You sound very similar to me!
I was raised “catholic” by a mother who didn’t believe in God and a father who was the epitome of “submarine catholic” (only popped up when he was in crisis)…I didn’t have a belief for many years and then when I had my kids, something clicked and really forced me to question and read more.
Now I very much identify as Christian - but am still so torn on the whole issue of denomination. In my honest opinion, from my upbringing in the Catholic church, I struggle to support the whole premise but because of the familiarity of it - seems to be where I am the most comfortable for the times I actually go to church. My son starts Kindy next year and we’ve chosen the Catholic system for schooling but that’s as far as it is for the moment.
I am a teacher who works in the SDA system - and I find it fascinating but in the sense that I just can’t believe how misguided the faith is BUT how convicted their followers are!
I’ve tried doing some bible studies with them and struggled desperately with non biblical based doctrine that Ellen White has rattled off (The Great Controversy is my worst enemy) but I just can’t get sense through their heads.
The one topic that actually made me stop, think and actually question my own faith was Sabbath keeping.
I’ve drawn the conclusion that while the bible should be the primary source of information and reflection, it really is just a tiny sliver of the historical context of the time of the New and Old testaments. Because of that, and because it’s the perspective of different authors - too much room can be left to pick a line and twist it to support a doctrine.
A good example is that of whether the soul is judged on death or goes into “soul sleep” until a universal judgement day. I could pick a handful of scriptural examples that support both theories - who is right?
Anyway, I’m getting off course here
Back to the topic of Sabbath or Sunday - yes I agree that through faith comes the desire to want to please Jesus and God. Isn’t that the very essence of man? to want to please those you hold dear? I guess my confusion gets hung up on the minute details. We are human after all - not one of us will reach perfection in our lives, we aren’t Jesus. This is where I think a genuine love of Jesus, attempt at living an honourable life and not deliberately sin and think repentance is your “out” comes into the ultimate way to live.
I feel sorry for those who think their works will win them salvation. I really believe it is your hearts condition in life and what you’ve done with that faith that will allow us to live eternally with God. And it’s that faith and God’s grace that makes us WANT to do right by what the bible tells us…