! That was cool. No one chose to debate us that evening.

I was out of line – even way out of line but that was a very bad evening. I often wonder if that woman and her child are still practicing Catholics? I do know that priest no longer has faculties in this diocese…

 

[EvelynEVF]

I don’t have children so I don’t know much about nursing, but I’ve heard of women using a breast pump and then feeding their baby the milk through a regular bottle - maybe this would be an easier route (if it’s not too time consuming)?

Well, some babies won’t take a bottle. I would venture to say that many, if not most, babies will refuse a bottle if mom is right there with the real thing on tap! And some women just can’t release their milk to a pump. Another issue is that very often when a baby cries, its mother will let down her milk, completely involuntarily. If the baby’s mouth isn’t there to drink it, it leaks a big puddle all over her shirt. Not discreet at all

Much simpler to practice latching the baby on in front of a mirror, to figure out how to do it discreetly.

 

[celticsfan1983]

Reading threads like this is what makes me want to stop attending Mass. I should probably just stop reading this thread then, right?
Both of my girls had colic. Ever take twins with colic to Mass? Least. Fun. Ever. Colic means they scream for no reason and won’t stop. I took them to the cry room. It echoes. Who on earth would design a cry room so poorly?
Should I have stayed home? I did, often. But I really, really wanted to go to Mass and now that the girls are two years old I still struggle EVERY WEEK with going to Mass.
Mass starts at 9. I start getting myself and the girls ready at 6:30.
It’s quite the process.
And we go into the cry room for the entire time. I leave Mass SWEATY. Does anyone else leave Mass sweaty? Mass is THE most difficult hour of my week, hands down, bar none.
And knowing that other people think I’m being a bad parent doesn’t help. It’s actually incredibly hurtful.
There are plenty of other parishes and denominations that are happy people bring their children. I just assumed Catholic ones would be, too.

Praying for strength for you during Mass. Mass should be an enjoyable time, so I hope that God gives you the strength and patience, and a parish that is loving and accepting of you and your children.

 

[kalel76]

I couldn’t hear a word of the homily today because a baby screamed all the way through it. Why the parent(s) didn’t take him/her out to the vestibule is beyond me.

Actually, I was able to hear the last sentence - it sounded like we missed out on a good one.

When my kids were infants, I would take them outside if they got fussy. It’s common courtesy, as a constant baby cry can be annoying.

However, no baby crying at church has ever prompted me to start a thread about it on the internet. I can see posting about stuff that really mattered, but a baby?

 

[RedSoxWife]

I’m willing to believe that all the posters in this forum are kind souls who refrain from giving babbling infants the stink eye. Still, just going to mass baby-in-tow generally involves being mean-mugged (getting mean looks) at some point (unless one stays in the crying room the whole time).

I love your wording here and can definitely relate to it.

We actually have a really wonderful parish where people don’t give us looks when our little one starts to make noise, and we take her out right away. I think it’s because we had a priest (who retired last year) who made a big deal about little kids and how they should always be in Mass.

However, we travel a bit, and I can’t imagine going to some of the parishes we visited. At a Cathedral in the SF Bay area we were given dirty looks from people when we walked in with the baby. We actually ended up moving to the very back of the Cathedral because we were getting so many looks from the people around us (we’d been midway, towards the back, beforehand). And my daughter didn’t end up making a peep during the entire Mass!

 

[RedSoxWife]

Lorrie;5564165:

I don’t have children so I don’t know much about nursing, but I’ve heard of women using a breast pump and then feeding their baby the milk through a regular bottle - maybe this would be an easier route (if it’s not too time consuming)?

Well, some babies won’t take a bottle. I would venture to say that many, if not most, babies will refuse a bottle if mom is right there with the real thing on tap! And some women just can’t release their milk to a pump. Another issue is that very often when a baby cries, its mother will let down her milk, completely involuntarily. If the baby’s mouth isn’t there to drink it, it leaks a big puddle all over her shirt. Not discreet at all

Much simpler to practice latching the baby on in front of a mirror, to figure out how to do it discreetly.

I know that when I tried to give my daughter a bottle of expressed breast milk she drank it and then ended up crying non-stop for about six hours.

We ended up opting for breastfeeding (with a cover and breast pads of course, the disposable ones work the best in my experience). When she was tiny I would prepare very carefully for Mass and change and feed her right before hand. I usually still ended up having to feed her during Mass, but after a while it really does get easier. Now she doesn’t need to nurse, 9 out of 10 times during Mass, because she can make it through. If she demands milk now it usually means she’s not feeling good.

 

[maryjk]

I’m willing to believe that all the posters in this forum are kind souls who refrain from giving babbling infants the stink eye. Still, just going to mass baby-in-tow generally involves being mean-mugged (getting mean looks) at some point (unless one stays in the crying room the whole time).

You won’t get the stink eye at our parish. At least not by anyone I know. We have lots of babies and young children. The family that generally sits next to our family, just had a baby. And I mean just. He is about 3 weeks old. I have held him twice. Another family that sits near us had a baby almost a year ago. I can’t count how many times I have held him. I have even taken crying babies out of Mass for the parents. (Yes, I knew the parents and they knew me.)

But again, parents that allow their babies to cry for 10 minutes straight, would get the stink eye. It has never happened here, but I bet our Priest would say something.

 

[nsper7]

Boy, if I were the Priest giving the homily and some started screaming, I would immediately go silent. After a few seconds or until someone calls out asking what’s wrong, I would say, “Well, I am waiting for that child to stop and/or his/her parents to take them outside.”

I would remain silent until one of those two things happened:

1. The parents shush up the child
2. The parents take the child outside

Nothing like public humiliation to get people to do what they should have done already.

 

[pnewton]

Nothing like public humiliation to get people to do what they should have done already.

I think most priest hav other priorities than maintaining order and humiliating mothers struggling with a child. Many have even been known to love children.

 

[Lorrie]

However, no baby crying at church has ever prompted me to start a thread about it on the internet. I can see posting about stuff that really mattered, but a baby?

You should check out CAF more often, people start threads concerning all sorts of topics - it’s free so why not?

 

[OhMalley]

Boy, if I were the Priest giving the homily and some started screaming, I would immediately go silent. After a few seconds or until someone calls out asking what’s wrong, I would say, “Well, I am waiting for that child to stop and/or his/her parents to take them outside.”

I would remain silent until one of those two things happened:

1. The parents shush up the child
2. The parents take the child outside

**Nothing like public humiliation **to get people to do what they should have done already.

Any cleric who induced public humiliation in that setting should be ashamed of himself.

 

[kalel76]

You should check out CAF more often, people start threads concerning all sorts of topics - it’s free so why not?

Why not? Because there’s a difference between doing what you want to do and doing what you ought to do.

 

[Lorrie]

Why not? Because there’s a difference between doing what you want to do and doing what you ought to do.

Dude (or chick), this is a public forum - people are going to talk about all sorts of things. When I see a topic that is pointless (to me) or one that I’m simply uninterested in I usually just skip it and read something else. Maybe that’s what you should do in this case?

This thread is now 7 pages long - obviously people are passionate when it comes to both sides of the issue I brought up.

I think it’s always best to remember “to each his own”.

 

[Jennifer_J]

Boy, if I were the Priest giving the homily and some started screaming, I would immediately go silent. After a few seconds or until someone calls out asking what’s wrong, I would say, “Well, I am waiting for that child to stop and/or his/her parents to take them outside.”

I would remain silent until one of those two things happened:

1. The parents shush up the child
2. The parents take the child outside

Nothing like public humiliation to get people to do what they should have done already.

Oh, yeah, that a GREAT way to show love and compassion

If it’s a reoccuring problem then the PRIEST (not the ushers, not the little old ladies, not the various social committees) needs to meet with the family and talk with them… kindly, sincerely and with love.

Humiliation is a sure way to drive people away from the Church.