Terrible RCIA coordinator still there

[Xantippe]

1ke said:

“We also have only one side of the story, one person’s impressions and perceptions.”

We are all flawed and limited people, so trying to think of somebody who is ticking us off and causing us suffering as flawed and limited but nonetheless a child of God has a virtually 100% rate of accuracy.

In any case, there has been a failure to communicate, and it is charitable to bring that failure in communication to the attention of the RCIA coordinator and pastor. Maybe DarkLight didn’t understand something that they actually said, but by the same token, maybe they need to work on expressing themselves more clearly.

 

[acadiANNA]

I’m sorry. That’s all the coordinator needed to say. There is healing in a sincere apology. This happened to me and the co-worker said, “What is it you feel I need to apologize to you for?” To her, she did not need to apologize for yelling at me in front of others. Therefore, she did not take responsibility for her actions. And no one held her accountable. I didn’t and never will get an apology. I believe the coordinator was disrespectful and needed to be called down for inappropriate behavior. If you are a leader and a committee head, you need to be a representative, in this case, of the church. You cannot allow personal feelings to dictate what you do. You need to exhibit self-control. No matter if provoked or angered. So definitely, morally, she should apologize and never let it happen again. Conflict happens. We all learn and grow as long as we live. …Then we know people who are filled with pride and cannot be humble. You can only be accountable for what you do. You cannot make another person be or do what you want them to even if you know they are wrong. The pastor will not do anything unless there are multiple complaints. It may be very hard to get a replacement. I believe he should sit down with both of you and discuss this. All have to be willing to come to the table. You actually have the makings of a productive parishioner. I just hope someone sees your potential and helps you to develop it. Praying for you that the pain of feeling unworthy will be lessened when you devote your time and energy to where you can feel appreciated for what you do well. Volunteers are always needed and they don’t care about your past.
God bless.

 

[DarkLight]

1ke said:

“We also have only one side of the story, one person’s impressions and perceptions.”

We are all flawed and limited people, so trying to think of somebody who is ticking us off and causing us suffering as flawed and limited but nonetheless a child of God has a virtually 100% rate of accuracy.

In any case, there has been a failure to communicate, and it is charitable to bring that failure in communication to the attention of the RCIA coordinator and pastor. Maybe DarkLight didn’t understand something that they actually said, but by the same token, maybe they need to work on expressing themselves more clearly.

I’m honestly kind of afraid to talk to her. Part of the issue was when I brought up something simple during RCIA - basically “It sounded like you said a certain form wasn’t needed,” her first response was to berate me and essentially say I was lying because she would never say that. Followed by basically telling me it was my fault for trying to choose a non-practicing Catholic as a sponsor, because we were having trouble getting the form they wanted that said he was going to church.

 

[Xantippe]

DarkLight said:

“Followed by basically telling me it was my fault for trying to choose a non-practicing Catholic as a sponsor, because we were having trouble getting the form they wanted that said he was going to church.”

She sounds really burnt out, to me.

There are some positions where people do burn out pretty fast (teaching, social work, anything where you have to interact with the public a lot), and people have to have enough self-awareness to realize when it’s time to quit or take a break.

 

[1ke]

essentially and basically do not equal actually. She did not say these things, you interpreted what she said. You may or may not have interpreted accurately. You were upset and already had some ideas that you were viewed differently. Could it be that this amplified or colored what you perceived?

I don’t know the answer to those rhetorical thoughts above.

What I do know is that if you want an apology you are going to have to ask for one because it does not seem that either the pastor or the RCIA coordinator is aware of what it is you really want and need from them.

 

[Fogwalker]

I can tell from the OP’s posts that this whole experience has been really hurtful. I’d like to suggest a different angle.

Pick someone really close to you who needs God’s help in their life. Maybe you know someone else who feels hurt like you do, who is misunderstood like you were? Maybe you know someone in a desperate situation? Every time you want to do something, say something, or write something about this RCIA coordinator, don’t - and offer up that sacrifice as a living prayer for that person you chose.

God loves you and knows what a huge sacrifice it would be for you to let it go. Instead of looking for justice for the RCIA coordinator, look for the blessings that God pours out at the request of your humble sacrifice.

 

[DarkLight]

essentially and basically do not equal actually. She did not say these things, you interpreted what she said. You may or may not have interpreted accurately. You were upset and already had some ideas that you were viewed differently. Could it be that this amplified or colored what you perceived?

I don’t know the answer to those rhetorical thoughts above.

It may be. What I remember was being told “I would never have said that. I told you that you needed the form and you didn’t get it. It sounds like you just don’t care about following the church’s requirements. I mean, this friend of yours, is he even practicing?” This was followed by berating me for about 5-10 minutes (over the phone) until I had to yell at her to get her to stop talking long enough to say something.

What I do know is that if you want an apology you are going to have to ask for one because it does not seem that either the pastor or the RCIA coordinator is aware of what it is you really want and need from them.

I don’t want to ask for an apology from people who don’t see anything wrong. What good would that do? It would just make people certain that I’m the problem.

 

[crenfro]

Hello.

Have just read through this thread.

Here’s my two cents – please take it or leave it.

We’re supposed to love one another. What good does it to kick someone while they’re hurting? Sometimes that’s when they need unconditional love. When a person is hurting they can’t see things for what they are sometimes. They’re in too much pain.

But for the grace of God go I. -->it’s always easier to give advice, but can you recall when you yourself were last hurt? what helped? criticism? or a hug and a cup of coffee and just plain listening? how would I feel if this were me in this situation?

my opinions are just my opinions, they’re like noses…

I’m so sorry when I hear about one Christian treating another badly. I’m so sorry. Please God, help us.