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Joseph73
Guest
Keep up the good work!
- Status
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MJJean
Guest
You could wait, but if she is a rarity some other man may snatch her up! Plus, it’s better (IMHO) to date and see if the relationship has marriage potential sooner rather than later so that you can both move on if you aren’t a good match. I don’t think one real date a week from church social area coffee is too fast, but that’s just me.
She likes history, huh? Got any good museums within a reasonable drive? Any other historical landmarks or attractions? A war reenactment group doing anything nearish? Maybe something like that along with lunch or dinner would be a good first real date. You could also simply say " I’d like to get to know you better. How about we go do something? Lunch or dinner and some activity? Is there anything you’d like to do?"
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rkwittem
Guest
Not much locally in the way of history, and she’s from here. So not much to surprise her with, and I don’t think it’s a burning passion of hers. I’d love to ask her out sooner rather than later, but a couple of my more trusted friends think I should just see her a couple of times on Sundays, slowly upping the ante. I think a more aggressive approach might be better, so she *knows *I want to date her.
One of my buddies suggested this plan. This Sunday, after mass, presumably at their coffee-and-rolls social, invite her to coffee mid-week. The only thing I really hate about this plan is that there’s no Plan B if she’s busy after mass or if for some reason she’s not there. I want to strike when the iron’s hot, so to speak. This is exciting, but way too complicated. I might just be over-thinking. (I have a tendency to do that.)
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CAROLOFTHEBELLS
Guest
It can sometimes be frustrating for a girl when a guy takes his time about asking her out. So it is not good to hesitate too long.
If you have a nice miniture golf place in town or closeby, that is a fun and innocent date that can be followed by pizza or a casual meal.
A movie and a pizza seem like a good choice. Always look into what is playing and/or about to be released before asking. Sometimes there are not good choices. That can leave the guy embarrassed unless the girl can step up with a suggestion.
There is a good movie out now that might interest someone who is interested in history. It’s called 12 years a Slave and based on true events in American history. A free black man in the north is kidnapped and sold into slavery in the south. I heard a discussion about it on the radio and it is an example of events that occurred that we are just beginning to realize happened. But, this is a heavy movie, emotional. Gravity is a better date movie, at least I hear. I only bring this up because you might want to know what’s playing in your area in order to make suggestions to her once she says yes.
If you do end up taking it slower or are thinking of a second date, you might try looking for holiday concerts or plays or even suggest attending your city’s tree lighting ceremony or a local parade.
If you have a nice miniture golf place in town or closeby, that is a fun and innocent date that can be followed by pizza or a casual meal.
A movie and a pizza seem like a good choice. Always look into what is playing and/or about to be released before asking. Sometimes there are not good choices. That can leave the guy embarrassed unless the girl can step up with a suggestion.
There is a good movie out now that might interest someone who is interested in history. It’s called 12 years a Slave and based on true events in American history. A free black man in the north is kidnapped and sold into slavery in the south. I heard a discussion about it on the radio and it is an example of events that occurred that we are just beginning to realize happened. But, this is a heavy movie, emotional. Gravity is a better date movie, at least I hear. I only bring this up because you might want to know what’s playing in your area in order to make suggestions to her once she says yes.
If you do end up taking it slower or are thinking of a second date, you might try looking for holiday concerts or plays or even suggest attending your city’s tree lighting ceremony or a local parade.
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rkwittem
Guest
Considering that Sunday was our first go at extended time together, I want to do that at least once more, at which point I’ll ask for a more formal date. There’s a fine line between striking when the iron’s hot and coming off as needy.
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rkwittem
Guest
I intend to ask her out probably this Sunday after Mass, if all goes well like last Sunday did. I am a little worried she’ll be busy after Mass.
Weather is becoming an issue here, so indoors stuff is the most likely choice. I know I can get great seats at a local college christmas concert if I ask for them. Don’t know the dates, yet. Early December traditionally. Maybe that will be a better 2nd or 3rd date…
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CAROLOFTHEBELLS
Guest
Christmastime is always a nice time to go out because everyone likes those types of seasonal things. One thing I like is having lunch or dinner in my local Hilton Hotel’s restaurant since the lobby is always nicely decorated with trees and garland. If you have a nice local hotel or restaurant that decorates beautifully, that would be lovely for the two of you sometime during the season.
There is a good movie coming out in mid-December, staring Tom Hanks as Walt Disney. It is called Saving Mr. Banks and is about the ups and downs Walt had with the writer of Mary Poppins while trying to get the film made. It can be hard to find an appropriate date movie and that one seems safe.
If she is busy after Mass, there is always next week. : )
There is a good movie coming out in mid-December, staring Tom Hanks as Walt Disney. It is called Saving Mr. Banks and is about the ups and downs Walt had with the writer of Mary Poppins while trying to get the film made. It can be hard to find an appropriate date movie and that one seems safe.
If she is busy after Mass, there is always next week. : )
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rkwittem
Guest
Well, she wasn’t too busy after this morning’s mass for a 15-minute cup of coffee, but a random guy friend of hers that was there came and sat with us at our table. Really threw me a curveball…and didn’t give me as much time to talk with her exclusively. Which obviously frustrates me. Trying not to get too grumpy about it…but it leaves me wondering if she just thinks of me as another friend.
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Joseph73
Guest
Keep your chin up! She’s been smiling at you, so that’s got to count for something.
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fred_conty
Guest
Just say, “You have a pretty smile, would you have a coke with me?”
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MJJean
Guest
Don’t be discouraged. As her out on a real date so she knows you are interested in dating as opposed to just friendship. If she doesn’t share your interest maybe you could be her friend and maybe she will offer help and advice in your quest for a mate.
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Xantippe
Guest
rkwittem said:
“Trying not to get too grumpy about it…but it leaves me wondering if she just thinks of me as another friend.”
Of course–you haven’t asked her on an actual date yet. A date is what gives you the right to expect her undivided attention. At a church coffee, you’re just a guy, one of many guys.
Get her contact info and email or text to make arrangements for a date sometime this week. I wouldn’t put her on the spot and ask her in person, because she may not have all her info on her as to her schedule or she might not want to say no to your face (so you run the risk of a cancellation). Only ask about dates this week. If she says she’s busy, you can ask next week about the following week, but if she says no to that, the ball is in her court. If she wants to get together with you after saying no twice, she has your information.
Oh, I just remembered that Thanksgiving is coming up, so you’ll need to slightly adjust the advice in the previous paragraph for heavier holiday commitments. You might want to skip Thanksgiving week entirely, as she will certainly have commitments (and even if she doesn’t, a 1st date on Thanksgiving is a little weird). A Christmas concert sounds fun. Maybe a concert and hot chocolate downtown, or maybe skating and hot chocolate? Work with what the season gives you.
“Trying not to get too grumpy about it…but it leaves me wondering if she just thinks of me as another friend.”
Of course–you haven’t asked her on an actual date yet. A date is what gives you the right to expect her undivided attention. At a church coffee, you’re just a guy, one of many guys.
Get her contact info and email or text to make arrangements for a date sometime this week. I wouldn’t put her on the spot and ask her in person, because she may not have all her info on her as to her schedule or she might not want to say no to your face (so you run the risk of a cancellation). Only ask about dates this week. If she says she’s busy, you can ask next week about the following week, but if she says no to that, the ball is in her court. If she wants to get together with you after saying no twice, she has your information.
Oh, I just remembered that Thanksgiving is coming up, so you’ll need to slightly adjust the advice in the previous paragraph for heavier holiday commitments. You might want to skip Thanksgiving week entirely, as she will certainly have commitments (and even if she doesn’t, a 1st date on Thanksgiving is a little weird). A Christmas concert sounds fun. Maybe a concert and hot chocolate downtown, or maybe skating and hot chocolate? Work with what the season gives you.
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CAROLOFTHEBELLS
Guest
When you have another chance to talk, try to notice if she has a smart phone or compare phones, discuss their capabilities. If she has a smart phone and enjoys using it, she has a calendar and may have her schedule with her. If at coffee, you might bring up a news story about the new I-phone or just say you were thinking of upgrading, etc. Perhaps that might even lead into exchanging numbers.
I would actually look at the other guy as a resource for information, but I can be sneaky that way! Nah, maybe best to keep him out of it. Anyway, don’t let that throw you. As so many people say, “friends first”.
I would actually look at the other guy as a resource for information, but I can be sneaky that way! Nah, maybe best to keep him out of it. Anyway, don’t let that throw you. As so many people say, “friends first”.
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Bill_Martin
Guest
I’ve written your orders for you. Now you just have to carry them out. 
UNCLASSIFIED/FOUO
OPORD DINNERDATE
Time Zone (Local)
TASK ORGANIZATION
CAF rkwittem Girl in question
Date High Low SR SS Forecast Precipitation
24NOV 50° 35° 0530 2000 Mostly Cloudy 10%
Terrain:
Urban/suburban. Probable vehicular traffic in AO.
b. Friendly Forces.
Higher Mission. DIscern, then carry out God’s will IAW standards set forth in Bible
Purpose: Ensure variety of cusine should girl have a preference
Task: Contact and request phone number and dinner date from girl
Purpose: To formally set up date, ensure communication between rkwittem and girl throughout mission
Task: Successfully conduct dinner date, ensure safe return of girl to her HQ
Purpose: To successfully complete dinner date and get to know girl better; ensure she sees rkwittem as more than just another guy
End state: rkwittem successfully contacts girl after Mas, receives phone number, completes dinner date, gets to know girl better and sets up future date
This is a five phase operation.
Phase I: (Preparation and Movement).
Phase II: (Communication with girl at Mass)
Phase III: (Rendezvous with girl at her HQ)
Phase IV: (Dinner Date)
Phase V: (Recovery)
(1) Phase I: (Preparation and Movement). This phase begins with selection of primary, secondary, and tertiary restaurants of various cuisines. This phase ends when each restaurant is selected and routes are chosen.
(2) Phase II: (Communication with girl at Mass). This phase begins
when rkwittem contacts girl after Mass and receives phone number. This phase ends after successful setup of dinner date
(3) Phase III: (Rendezvous with girl at her HQ) . This phase begins when rkwittem drives to girl’s house to pick her up. At this time, he is to exit his vehicle and knock on her door. This phase ends when she is in rkwittem’s vehicle.
(4) Phase IV: (Dinner Date). This phase begins when rkwittem and the girl arrive at the restaurant. All conversation is to be lighthearted and easy-going. This is a non-stressful environemnt. This phase ends when the bill has been paid by rkwittem and they exit the restaurant
(5) Phase V: (Recovery) This phase begins when rkwittem and girl drive to her house and walks her to the door. This phase ends when rkwittem returns to his vehicle and drives to his residence
(1) Timeline. Operation should begin after Mass and end NLT 2200
(2) Uniform and Equipment
(a) Attire should be appropriate for venue
(b) Jacket worn at all times, so rkwittem can give it to the girl if it gets cold
(c) Flashlight
(d) cell phone
(e) small penknife
.
Ration Cycle: Food and water will be on-site at restaurant
b. Transportation. Movement to Mass, girl’s residence, and restaurant will take place via rkwittem’s personal vehicle
c. Maintenance.
e. MEDEVAC and Hospitalization.
(1) Emergency. 911 system in place, use cell phone if needed
b. Signal.
(1) Phone #s.
c. Safety.
(1) Risk Assessment. Low
ACKNOWLEDGE:
BILL MARTIN
UNCLASSIFIED/FOUO
UNCLASSIFIED/FOUO
OPORD DINNERDATE
Time Zone (Local)
TASK ORGANIZATION
CAF rkwittem Girl in question
- SITUATION
a. Enemy Forces. Shouldn’t be any. Possibly fear, uncertainty,and doubt, but nothing to worry about/
Date High Low SR SS Forecast Precipitation
24NOV 50° 35° 0530 2000 Mostly Cloudy 10%
Terrain:
Urban/suburban. Probable vehicular traffic in AO.
b. Friendly Forces.
Higher Mission. DIscern, then carry out God’s will IAW standards set forth in Bible
- MISSION. rkwittem conducts dinner date with girl NLT 2200
- EXECUTION
Commander’s Intent.
Purpose: Ensure variety of cusine should girl have a preference
Task: Contact and request phone number and dinner date from girl
Purpose: To formally set up date, ensure communication between rkwittem and girl throughout mission
Task: Successfully conduct dinner date, ensure safe return of girl to her HQ
Purpose: To successfully complete dinner date and get to know girl better; ensure she sees rkwittem as more than just another guy
End state: rkwittem successfully contacts girl after Mas, receives phone number, completes dinner date, gets to know girl better and sets up future date
Code:
a. Concept of Operation.Phase I: (Preparation and Movement).
Phase II: (Communication with girl at Mass)
Phase III: (Rendezvous with girl at her HQ)
Phase IV: (Dinner Date)
Phase V: (Recovery)
Code:
b. Scheme of Maneuver.(2) Phase II: (Communication with girl at Mass). This phase begins
when rkwittem contacts girl after Mass and receives phone number. This phase ends after successful setup of dinner date
(3) Phase III: (Rendezvous with girl at her HQ) . This phase begins when rkwittem drives to girl’s house to pick her up. At this time, he is to exit his vehicle and knock on her door. This phase ends when she is in rkwittem’s vehicle.
(4) Phase IV: (Dinner Date). This phase begins when rkwittem and the girl arrive at the restaurant. All conversation is to be lighthearted and easy-going. This is a non-stressful environemnt. This phase ends when the bill has been paid by rkwittem and they exit the restaurant
(5) Phase V: (Recovery) This phase begins when rkwittem and girl drive to her house and walks her to the door. This phase ends when rkwittem returns to his vehicle and drives to his residence
Code:
c. Tasks to Maneuver Units. rkwittem to check routes beforehand, ensure vehicle has proper fuel before setting off
d. Coordinating Instructions.(2) Uniform and Equipment
(a) Attire should be appropriate for venue
(b) Jacket worn at all times, so rkwittem can give it to the girl if it gets cold
(c) Flashlight
(d) cell phone
(e) small penknife
.
- SERVICE SUPPORT
Ration Cycle: Food and water will be on-site at restaurant
b. Transportation. Movement to Mass, girl’s residence, and restaurant will take place via rkwittem’s personal vehicle
c. Maintenance.
Code:
(1) Personal vehicle should be clean before operation
(2) Clothing should be neat, orderly, clean, and appropriate for weather(1) Emergency. 911 system in place, use cell phone if needed
- COMMAND and SIGNAL
b. Signal.
(1) Phone #s.
c. Safety.
(1) Risk Assessment. Low
ACKNOWLEDGE:
BILL MARTIN
UNCLASSIFIED/FOUO
X
Xantippe
Guest
Bill Martin,
That was beautiful.
I especially liked the advice to bring a jacket. Good work!
That was beautiful.
I especially liked the advice to bring a jacket. Good work!
C
CAROLOFTHEBELLS
Guest
From a feminine perspective the purpose of a date is more than to get to know the girl. It is to make her feel special. Getting to know you is nice. Feeling special is extra nice and makes her want more, which translates into wanting to see you more. Having the jacket handy is one example. Of course, mutual attraction is necessary for dating to continue.
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MJJean
Guest
Bill Martin, I LOVED your post. Made me lol irl. 
The whole post was great, but cleaning out the car stood out to me. My DH and a few men I dated before him overlooked that particular detail. It’s a miracle my DH got a second date after I took a look at his car! It was like riding in a McDonald’s trash bin.
It’s no fun getting all dressed up and having your clothes get dirty because the car has a fine layer of dirt and dust on it. Not to mention that the crunching noise made by papers and fast food wrappers is a bit distracting. And don’t get me started on how embarrassing it is to get out of your dates car and have trash fall out at the same time…
The whole post was great, but cleaning out the car stood out to me. My DH and a few men I dated before him overlooked that particular detail. It’s a miracle my DH got a second date after I took a look at his car! It was like riding in a McDonald’s trash bin.
It’s no fun getting all dressed up and having your clothes get dirty because the car has a fine layer of dirt and dust on it. Not to mention that the crunching noise made by papers and fast food wrappers is a bit distracting. And don’t get me started on how embarrassing it is to get out of your dates car and have trash fall out at the same time…
J
Joseph73
Guest
LOL, Bill.
X
Xantippe
Guest
MJJean said:
“The whole post was great, but cleaning out the car stood out to me. My DH and a few men I dated before him overlooked that particular detail. It’s a miracle my DH got a second date after I took a look at his car! It was like riding in a McDonald’s trash bin.”
That’s a really important one, too. A dirty interior completely neutralizes the effect of a nice car, while a clean interior neutralizes the effect of an older car.
How many times have we gotten picked up by somebody, and it turns out that the entire passenger seat was piled high with stuff? It’s not a very welcoming reception and it suggests that our driver was not thinking at all about our comfort.
Another note–your date may be more comfortable NOT getting into a car and driving with you (a fairly new acquaintance), but of course you should offer the option for her convenience.
“The whole post was great, but cleaning out the car stood out to me. My DH and a few men I dated before him overlooked that particular detail. It’s a miracle my DH got a second date after I took a look at his car! It was like riding in a McDonald’s trash bin.”
That’s a really important one, too. A dirty interior completely neutralizes the effect of a nice car, while a clean interior neutralizes the effect of an older car.
How many times have we gotten picked up by somebody, and it turns out that the entire passenger seat was piled high with stuff? It’s not a very welcoming reception and it suggests that our driver was not thinking at all about our comfort.
Another note–your date may be more comfortable NOT getting into a car and driving with you (a fairly new acquaintance), but of course you should offer the option for her convenience.
B
bsf
Guest
Wow, this seems too complicated. Seems like some good advice given, OP, but you just need to ask this young lady out. Your presentation and planning does not need to be perfect. I think you simply need to clearly express to this woman your desire regarding the type of relationship you want to explore with her. I truly understand your hesitancy. However, screw up the courage and do it. You will be fine whether she says “yes” or “no”.
- Status