Ten Things Guys wished that Women knew about Men

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Aww… Poor, misunderstood, unromantic clods… I want to go give my fiancè a big hug right now. :love:
 
I read the list to Nathan, and he basically agreed with it all. Except he said that he didn’t get the whole visual roladex thing in the one about men being visual creatures.

He thought it made it sound like men imagine other women when with their spouse with which he completely disagreed.

I agree with it all too. I wasn’t super surprised by any of it.
 
All of these apply to me, and I’m a woman. 4 and 8 too - I’m the monetary ‘provider’ for our family and my husband’s always been the more romantic one.

I’m not sure perpetuating all these stereotypes really helps individual couples.
 
Litcrit said:
All of these apply to me, and I’m a woman. 4 and 8 too - I’m the monetary ‘provider’ for our family and my husband’s always been the more romantic one.

I’m not sure perpetuating all these stereotypes really helps individual couples.
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I’m certain that it can’t possibly help all couples, but there have got to be a large number of couples that benefit in some way from knowing this stuff. After all, most of these things apply to all of us, so it can’t be THAT bad to say that they apply to men.

I think it’s some pretty fair generic advice for women. It’s non-specific enough that it applies to a lot of couples, and it’s not suggesting anything that’s likely to harm anyone if they follow it and it’s not true. After all, couldn’t we all use some affirmations in our lives? It’s a lot better than those “top ten ways to please your man” that you’ll find in Cosmo magazine! 😉

Yeah, it wasn’t that impressive a list, but it certainly isn’t going to do any couples harm to read it. 🤷 I think most of us do fear being inadequate and disrespected, and a lot of men try to pretend that they aren’t worried about that. If reading this article helps a woman or two understand her man better, then it’s done its job. And it did inspire me to send a little love note to my bf’s phone, so there ya go. 👍
 
What stereotypes? I think the article must have been written by a woman in the guise of a man. “Men are in secure”. " We want affirmation." Bunk. We want beer and a Lazy-boy while watching football, not soccer, football.

Here is my own list. I want women to know:
  1. Men can listen, at least well enough, watching football with a beer.
  2. We are not beauticians (the straight ones) and do not notice haircuts. For us, a haircut is a chore, not something we do to be noticed.
  3. We do not know which shoes go with which dress, and do not care.
  4. We really do love to talk… football, baseball, hunting, etc., depending on our interest. However, at no time do we expect you to listen to these things if they don’t interest you. I just had a conversation with my wife about the layout of a new mall. I finally told her I really didn’t care. I would love to take her shopping without a run down of her shopping plans. I already knew were the sports bar was where we could meet for dinner.
  5. One more thing on dress. We do not always know which shirt “matches” (whatever that means) which pants. If this is a big issue, feel free to lay out our clothes.
 
FYI - We are not all bad, though. After all, I am posting in Family Life. I bet you didn’t know men dropped by here.
 
I’m sure BamaRider will have a few things to say about this.
 
I like how the site uses generalization to make you think all or most guys have these same thoughts/issues/problems/needs. Really makes me glad to know I know better than to trust this stuff.
 
Phemie said:
Except perhaps for number 4 & 8, how are women any different?
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I’ve read one of the books by the author regarding the subject. The general principle may be the same, but the of most of the points subtles are different. What they did, her and her husband who authored the set of books, is that they did a lot of interviews and surveys, and saw the trends.

I think a big point regarding this article and the book is not that it should be taken as stereotypes. As a matter a lot of their trends tended to be bell curve-ish; there were still some that wouldn’t fall under a certain trend. If I recall from some of your past posts, Litcrit, I think you are right and would probably trend more like the men.

The point of it is that this may bring some awareness. If the ideas hadn’t really seemed to have made a connection before, but now do, one would be able to better understand the other person. I think on of the thing would be if a wife underestimates the desire her husband needs to feel that he is being a provider, he may end up harboring resentment that will manifest itself in other ways. If she understands that, she may be able to make him feel more secure by letting him know how he provides and that it is appreciated. On that issue, I believe one point was that men tend to put too much emphasis on money, while actual time spent in their relationships at home was actually more effective.
 
i wish some of them would know that all shy guys aren’t automatically qualified as losers. they’re just people like you and me.
 
Ten things many women wish men who fit lists knew about things guys wish women knew about men:
  1. This applies to us too. But if it’s not at least a really close call, there is something antisocial going on that few of us are willing to live with. Of course you’d rather be respected. So would we. But if you don’t find it painful to think in terms of choosing one over the other, you’re a little bit unsettling and we can’t be OK with that.
  2. Everyone feels angry at disrespect. If you think women don’t get angry when disrespected, keep thinking. But blowing up over an imagined or insignificant bit of disrespect is a manipulative intimidation attempt any sensible woman would note as a reason to consider separation. We know well things like that tend to get worse.
  3. Everyone needs affirmation. Men and women who give more, get more, unless there’s something wrong. If you want a hug, offer one. If you want a round of applause, try to earn one. It’s usually really really easy, especially if you do the same for her.
  4. Well, of course, but if you lose your job and your wife says she can pay the bills for a couple of months, she’s trying to keep the family of the sidewalk, not undermining your ego. Thank her and hit the want ads. Hard times happen.🤷
  5. We know. Live with it. If your marriage is typical, she’s doing a lot more compromising than you are. Letting her know you would ideally prefer a different compromise and assuming that means you’ll get your entire way is as presuming as a guy can possibly get.
  6. You are a pursuer. She is a chooser. Your pursuing skills feel insulted when unsuccessful. Her skills also feel insulted when disrespected. I would be more explicit and explain better but I’m trying to stay calm here.
  7. Women also have images flooding their minds all the time, but there is more variety to them. It’s not mostly sexual. However, we are adults and should try to control what we dwell on – and stare at. Bear in mind that we learn very young how men can imagine us to be dressed and moving differently from how we really are. A girl in a gunny-sack dress and lumberjack boots knows she will spend the day fending off men who remark on the “miniskirt” and “spike heels” they see her as wearing. We get really sick of the subject long before we’re even legal to get married, so instead of informing us continually that you’re visual, why not find ways to distract yourself visually?
  8. The thing that is unromantic about the hardware store is that it is work. That’s why it’s unromantic to give a woman housekeeping supplies for her birthday. If she is a wage-earner, she feels put out that you apparently expect her to do the housework free so to speak as well. If she is a homemaker, she works for you, and wants your business relationship and your personal relationship separate so they can both be conducted well, and anyway you as employer owe her working supplies as a matter of course. If your boss were a friend of yours, and you were an office worker, and he dropped by for your birthday and gave you staples and a hole punch, wouldn’t you be offended? He is supposed to give you those anyway. It’s not a present, because it’s not extra.
  9. And vice-versa.
  10. And we keep giving suggestions on how to do exactly that. We make it so easy.
 
strngrnrth said:
Ten things many women wish men who fit lists knew about things guys wish women knew about men:
  1. This applies to us too. But if it’s not at least a really close call, there is something antisocial going on that few of us are willing to live with. Of course you’d rather be respected. So would we. But if you don’t find it painful to think in terms of choosing one over the other, you’re a little bit unsettling and we can’t be OK with that.
  2. Everyone feels angry at disrespect. If you think women don’t get angry when disrespected, keep thinking. But blowing up over an imagined or insignificant bit of disrespect is a manipulative intimidation attempt any sensible woman would note as a reason to consider separation. We know well things like that tend to get worse.
  3. Everyone needs affirmation. Men and women who give more, get more, unless there’s something wrong. If you want a hug, offer one. If you want a round of applause, try to earn one. It’s usually really really easy, especially if you do the same for her.
  4. Well, of course, but if you lose your job and your wife says she can pay the bills for a couple of months, she’s trying to keep the family of the sidewalk, not undermining your ego. Thank her and hit the want ads. Hard times happen.🤷
  5. We know. Live with it. If your marriage is typical, she’s doing a lot more compromising than you are. Letting her know you would ideally prefer a different compromise and assuming that means you’ll get your entire way is as presuming as a guy can possibly get.
  6. You are a pursuer. She is a chooser. Your pursuing skills feel insulted when unsuccessful. Her skills also feel insulted when disrespected. I would be more explicit and explain better but I’m trying to stay calm here.
  7. Women also have images flooding their minds all the time, but there is more variety to them. It’s not mostly sexual. However, we are adults and should try to control what we dwell on – and stare at. Bear in mind that we learn very young how men can imagine us to be dressed and moving differently from how we really are. A girl in a gunny-sack dress and lumberjack boots knows she will spend the day fending off men who remark on the “miniskirt” and “spike heels” they see her as wearing. We get really sick of the subject long before we’re even legal to get married, so instead of informing us continually that you’re visual, why not find ways to distract yourself visually?
  8. The thing that is unromantic about the hardware store is that it is work. That’s why it’s unromantic to give a woman housekeeping supplies for her birthday. If she is a wage-earner, she feels put out that you apparently expect her to do the housework free so to speak as well. If she is a homemaker, she works for you, and wants your business relationship and your personal relationship separate so they can both be conducted well, and anyway you as employer owe her working supplies as a matter of course. If your boss were a friend of yours, and you were an office worker, and he dropped by for your birthday and gave you staples and a hole punch, wouldn’t you be offended? He is supposed to give you those anyway. It’s not a present, because it’s not extra.
  9. And vice-versa.
  10. And we keep giving suggestions on how to do exactly that. We make it so easy.
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So I’ll take your top ten and raise you a, “no, you live with it.” 😛 Wow, I think you are missing the point.
 
pnewton said:
What stereotypes? I think the article must have been written by a woman in the guise of a man. “Men are in secure”. " We want affirmation." Bunk. We want beer and a Lazy-boy while watching football, not soccer, football.

Here is my own list. I want women to know:
  1. Men can listen, at least well enough, watching football with a beer.
  2. We are not beauticians (the straight ones) and do not notice haircuts. For us, a haircut is a chore, not something we do to be noticed.
  3. We do not know which shoes go with which dress, and do not care.
  4. We really do love to talk… football, baseball, hunting, etc., depending on our interest. However, at no time do we expect you to listen to these things if they don’t interest you. I just had a conversation with my wife about the layout of a new mall. I finally told her I really didn’t care. I would love to take her shopping without a run down of her shopping plans. I already knew were the sports bar was where we could meet for dinner.
  5. One more thing on dress. We do not always know which shirt “matches” (whatever that means) which pants. If this is a big issue, feel free to lay out our clothes.
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Hey, I’m straight and I know which shirt matches which trousers. And I care. Most of the time (when I’m not caring, I know I’m not caring). I also have an opinion on what shoes go with which dress. While I like beer and I even like watching football from time to time, it’s not on my list of priorities and I don’t need to know which team is which or the names of the players. Just before someone says I’m not straight enough to play it, I once played it with both feet qualified for a minor surgery and not having proper shoes for the game, because my friends needed me. I just don’t care. And I know little about baseball and I don’t get it how so many good people can find pleasure in killing animals. That swords are better than rifles is besides the point.
  1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.
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I’m glad that someone has noticed how important respect is. However, this shouldn’t suggest that, “the loss of loving feelings from their wives,” wouldn’t be a very bad thing. That too could be heart-breaking.
  1. A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You’re disrespecting me!” But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
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True, but that’s not an excuse for violent behaviour.
  1. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren’t cutting it in life — not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their wives, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
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True. But, “they will seek affirmation elsewhere,” does not mean they will cheat or make an excuse for cheating.
  1. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.
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True.
  1. Men want more sex. Everyone’s natural response to this is probably, “Duh!” But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
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“Duh!” I doubt men want sex more than women. I doubt regularity and fulfilling-ness matters more to them than to women (might possibly mean less?).
  1. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
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“Making sex a priority in marriage,” sounds wrong. Very wrong.

However, it is true that men take rejection badly. The infamous headache excuse stings even if it’s a stranger who won’t dance with you at a party, so much more must it be your wife in something that’s an intrinsic part of your marriage. And yes, we can take a fake excuse.
 
  1. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn’t just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of “visual rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these images appear.
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True, but it’s also true of women. It’s also true that apart from visual data, there are also aural and tactual. All of them affect both genders and I don’t think any of them is better or worse than the rest. Men can be very sensitive to women’s admiration of other men for their manly traits - visual (physical) or otherwise. Men too get to see their women eying up other men. And we dislike hearing about how cute or nice or endearing another guy is - and yes, we can sense the subtle overtones in the woman’s voice that she herself might be unaware of.
  1. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
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“Romantic” is a [

True.[, sustained by 18th century poetry and the Hollywood. This said, I wish women these days were a bit more romantic in the good sense of it. And it’s very romantic of a woman to go to the hardware store with the man. Is it only romantic when he goes pick the toe-nail polish with her?
  1. Men care about their wife’s appearance. This isn’t saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.
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](, sustained by 18th century poetry and the Hollywood. This said, I wish women these days were a bit more romantic in the good sense of it. And it’s very romantic of a woman to go to the hardware store with the man. Is it only romantic when he goes pick the toe-nail polish with her? )man
  1. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren’t confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.
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](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtly_love)
 
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