Terrible RCIA coordinator still there

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DarkLight

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I’m sorry…I’m shaking as I write this. I just…I really love the priests and people at the one parish. But the RCIA coordinator is still there. She treated me like dirt. I have some health issues and a messy past - not my fault but it’s there. Some of the requirements were harder, and some things weren’t clear. She basically yelled at me and told me I obviously didn’t care about the sacraments and was entitled and selfish, because I couldn’t do things exactly her way. She kept talking and yelling over me when I tried to explain. I was having flashbacks trying to write the one letter we were expected to write - she wouldn’t even let me say I was having trouble, just acted like I was stupid.

I just can’t stand it. I feel like I’m worthless to them, if she’s allowed to treat me like that and go on thinking that everything’s ok. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel safe at a parish I love - the cathedral parish - knowing that it’s apparently ok for her to treat me like I’m worthless.
 
DarkLight said:
Yes. I love the man, but he seems to think everything she did was ok, that it was just some misunderstanding.
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Have you spoken to the RCIA coordinator, in the presence of the pastor, and asked what is wrong? It is obvious that the pastor does not understand the extent of the situation, and she knows she can continue to treat you in this way so long as the pastor does not know the full extent of it.

What you need to do is confront her publicly, (by publicly, I mean, in the presence of those in authority) so that she can either treat you better or show her true colors.
 
dshix said:
Have you spoken to the RCIA coordinator, in the presence of the pastor, and asked what is wrong? It is obvious that the pastor does not understand the extent of the situation, and she knows she can continue to treat you in this way so long as the pastor does not know the full extent of it.

What you need to do is confront her publicly, (by publicly, I mean, in the presence of those in authority) so that she can either treat you better or show her true colors.
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No. I’m not even sure I could get to speak to her. From what I remember she was always either too busy or just talked over me. Usually the former - if she wasn’t telling me to do something she was running off.

Honestly, I’m pretty frustrated with the pastor as well. I had chosen an out of town sponsor. I was basically told the only way churches tracked attendance was through donation envelopes. Neither me nor my sponsor had money to spare. I tried to ask for clarification for what I should do and could never get any.

I love that priest but I’m frustrated with that part, especially they tried to push someone I didn’t know and wouldn’t get a chance to know on me over a dear friend who had led me to the church. I felt like I was constantly trying to get information and couldn’t.
 
The coordinator basically told me the situation was my fault for “choosing someone who probably wasn’t even going to church,” and that I was being disrespectful to the church requirements for a sponsor by not accepting a stranger just so they could put a name in the book. They didn’t even tell me they were going to do that until holy week!
 
DarkLight said:
No. I’m not even sure I could get to speak to her. From what I remember she was always either too busy or just talked over me. Usually the former - if she wasn’t telling me to do something she was running off.
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In that case all the remains is to continue speaking to the pastor. Simply state that you have received abusive treatment from the RCIA director, that you have tried to speak to her to resolve the conflict, and that she has refused even to listen. Press the point that you are being ignored and mistreated, and your entrance into the Church will forever be a bad memory.

If the pastor refuses to help in any way, find a new parish. It is hard, but it must be done. We cannot let man be an obstacle to the faith.

But most important of all, pray. God knows your yearning to receive Him, to join His Church. He will provide a way.

I hope and pray that the situation resolves itself, and that you are able to continue your studies to join the Church without trouble.

God bless and godspeed. 🙂

-dshix
 
dshix said:
In that case all the remains is to continue speaking to the pastor. Simply state that you have received abusive treatment from the RCIA director, that you have tried to speak to her to resolve the conflict, and that she has refused even to listen. Press the point that you are being ignored and mistreated, and your entrance into the Church will forever be a bad memory.

If the pastor refuses to help in any way, find a new parish. It is hard, but it must be done. We cannot let man be an obstacle to the faith.

But most important of all, pray. God knows your yearning to receive Him, to join His Church. He will provide a way.

I hope and pray that the situation resolves itself, and that you are able to continue your studies to join the Church without trouble.

God bless and godspeed. 🙂

-dshix
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Wait what? I joined the church already, despite her treatment. I’m concerned watching her lead a new class, wondering who she’s going to drive away like she very nearly did me (and it was clear she thought I shouldn’t join at all). And I don’t feel valued at that parish, having voiced my concerns and been ignored because “it worked out in the end.”
 
DarkLight said:
Wait what? I joined the church already, despite her treatment. I’m concerned watching her lead a new class, wondering who she’s going to drive away like she very nearly did me (and it was clear she thought I shouldn’t join at all). And I don’t feel valued at that parish, having voiced my concerns and been ignored because “it worked out in the end.”
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I was unaware you had already been accepted.

Well, it’s a difficult situation. Do what you can, but it is what it is, and if the pastor is unwilling to examine the situation further, there’s nothing you can do, apart from writing a letter to the bishop. 🤷
 
dshix said:
I was unaware you had already been accepted.

Well, it’s a difficult situation. Do what you can, but it is what it is, and if the pastor is unwilling to examine the situation further, there’s nothing you can do. 🤷
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I’m just really worried. Honestly seeing her still there makes me feel like I’m not really welcome at that parish - like they gave me the sacraments because they had to, but it’s not worth doing anything about how badly I was treated.

The main problem was just that she made assumptions about me. As far as I can tell, she couldn’t come up with a reason why I was acting the way I did, so she concluded that it must be because I was “entitled.” And then she got mad and yelled at me for my “entitled” behavior.
 
DarkLight said:
She kept talking and yelling over me when I tried to explain. I was having flashbacks trying to write the one letter we were expected to write - she wouldn’t even let me say I was having trouble, just acted like I was stupid.

I just can’t stand it. I feel like I’m worthless to them, if she’s allowed to treat me like that and go on thinking that everything’s ok. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel safe at a parish I love - the cathedral parish - knowing that it’s apparently ok for her to treat me like I’m worthless.
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Please consider calling the Archdiocese office to report this abuse. If you have been treated this way, others may have been also.
 
Personnel matters are confidential. You gave your concerns to the pastor. You do not know, and cannot know, what transpired in his conversation with the coordinator.

Were you expecting that she be fired? That is not reasonable.

Typically employees are given a chance to amend their conduct if there has been some sort of problem, just like in any other workplace. Even if it is a volunteer position, the same would likely be true.

So, you are making assumptions about the pastor and the coordinator. Your situation is in the past. You no longer go to this parish. You do not have first hand knowledge of any continuing problem.

You may have had a bad experience or been treated poorly, but you need to move on and let it go at this point.
 
DarkLight said:
I’m just really worried. Honestly seeing her still there makes me feel like I’m not really welcome at that parish - like they gave me the sacraments because they had to, but it’s not worth doing anything about how badly I was treated.
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These are not fact, these are feelings. You are telling yourself a story.
DarkLight said:
The main problem was just that she made assumptions about me. As far as I can tell, she couldn’t come up with a reason why I was acting the way I did, so she concluded that it must be because I was “entitled.” And then she got mad and yelled at me for my “entitled” behavior.
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And now you are making assumptions about her.

Move on.
 
1ke said:
Personnel matters are confidential. You gave your concerns to the pastor. You do not know, and cannot know, what transpired in his conversation with the coordinator.

Were you expecting that she be fired? That is not reasonable.

Typically employees are given a chance to amend their conduct if there has been some sort of problem, just like in any other workplace. Even if it is a volunteer position, the same would likely be true.

So, you are making assumptions about the pastor and the coordinator. Your situation is in the past. You no longer go to this parish. You do not have first hand knowledge of any continuing problem.

You may have had a bad experience or been treated poorly, but you need to move on and let it go at this point.
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The impression I got from the pastor was that he didn’t see it as an issue. From what he said he never even talked to her. I certainly never heard anything. And I know she called me “selfish” and “entitled” to my face - so that’s hardly an assumption. She told me flat-out that I was too entitled to think I had to follow directions, when I was struggling because of other issues, and that she thought I was obviously too immature to be joining the church. She also told me flat-out, when I said I didn’t know how to get the exact sponsor form she wanted, that it was my fault for “choosing someone who was probably not even practicing.”

No, I will not let it go. I am sick of letting things go, when people think they can treat those of us who don’t have the picture-perfect lives they expect like we’re the problem. I’m sick of being told to let it go like I wasn’t worth caring about or protecting, like I should just pretend the world is as nice as they think it is and get out of the way.
 
Are there any other Catholic Churches in the vicinity? I don’t know, but if I were that unhappy, I’d be looking into trying to see if I could continue RCIA elsewhere. I wonder if they’d be okay with that.
 
Is it at all possible to work things out with her? If not do you have to be in her presence to do RCIA at this particular parish? Could you go through at another place or with another instructor and then attend this parish once you’re confirmed?
 
Did anyone read past the first post?

I finished RCIA. I’m just upset and angry watching her lead a new class. I’m upset that I have to remember shaking and living through flashbacks during my initiation, and that as far as I can tell no one seems to even care. I’m angry that her saying such cruel things that should never have been said even if she was entirely right is treated as just a common misunderstanding, when they very well made it so I almost had to delay my confirmation just to deal with her being mean.
 
DarkLight said:
I’m sorry…I’m shaking as I write this. I just…I really love the priests and people at the one parish. But the RCIA coordinator is still there. She treated me like dirt. I have some health issues and a messy past - not my fault but it’s there. Some of the requirements were harder, and some things weren’t clear. She basically yelled at me and told me I obviously didn’t care about the sacraments and was entitled and selfish, because I couldn’t do things exactly her way. She kept talking and yelling over me when I tried to explain. I was having flashbacks trying to write the one letter we were expected to write - she wouldn’t even let me say I was having trouble, just acted like I was stupid.

I just can’t stand it. I feel like I’m worthless to them, if she’s allowed to treat me like that and go on thinking that everything’s ok. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel safe at a parish I love - the cathedral parish - knowing that it’s apparently ok for her to treat me like I’m worthless.
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Have you talked to the pastor? Sounds like this gal is way out of line. Just buck up, she can’t kill you or hit you ( maybe that would be good, then you could have her arrested 😃 ) Don’t feel bad, most of have " messy pasts. " We are the ones Christ died for, just remember that. He didn’t come here for the sinless. So buck up and remember Christ loves the humble the most :).)

Linus2nd
 
I have read the whole thread.

I agree with 1ke. Try to move on if at all possible.

It is not clear as to why you cannot just avoid this person if she bothers you that much. :confused:
 
DarkLight said:
Did anyone read past the first post?

I finished RCIA. I’m just upset and angry watching her lead a new class. I’m upset that I have to remember shaking and living through flashbacks during my initiation, and that as far as I can tell no one seems to even care. I’m angry that her saying such cruel things that should never have been said even if she was entirely right is treated as just a common misunderstanding, when they very well made it so I almost had to delay my confirmation just to deal with her being mean.
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Sorry, I misunderstood.
 
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