The Duggers' 17 children

[ronnette]

You are continuing to be rude. I am sorry that you feel the need to act the way you are, and I will pray for you.

I just love it when someone says something like “I’ll pray for you” in a smug way, almost like an insult, while looking down their nose. So kind and caring!

 

[Zelie_Louis]

Please post with charity. Please also report any posts which violate forum rules.

Thanks for your cooperation!

 

[ktp]

I don’t doubt the Duggars’ love for their children, but in my reading I discovered that one daughter does ALL the laundry, another does ALL the cooking at night. It just seems a bit much.

In our family, to an extent, this is the way it works. The oldest son is the official laundry guy. The second son is the official bathroom cleaner. This is because that is what THEY chose. When we moved here, I set up daily chores in groups, and the kids chose which group they wanted. I ask now and again if they want to switch, and they don’t. The Duggar children may be quite happy with this system, because they know that they have full control: they do their job, and it’s done.

In addition, having a large family myself, I wonder if it’s really that hard and fast. Yes, my oldest son is officially in charge of laundry. But in reality, we all pitch in. I would bet that the mom, the other kids, and even the dad, all run loads and pitch in with folding if necessary or convenient.

As to the cooking, I cook for ‘only’ 11 every night, and honestly, cooking for a crowd is no harder than cooking for 4. You use a bigger pot and triple the recipe.

 

[OldAgeGuru]

ktp,

Let me start by saying that I have nothing but respect for families with a lot of kids. If that is your choice, then you should go for it.
I understand that in families that large everyone has to pitch in.

With the Duggars, they don’t all pitch in. Michelle has a child. She breast feeds it for 6 months, then passes it on to one of the older GIRLS, and begins actively trying to get pregnant again. The GIRLS do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and child rearing including homeschooling the younger children.

The boys, have minimal responsibility, because stuff around the home is “women’s work”. Michelle and Jim don’t do much either, other than well, you know.

I don’t care that they are homeschooled. I would think that with 17 kids it would be easier, otherwise Michelle would be spending all day doing I don’t know what. and all evening carting kids to ballet, soccer, doing science projects, supervising homework etc. What I don’t get is having your 14 year old daughter be the teacher for your 6 year old child. Also what they do is put an infant on a blanket, and if it tries to crawl off, they yell, make loud noises to teach it not to move. I just can’t imagine the psychological impact that has on a kid.

What I dislike about the Duggars is not that they have 17 kids, but that they have 17 kids who THEY don’t parent. They have 17 kids with extreeeeeeeeeme differences in how they treat the girls and boys. They have 17 kids who don’t know how to be kids.

While I was a complete angel, and was nominated as a teen into early sainthood I still got in my fair share of trouble. Normal kid stuff. Passing notes in class Staying out a little past curfew. Kissing a boy whom my parents did not already designate as my future spouse. I even cut class a few times in college. GASP. I’m still a functioning member of society. These kids don’t have the opportunity to even pass notes in class about the cute new boy in school. They just don’t know the joys of just being a stupid kid. They have far too many responsiblities and I think that’s kind of sad. The other shows on TLC, like the Amish-ey people or Jon and Kate plus 8. Those seem like normal families. I can appreciate them a lot more.

 

[ktp]

What I’m saying is that, what we see on TV is a small slice of a whole reality. The image of one poor girl shackled to the washer and another to the stove is probably a far cry from reality.

And being the mother of a large family, myself, I can guarantee that even when the kids work hard all day, I am doing PLENTY keeping things running smoothly. And I’m sure Michelle is, too.

I just think that we all think we know far more about this family than we really do. A glimpse of tv or looking at the ‘official’ chore chart does not give the whole, accurate picture.

And really, as to how they divide up the chores, it may or may not be the way I’d do it. Maybe those boys worked fifteen hour days building the house and are learning to do home repairs, work in their father’s business, care for the lawn, or get outside jobs. But regardless, it is their family to raise as they see fit. I find the constant criticism of them quite sad. It’s simply none of our business, whereas charity is.

 

[jman507]

Well it can function as a business functions. It seems a lot of people don’t think the boss does a whole lot, that is until you become the boss. If the parent who is acting as COO of the home, then she probably is doing a whole lot to make sure that things are set up for her children to be able to do the tasks they are delegated to do. Then she probably acts as directly as an arbiter. If someone is in a situation where they need a parent, and not just an older sibling, then she can be there for that. If things are functioning well, the older children will role model and teach the younger children.

If the processes are well understood and sound, it might be even easier than functioning in a household with two or three children. The crux of it is, lots of work needs to be placed on keeping the process sound, and resources available. She doesn’t really have to do all the line work, but she does have to know how to teach, cue and coach.

 

[masondoggy]

But regardless, it is their family to raise as they see fit. I find the constant criticism of them quite sad. It’s simply none of our business, whereas charity is.

I agree. This is the bottom line, imo. As long as they’re not neglecting, abusing their kids, or doing something that harms them in any way, I don’t care much how they decide to do things. Their kids appear to be happy and well-adjusted, and they appear to know that they are loved by their parents. They’re doing much better than some kids I know.

Some things they do I disagree with, and I would never do it that way myself, but I also firmly believe in a parents right to decide how to raise their kids. I’m sure if they put my family life on a reality show, there’d be plenty exposed for people on message boards to devote a long thread to.

 

[monicatholic]

*I’m sure if they put my family life on a reality show, there’d be plenty exposed for people on message boards to devote a long thread to. *

and mine, too. but therein is the point. “they” would never put my family on TV, nor whould I choose to do it myself. I would not presume that our family is a model for others.

The Duggars consistently choose the exposure.

On this thread, my criticism of the Duggars has evoked charges of uncharitablity, jealousy and shallowness. I’ve examined my responsibility to these charges and I admit to skepticism and** frustration**.

Because of her own words and practices, i am skeptical that Mrs. Duggars primary motivation to increase her family size is to give glory to God in the pro-creation of unrepeatable souls created in HIS Image. there is a strong hint of ‘numbers’ being the primary goal.

**my frustration **comes from this: the effusive applaud the Duggars receive in contrast with the measured goodwill given to less-than-pristine large families.

maybe all the Duggar supporters on this board are equally and as openly supportive of the all the large, hard-working families they know, but that hasn’t been my experience. There’s a family nearby, with even more children than us. They’re expecting their twelfth child soon. Unlike us, they don’t receive so many nearly-new hand-me-downs from cousins, so the kids always look just a little threadbare. their home is just a little worn. i think shje spends more time loving her kids than running the vaccuum. (i could learn a thing or two from her.)

the parents are hard-working, loving, Catholic people who pour out ther lives for their kids, and the kids, though mostly shy, are well-mannered and gentle. yet, the remarks made about them are packed with condescension and measured goodwill. people find less to applaud about them because they are neither pristine and ordered nor pleasantly-chaotic-kooky.

OK. so my skepticism is shared by only a few respondents to this thread. but what about my frustration? does anybody else see the inconsistencies I’m seeing?

if, in the end, these clarifications don’t rescue my criticisms from the perceptions of “sad, shallow, jealous”, i guess i’ll have to live with it.

 

[Lady_D_I]

I also don’t understand why TLC can’t find a Catholic family to highlight. They seem to only seek out the “quiverfull” movement folks.

For anyone is interested, Kids By the Dozen has had a couple of Catholic families. The Sentmans (17 children) have been in 2 episodes. One episode is in progress… Mr. & Mrs. are renewing their vows. I believe the Sentman’s episode is on again later this month.

 

[InChrist]

These are the things I looked up about their association.
They call themselves as evangelical christians, which to me is not a cult.

The other name someone mentioned here is not something the family has agreed they do.

whit.com/tapestry/wom-exc.htm
quiverfull.org/
quiverfull.org/mcleishs/salvation.html

Whatever may be the case, for that many kids they are way well organized and they seem to function as a family so well together.

Most of all, they support life.

Amala

 

[luvmykids]

These are the things I looked up about their association.
They call themselves as evangelical christians, which to me is not a cult.

The other name someone mentioned here is not something the family has agreed they do.

whit.com/tapestry/wom-exc.htm
quiverfull.org/
quiverfull.org/mcleishs/salvation.html

Whatever may be the case, for that many kids they are way well organized and they seem to function as a family so well together.

Most of all, they support life.

Amala

And they are now expecting #18!!

 

[fmrcatholic]

With out going into a lot of detail about why I think this, I am just going to say, that I agree with you…
One thing I will say, & this is no secret: The Duggars deliberately wean each baby as soon as possible, in order to make it more likely that they can get pregnant again sooner…despite the fact that it is far healthier for the babies to have breastmilk for a longer time…
I guess I just feel sorry for those little babies. Brought into this world, so innocent, & handed off to siblings…They need their mama, not another child, taking care of them…

They are being handed to siblings, not lions and Michelle is still in the home…she’s not on vacation after 6 months.

They believe this is God’s will and we cannot question God or the Duggers. I only have one child (this was God’s will, not mine) and I only breastfed for 2 months. We cannot judge.

 

[fmrcatholic]

What I can’t understand is why this huge family of 19 people doesn’t have a garden? Their recipes are all made with processed and packaged food which we all know isn’t nutrious and can lead to health problems later on. If they care about their children as they say they do, they’d feed them wholesome natural foods as God indended. They’d certainly have plenty of hands to do the work.

MOST of the American population eats processed foods either from the grocery store or fast food etc. Only in America is obesity an epidemic. Everyone on this board has watched the “edited” tv pieces and makes statements about this family as if they reside with them.
IMO, we should all have our garden. (and yes, my family has established one).

Please do not look at the Duggers as if they are the only ones shopping from the middle isle’s of the store. Unless you are a raw foodist, we are all guilty of that.

 

[masondoggy]

MOST of the American population eats processed foods either from the grocery store or fast food etc. Only in America is obesity an epidemic. Everyone on this board has watched the “edited” tv pieces and makes statements about this family as if they reside with them.
IMO, we should all have our garden. (and yes, my family has established one).

Please do not look at the Duggers as if they are the only ones shopping from the middle isle’s of the store. Unless you are a raw foodist, we are all guilty of that.

I must be a really, really bad mom because my kids probably eat more packaged, processed food than the Duggars.

 

[InChrist]

I have to say I am amazed that Mrs.Duggar is able to breast feed for 6 months. We all know how difficult it is. With my first, my in-laws visited from 5 to 8 months. And I remember very well that I could not concentrate on BF alone as I had house chores piled up and 2 extra people to feed. I still managed till 11 months.

Now I have my almost 3 month old. I don’t think I have the strength/time/sanity to go 11 months, I can already see.

I have known folks who for several reasons chose to bottle-feed from day 1. It is hard for me to understand. My criticism may not change their deliberate choice.

One more thing I notice here is that weaning helps scientifically to get pregnant faster. But still, God is sovereign overall and every single one of those children are created according to His will and which according to His plan which was made long before even the world was created.

Though I have only 2 children. I have been pregnant continuously for the past 3 years - first 14 weeks- fetal demise for no known reason, then a still born due to NTD and then my beautiful little girl who is 2 months now. Let me tell you – to have that many kids and then say she has the strength to go on. It comes only from God.

Several women(myself included), in this age are so afraid that they would have a down-syndrome baby as early as 35. That is what the medical world feeds into us. But, I commend the fact that they are open for God’s will in their lives when it comes to children.

I wish we all could live with such fearlessness in all areas of our lives especially because NOTHING absolutely nothing happens in our lives without the Heavenly father’s permission. And ultimately what matters is that we are all accountable to HIM, Christ who will be our judge.

I think I am done.
Amala

 

[kage_ar]

What I can’t understand is why this huge family of 19 people doesn’t have a garden? Their recipes are all made with processed and packaged food which we all know isn’t nutrious and can lead to health problems later on. If they care about their children as they say they do, they’d feed them wholesome natural foods as God indended. They’d certainly have plenty of hands to do the work.

Some communities have regulations against gardens. When we lived in VA Beach, that was the case and where we live now there are strict rules (we cannot have a fence, let alone a garden).

I’m not cure this is the case in Tontitown, but, it is an example of a valid reason not to garden.

 

[monicatholic]

here we go again.

They are being handed to siblings, not lions and Michelle is still in the home…she’s not on vacation after 6 months.

under these circumstances, the babies are being tended, not mothered. Michelle should hire a nanny and leave her older kids’ parenting responsibilities to when they have their own children.

this comes from a mom of ten whose older kids help plenty-- so please skip all the stuff about how kids should be doing chores. they should. but my kids shouldn’t regularly be stand-ins for me.

 

[kage_ar]

here we go again.

under these circumstances, the babies are being tended, not mothered. Michelle should hire a nanny and leave her older kids’ parenting responsibilities to when they have their own children.

this comes from a mom of ten whose older kids help plenty-- so please skip all the stuff about how kids should be doing chores. they should. but my kids shouldn’t regularly be stand-ins for me.

Each family has a different style that works for them.

My grandmother had 10 kids and worked a farm, you betcha the older kids both did hard farm work AND tended the younger siblings.

What works for your family is great for your family. What works for other families is great for them. Mothering is NOT one size fits all (thank GOD).

 

[Socio_Momma]

What I can’t understand is why this huge family of 19 people doesn’t have a garden? Their recipes are all made with processed and packaged food which we all know isn’t nutrious and can lead to health problems later on. If they care about their children as they say they do, they’d feed them wholesome natural foods as God indended. They’d certainly have plenty of hands to do the work.

i don’t know what the duggars normal meal prep includes but i do know from several other families that have been on the Kids by the Dozen series (several moms posted on another forum i visit, very cool ) that Campbell’s is a sponsor & TLC required some meal cooking using Campbell’s as an ingredient. it may be the case with other sponsors that want to air time, what is on tv might not be exactly their normal diet.

as for the duggars overall i am not sure i agree with all their parenting choices, but i am sure there are plenty of people who don’t agree with all mine. so i am not going to comment on what they should or shouldn’t do, but i will offer a prayer that may God continue to strengthen their family with His grace and love

 

[monicatholic]

My grandmother had 10 kids and worked a farm, you betcha the older kids both did hard farm work AND tended the younger siblings.

necessity puts an entirely diffferent spin on things, doesn’t it?

note the false alternatives presented: ungenerosity toward life vs. hyper-fecundity. there is another choice, that doesn’t lie between these extremes, but above them: that is, to be open to life and for parents to provide as far as possible for the physical and spiritual needs of their children. (ccc2252).

We should also be reminded that The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation. “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.” The right and the duty of parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable. (ccc2221)

I think the Duggar’s procreation of children with the ***intention ***their older children will fill so many roles **fails on both points of the catechism. **

Mr. and Mrs. Duggar might likely have another 6 or 8 kids before she reaches menopause. I’ll not argue this point 6 or 8 more times.