Teenagers and going back to work/school

[cviolette]

I am making some major changes in my life that will affect my family. I start school on Monday. 3 days a week. Classes are 8 hours a day. The facility is a little over 2 hours round trip. In 5 weeks, I will get a certificate and hopefully a full-time job. Then I will be working full-time and going to school part-time.

I have 3 kids at home. They are 13, 16 and 17 years old. A husband that will not help at all around the house. He does yard work and that is it. This will not change. Not worth the fight.

For working parents, what do you have your teenagers do to help around the house? I was thinking of having them each cook dinner one day a week and do dishes one day a week. My plan is to work 3 12 hour shifts. I would not have to worry about cooking on the days I work.

All the kids can cook. I would do the grocery shopping and plan the meals.

Any advice for a stay at home mom going back to work?

 

[SummerSmiles]

When I was a teen, my main “job” around the house was mowing the yard. (We had a huge yard and a push mower at the time, so it took most of the day to get it done.). This was usually a Saturday morning, once a week thing.

I also vacuumed the house, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned the bathroom, and did laundry. I would imagine that between the three of them, they could get the day to day stuff pretty well taken care of. I had no idea how to cook as a teen, so that’s an extra bonus for your family! I would suggest that you ask each of them what they feel comfortable doing and move from there. Good luck!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Sounds like a great plan! All the best to you. I just realized yesterday that in the fall, NO ONE will come home at 3 pm…It’s been nearly 21 years of my life…first they were here ALL the time, then we ran by the school schedule…3 pm is a significant time…But not any more… I thought, well, maybe I will go to work with hubby…and then I thought, hmmm…maybe not…

Anyway, back to your question…I would also have them do their own laundry. That alone helps tremendously when it comes to the housework load. And maybe one extra chore such as cleaning a bathroom or vacuuming, or dusting.

 

[Cat]

First, relax all your standards (even if they’re already relaxed, relax them more!). Life will be busy for everyone, so there’s no reason to get upset if the house isn’t dusted or the floor isn’t vacuumed (unless someone in the house has severe allergies).

During the skating season (January through mid-April), our house does not get vacuumed or dusted. It doesn’t matter. We’re not home anyway, and we certainly don’t invite anyone over during this busy season.

I think your proposals for chores are appropriate, but I would sit the teens down and have a family meeting in which everyone is allowed to share their ideas without getting criticized. Don’t just assign chores to the teens. You may find that one of the teens would be happy to cook every dinner as long as their siblings will do the dishes. Or vice versa.

Tell your teens what absolutely needs to be done, and let them do the division of labor.

And make sure that you only list what ABSOLUTELY has to be done; e.g., feeding any pets. As far as I’m concerned, chores like dusting and vacuuming are “luxury chores,” and do not need to be done as often as they are done in a home where there is a full-time homemaker present. Even cooking dinner isn’t absolutely necessary–sandwiches are fine, and so are frozen meals. Sure, they’re not the best dinner, but big deal. No one will starve eating grilled cheeses or cans of soup. And if it keeps family peace and helps everyone to keep their sanity and get all their school work done, who cares about a real “dinner?”

But your family should decide for themselves what is essential and what is just “extra.”

I agree about laundry. Our daughters did their own laundry from the time they were 8 years old. I absolutely refused to take care of their clothing–they did it. Your teens will be glad when they go away to college or to their own place, and learn that they are the only ones in their dorm who know how to run a washing machine!

But please be merciful. EVERYONE in your house (except your husband) is under a lot of pressure, and sometimes, the chores just won’t get done, and there’s no reason to fret about it. Go out to eat that evening, or if you don’t have the money, do something simple like PB and Jelly sandwiches and apples. I would keep a supply of simple-to-prepare foods in the house, and allow everyone to fix their own dinner if they need to, because I’m guessing that most evenings, people will be gone, and there’s no sense in someone preparing a sit-down dinner when no one will be there to eat it. Or perhaps they will be there, but they will be studying, and would rather just eat supper in front of the computer, or while watching TV or listening to their music (and studying at the same time).

Good luck–try to enjoy this busy time. Just keep your goal in mind–you’re doing this so that life will be better for you and your family.

 

[cviolette]

When I was a teen, my main “job” around the house was mowing the yard. (We had a huge yard and a push mower at the time, so it took most of the day to get it done.). This was usually a Saturday morning, once a week thing.

I also vacuumed the house, mopped the kitchen floor, cleaned the bathroom, and did laundry. I would imagine that between the three of them, they could get the day to day stuff pretty well taken care of. I had no idea how to cook as a teen, so that’s an extra bonus for your family! I would suggest that you ask each of them what they feel comfortable doing and move from there. Good luck!

My mom didn’t teach me to cook. I was lost when I moved out. So I made sure my kids can cook their favorite foods. I just didn’t teach them to clean up after themselves

We have a huge lawn but they can use the tractor to mow it. The two boys help their dad with fire wood and the lawn but they are paid for it.

It is a good idea to get their (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[cviolette]

Sounds like a great plan! All the best to you. I just realized yesterday that in the fall, NO ONE will come home at 3 pm…It’s been nearly 21 years of my life…first they were here ALL the time, then we ran by the school schedule…3 pm is a significant time…But not any more… I thought, well, maybe I will go to work with hubby…and then I thought, hmmm…maybe not…

Anyway, back to your question…I would also have them do their own laundry. That alone helps tremendously when it comes to the housework load. And maybe one extra chore such as cleaning a bathroom or vacuuming, or dusting.

I think it would be a big mistake to work for your husband. Since he is a workaholic, he will bring the work home with him and that is all you will talk about. My husband wanted me to work on one of his inventions. No way. He already treats me like an employee without me actually working for him.

They each have their own bathrooms. 5 bathrooms in the house It wasn’t bad when we had a housekeeper. Now it is awful. Since they each have their own bathrooms, they are now responsible for cleaning them.

I do think I will add sweeping the mudroom and kitchen to the list.

 

[cviolette]

First, relax all your standards (even if they’re already relaxed, relax them more!). Life will be busy for everyone, so there’s no reason to get upset if the house isn’t dusted or the floor isn’t vacuumed (unless someone in the house has severe allergies).

During the skating season (January through mid-April), our house does not get vacuumed or dusted. It doesn’t matter. We’re not home anyway, and we certainly don’t invite anyone over during this busy season.

I think your proposals for chores are appropriate, but I would sit the teens down and have a family meeting in which everyone is allowed to share their ideas without getting criticized. Don’t just assign chores to the teens. You may find that one of the teens would be happy to cook every dinner as long as their siblings will do the dishes. Or vice versa.

Tell your teens what absolutely needs to be done, and let them do the division of labor.

And make sure that you only list what ABSOLUTELY has to be done; e.g., feeding any pets. As far as I’m concerned, chores like dusting and vacuuming are “luxury chores,” and do not need to be done as often as they are done in a home where there is a full-time homemaker present. Even cooking dinner isn’t absolutely necessary–sandwiches are fine, and so are frozen meals. Sure, they’re not the best dinner, but big deal. No one will starve eating grilled cheeses or cans of soup. And if it keeps family peace and helps everyone to keep their sanity and get all their school work done, who cares about a real “dinner?”

But your family should decide for themselves what is essential and what is just “extra.”

I agree about laundry. Our daughters did their own laundry from the time they were 8 years old. I absolutely refused to take care of their clothing–they did it. Your teens will be glad when they go away to college or to their own place, and learn that they are the only ones in their dorm who know how to run a washing machine!

But please be merciful. EVERYONE in your house (except your husband) is under a lot of pressure, and sometimes, the chores just won’t get done, and there’s no reason to fret about it. Go out to eat that evening, or if you don’t have the money, do something simple like PB and Jelly sandwiches and apples. I would keep a supply of simple-to-prepare foods in the house, and allow everyone to fix their own dinner if they need to, because I’m guessing that most evenings, people will be gone, and there’s no sense in someone preparing a sit-down dinner when no one will be there to eat it. Or perhaps they will be there, but they will be studying, and would rather just eat supper in front of the computer, or while watching TV or listening to their music (and studying at the same time).

Good luck–try to enjoy this busy time. Just keep your goal in mind–you’re doing this so that life will be better for you and your family.

Great ideas. I am funny about laundry. I prefer to do it than have everyone doing their own. When my oldest went to college, I received several phone calls about how to do laundry LOL!. But he could cook

My 17 year old has severe allergies but is barely ever home. Plus, he has an air purify in his room. He receives allergy shots which have helped.

The family meeting is a good idea. I also need to talk to my boys about their sister. She is only 13 and they will need to help with her. Giving her rides and just keeping an eye on her. I hate the idea of not being home when she gets out of school.

You are right. I am going to have to relax my standards. Especially with cooking. I always make sure my husband comes home to a hot meal and pack his lunch. He is the one that will have the hardest time adjusting. If I am not around my kids have no problem cooking for themselves but my husband will pout. It will be a good adjustment for him because I won’t be around forever. He hasn’t had to cook a meal, do laundry, do dishes or clean in over 20 years. Times are changing.

Thank you I am very excited. I have always been busy and now that the kids are older, I am bored. I need to start living my own life and let them grow up. I did my job. They are great kids but now I need to look out for my future.

 

[Kelfa28]

I agree with the posters above. Quit with any deep cleaning of the house and figure out the chores that absolutely need to get done and divide and conquer.

Stuff like dinner, dishes, laundry, trash and general clutter. Leave the husband to do his yard work.

My mom was very much like this. She was a stay at home mom that went back to work once my sister and I were in middle school. The house got a deep clean once a week and my sister and I had general chores. Our only responsibilities was our rooms had to be picked up and tidy and we were responsible for our own laundry.

My parents would swap with dinner and my sister did help sometimes. I was pretty much banned from the kitchen because I proved too much of a liability.

We were a busy family for quite some time but we all made it work.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Great ideas. I am funny about laundry. I prefer to do it than have everyone doing their own. When my oldest went to college, I received several phone calls about how to do laundry LOL!. But he could cook

My 17 year old has severe allergies but is barely ever home. Plus, he has an air purify in his room. He receives allergy shots which have helped.

The family meeting is a good idea. I also need to talk to my boys about their sister. She is only 13 and they will need to help with her. Giving her rides and just keeping an eye on her. I hate the idea of not being home when she gets out of school.

You are right. I am going to have to relax my standards. Especially with cooking. I always make sure my husband comes home to a hot meal and pack his lunch. He is the one that will have the hardest time adjusting. If I am not around my kids have no problem cooking for themselves but my husband will pout. It will be a good adjustment for him because I won’t be around forever. He hasn’t had to cook a meal, do laundry, do dishes or clean in over 20 years. Times are changing.

Thank you I am very excited. I have always been busy and now that the kids are older, I am bored. I need to start living my own life and let them grow up. I did my job. They are great kids but now I need to look out for my future.

How long will your daughter be home by herself? You know that’s a tough age to be alone…not to frighten you, she’s probably a good girl. But stuff happens.

You’re still going ahead with the divorce then? Sounds like it.

What is your training program?

 

[cviolette]

I agree with the posters above. Quit with any deep cleaning of the house and figure out the chores that absolutely need to get done and divide and conquer.

Stuff like dinner, dishes, laundry, trash and general clutter. Leave the husband to do his yard work.

My mom was very much like this. She was a stay at home mom that went back to work once my sister and I were in middle school. The house got a deep clean once a week and my sister and I had general chores. Our only responsibilities was our rooms had to be picked up and tidy and we were responsible for our own laundry.

My parents would swap with dinner and my sister did help sometimes. I was pretty much banned from the kitchen because I proved too much of a liability.

We were a busy family for quite some time but we all made it work.

I was thinking about picking one day a week and clean the whole house at once. Just the light upkeep during the week. I like that idea.

LOL! I understand the liability part.

 

[KitSileya]

Absolutely the kids are old enough to pitch in - only a few years until they’re on their own means that these are skills they need to know anyway. Or do you want your boys to end up like your husband?

When my mom went back to school alongside work, we divided the house into 5 zones and switched off (3 kids, 2 adults.) Dinner got done by 4 of us in rotation, though mom and dad did it more often (one of us kids was unable to cook due to special circumstances, which also meant he got help with his zone.) It was the fairness of it that made it work for us, and I’m sure your kids will be more amenable to helping out if they feel the work is fairly divided and their (name removed by moderator)ut is sought as to the division of labor.

I totally agree with previous posters that standards will have to bee relaxed. In fact, the deep clean doesn’t have to be every week, as long as you make sure the kitchen is cleaned regularly (you wouldn’t want food poisoning.) Since every one is responsible for their own bathroom, you don’t have to worry about that (and I do hope that ‘everyone’ includes your husband there, for your sake, at least.)

Good luck at school!

 

[cviolette]

How long will your daughter be home by herself? You know that’s a tough age to be alone…not to frighten you, she’s probably a good girl. But stuff happens.

You’re still going ahead with the divorce then? Sounds like it.

What is your training program?

For the next 5 weeks, not for long. At most, Tues and Wed for an hour and 15 minutes. At least one of those days, my 17 year old will be home My 16 year, plays sports year round and doesn’t get home until 5PM.

She is smart. High honors students. Taking all honors classes next year in high school. But very young acting. She loves her animals. She helps the neighbors with their 6 horses. Plays with her guinea pigs and cats. Wants a dog, chickens and a rabbit. Goes to 4H twice a week. She has zero interest in boys. My biggest concern is she loves to be outside. Riding her bike, climbing trees, playing basketball or soccer. I want someone around if she gets hurt. I am sure the boys will become a problem eventually but I think I have a year or two. Plus, we live in the middle of no where. Not a lot of ways to get in trouble.

I am taking an nursing assistance program. I plan on working as an LNA while I get my nursing degree. A total change from me. Switching from engineering to nursing but I am very excited. I worked out a three year schedule to get my nursing degree. A good portion of the classes can be completed on-line.

The divorce is a definitely. I am trying to prepare my husband for it. He just does not get it. I have used the divorce word. I told him that I need a job so I can support myself. That I want a car and cellphone in my name only so he can not control me. Not sure when he is going to get it. He threaten to take my car and cellphone away if I didn’t cash in my retirement fund to pay off his debt. How did he think I would react?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Nurses are always in demand, and it pays well. I am glad you have found something you are interested in doing. You can go pretty much anywhere in the country and find employment if you are good at your job. You could also start your own business, home visits for elderly, for example.

Yeah, I’d be the same way with my kids - even if they wouldn’t start trouble, stuff happens. Thank goodness for cell phones anyway.

You can always buy a pay as you go phone - I don’t know how much the minutes cost but the phones are pretty cheap.

I guess the kids don’t know yet?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think it would be a big mistake to work for your husband. Since he is a workaholic, he will bring the work home with him and that is all you will talk about. My husband wanted me to work on one of his inventions. No way. He already treats me like an employee without me actually working for him.

They each have their own bathrooms. 5 bathrooms in the house It wasn’t bad when we had a housekeeper. Now it is awful. Since they each have their own bathrooms, they are now responsible for cleaning them.

I do think I will add sweeping the mudroom and kitchen to the list.

I missed this post. Yeah, it would just mean I would cease to exist as a separate human being. I am going to have to find something, though. I don’t really want to take a job because then I will be tied down and can’t travel with him. I feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If our marriage is going to survive, we have to do things together, but I can’t sit around idle until there’s a convention or an overseas opportunity.

I can see us doing our own thing from here on out. It’s hard for me to see how we are going to be close without the kids here. And I have received so much of the intimacy I need from him, through them. When they are gone, he is all I will have. As much as I love him, that is a very sad and empty thought.

 

[cviolette]

Absolutely the kids are old enough to pitch in - only a few years until they’re on their own means that these are skills they need to know anyway. Or do you want your boys to end up like your husband?

When my mom went back to school alongside work, we divided the house into 5 zones and switched off (3 kids, 2 adults.) Dinner got done by 4 of us in rotation, though mom and dad did it more often (one of us kids was unable to cook due to special circumstances, which also meant he got help with his zone.) It was the fairness of it that made it work for us, and I’m sure your kids will be more amenable to helping out if they feel the work is fairly divided and their (name removed by moderator)ut is sought as to the division of labor.

I totally agree with previous posters that standards will have to bee relaxed. In fact, the deep clean doesn’t have to be every week, as long as you make sure the kitchen is cleaned regularly (you wouldn’t want food poisoning.) Since every one is responsible for their own bathroom, you don’t have to worry about that (and I do hope that ‘everyone’ includes your husband there, for your sake, at least.)

Good luck at school!

I like the zone idea. The kids have their own playroom and living room that they are responsible for. Since my 16 year old has a gf, the rooms are cleaned regular LOL! He even bought air fresheners for them He runs around cleaning whenever he knows she is coming over.

My husband and I share a bathroom so I clean ours. It is not too bad. I only have two bathrooms to clean. Ours and the downstairs one that the company uses. I keep up with them so it isn’t much work.

I hate a dirty kitchen. So no food poison. I also hate dishes in the sink. I may have to get use to that. I am not a neat freak but I do like clean bathrooms and clean kitchen. I don’t care as much about the windows or dusting or clutter.

 

[cviolette]

I missed this post. Yeah, it would just mean I would cease to exist as a separate human being. I am going to have to find something, though. I don’t really want to take a job because then I will be tied down and can’t travel with him. I feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If our marriage is going to survive, we have to do things together, but I can’t sit around idle until there’s a convention or an overseas opportunity.

I can see us doing our own thing from here on out. It’s hard for me to see how we are going to be close without the kids here. And I have received so much of the intimacy I need from him, through them. When they are gone, he is all I will have. As much as I love him, that is a very sad and empty thought.

We all have emotional needs and without the kids, you will need a way to meet those needs elsewhere. Before I decided to go back to work, I planned on volunteer work. It would allow me to still feel needed and give back to the community. I also like going to daily mass and adoration.

 

[SummerSmiles]

My mom didn’t teach me to cook. I was lost when I moved out. So I made sure my kids can cook their favorite foods. I just didn’t teach them to clean up after themselves

We have a huge lawn but they can use the tractor to mow it. The two boys help their dad with fire wood and the lawn but they are paid for it.

It is a good idea to get their (name removed by moderator)ut.

I had to teach myself to cook when I got pregnant. Not exactly the best time to be dealing with that learning curve, but I figured it out.

Definitely get their (name removed by moderator)ut. You never know, someone might not mind doing the vacuuming, someone else might love cooking but hate washing dishes, etc. And getting their (name removed by moderator)ut will allow them to put together some sort of schedule that they all feel like they can agree to somewhat; everyone gets something they don’t mind doing.

You’ve gotten some good advice regarding “luxury” chores versus necessary chores. It used to drive me bonkers that my parents expected to have the dusting done all the time, even though no one was home most of the time. Take into consideration how heavy your kids’ school work load is and whether they do extracurriculars, etc. I personally don’t have a problem with leaving the dusting and vacuuming if everyone is busy doing other things. You’ll have to find a good balance with your home.

 

[cviolette]

Nurses are always in demand, and it pays well. I am glad you have found something you are interested in doing. You can go pretty much anywhere in the country and find employment if you are good at your job. You could also start your own business, home visits for elderly, for example.

Yeah, I’d be the same way with my kids - even if they wouldn’t start trouble, stuff happens. Thank goodness for cell phones anyway.

You can always buy a pay as you go phone - I don’t know how much the minutes cost but the phones are pretty cheap.

I guess the kids don’t know yet?

Friday, I start volunteering at a place for brain damaged children. I want to find a place where I can make a difference and get to know the patients. I already volunteer at a nursing home and I love it. I have also thought of being a nurse at a prison. As an LNA, I will be able to get per diems at different places to see what I like best. It is hard work but so rewarding.

I just want the current cellphone contract to run out then I will get one in my name. I don’t like that the bills are all in his name. He has too much control and he abuses it.

No, they don’t know. I want to wait a year and a half. Gets my daughter through her first year of high school. I will have two in college and two at home. I am trying to not turn their lives upside until completely necessary.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

We all have emotional needs and without the kids, you will need a way to meet those needs elsewhere. Before I decided to go back to work, I planned on volunteer work. It would allow me to still feel needed and give back to the community. I also like going to daily mass and adoration.

How did you decide on nursing? Was it from volunteering? Just wondering. I really don’t have a pull in any direction, but also, at 55 I’m not keen to start a career. I am a healthy person, but I don’t have the physical stamina of someone 35.

 

[cviolette]

I had to teach myself to cook when I got pregnant. Not exactly the best time to be dealing with that learning curve, but I figured it out.

Definitely get their (name removed by moderator)ut. You never know, someone might not mind doing the vacuuming, someone else might love cooking but hate washing dishes, etc. And getting their (name removed by moderator)ut will allow them to put together some sort of schedule that they all feel like they can agree to somewhat; everyone gets something they don’t mind doing.

You’ve gotten some good advice regarding “luxury” chores versus necessary chores. It used to drive me bonkers that my parents expected to have the dusting done all the time, even though no one was home most of the time. Take into consideration how heavy your kids’ school work load is and whether they do extracurriculars, etc. I personally don’t have a problem with leaving the dusting and vacuuming if everyone is busy doing other things. You’ll have to find a good balance with your home.

What a time to teach yourself, when your taste buds are all messed up. The first few months that I lived on my own, I ate cereal every night. I learned to cook for my husband.

I certainly do not want my kids spending all their time cleaning. Just lighten the load a little for me. School always comes first. I am lucky that they do not need any help with school work. They are pretty independent kids.