Talking about the wedding night

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KyrieVarLee

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My fiancé and I were texting back and forth today about our upcoming wedding night. In the past he expressed interest in postponing our consumption until the next morning. I on the other hand wanted to consummate that evening after the wedding. Anyway, we were texting back and forth and kinda figuring out how we wanted the evening to go, just so that when the night happened, we would be on the same page. Nothing graphic was discussed. Just if we would engage in the marital act or not.

During this conversation and anticipating being with my future husband in this way caused some mild arousal. Because of this slight arousal and the thoughts it produced, it started to worry me that I perhaps slipped into sin by engaging in this conversation. I tried to avoid and reject feelings of arousal when they came, but I still can’t help but feel a little guilty for thinking and feeling this way. Have I sinned?
 
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As long as you don’t act on the arousal, nor seek it out, I don’t see how you did anything wrong. It’s totally normal
 
Do you know who I am? Do you know my fiancé? The name I use for my URL is not my real name. 🤣
 
Wozza said:
Maybe you should also mention to your future husband that you have been discussing intimate matters regarding your wedding night activities with thousands of random people on a public forum.
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Oh come on, have some charity. This person is genuinely seeking advice on something she is feeling guilty about. There is nothing “intimate” that she is referring to here.
 
You’re excited for a very important upcoming event which has very specific, physiological effects. You’re good.

I’ve been married for almost a decade and I still get excited knowing I’ll be able to be intimate with my wife soon. It’s just how our bodies react. Nothing sinful in it at all.
 
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Ignoring the sin question-- because you didn’t-- a big part of how you feel is going to depend on what you do at the reception. If you’re at the end of a long day, if you’re stuffed full of food, if you’re tired from celebrating until late, if you dealt with any stress from little things not working out as planned, it might be sensible to wait a bit until you’re both more in the mood. But if you’re still feeling fresh and energetic, and if you haven’t eaten heavily, and if you wrap up celebrations earlier in the day so you have a little time to unwind, then you’d probably have more options available.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
 
The act iself is, but talking about the effects that accompany thinking about isn’t really. She’s not being explicit, and most people responding have been where she is.

If she was hopping on here to ask which lingerie to buy or position to try, it’d be another matter entirely, but she’s not. She’s asking if it’s sinful to get aroused thinking about upcoming intimacy.
 
Do you not have anything constructive to offer? If not you’re just being a troll.
 
KyrieVarLee said:
My fiancé and I were texting back and forth today about our upcoming wedding night. In the past he expressed interest in postponing our consumption until the next morning. I on the other hand wanted to consummate that evening after the wedding. Anyway, we were texting back and forth and kinda figuring out how we wanted the evening to go, just so that when the night happened, we would be on the same page. Nothing graphic was discussed. Just if we would engage in the marital act or not.

During this conversation and anticipating being with my future husband in this way caused some mild arousal. Because of this slight arousal and the thoughts it produced, it started to worry me that I perhaps slipped into sin by engaging in this conversation. I tried to avoid and reject feelings of arousal when they came, but I still can’t help but feel a little guilty for thinking and feeling this way. Have I sinned?
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No. Unless you deliberately nurtured those thoughts and it doesn’t sound like you did. All the best on your wedding!
 
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Wozza said:
Maybe you should also mention to your future husband that you have been discussing intimate matters regarding your wedding night activities with thousands of random people on a public forum.
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You know as well as I do that this forum is anonymous. Stop trolling.
 
Wozza said:
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KyrieVarLee:
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Wozza:
Way too much information, Kyrie.
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😂🤣😂 I am as good as anonymous my friend! :+1:t2:
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Please try to keep it that way. I know more about your relationship with your fiance from this and other posts than I really need to know.
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Nobody asked you to click on the topic, read it and reply to it. 🤔
 
I flagged some of those Wozza posts as trolling/ harassment. OP, your thread is not particularly “intimate” by the standards of this forum and in view of the types of questions people ask, which include questions about premarital activities.

You didn’t sin by having a reasonable discussion with your fiance about your wedding night and not acting on the feelings you had. It’s pretty normal for an engaged person to feel a little excitement about their upcoming wedding night.

Regarding consummating on your wedding night: I would recommend that you not build it up into too big of a deal. Just see how you feel. It may very well be that one or the other of you, or even both of you, are so tired at the end of a long wedding day with ceremony, photos, and socializing/ reception/ dancing etc that it is not the ideal moment for romance. There was an old 1960s dramedy movie called “The Family Way” that dealt with this exact issue and the problems it caused in a young couple’s marriage.

Play it by ear. If your fiance wants to wait till the next morning or next day, that’s reasonable, and it doesn’t mean he’s not into you or anything. Who knows, you yourself may want to wait if you’re completely wiped out by the end of the night.
 
I second those who said not to build it up. If you’ve been chaste prior to marriage, you have to prepare for the possibility that sex may be very disappointing for the first while. I think a lot of religious people, who wait for marriage, build it up into some sort of cosmic “bang” that will shake this world and the next. My wife and I waited. I was too tired and nervous to actually complete the act that first night… tried but failed. It took time.
 
Yeah, I can verify that the first time I had sex and the first time a lot of other people I know had sex, it was frankly, awful. And painful.

This is the sort of thing that really needs to be talked about more with young people because a lot of them, especially those who wait (either for marriage or at least to an older age to be with “someone they really love”), are expecting something very wonderful as a sort of reward for the waiting. Sometimes it takes time and practice and learning about your body and maybe even seeing a doctor, before it gets wonderful.
 
Well done on waiting ! I predict you’ll be too wiped out on the day 🙂 but you will have the rest of your lives to get used to it all! Xx blessings
 
A bit of side advice, don’t make so many plans that you feel pressured. We were so exhausted after our wedding that we wanted food and and sleep.
 
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