Talking about NFP to parents

[Poetpeace]

So, since Ive this decision to become Catholic, I know my mother really stereotypes me as going to have 20 billion children because of no contraception.(She also thinks its silly to wait to marriage, but thats not an issue I’m worried about ) However, I do not have enough information, or just a simple way to explain NFP to her in a way that won’t sound…silly to her (she’s athiest.)

Was wandering whats the best way to talk about, or if anyone else has had this kind of scrutiny against their wish to be Catholic. Is there a sound logic explanation I can give that will make sense to an athiest?

God Bless,

 

[anruari]

Best way to start with discussing NFP to an atheist (from my perspective) would be as follows:

1. Condoms are yucky, and break or slip easily, so are not particularly effective. the Cap similarly horrible.
2. Chemical contraceptives have lots of side effects & I don’t want to be on drugs… there is also a lack of research on the effects of such drugs on the next generation when conceived while taking such drugs (by accident) or shortly after stopping them
3. I believe killing is wrong - All forms of “contraceptive” which prevent implantation of a fertilised embryo is a form of murder. (where murder is the premeditated taking of a human life). this rules out coils & IUD’s, morning after pill, and many forms of chemical contraceptive which will cause “spontaneous” abortions if their contraceptive effect fails to prevent fertilisation.

I plan to use a method (insert name of choice here: e.g. the Billings Method) which is natural, drug free, non medical and has been proven in clinical trials to be just as effective as most chemical methods, & better than barrier methods alone at allowing me to plan my family.

On a similar but related point I would challenge you:

are you resorting to NFP for “Serious reasons, for a limited time and with sadness” or are you automatically using it because the “World” tells us we should carefully plan our families and only have a small number of children?

Examples of Serious reasons may include:
extreme financial hardship (as opposed to simply not being in as luxurious a home as you would desire)
medical reasons: e.g. it’s considered medically dangerous to conceive within a year of having a C-Section

I recommend you read Familiaris Consortio and Humanae Vitae

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

So, since Ive this decision to become Catholic, I know my mother really stereotypes me as going to have 20 billion children because of no contraception.(She also thinks its silly to wait to marriage, but thats not an issue I’m worried about ) However, I do not have enough information, or just a simple way to explain NFP to her in a way that won’t sound…silly to her (she’s athiest.)

Was wandering whats the best way to talk about, or if anyone else has had this kind of scrutiny against their wish to be Catholic. Is there a sound logic explanation I can give that will make sense to an athiest?

God Bless,

If you are married your NFP use is none of your mother’s concern, she doesn’t need to give you approval, and you do not need to justify your actions. How many children you have is between your husband and God.

As an example, my mom is Catholic, and I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to her about my NFP use.

 

[silicasandra]

This book uses a secular approach to NFP (usually called “fertility awareness method” or “FAM” in non-Catholic circles) and it was actually how I learned NFP. I’ve lent the book to several non-Catholic friends who were interested in it. The book lists many very good reasons to practice NFP that don’t get into theology too much (though they are compatible with Catholic teaching, of course.)

 

[SwizzleStick]

So, since Ive this decision to become Catholic, I know my mother really stereotypes me as going to have 20 billion children because of no contraception.(She also thinks its silly to wait to marriage, but thats not an issue I’m worried about ) However, I do not have enough information, or just a simple way to explain NFP to her in a way that won’t sound…silly to her (she’s athiest.)

Was wandering whats the best way to talk about, or if anyone else has had this kind of scrutiny against their wish to be Catholic. Is there a sound logic explanation I can give that will make sense to an athiest?

God Bless,

I’m curious as to why you expect to talk about NFP with your mother? I talk about NFP with my husband and he is the only one. I don’t discuss it and have never discussed it with my mom or sisters or anyone else, except here in a general way.

Best way to start with discussing NFP to an atheist (from my perspective) would be as follows:

1. Condoms are yucky, and break or slip easily, so are not particularly effective. the Cap similarly horrible.
2. Chemical contraceptives have lots of side effects & I don’t want to be on drugs… there is also a lack of research on the effects of such drugs on the next generation when conceived while taking such drugs (by accident) or shortly after stopping them
3. I believe killing is wrong - All forms of “contraceptive” which prevent implantation of a fertilised embryo is a form of murder. (where murder is the premeditated taking of a human life). this rules out coils & IUD’s, morning after pill, and many forms of chemical contraceptive which will cause “spontaneous” abortions if their contraceptive effect fails to prevent fertilisation.

I plan to use a method (insert name of choice here: e.g. the Billings Method) which is natural, drug free, non medical and has been proven in clinical trials to be just as effective as most chemical methods, & better than barrier methods alone at allowing me to plan my family.

On a similar but related point I would challenge you:

are you resorting to NFP for “Serious reasons, for a limited time and with sadness” or are you automatically using it because the “World” tells us we should carefully plan our families and only have a small number of children?

Examples of Serious reasons may include:
extreme financial hardship (as opposed to simply not being in as luxurious a home as you would desire)
medical reasons: e.g. it’s considered medically dangerous to conceive within a year of having a C-Section

I recommend you read Familiaris Consortio and Humanae Vitae

 

[1ke]

So, since Ive this decision to become Catholic, I know my mother really stereotypes me as going to have 20 billion children because of no contraception.(She also thinks its silly to wait to marriage, but thats not an issue I’m worried about ) However, I do not have enough information, or just a simple way to explain NFP to her in a way that won’t sound…silly to her (she’s athiest.)

Was wandering whats the best way to talk about, or if anyone else has had this kind of scrutiny against their wish to be Catholic. Is there a sound logic explanation I can give that will make sense to an athiest?

God Bless,

You need to put boundaries on your relationship with your mother starting NOW.

Your married life and decisions are NONE of her business. DO NOT discuss contraception, NFP, or the number of children you plan to or eventually do have.

Do not take a defensive position here. You have nothing to defend. Stop trying to defend against having lots of children, you are missing the point. Those with large family love their children and **want **large families.

 

[Dorothy]

“Poetpeace”,

I totally agree with what many have said here. You are entitled to your privacy, and there is no reason to discuss this matter with your mother. Your mom needs to understand that there are boundaries as to what you will discuss with her.

God bless!

Dorothy

(Mother of eight, and happy about it!)

 

[Catholic90]

Yeah, there are just certain things never to be discussed with parents…your married sex life is one of those things!

 

[AntalKalnoky]

I’m curious as to why you expect to talk about NFP with your mother? I talk about NFP with my husband and he is the only one. I don’t discuss it and have never discussed it with my mom or sisters or anyone else, except here in a general way.

Because she’s not adult, and Mom is Atheist. Smart young Lady.
Besides, Mom thinks Sex is ‘just fun’.

 

[Emiliana7]

Easiest way is to just not discuss such matters with your mother.

I am a convert and grew up very secular and was on BCP starting around 15 for clearing up my skin and “correcting” my cycles. (lots of phooey in all that too as I now know!) but since I was a minor (and not Catholic!) at that time my mom was making those medical decisions for (with?) me. I am not sure what she would have said if I had spoke up against taking BCPs.

However, now that I am married and an adult, there is no need for her to be in the know or in those discussions about my choices of contraception (or lack thereof). I think she might think that I am on BCP since I’ve been married 5 years and only have 2 children. However that would be the NFP doing its job. However, we aren’t the strict users of charting and what have you. We are indeed quite open to life (bascially, I don’t chart my temps or check my mucus; we go with the calendar and estimate which days are my fertile days) Maybe it has more to do with the fact I am in my mid-thrities and not as fertile as I was in my 20’s. lol

But really, you need not to discuss your childbearing plans or conception plans with anyone outside your marriage. (ok, your doc/midwife might want to know)

 

[AntalKalnoky]

Basic way to explain NFP is Honoring the Woman’s Fertility, by the Husband Abstaining (Kinda Romantic too) for over a week. Correct NFP needs to be Learned: Science of Woman’s ideal nature, etc. The Only 100% success rate to Avoid Pregnancy Now, and the Only Natural Way. Married NFP Couples are proven 2-8% Max divorce rates, vs 50% for others. NFP n Naturally promotes Love, unlike commercial man-made products promoting Using a woman, imo.
Thanks for the great Question; hope you enjoy the ideal discoveries in RCIA, just begining. RCC is Living Idealism.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Because she’s not adult, and Mom is Atheist. Smart young Lady.
Besides, Mom thinks Sex is ‘just fun’.

Being 18 and unmarried seems like good enough reason for it not to be a topic of conversation, but if Mom thinks that way about sex, I now see the issue. However, OP, I think I’d still steer clear of the conversation by telling Mom that family planning is not an issue until marriage and then it isn’t Mom’s issue at all, but wife and husband’s issue. Repeat as often as necessary until Mom gets the message.

 

[AntalKalnoky]

Being 18 and unmarried seems like good enough reason for it not to be a topic of conversation, but if Mom thinks that way about sex, I now see the issue. However, OP, I think I’d still steer clear of the conversation by telling Mom that family planning is not an issue until marriage and then it isn’t Mom’s issue at all, but wife and husband’s issue. Repeat as often as necessary until Mom gets the message.

Isn’t age 18 Young Unmarried ADULT the Ideal Age to educate Mom? Steering Clear and Avoiding appropriate discussions Creat Major Problems, Like Too Young Pregnancies: “I didn’t know how babies were made” by 12-14-18 yo’s ‘Just Fun’ Pregnancies, repeatedly in inquiries. [SIGN] PoetPeace, there should be good Online Search sources (Catholic) that discuss the Basics of NFP, [/SIGN]

 

[AntalKalnoky]

“No Intercourse during Woman’s Fertility!”

 

[SwizzleStick]

Isn’t age 18 Young Unmarried ADULT the Ideal Age to educate Mom? Steering Clear and Avoiding appropriate discussions Creat Major Problems, Like Too Young Pregnancies: “I didn’t know how babies were made” by 12-14-18 yo’s ‘Just Fun’ Pregnancies, repeatedly in inquiries. [SIGN] PoetPeace, there should be good Online Search sources (Catholic) that discuss the Basics of NFP, [/SIGN]

Considering she started the thread, I would think the OP knows how babies are made. I would also think her mother does as well.

 

[AntalKalnoky]

Tip: Live Straight, honestly, friendship only, to Find True Love: The Ideal for lifetime.

 

[AntalKalnoky]

Best FriendsWoman/Man Is the Key to Ideal lifetime, any problems, and decades later too: Is The Ideal Catholic Teaching Also. :hug3:

 

[Poetpeace]

If you are married your NFP use is none of your mother’s concern, she doesn’t need to give you approval, and you do not need to justify your actions. How many children you have is between your husband and God.

As an example, my mom is Catholic, and I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to her about my NFP use.

See that’s the thing. I’m not married in fact I have just started University and am only 18. The subject only came up when she questioned my choice to become catholic. About how I was going to deal with pregnancies when I was older without the use of contraception or abortion.

 

[puzzleannie]

So, since Ive this decision to become Catholic, I know my mother really stereotypes me as going to have 20 billion children because of no contraception,

since it is none of her business, simply remind her of that fact and skip the whole conversation

parents interfering in the sex lives of their grown married children surely has to be one of the biggest sins members of my generation should confess

 

[1ke]

About how I was going to deal with pregnancies when I was older without the use of contraception or abortion.

What if I get hit by a meteor tomorrow?

Really? That’s her approach? This is years off AND it’s between you and your future spouse, not her.