Talk me down from being an irresponsible selfish idiot?

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Rob_s_Wife said:
I want to be a totally irresponsible selfish idiot.
can anyone understand?
travel is probably the ONLY regret I have about having a large family. It’s not enough of a regret to make me regret having the kids, but my one dream that has never changed/died has been to travel. Not even europe specificly neccessarily, just anywhere the wander lust took me, kwim?
It’s the only thing that stinks about being the SAHM.
I sit at home doing what I do (and honestly not wanting to change it!) while dh goes places. Even when it’s somewhere I wouldn’t even want to go, I’m so jealous of his travels. And it’s not because I want to get away from the kids. I actually like traveling with the kids, I just can’t afford to do it much.
So… I’m wasting energy surfing the net for the best airline tickets for a family of 11 (YIKES!) , knowing that even if I find the best of deals in within his severance range is still a stupid waste of money better spent on more important needs for our future and thus I feel like a selfish, irresponsible idiot for even contemplating this nutty idea.
And yet… I want to take my kids to Sweden!
so talk me down …
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Yes I understand. You’re living my dream!
I have a job where I work 50 hours a pay period on a graveyard shift doing a job that makes me very depressed. I’ve worked it for 15 years. Our oldest who just turned 19 was only 3 years old when I started. We have 5 kids with each one I worked up until my due date.( I was actually dilated 3cm with our second one and had just gotten off my shift and went to my ob appointment, the doctor let me know that I was in labor.)

My husband works a full time day shift and went to college to get his degree he was gone for like 4 years. He just told me he is signing again this spring for more classes:( (To increase his pay at work)

I always dreamed of being a SAHM:sad_yes: but our youngest turns 10 this year and it looks as if I’ll be kissing that dream goodbye.:crying: Our family now enjoys a nice home with everything they need all because I decided to be responsible.

Oh did I mention that my husband and I don’t sleep together? 15 years of graveyard work I’m awake until 6 am (even on the weekends) then on Sundays up at 8 am so I can go with my family to Mass, then go home sleep until 8pm then everyone is getting ready for bed.

I’m sorry I’m having a bad night:sad_yes: I’m at work with 30 more minutes before 6 am.

Switzerland? that place only exists in a magazine for me.
 
Well, I don’t think it will help but Sweden is one of the MOST expensive places in Europe to go. So even if you get cheap tickets, actually eating while you’re there will be impossible let along hotel for 11 people for two weeks. They make you pay per person even the little ones, no exceptions.

I have the travel bug too and would gladly go anywhere. We had the opportunity to go to Greece and even had people to watch the kids but I couldn’t do it because it would just cause more debt in the end.

It’s no fun, but you have to pay off your bills and fix the house. Think of the money you’ll have when you don’t have the other debt and set a goal of a trip, even if it’s in the US.
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
My dh is going to Sweden on a business trip in either June or mostly likely July, for probably 1 week, maybe 2.
Before he goes he will be laid off of his job of 13 years with a severance pkg. equal to approx 4 months of current pay, which is currently low enough to qualify us for food stamps.

the plan is to spend that severance on paying off everything except the mortgage and then using what little is left on other minor needs. (all major needs and all debt except the van were taken care of with our tax refund)

but…

**i. don’t. wanna. **

Just once I don’t want to be smart and responsible!

I wanna take myself and my kids to see Sweden with their pa!
I wanna throw caution to the wind and give my kids a once in a life time trip to remember!
I wanna see the world!
I want to see the mountains Heidi** was written for!
I want to be a totally irresponsible selfish idiot.

can anyone understand?

travel is probably the ONLY regret I have about having a large family. It’s not enough of a regret to make me regret having the kids, but my one dream that has never changed/died has been to travel. Not even europe specificly neccessarily, just anywhere the wander lust took me, kwim?

It’s the only thing that stinks about being the SAHM.
I sit at home doing what I do (and honestly not wanting to change it!) while dh goes places. Even when it’s somewhere I wouldn’t even want to go, I’m so jealous of his travels. And it’s not because I want to get away from the kids. I actually like traveling with the kids, I just can’t afford to do it much.

So… I’m wasting energy surfing the net for the best airline tickets for a family of 11 (YIKES!) , knowing that even if I find the best of deals in within his severance range is still a stupid waste of money better spent on more important needs for our future and thus I feel like a selfish, irresponsible idiot for even contemplating this nutty idea.

And yet… I want to take my kids to Sweden!

so talk me down …
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I understand, but please get those debts paid off, I would hate to feel, in the current world economic crisis that I had a whole lot of debt hanging over my head. And I know what it is like to have huge debts that you end up paying off in little bits, sometimes for years afterward.

Like you I yearned to travel, but there was never the money for it, not even huge severance pay to tempt me.

Three years ago a young colleague was talking about going overseas to work, it sounded like such fun, but that kind of thing was not for me - then I realised that my kids were now self-supporting and as long as I could find work, nothing stopped me now. For the last 18 months I have been based in the Middle East and have managed to travel to Cairo and the Netherlands, with more trips proposed; as well as saving for my retirement when I eventually go home.

Keep your dreams, keep your eyes open for opportunities to work in a different country, but most of all get rid of debt, that will free you for so much more.
 
Let me be really honest! That is a dumb idea. If he gets the job you will have more opportunities to go to Sweden. If he does not get that job there is a realistic chance it will take more then 4 months of severance to find one.

Are you willing to risk the house and family stability for a trip to Sweden? What is the real motivation of going? Why haven’t you gone to Europe when he still had a job?

My impression is that you are really scared of him loosing his job and you are starting to think that at this point it is better to go all in. This to me does not sound like a win-win proposition or even a win-loose one. It is a loose-loose proposition. You will have better opportunities to see Europe once he gets this new job. Just hang in there and plan a trip that you would really love and not a half baked business trip.
 
I have a quesion. If you go and blow all of your money, what will happen when you get back? What will you live on?
 
I doubt if the OP is really going to do this. She seemed to be toying with the idea, probably as a mid-winter escape.

No matter how responsible a person is, and happy they are with their lot in life, it’s only natural to want to throw caution to the wind at times, especially in February.
 
Rob’s Wife,

In reading Vivi’s reply, a thought occurred to me…👍

I do not know what your husband does for a living, but perhaps he should investigate employment in the Middle East…they have great benefits for expats and the travel is so much more inexpensive from there than it is from the US…just a thought, you’d definitely get to Europe!

Have him (DH) find a good head hunter/recruiter and get started!..you never know what might turn up…

Good luck!

GerlyOne
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
well yes i’m nuts…
**one can’t stay entirely sane raising 9 children can they;) **
and I never want to see another dadblum cowboy, indian, prairie, or oil boom topic for the rest of my life - just about the only things my state is known for and I’ve lived here my entire life.
but hey…
I’m trying to be sane. I’m trying to talk myself into being content with not going…
**failing miserably, but still trying…😊 **
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Personally, I would go.

I took my Daddy on a cruise he had always wanted to go on, after his doctor told him the hands of the clock had moved closer to Midnight. On that cruise, which was designed for elderly people who had health issues, we met many, many women who had planned on taking that cruise with their husbands, but hubby had died before he got a chance to retire. The widows were now taking the trip on the insurance money and sorry that they had to travel alone.

And think of all the people who left home on 9/11/01 thinking there was “plenty of time” to do those things with their families that they all longed to do – but stockbrokering was after all much more important for that day, and they never got a second chance.

Throw caution to the winds, trust God to see you through, and give your children that lifetime experience they will talk about when they are sitting on the porch of the nursing home 50 years from now! You will never, ever regret it. If you pass up that chance, you WILL regret it.

You can find security and safety in a rut. But you can’t see out.

Go for it.
 
That is foolish advise. The OP says she has 9 children and her husband is about to lose his job, with a 4 month cushion of severance pay. Add to that the fact that America is teetering on a Depression and the OP does not have a paying job herself and you are looking at a family that needs to stretch every dollar, not take an expensive trip to Europe.
 
Middleman said:
That is foolish advise. The OP says she has 9 children and her husband is about to lose his job, with a 4 month cushion of severance pay. Add to that the fact that America is teetering on a Depression and the OP does not have a paying job herself and you are looking at a family that needs to stretch every dollar, not take an expensive trip to Europe.
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I agree. The OP said the severance package will be low enough to qualify for food stamps. While this family is not using food stamps, given their financial situation, it would be extremely foolish and selfish to take a trip they cannot afford, even if the economy was doing well.

I understand the desire to travel. But if the OP wants to take this trip, they need to find a way to save up money and pay for it, not use money needed for daily living expenses. It would be better to start a savings account, and save up the money for a vacation, and take it when they can truly afford it. The family will not enjoy the vacation if they take it when they know they cannot afford it. The cost of passports alone will be very expensive.

It is okay to dream, and wonderful to dream. But you need to live the dream when you can afford it.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Middleman said:
I doubt if the OP is really going to do this. She seemed to be toying with the idea, probably as a mid-winter escape.

No matter how responsible a person is, and happy they are with their lot in life, it’s only natural to want to throw caution to the wind at times, especially in February.
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😊 thank you for the charitable consideration. no folks, i’m not going to purposely leave my kids homeless under a bridge
it’s just that well…

**life is so short. to give a bit of history… on my perspective of the “do it after the kids are grown”. **

Everyone I know who saved every danged penny in the hope that one day they’d sit on the porch swing together or travel or retire to that boat on the coast or whatever their dream of growing old together was.

And you know what? It never happened. The wife died of cancer, the dad had a heart attack, there was a car accident, a kid dies, and so forth.

I know exactly ONE couple that actually retired. One. And even so, you know what grandpa said? He’d have been happier doing it when he was young enough to enjoy it fully and with his kids before they grew up and got so busy with their own lives that he only gets to visit with them once a month or even once a year.

I don’t mind being responsible and paying what needs paid for. Really I don’t. Heaven knows I’m used to doing it by now. And I’m GLAD to do it even.

But I don’t want to scrimp and scrape for decades in the hope of a day that never comes, kwim?

Oh and going with only the olders simply is not an option.
We have no family to watch the kids, even half of them is still 4 or 5.
And the youngest will only be 6 months old, not old enough for me to leave her with anyone for more than a couple hours.

I know… it’s all pipe dream anyway.

By the time we get enough money to go we’ll be so old that we’ll have to live through the kids doing it while we watch the grandchildren.

**oh well grandchildren are some decent compensation I hear tell. 🙂 **
 
Rob’s Wife,

Awwwww, I feel so badly for you, makes me sad just to read your post. You are SO correct in saying that life is too short, it truly is! I have a relative who saved for so long to take his family to France…guess what…he and his daughter were killed in a car accident and the surviving wife and son have never gone, have never even considered it because it was always HIS dream to go…

Listen, we will ALWAYS have bills, always have financial challenges, but if you and your family are meant to go, it will happen. Just have faith and pray a lot, maybe even a family group prayer…

Also, isn’t there anyone you are close to who might be able to step in and help out with the children? I understand about the baby, you could take her since she is still only 6 months old…

Perhaps someone from church, a close friend, etc.?

Best of luck with all of this and let us know if it works out for you.

GerlyOne:o
 
Sillara said:
I would do it. I have only five children right now, but I would GO! Sensibility in finances is overrated. 😉
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I agree. I’d totally go. life will still be there, bills and all, when you get back.

I’m laid off too, and as the only bread winner in my house, I know it’s rough. I don’t see me being able to say no to an opportunity like that.
 
Honestly?

It’s Sweden. No offense to the Swedes or anything but…meh. I love to travel and I like Europe lots, but I’d pass. Now if you were talking Italy…I’d probably not have the will power to say no. 😃

I liked Leonie’s advice. I hope you can work out a way to do it, but if God makes it clear it’s not the time to go globe trotting, He sends you something even more awesome 🙂
 
Just wanted to say I believe heidi was from Switzerland not Sweden so don’t worry if she is not there:p
 
Maybe you could just go splurge locally on a Swedish massage? 😃

Margaret
 
TravisandJill said:
Just wanted to say I believe heidi was from Switzerland not Sweden so don’t worry if she is not there:p
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ug. someone else was kind enough to note that via PM to me.
actually 5 someone else’s. LOL
**ug. see now there’s a prime example of why people should travel with children. **
**I bet if I’d actually been to Sweden or Switzerland I wouldn’t have messed that up!:blushing: :doh2: **
 
Appleby said:
Throw caution to the winds,** trust God to see you through,** and give your children that lifetime experience they will talk about when they are sitting on the porch of the nursing home 50 years from now! You will never, ever regret it. If you pass up that chance, you WILL regret it.

You can find security and safety in a rut. But you can’t see out.

Go for it.
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OK, what I am about to say doesn’t have anything to do with the OP, it has to do with Appleby’s attitude.

I want to point out something that really bugs me about a statement Appleby made. And it’s not just Appleby, I’ve heard it a lot! He/she basically said it’s OK to be irresponsible and then rely on God to bail you out. That is a horrible attitude. You can’t do anything you please and then “trust God to see you through”. That is wrong! God gave people brains and freewill and the ability to make sound choices. He isn’t there for folks to do foolish things and then hope He will pull them out of the mess. He gave you gifts to keep yourself from getting into the mess in the first place. God does help people in need. He is there to help those who truly need His help or to heal the sick, etc. But it’s not right to knowingly get yourself in trouble and then say “God will pull you through”. That is disrespectful and arrogant. He gave you talents and brains for a reason…so that you can use them. It’s also arrogant to think that just because you are a Christian you are entitled to help when you know what you are doing isn’t good for you. That’s just not right. And what I am saying has nothing to do with the question of “is it OK to take an expensive trip or not”, it’s about respecting the wisdom God gave you. And “trusting in God” doesn’t give you a free ticket to be irresponsible. I am having a hard time putting into words what I am trying to say because this is one thing that really gets my dander up. And like I said before, this has nothing to do with the OP’s original question. As a matter of fact, it seems as if Rob’s Wife is using the brains that God gave her as she is struggling with this decision. I commend you Rob’s Wife. 👍
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
ug. someone else was kind enough to note that via PM to me.
actually 5 someone else’s. LOL
**ug. see now there’s a prime example of why people should travel with children. **
**I bet if I’d actually been to Sweden or Switzerland I wouldn’t have messed that up!:blushing: :doh2: **
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You’re doing better than me. I thought she was from Holland. 😃
 
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