Terrible News: My Mother is Pregnant

[vashsunglasses]

Usually pregnancy would be a good thing, but not this time. My mother is pregnant with twins, that will make these her 5th and 6th children… And I feel sick just thinking about it.

My Mother is a Sociopathic Pathological Liar who has abused and either abandoned (or had taken away) all of her previous children. I am her eldest and was raised with my sister who is one year younger than me. At the age of 13 months I was preparing bottles for my infant sister because nobody else remembered to do so. THAT was the level of neglect we experienced. Our diapers were changed maybe once a day, who knows when we were bathed, and my mother had affairs in front of us while my father was at work. (I could go on and on but I think you get the idea…)

To make a long story short, at about the age of 3 my mother left my father and then abandoned my sister and I. We were raised by our Grandparents in a loving home. My mother then had two more children with a separate father and had them taken away from her because abuse and neglect.

So now we find out my mother is pregnant with twins (at age 49 no less!) and she has no intention of giving them up for adoption. I’m at wits end. What is the proper Catholic response to this news? Should I pray that her children are taken away from her as soon as possible? Should I report her to somebody?

Any support or advice would be welcome. We (my new younger siblings and I) can use all the help we can get.

 

[Gertabelle]

Oh my dear, you and your family will totally be in my prayers!

I have no idea what legally binding actions you could take. Unless your mother has a police record for the abuse and neglect you and your siblings experienced, it would probably be difficult to take any legal action to help those little ones. Talk with your grandparents, maybe try a call to social services to discuss your concerns, and pray, and pray, and pray. And pray some more…

Sin is never in God’s will. He in no way wills that these children be born into a home in which they’ll experience the kind of neglect you experienced. Pray for His Will, for the outcome He desires, and trust Him. He is faithful to His Word, and He loves these precious children (and you!) more than any human heart could know.

God bless you.

Gertie

 

[vashsunglasses]

I’ve cut off all contact with her… but people say that Child Protective Services needs evidence to take the children away. So… should I pretend to befriend her again just so I can spy on her and collect evidence of any abuse? Or would that be a sin?

 

[Nanny_PK]

I THINK in Texas if you have a parent (specifically a mom) who has had a child removed by CPS, then that CAN be grounds for automatic removal of a newborn from the mom. I do not know the specifics I AM NOT A LAWYER, but it might be worth placing a call to the CPS office in the area where your mom lives and inform them of all the circumstances of her previous children. If that fails, I’m not sure there is anything you can do except for pray that nothing happens to those babies.

I am so sorry for your situation. I will offer a prayer for you.

 

[rachah]

It is not an easy decision to report a family member to the cps or any other state authority, but you must do what is right in your heart and in your head.

I had to do the same thing to my sister and all three of her sons were taken away from her. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but the boys are in much better care now with their grandparents. Now I have no regrets. Some of the abuse they went through were horrifing and we had no idea.

So please do what is right and make the hard right decision that you must make-for the babies. They deserve a good and balanced life.

I will pray for you, the babies and your mother. May God guide you in His light.

 

[Chovy]

Typically, if parental rights have been terminated for a person once before, rights will immediately be terminated for any subsequent pregnancies.

If, however, the state threatened termination and your mother opted to sign away rights before the termination came to fruition, then there typically isn’t any immediate action.

I feel very bad for your two new siblings, and for you and your existing siblings as well. I would, however, be cautious about involving the state (or letting your mother know you are involving the state) as based on your other comments, perhaps she would feel compelled to abort the babies if she knew she might have them taken away from her. I will pray for all involved.

 

[graceandglory]

Praying for you.


I totally understand where you’re coming from.
I am the oldest of four kids, my mother was mentally ill also.
Everyone who knows me now who knew me then remembers me as the little mommy of my siblings.

I don’t know what can be done.
Pray for her healing.
Offer assistance.
If she is incapable of keeping them, offer to adopt.

She still is a free person with her own free will. Unless she harms them she has full right to bear and care for those children.

On another note,
your post gives me much hope! Twins! At age 49!!!
That just inspires me.

 

[dulcissima]

Do you know for certain that she really is pregnant and that this is not just some fantasy she has woven together or a ploy to get money or sympathy? She would have to be unusually healthy to be pregnant with twins at that age, and even then it would be extremely unlikely. I guess I would advise you to be somewhat skeptical.

 

[vashsunglasses]

I am skeptical, however people I trust have seen her very large and pregnant looking stomach. I suppose she could be wearing a false stomach… Or she could have a giant tumor or she’s suddenly grown grossly fat… This is why I am waiting until I actually see babies before I do anything. Should this actually be true I’ll be prepared, and if not I’ll just add this to my list of reasons why she’s a big fat liar. (It’s hard not to virulently hate this woman for all she’s done to my Grandma, aka her adopted mother, I try my best but it seems I have to forgive her every single day.)

 

[kage_ar]

It sounds as if you would be wise to seek the counsel of a good and holy Priest, if he is not qualified he can refer you to a catholic counselor.

Prayers that your heart will be healed.

 

[browneyes106]

I’m sorry about what is going on with your mother. Maybe try contacting a lawyer to see if anything can be done. But you have to remember the father of the twins also has legal rights so you have to be careful with your inquiries. Do you know the father?

 

[Cayene]

I’ve cut off all contact with her… but people say that Child Protective Services needs evidence to take the children away. So… should I pretend to befriend her again just so I can spy on her and collect evidence of any abuse? Or would that be a sin?

Yes I would to keep an eye on the situation.

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

Usually pregnancy would be a good thing, but not this time. My mother is pregnant with twins, that will make these her 5th and 6th children… And I feel sick just thinking about it.

I’m not Catholic, but in my mind, children are always to be received with thanksgiving, no matter the circumstances, i.e. rape, unwanted pregnancy, etc.

My Mother is a Sociopathic Pathological Liar who has abused and either abandoned (or had taken away) all of her previous children. I am her eldest and was raised with my sister who is one year younger than me. At the age of 13 months I was preparing bottles for my infant sister because nobody else remembered to do so. THAT was the level of neglect we experienced. Our diapers were changed maybe once a day, who knows when we were bathed, and my mother had affairs in front of us while my father was at work. (I could go on and on but I think you get the idea…)

That’s too bad. Sounds like she had some issues raising you kids and with being a faithful wife.

To make a long story short, at about the age of 3 my mother left my father and then abandoned my sister and I. We were raised by our Grandparents in a loving home. My mother then had two more children with a separate father and had them taken away from her because abuse and neglect.

So, where did your father go? Your mother left, but what about him?

So now we find out my mother is pregnant with twins (at age 49 no less!) and she has no intention of giving them up for adoption. I’m at wits end. What is the proper Catholic response to this news? Should I pray that her children are taken away from her as soon as possible? Should I report her to somebody?

But, didn’t you reply to another poster that you didn’t know for sure that she was even pregnant? I think you mentioned that someone saw her “looking” pregnant. Do you know for a fact that she is pregnant? Do you know for a fact that she doesn’t want to give them up for adoption? Why are you at your wits end? Why are you already talking about reporting her to somebody?

Any support or advice would be welcome. We (my new younger siblings and I) can use all the help we can get.

First, my advice is to get your facts straight about the situation.

Second, like another poster mentioned the father of the kids, he has to be considered too. He needs to be aware of your reservations about the situation.

Third, these are not your potential children. They will belong to your mother (whom you do not live with) and the father of the children. Unless you have evidence of a child, and evidence that the child is being neglected, you should not call child services. What would you tell them?

If you need legal advice, see a lawyer. If you need spiritual advice, see a priest. I have a real problem involving the authorities with other people’s families. Anybody can say anything (true or not) and get a visit from child services. At that point you have to prove you are a good parent. Frankly, unless there is proof of neglect or abuse, the authorities need to mind their own cotton-picking business and so should you.

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

I’ve cut off all contact with her… but people say that Child Protective Services needs evidence to take the children away. So… should I pretend to befriend her again just so I can spy on her and collect evidence of any abuse? Or would that be a sin?

Wouldn’t you want someone to have evidence of you stealing something before picking you up in the police car, going to jail and trying to prove you didn’t steal anything? And pretending to be her friend is unethical. Sin? I don’t know.

If you want to be honest, talk to her, tell her that you want to make sure the children will be okay and not neglected. Let her know that if she does neglect them that you will call the authorities. Put her on notice. But, don’t walk around her pretending to be something that you’re not.

 

[happymommy]

If you want to be honest, talk to her, tell her that you want to make sure the children will be okay and not neglected. Let her know that if she does neglect them that you will call the authorities.

I’m sure she will be very quick to tell her that she would never hurt any of her kids…and of course you will be able to believe her She has hurt four children already, what makes you think she won’t do it again? or do wait until they are old enough to tell of the abuse before you step in?
If you tell her that you will report her, you are only giving her time to think of lies to tell the authorities about you and twist everything around so that she’s the victim!!

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

I’m sure she will be very quick to tell her that she would never hurt any of her kids…and of course you will be able to believe her She has hurt four children already, what makes you think she won’t do it again? or do wait until they are old enough to tell of the abuse before you step in?
If you tell her that you will report her, you are only giving her time to think of lies to tell the authorities about you and twist everything around so that she’s the victim!!

So, you advocate lying to her? She may hurt them again and the chances are high, yes. But neither you, nor I, know this woman. We don’t know the whole story. We don’t know how long it’s been since the others were taken away. We don’t know if this woman has repented and changed her life. We don’t know a lot. In this country, people are still presumed innocent, or should be.

If she is abusing the children, the abuse will be obvious to social workers once there is evidence and the abuser is reported. No amount of her telling lies is going to help her when the authorities show up and notice the children are emaciated and have bruises. The social workers will also talk to teachers and neighbors to get any more information.

These kids aren’t even born yet. And we still don’t know if she is even keeping them. Or if they will even survive because of her age. She’s been condemned already based on what little information we’ve been given by her hostile daughter who admittedly hates her mother.

I’m not advocating abusive situations, but I’m certainly against over-using or mis-using governmental authorities.

 

[happymommy]

So, you advocate lying to her? She may hurt them again and the chances are high, yes. But neither you, nor I, know this woman. We don’t know the whole story. We don’t know how long it’s been since the others were taken away. We don’t know if this woman has repented and changed her life. We don’t know a lot. In this country, people are still presumed innocent, or should be.

If she is abusing the children, the abuse will be obvious to social workers once there is evidence and the abuser is reported. No amount of her telling lies is going to help her when the authorities show up and notice the children are emaciated and have bruises. The social workers will also talk to teachers and neighbors to get any more information.

These kids aren’t even born yet. And we still don’t know if she is even keeping them. Or if they will even survive because of her age. She’s been condemned already based on what little information we’ve been given by her hostile daughter who admittedly hates her mother.

I’m not advocating abusive situations, but I’m certainly against over-using or mis-using governmental authorities.

No I don’t think she should lie, but I do think someone, be it family or friends should be watching her. I don’t think she should tell her that they are watching her!
You can’t always tell when children are abused! The bruises are sometimes inside and don’t come out for years.

No we don’t this woman, but her daughter does! She might have changed, but chances are she has not. I think she should be watched from the word go with these kids!

 

[vashsunglasses]

I think I need to provide more information on my mother and on my father.

Someone asked where my father was when all this abuse was taking place… and he was right there participating for the most part (not in the cheating though, and she was also physically abusing him at the time). However, over the years since then he has changed his ways (slowly, but a significant change) and has become a decent father. He’s no father of the year but he tries his best and that’s good enough for me.

Now about my mother. She hasn’t changed or repented since then, and if anything has gotten worse in her relationships with people. She recently cheated on her current husband and it’s entirely possible that these babies were conceived with this other man (who is currently in prison). She’s a drug addict (meth, and we know this for a fact because her doctor told us) and both her and her husband are on welfare because a) he keeps getting fired from jobs due to his attitude and b) because she hasn’t bothered trying to find one. They live in a tiny, squalid trailer and are constantly running out of food because they buy junk instead. Also, both are heavy smokers and I don’t think either one has the self control to stop smoking. I can only pray that she can find it in herself to stop her drug use during the pregnancy.

I can’t tell her my concerns because a) I’m afraid she might become enraged and harm me and b) I’m afraid she might become desperate and harm the babies and c) I’m afraid she might run and take the babies with her.

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

No I don’t think she should lie, but I do think someone, be it family or friends should be watching her. I don’t think she should tell her that they are watching her!
You can’t always tell when children are abused! The bruises are sometimes inside and don’t come out for years.

We weren’t talking about emotional abuse. Neglect and physical abuse was mentioned. And how are we supposed to measure bruises inside? What if one of your friends sent the authorities to your house because they thought your child had “bruises inside”?

No we don’t this woman, but her daughter does! She might have changed, but chances are she has not. I think she should be watched from the word go with these kids!

Her daughter doesn’t communicate with her. How can you say that? Chances that she is not is not your responsibility or judgment call. Yes, she should be watched.

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

I think I need to provide more information on my mother and on my father.

Someone asked where my father was when all this abuse was taking place… and he was right there participating for the most part (not in the cheating though, and she was also physically abusing him at the time). However, over the years since then he has changed his ways (slowly, but a significant change) and has become a decent father. He’s no father of the year but he tries his best and that’s good enough for me.

Now about my mother. She hasn’t changed or repented since then, and if anything has gotten worse in her relationships with people. She recently cheated on her current husband and it’s entirely possible that these babies were conceived with this other man (who is currently in prison). She’s a drug addict (meth, and we know this for a fact because her doctor told us) and both her and her husband are on welfare because a) he keeps getting fired from jobs due to his attitude and b) because she hasn’t bothered trying to find one. They live in a tiny, squalid trailer and are constantly running out of food because they buy junk instead. Also, both are heavy smokers and I don’t think either one has the self control to stop smoking. I can only pray that she can find it in herself to stop her drug use during the pregnancy.

I can’t tell her my concerns because a) I’m afraid she might become enraged and harm me and b) I’m afraid she might become desperate and harm the babies and c) I’m afraid she might run and take the babies with her.

Once the children are born ask neighbors or anyone else who can do so, to watch for signs of abuse. If you hear of any signs of abuse or abnormalities, then contact the authorities. I don’t see what a lawyer could do in this case.

It all starts with a social worker. Now that you have told us about the drug abuse (would have been helpful at first) that is evidence enough to have something done. If you know she is using, contact the police to do a raid. They’ll raid, arrest her for using and deal with the kids in the proper manner.