Telling your spouse what to do

  • Thread starter Thread starter AnneTeresa
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
haedron said:
I really agree with this, and I’ll expand on something else that’s bothersome. Lots of times my spouse will ask me to handle something that she doesn’t want to deal with. No problem there, but don’t proceed to criticize me for doing said task in the fashion I choose. If it’s important for you that something be done a certain way, then do it yourself. If you want me to do it, then get out of the way and leave me to it.
Click to expand...
I couldn’t agree more and those are almost the exact words I’ve used when thinking about it or talking with others.
 
chevalier said:
From a male perspective, gratuitous real-time feedback on all things I do wrong is supremely discomforting, especially from someone who isn’t prepared to receive a taste of his own medicine without fussing. It’s even more annoying when it just comes down to different ways of doing the same thing, something like do you carry heavier loads each time and make fewer trips or do you make more trips but with smaller loads. I find it somewhat troubling when people can’t tell that they’re simply dealing with two different perspectives, each of them equally good. I specifically make the mental effort to dissociate “my way” from “the right way” and I wish more people would. One other rule I wish more people followed is to stay silent when any improvement would be minimal or less than certain.

Compulsive micromanagement of other people, or fixing what isn’t broken, isn’t an exclusively feminine thing, though. Men can do it too and be pretty annoying at it.
Click to expand...
That’s not a male persepective, that’s an average human being persepective. Anyone who doesn’t like the way someone else does something, is free to do it themselves, or just be happy that someone else is willing to do it!
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
I think the most important thing is to have discretion when it comes to what you do/don’t tell your spouse to do.

If it’s important, say it. If not, generally best to let it go… though it depends on the spouse.

If you do it all the time, you will be ignored. If you do it selectively, your spouse should (and most likely will) pay attention.
Click to expand...
I agree with this. I don’t complain about things so when I say something it’s about something that’s **really **harmful to me either physically or emotionally, not just small things that don’t really matter. .
Ridgerunner said:
Some of the posters mentioned TV.

I read somewhere that men can watch more than one TV program at a time, while for some reason, women cannot. Or, at least, men do it a lot and women don’t.

I’m possibly the worst “multiple simultaneous show watchers” in existence. So I’m constantly switching the channel. My wife doesn’t mind it, though she jokes about it, but if she says “I want to watch this” that’s all I need to know. That’s what we do. If I can’t stand the show (cooking shows are, to me and I suspect to most guys, the worst…like having a tooth drilled) I go do something else.
Click to expand...
LOL Yeah I know that’s true with me, I like to focus on one show and pay attention to every detail and meaning of the show. I can’t do that switching back and forth. But I wouldn’t mind if someone else did it, as long as it’s not my favorite show. 🙂
chevalier said:
From a male perspective, gratuitous real-time feedback on all things I do wrong is supremely discomforting, especially from someone who isn’t prepared to receive a taste of his own medicine without fussing. It’s even more annoying when it just comes down to different ways of doing the same thing, something like do you carry heavier loads each time and make fewer trips or do you make more trips but with smaller loads. I find it somewhat troubling when people can’t tell that they’re simply dealing with two different perspectives, each of them equally good. I specifically make the mental effort to dissociate “my way” from “the right way” and I wish more people would. One other rule I wish more people followed is to stay silent when any improvement would be minimal or less than certain.

Compulsive micromanagement of other people, or fixing what isn’t broken, isn’t an exclusively feminine thing, though. Men can do it too and be pretty annoying at it.
Click to expand...
Well said, I totally agree, and most things are just that, only a difference of doing things where one way is no better than the other. I don’t care how it’s done, as long as it gets done. 🤷 If you want to do things in what looks like the hard way to me, so be it, maybe to you it’s the easy way and my way seems like the hard way. 🤷
 
Allegra said:
That’s not a male persepective, that’s an average human being persepective. Anyone who doesn’t like the way someone else does something, is free to do it themselves, or just be happy that someone else is willing to do it!
Click to expand...
LOL! I agree, if you are willing to clean the house, I don’t care if you do it backwards, forwards, upside down or standing on your hands! As long as it gets done. 😃
 
Allegra said:
That’s not a male persepective, that’s an average human being persepective. Anyone who doesn’t like the way someone else does something, is free to do it themselves, or just be happy that someone else is willing to do it!
Click to expand...
True but I spoke only for males since that’s what was asked, and I also had a bit more in mind than just bickering about the method. 😉 For example nagging about habits or routines, commenting that this or that is wrong the way it is, could be better and so on, when it’s not really important or relevant or certain (e.g. small matter, not connected to the current subject, or just guessing/fussing). Complaining about the method of doing something I was asked to do for someone when the method doesn’t influence the results is just one of such situations.
 
My husband sometimes has some unique ways of doing things. I think part of it has to do with how he was raised, and possibly part of it has to do with the fact that he’s on the autistic spectrum (Asperger’s/high-functioning autism; very mild). I try not to “tell” him what to do; rather, as the previous posters have suggested, I “ask” him to do things.

Ex. “Honey, would you mind to please throw on a load of laundry tonight? Would you mind to please get the oil changed in the car? Could you please feed the cat as I’m busy right now?”

I tend to get a lot less grief off him this way 🙂 And, I try really hard not to nag. I’ll give him a gentle reminder about something, but I always preface that by saying it IS a reminder, just in case he forgot. If I start to nag, he’ll let me know 🙂

I try always to be a submissive wife to him, but I think the problem is that most people equate “submissive” with “doormat”. A submissive wife doesn’t DIRECT her husband; rather, she gently attempts to influence him. A wise woman chooses her husband carefully, so that she will choose a man who models his headship after that of Christ on the cross. I am EXTREMELY fortunate to have found such a husband.

As far as the TV thing, you might think about trying a compromise with him. My husband and I both really enjoy forensic and medical dramas, but sometimes we differ on certain shows. (For example, I really like Criminal Minds and he doesn’t; he really likes Bones and Doctor Who, while I just think they’re okay.) We got rid of TV awhile ago and just subscribe to Netflix and an outfit that allows us to watch British programs cheaply (my husband is from England). Usually, we can work out something that we can watch together, or we’ll take turns picking out which shows we’d like to watch. We try to always approach it from an attitude of “we’ll take turns” or asking each other, “Do you have a preference for what we watch together?” That might help.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top