The Duggers' 17 children

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I still say that it is only in relatively recent years that we as a society have decided to expect nothing good from our children and teens. We expect them to spend hours on the phone and out with their buddies. We certainly don’t expect them to learn how to sort clothes and wouldn’t think of suggesting that they learn to cook a meal.

Am I a bad mom? My boys, ages 7 and 9, unload and reload the dishwasher daily. I do not allow video games. I expect them to put their laundry away.
We will joyfully accept all blessings from God. Our fifth child is one now and our oldest is 10. It’s physically possible that we could be blessed with 2 or 3 more. Who knows besides God? If we are blessed with more babies, you bet I will be teaching the oldest how to help care for them. That is part of preparing them for adulthood. It’s a sad, sad shame that so many singletons get married and are completely clueless about how to run a home, care for babies, or even do laundry. Yet, I don’t see any threads about the EEEvils of having only one or two.

I saw their website. I looked up that Gothard fellow. There are lots of belief systems out there that are different from our own. One website was even encouraging the readers to pray for Mr. Duggar to become impotent. How silly.

So I disagree with deliberate weaning. If she breastfed her babies for over a year, she wouldn’t have so many children. On the other hand, tell that to baby Jennifer in ten years. She wouldn’t exist! Which of those beautiful souls handcrafted by God would you suggest she not have had?

I also saw several blogs that were of the impression that the Duggar family is “bleeding the gov. dry”. I thought that the tv show said they were self sufficient, requiring no assistance from the government.

It is not intrinsically harmful for children to have responsibilities up to and including everything she has her children do. I think many teens today could benefit from higher expectations. I’d like to see her nurse longer, but that is her business. She obviously loves her children.
 
I definitely agree that it is a good thing to have kids help out. I expect my older kids to participate and help out with Jacob all the time. Maybe even more than I should.

But one thing I’m sure of is it certainly won’t kill them! I’m sure when each one has their first baby they won’t be one of those clueless parents that has no clue what to do, lol.

There are some things that I think are disturbing and we all could certainly be completely off-base. But it doesn’t seem that the Duggar’s have adequately cleared up any misunderstandings.

I won’t pass judgement on the Duggars. I think their generosity to God and their “open to life” philosophy are inspiring and just remind me of how selfish I can be in that department sometimes. :rolleyes: It’s refreshing to hear after hearing all the anti-child attitudes out there.

I just hope that our speculation on this thread about some of their parenting practices is wrong, because I think it will impact those kids in a negative way.
 
masondoggy said:
I just hope that our speculation on this thread about some of their parenting practices is wrong, because I think it will impact those kids in a negative way.
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So how exactly is that any different from any other family?
 
Monicatholic,

Thank you for your posts on the Duggars. I like your perspective; it reflected my own thoughts when I read about them. When I saw the headline, I was initially happy to see an article about a large family, but as I read, alarm bells began to ring. You’re right that these people put themselves out there, and that you’re not judging, but discerning. They’re holding themselves up as a model for us all, but we must have all the information in order to be able decide if we want to copy them. I knew a woman 30 years who was following Bill Gothard in raising her children, and it was disturbing. I had a couple of conversations with her about it, but it was what she wanted to do. I’ve lost contact with her, so don’t know what ever happened.
 
I read this link,duggarfamily.com/faq.html, that Mamacita posted, and it sounds like the mother doesn’t even have to do the homeschooling. The older children homeschool the younger ones and then homeschool themselves after they are done homeschooling their siblings, then the oldest girl cooks the dinner. They have an hour of free time a day.:eek:
 
luvmykids said:
I read this link,duggarfamily.com/faq.html, that Mamacita posted, and it sounds like the mother doesn’t even have to do the homeschooling. The older children homeschool the younger ones and then homeschool themselves after they are done homeschooling their siblings, then the oldest girl cooks the dinner. They have an hour of free time a day.:eek:
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From the website:
At 1:30p.m. the little ones go down for naps (4 & under). Momma & older children are around the table at 2:00p.m. for Wisdom Booklet group studies - science, history, law, medicine - part of our ATIA curriculm. We work on one subject until we complete the study. We also review & memorize scripture, hymns & operational definitions of character qualities. The children especially enjoy this because they make up motions to help with memorization.

Sounds like Mom does work with the kids. The site also mentioned Dad and the kids reading/ discussing scripture together in the evenings. —KCT
 
luvmykids said:
I read this link,duggarfamily.com/faq.html, that Mamacita posted, and it sounds like the mother doesn’t even have to do the homeschooling. The older children homeschool the younger ones and then homeschool themselves after they are done homeschooling their siblings, then the oldest girl cooks the dinner. They have an hour of free time a day.:eek:
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Co-ordination like that doesn’t happen by magic. One thing I’ve learned supervising people is that the best thing to do is to not do all the work yourself, work the circumstances so the people can do the work, and help get them into circumstances where they are not going to be overwhelmed, but yet still learn how to handle more responsiblity. If she can coach them to help the younger ones, and make sure they are not getting frustrated by doing things in a way that won’t work, she is being very empowering. Managing and taking the lead on things like that is lots of work.
 
Do they really dress them all the same? The candid photos on the website show them dressed differently.

I’ve considered this myself, though, having a kind of “uniform.” It would really simplify life, I think. My grandma had two outfits growing up. She wore one for play and one for Church and school.

Have you noticed that old houses don’t have closets?
 
One of the Duggar family specials is on the Discovery Channel right now, and I’ve been watching it. I thought I’d seen all the specials, but I don’t think I’ve seen this one.

From what I’ve seen, the kids are NOT always dressed alike. They are always dressed modestly though. They all dress in the same color when they go on outings, and the mom says that is to easily identify their kids in a crowd. A lot of families do this.

There was also a Q&A session, and one of the questions was whether the kids felt like they weren’t able to be individuals. One of the older boys spoke out and said that it upsets him when he hears that, and that each family member has different likes and dislikes. He says they ARE individuals.

There was also a segment where the whole family went to the doctor’s office together to watch the mom’s ultrasound, and find out the sex of the 16th baby. The mom was talking about how special each baby was, and I think what it was like to hold and enjoy them. I forget the exact quote, but it went something like that. I saw love in her face. The doctor even commented about how knowledgeable and prepared she was.

I am one of those moms that looks up to Michelle, and I still stand by that. The Virgin Mary is my ultimate role model, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have other, lesser role models as well. I think that Michelle Duggar is a great example of parenting. Her kids seem more well adjusted and responsible than most kids nowadays. I think that she’s handling the job God gave her very well.
 
coffeelover said:
One of the Duggar family specials is on the Discovery Channel right now, and I’ve been watching it. I thought I’d seen all the specials, but I don’t think I’ve seen this one.

From what I’ve seen, the kids are NOT always dressed alike. They are always dressed modestly though. They all dress in the same color when they go on outings, and the mom says that is to easily identify their kids in a crowd. A lot of families do this.

There was also a Q&A session, and one of the questions was whether the kids felt like they weren’t able to be individuals. One of the older boys spoke out and said that it upsets him when he hears that, and that each family member has different likes and dislikes. He says they ARE individuals.

There was also a segment where the whole family went to the doctor’s office together to watch the mom’s ultrasound, and find out the sex of the 16th baby. The mom was talking about how special each baby was, and I think what it was like to hold and enjoy them. I forget the exact quote, but it went something like that. I saw love in her face. The doctor even commented about how knowledgeable and prepared she was.

I am one of those moms that looks up to Michelle, and I still stand by that. The Virgin Mary is my ultimate role model, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have other, lesser role models as well. I think that Michelle Duggar is a great example of parenting. Her kids seem more well adjusted and responsible than most kids nowadays. I think that she’s handling the job God gave her very well.
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I’m really impressed with their organization. I love their witness on their webpage. I know a couple of women who come from double digit families, and all the older kids had responsibilities with the younger kids. I personally in my own family growing up at almost no responsibilities in the home. I’ve spent my entire adulthood trying to conquer lazy selfish tendencies both in doing household work and in taking care of others. Plus, I had so little training in homemaking, I still feel like I’m catching up.

My kids will do better than I, I think, but they still don’t have the model of a well organized, consistently selfless mother.

Right now, I’d better go make breakfast instead of typing my trivial thoughts.
 
mamacita said:
**
I completely agree w/ you, Sharon!! How can they have a sibling relationship w/ them if they are ‘parenting’ them??
Not to mention, those older kids basically give up their teen years to be a ‘parent to a sibling’. I am all for kids having responsibility however having them take on that large of one is not right in my opinion. 🤷 **
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Hi mama!🙂 how are you?
I hesitate as I said above to judge anyone…but I just see a problem…with having kids bestowed with too much responsibility…however, how about our parents? My mom helped out on the farm like 8 hours per day…when she was 10:o
 
whatevergirl said:
Hi mama!🙂 how are you?
I hesitate as I said above to judge anyone…but I just see a problem…with having kids bestowed with too much responsibility…however, how about our parents? My mom helped out on the farm like 8 hours per day…when she was 10:o
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Throughout history and in many cultures, children have begun working in early puberty. I think many of the problems we have with our teens is that they have too much free time and too little work. I know that my 12 and 14 year old could benefit from more work. I’m not sure that the model we are following in our society is very healthy. All the sports and extracurricular fun activities may keep them busy, but it’s not productive work. I’ve noticed that my 14 year old seems restless and out of sorts a lot. I think he would benefit from some real work–physical in nature.

On the other hand, I have a friend who grew up with six brothers. Her parents treated her like the household slave and let the brothers slack off. She is forgiving of her parents, but I can tell that her childhood was not a happy one. 😦
 
I worked since the age of 11 for my parents store that they owned. Stocking shelves, bagging ice, mopping the floors, etc. Not long after that (maybe 2 years later) I was working 2 jobs, the first one I mentioned plus working at a retreat center across the street from our house where I did dishes, and cleanup after meals. I felt overworked. Along w/ babysitting younger siblings when parents would go out on the weekends, I was the 3 oldest of 9 kids. Not to mention I still had to clean a bathroom on the weekends, do dinner dishes, mop the kitchen floor (no mops allowed), and my sister below me was 8 years younger so I had most work thrown on me. The boys had it pretty easy, let me tell ya. I just can’t see overburdening my kids w/ work to the point that they are BURNT OUT by the time they move out on there own. (I was all of 13 at this time plus I wasn’t homeschooled so I was doing homework in the evenings as well). I had no life. Never. I won’t do this to my kids. They should have responsibility, I agree w/ that. My 8 yr old and 4 yr old fold laundry, help clean bathrooms, etc. But making dinner everynight for a family of 19 (or 18 since the newest baby won’t be eating dinner yet:D ) is a little extreme. That is a big task for a 16 year old ALONG with homeschooling a younger sibling earlier in the day??? Why have your kids educate the younger kids? If you choose to homeschool then you as a parent should be doing it, not the older kids. So what do the boys do exactly (other than help homeschool a buddy)?? The girls cook and do the laundry, what do the boys do? Afterall, the grass can’t possibly need mowing everyday of the week??
 
I hesitate to judge the Duggars…but it seems to me that weaning and handing off the newest baby at 6 months is a little bit strange. I don’t doubt the Duggars’ love for their children, but in my reading I discovered that one daughter does ALL the laundry, another does ALL the cooking at night. It just seems a bit much.
One poster said that teenagers have too much time on their hands and not enough work, and I agree with that (mostly); however, in our family, our children went out to work at 16 and that seemed sufficient to us.
I just wonder if the older Duggar children aren’t overwhelmed by responsibility at such a young age. Being responsible for a 6-month-old baby is too much responsibility for a teenager.
Just my two cents.
 
RWMorris said:
I hesitate to judge the Duggars…but it seems to me that weaning and handing off the newest baby at 6 months is a little bit strange. I don’t doubt the Duggars’ love for their children, but in my reading I discovered that one daughter does ALL the laundry, another does ALL the cooking at night. It just seems a bit much.
One poster said that teenagers have too much time on their hands and not enough work, and I agree with that (mostly); however, in our family, our children went out to work at 16 and that seemed sufficient to us.
I just wonder if the older Duggar children aren’t overwhelmed by responsibility at such a young age. Being responsible for a 6-month-old baby is too much responsibility for a teenager.
Just my two cents.
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**
I completely agree with you. THe parents chose to have a lot of kids then the babies especially should be THEIR responsibility, not a siblings responsibility, it’s not their kid!!! In addition, I am curious, it sounds to me as if from reading about them on their family website that the teenagers do not work outside of the home? Is this correct? Well, how will they adjust to working in the outside world if they don’t start til 19 or 20?? Why don’t the parents take care of their own kids and let the kids have a job outside of the home at 16? Is it a control issue w/ them??**
 
monicatholic said:
zooey,

even without knowing the theological missteps of the Duggers (though sensing something is amiss) the face they present on TV is already disturbing enough.

whether the nice folks on this thread agree or no, i’m glad to know someone’s getting my meaning. thanks.

monicatholic
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I get your meaning - you have a good instinct. Yes, something is amiss in their perfect appearing world. Its the same very thing amiss that you will find in in plethera among the ATI community. There they all somewhat resemble the Duggers, or at least are striving to be that way. Only not all the families are so good looking and financially successful. And surely the Duggers are the LARGEST, and only ones with a TV show.

And Zooey is right about the Gothardites. Its a problem! Ron Henzels book on Gothard explains it well.

But they are beautiful children and the “fruitfulness” is a preferable contrast to todays abortions and two-child SUV/McMansion families. Therefore, you were brave to point out what you did, and risk being pegged as someone who does not support life. (Which is clearly not where you are coming from!)
 
For those of you who “know” me on here, I don’t think kids should be overworked…HOWEVER…I am turning over a new leaf, as I believe children…especially my kids’ ages (11 and 14) should be helping out a lot with household chores, as it relates especially to keeping their rooms neat…their bathrooms neat…bla bla…I used to do everything for them, but over time…and with a strong Catholic husband…learned that it’s high time to even expect help from them. My son is in football camp now, and he is quite overworked…running extensive laps…extensive exercising…it’s a 6hour per day camp…and I wonder if I had been a bit tougher…if you will…he might not be balking at this like he is. But, my husband played football and said…‘training just plain stinks.’

Nonetheless…I think kids should have balance. Too much…is well…just too much!:o
 
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