Thanks a lot, NOT!

[The_Bucket]

Well then it wouldn’t really be a struggle would it?

“Lord, I want to work on my faults, but please first take away all the things that tempt me to sin…”

 

[JLCecilia]

Well then it wouldn’t really be a struggle would it?

“Lord, I want to work on my faults, but please first take away all the things that tempt me to sin…”

Yep, pretty much

 

[The_Bucket]

Speaking as someone who struggles with grave sin, I’ve got to tell you that’s just not how it works. Sure, I can shove the computer away or put filters on it or whatever, but does that really address the root of my problem? Will I ever really grow spiritually if all I focus on is not committing this particular sin? No.

It’s fine to give yourself every opportunity to succeed in fighting sin, but you can’t run away from it. It’s good for me to limit my access to computers so I’m not tempted to view pornography, but it’s not like that can be my entire program for spiritual growth. In fact, it’s actually just a small part of it.

Learning how to surrender when tempted is also important, but it’s really more about the proactive stuff. Going to Mass more often. Going to adoration more often. Going to scripture and recovery groups. Socializing with people more often. Praying every day.

Finding ways to deal with conflict/temptation in the moment is important, but you can’t derive strength from that. You derive strength from the proactive ways in which you become closer to God. The closer you get to Him the easier it is to implement the game plan for dealing with temptation and conflict. Those are the battles. But you can’t just jump into battle without training and a fully stocked arsenal.

As with any spiritual fight, you can’t run and you also can’t win without God fighting your battles for you. And you can’t really trust that He’ll fight them for you unless you grow in relationship with Him. So no, you can’t run and that means yes, you will fall down. You will fail. But as you fail from time to time, you also become more aware of how reliant you have to be on Him. You create a virtuous cycle of sorts. You fall down, you repent, you ask God for help. That’s actually a virtuous cycle!

The vicious cycle is when you fall down and you stay down, you beat yourself up, you despair.

If you keep hope in his strength foremost in your mind, you will ask God for help every time you fall in every aspect of your life. And the more you do that, the more you surrender to Him. The more you surrender to Him, the more you do His will and not yours… so the less you fall.

 

[JLCecilia]

The Bucket, beautifully put. I was just having a similar lightbulb this moment as I was reading St. Augustine’s Confessions and his constant appeal to God as to where he was all those years and his admission of his own blinding pride to God’s presence.

I wasn’t raised reading the Bible and so it’s foreign to me and I almost never open it. But how can I expect to know God better and hear His voice and direction in my life if I don’t have this conversation w/ him (reading His Word)? I know that’s no guarantee of certainty, even Mother Theresa spoke of YEARS of spiritual dryness, but I know I’m not pulling my part and my total lack of a relationship w/ God is a major contributor to the strife in my life.

 

[The_Bucket]

And you’ve got to figure out what connects you with God. It’s not always Scripture. I mean, it’s not for me anyway. That’s probably because I’m a writer by trade and so I just consume literature, news, etc. without really pondering it. Except maybe poetry…

Anyway, when I read Scripture it’s more like reading a historical document. The words don’t live in my heart. I can cite them for positive ends like I do here, but that doesn’t mean much to me. Where I find Christ is in the Eucharist. And in my recovery group actually.

I tie them together. I see God working in fellow addicts, even those with little faith in Him, and I know he’s there. Men and women who threw decades of their lives down the drain, sacrificing them for their addiction, are coming to know God just a little bit. That little slice of God’s presence is a truly incredible thing for people who shut themselves away from Him for so long.

Then after my meeting I spend a half-hour with Christ’s Real Presence. I don’t read. I don’t even frequently pray. I just sit there with Him. I follow Fr. Larry Richards’ advice; I spend a couple minutes admitting my sins, another couple of minutes asking for forgiveness, and then the rest just asking Him to let me rest on His chest.

Like he’s my daddy and I’m His little boy.

 

[sweetpetunia]

As with any spiritual fight, you can’t run and you also can’t win without God fighting your battles for you. And you can’t really trust that He’ll fight them for you unless you grow in relationship with Him. So no, you can’t run and that means yes, you will fall down. You will fail. But as you fail from time to time, you also become more aware of how reliant you have to be on Him. You create a virtuous cycle of sorts. You fall down, you repent, you ask God for help. That’s actually a virtuous cycle!.

Beautifully put . Saints are sinners who keep on trying!

 

[sweetpetunia]

More than that even, I’m embarrassed to admit my poverty in marriage (that my DH isn’t as good as I consider my friends’ DHs)

This is a game you can’t win. I can’t emphasize this strongly enough: don’t play it. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors—some people are better at hiding their problems than others. You might be building a house of resentment on imaginary foundations. A perfect marriage would require two perfect people. I’m willing to bet the farm neither your friends nor their husbands are perfect people.

For him, these gatherings are his main method of socializing and he really looks forward to them. The problem is that I don’t have the same luxury b/c I get the vibe from him - often verbalized pubicly and angrily - that keeping an eye on the kids is my job so he can enjoy himself. He doesn’t put it that way exactly, he just gets aggrivated when one of the kids actually gets a little out of hand or acts up and in a way that’s my fault for not keeping an eye on them b/c clearly HIS visiting is more important than mine.

I actually think that’s acceptable. When we visit my husband’s family, I tend to do the lion’s share of the parenting, because he doesn’t get a lot of time to connect with them, and it’s good for him to do so. When we’re at my parents, he’ll pick up the slack, but much of it is covered by my siblings anyways, who just love to dote on wee ones. What’s not okay is him blaming you for the kids acting up, or yelling at you that it’s your “job”.

I feel the same way toward him when he berates me in front of his family. I just withdraw from everyone and hide behind the kids. Rather than verbally admit the state of things to others and sound like a critical wife, I’ll just let HIS actions speak for themselves and let others judge for themselves.

Goodness. That is not acceptable for your husband to be berating you in front of his family. Neither of you should be criticizing each other publicly. That’s destructive, not constructive. I am glad you stopped so long ago. Allowing him to continue would not be in the best interest of his sanctification or yours. That is an issue that needs to be addressed (at the right time, but nonetheless, addressed.)

In my head, I just hear things like “your guys’ problem is that you have more children than you can reasonably handle and it’s putting a strain on your marriage.”

Don’t worry about what other people think. Children are blessings, each and every one, and if others want to judge you for it, the problem is with them. Still, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted and burned out–you’re doing the work of three people and carrying a fourth! I still feel very strongly that you need to take care of you. I’ll pray for you today.