Taking the high road

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I’m guessing not. It’s been quite awhile since this offense occurred honestly. I’m trapped reliving and recycling through the events. It’s all consuming fixation
 
A spiritual director once told me: If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, is this what you would be spending your time and energy on today? None of us are guaranteed any tomorrows. If you should die tomorrow, think about how upset you will be that you wasted your last day on this.
It changed the way I think about the supposed problems that come up, and issues with others.
 
Jump4Joy said:
What are the possible consequences of sending the letter?
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Don’t send the letter. It’s not about them. It never will be as you are approaching it. It’s clear that this is about you and your feeligns and the impact on you. You need to sort that out within yourself before involving others. Once you no longer feel that you need to tell the person how it impacted you, it is then you are ready to discuss it with them.
 
Will having this conversation bring either of you closer to God? If yes, then do it! If no, then, give it to God.
 
This is where I get confused about psychology. We choose to let people impact us. Is it our fault or not,? Not sure how to find closure. If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking
 
I’ve found praying the Our Father like this “Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive (insert name here) who trespassed against me.” helps
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
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Jump4Joy:
I’m still tempted to write that letter. Maybe I’ll ask my friends for advice.
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Write the letter.

Write all the letters.

Do not send the letters.
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There’s a lot of research and anecdotal evidence showing how therapeutic it actually is. I think it’s a great idea.

Someone on another thread somewhere even said they had a counselor or therapist telling them to write a letter spilling out their feelings on someone/something someone had done (I can’t recall the specifics) and then burn it.
 
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It’s more psychological than spiritual. Perhaps I should just continue praying. I did for a while, I stopped but those thoughts still reemerge. Maybe certain things don’t ever leave you
 
Can’t recall chapter and verse, but Scripture tells us “men ought always to pray and not to faint”. I love that passage!
 
People offline will be able to give you much better help than I or anyone else on CAF could. Because they’ll be able to know you, and work with you to get you where you want to be. Talk to a counselor about your fixation on this event/person. Their job is to help you get to a point where closure is possible for you.
 
Jump4Joy said:
This is where I get confused about psychology. We choose to let people impact us. Is it our fault or not,? Not sure how to find closure. If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking
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What does it matter who’s “fault” it is? Why do you need to assign blame?

You feel the way you do, and it’s on you to fix it. It’s not other’s responsibility to take on your issues.

It’s not overly complicated. You may need many tools to deal with it. You may need to write letters and not send them. You may need to punch pillows. You may need to run until it hurts. You may need to listen to music or write music. You may need to cry.

The idea is that rather than holding onto weither or not you “should” be feeling something, you just feel whatever you are doing and move to a healthier place.
 
I get it completely. Someone hurt me horribly several years ago. Not in a physical way but emotionally. I’ve forgiven him but the forgetting is the hard part. What has worked for me is to, when I start to feel the emotion of it again, stop and pray for him. It can be a simple prayer. At other times I remind myself he has no power over me and can’t hurt me again. If I start to ruminate over it, I make myself think of something else, pick up a book, turn the radio up if I’m in the car, do anything to distract my mind from it. The reality is it takes time and it takes learning to live your life in the way God intends, with peace.

I’ve written letters that I have not sent and I have been tempted to contact him to tell him how much he hurt me, but knowing him, I know it is a wasted effort as he will never take responsibility for it. The grace from God is to know my life is okay and I’m at peace.

I pray you can come to peace also.
 
Doesn’t it make a weak person to let someone’s words or action hurt you? If they’re not responsible for hurting you, then it’s your fault for taking their words to heart? Everyone is raised differently. If you cannot easily shrug off pain, it’s your problem
 
It’s nice that someone can relate. I almost feel guilty for being traumatized. He never hit me. It’s my fault for not being discerning with partners. If I had higher self esteem, I wouldn’t have got hurt. I’m dwelling in the past. I want to know my opinion is right and valid and that I’m not a weakling or nuts for being hurt and it’s not my fault. It can easily turn into “you take things too personally” is the issue rather than the fact this is a cruel abusive person
 
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