The problem is that we cannot experience the experiencer/“I”. We can experience everything but “I”.
I can say things like this: “Yesterday I had the experience ‘X’ in the ‘a’ mode. Today I am having the experience ‘X’ in a ‘b’ mode, which has certain similitudes with the ‘a’ mode, but it has some differences too. I also have had the experience ‘Y’ in a variety of modes, and many other experiences.” I realize that those are somewhat different experiences, but the subject is the same: me.
Also, I can listen to the descriptions that someone else makes of his own experiences, and some times I can understand what he says, because I share them. However, I distinguish between his experiences and my experiences, not necessarily because of their content, but because of the subject: There might be an experience of ‘X’ for which the subject is him, and an experience of ‘X’ for which the subject is me.
Now, there are a variety of experiences, as you might know: I experience colors in a very different way in which I experience temperature, or roughness, or sweetness, or emotions, etcetera. It would be preposterous to request identity between the way I experience colors and the way I experience happiness.
In all these cases it is me who has those various experiences, and I know it with such evidence that no writing or speech whatever can convince me of something else. But my knowledge of this facts is obviously based on experience (on what else could it be?). And, analogously, it would be preposterous if someone demanded that the experience I have of myself be of the same kind of experience that I have when I feel hot, or sad, or tired.
Do you want to convince me that I am elusive to myself?
Everybody’s brain. We just cannot deny that experience could be the result the process in our brains yet. In fact we know with certainty that we could adjust feelings, moods, even our state of consciousness by using drugs.
So, it is your brain. The “elusive I” is always there. If you didn’t experience yourself, how would you be able of repeat “I this” and “I that” so constantly?
When you put your hand in hot water, you feel something in it. If you add cold water to the hot one, you will have a different feeling. So, it is possible to adjust your feeling by just adding cold water to the hot one, while you keep your hand in it. I can affect your feelings, moods, even your state of consciousness by using these kind of means, even by using “just” words. Do you think that the effects of drugs is peculiarly surprising?
Tell me how. I believe that we can just deduce that “I” exist. But we could be wrong in our deduction.
Once again the “elusive I” pervading your discourse: “
I can just deduce that
I exist, but
I could be wrong in
my deduction”. How elusive the “I” is!