At the risk of sounding repetitive: the situation of having SSA is not and must not be reduced to “temptations”, and it’s not like I am going to sit down with them and talk for 30 minutes about my sexual temptations. Lol. That would be absurd. As I mentioned in a previous post, there is more to having SSA than the “temptation” part.
I think you are describing what I meant by including “the flip side”…that is, the aspects of what you are saying about yourself that have nothing to do with seeing persons of your own sex as sexual partners.
You have to realize, however, that the experience of one’s sexuality is different for everyone. Some people cannot look at anybody who has reached the age of sexual maturity without the awareness of their sexual perception of the person. I don’t mean they’re mentally undressing them, but that they’re aware of the person as a sexual being. They always interact with others with a recognition of the part of the person’s inner life that has to do with sexuality. Other people can literally have someone of the opposite sex coming on to them like nobody’s business and yet be totally oblivious to it. They just don’t think in sexual terms about anybody very often, and perhaps never. Still others cease to be comfortable around other people precisely at that point that they become aware of the possibility that their relationship might have even the slightest sexual aspect to it. There is that whole continuum and it will vary even with one person depending on health, level of distraction, level of security or insecurity, sexual appetite, emotional or sentimental triggers, and all sorts of other things.
I think there are a good many people into LGBTQ activism who are in the group who believe that sexual attractions necessarily color everything that everyone does, says, and means to each other. This is why some of them feel a need to disclose to people who would rather not be confronted with the inner life of most people they know about
anything they themselves choose to keep private, with the sexual inner life being number one on the list but hardly the only thing on the list.
The question I have for you is this: Where do you think your parents belong on that continuum? If they are in the keep-your-private-life-private part of the continuum, there might not be much in the way of support nor edification that can realistically be expected by telling them about this aspect of your inner life.
Still, they could surprise you. For instance, your father or mother may be just like you. You can’t know if you don’t tell them. You can’t un-tell them, once you tell them. You can’t truly know your situation. I would say to do your best to come to a conclusion about this that you can, realizing that this is not information that anyone has a right to, excepting a potential spouse or a bishop you are asking for ordination. Other than that, I think that you will ride out any decisions that you regret, whether it is to tell or not to tell, because you sound as if you have a good head on your shoulders and a strong relationship with God. With those two things, you will walk away somehow from every landing, no matter how rough it is.
I’d also ask you to consider whether your best bet, should you decide you want to tell at least one of them, might be to talk to just one of them first, sounding them out about whether to tell the other and how to do it. That, again, is something you would consider in light of your unique relationship with each of your parents. The advantage to this approach is that the parent you tell can listen to you and talk to you without the immediate distraction of gauging or worrying about your *other *parent’s concurrent reaction. One-on-one disclosure does have that advantage in intimacy and the ability of both parties to feel control over the situation.
