The Chase

[joandarc2008]

Chev- in order to swim you have to jump in the pool. Peter couldn’t walk on water without getting out of the boat.

 

[chevalier]

Chev- in order to swim you have to jump in the pool. Peter couldn’t walk on water without getting out of the boat.

I’d like to avoid turning this into a thread about our respective lives, as I was hoping for a discussion of customs alone , but to answer that, I’m not actively in the pool right now, as I’m taking a break for a variety of reasons and it’s serving me well. Any active involvement will have to wait. Once I’m done, don’t worry, I’m neither incapable of nor above getting a phone number from a complete stranger or chatting people up even in the court itself, among my old exploits, so I’ll fend for myself.

 

[joandarc2008]

Gotchya’ I do apologize - It is just you seem to offer so much support and help for those here that I wonder why you don’t do the same for a family? Or if you are called to vocation? But anyway.

I don’t think it is about custom. I think in general the only way we will truly find someone that will truly help us grow in Christ and relate well with who we are is if we are ourselves whatever that may be.

 

[Epistemes]

I shouldn’t have read this thread as it’s re-kindled a not-so-long-ago fire which I had been taming respectfully enough. Back to the drawing board, I suppose…

I, of course, cannot help but want to get behind the notion that women should be more upfront with their interests in men, but I know that I say this only because I wish one or two certain women who I have a fancy for would reciprocate what they themselves may be oblivous to. But, as I’m battling low self-esteem and trying to view pretty women as no greater or lesser than me but as what they are under one sun, and trying to get the courage (still) to just say “hello” to this one particular girl at Mass (who I almost did the other day!), why shouldn’t I get behind such a thought? What I do know is that of the women who have messaged me or sent “emotigrams” on Catholic Match, I haven’t responded (mostly due to the fact that I don’t have an actual subscription, but also largely due to the fact that no profile or collection of photos tells me what matters about any potential mate). Point being, while I’m thinking opportunistically about all of this, I haven’t really given any thought to the many girls who have an interest in me who I would never have an interest in…and that would be uncomfortable.

 

[joandarc2008]

That’s funny - my dh and I sent little flirts back and forth as he did not have an account and I did. Had I not come out and sent him my real email address we would not be married today. The Lord will give the right one strength, will, courage, and wisdom.

 

[LongingForLight]

I’ve found guys who get hung up on the man pursuing the woman generally are a very bad match for my temperament. Honestly, I’ve never seen marriage as the end of a “chase”, and my DH doesn’t find the notion terribly attractive either. I prefered to let my romances develop the same way my friendships do - which works great, since about half ended up just being normal friendships after a date or two anyways. Basically, hang out with someone I like if he’s interested in being friends at least and get to know him, and see if anything develops - then eventually ask (if he doesn’t first) if we should consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend and date exclusively for a while. Set up dates like any other outing with a friend - give a call whenever I feel like seeing him, and he does the same for me.

I really hate game-playing and not speaking my mind because “it’s not my role in this relationship”. If I think we are both thinking that we’d be a good couple, I would try and set things up so we had that conversation sooner rather than dancing around the idea for a long time. I found it worked great for helping me discern marriage, and most of my dating relationships ended quickly or morphed quickly into “just friends” (which I see as a good thing - less wasted time). We were showing our real personalities more than it seems we might in a more traditional “dating” style, and that helped the discernment process move quickly.

For me, the traditional “dating” style and letting the man pursue would practically be lying. It’s not who I am, not while dating, and it’s not who I am after marriage.

 

[joandarc2008]

I’ve found guys who get hung up on the man pursuing the woman generally are a very bad match for my temperament. Honestly, I’ve never seen marriage as the end of a “chase”, and my DH doesn’t find the notion terribly attractive either. I prefered to let my romances develop the same way my friendships do - which works great, since about half ended up just being normal friendships after a date or two anyways. Basically, hang out with someone I like if he’s interested in being friends at least and get to know him, and see if anything develops - then eventually ask (if he doesn’t first) if we should consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend and date exclusively for a while. Set up dates like any other outing with a friend - give a call whenever I feel like seeing him, and he does the same for me.

I really hate game-playing and not speaking my mind because “it’s not my role in this relationship”. If I think we are both thinking that we’d be a good couple, I would try and set things up so we had that conversation sooner rather than dancing around the idea for a long time. I found it worked great for helping me discern marriage, and most of my dating relationships ended quickly or morphed quickly into “just friends” (which I see as a good thing - less wasted time). We were showing our real personalities more than it seems we might in a more traditional “dating” style, and that helped the discernment process move quickly.

For me, the traditional “dating” style and letting the man pursue would practically be lying. It’s not who I am, not while dating, and it’s not who I am after marriage.

:ballspin: