Thru KLOVE songs on the radio, such as “You Are Loved” by Stars Go Dim & “Oh My Soul” by Casting Crowns, God continues to remind me that I am loved despite my brokenness and that I don’t need to prove myself to anyone… including whether I’m called to religious life, married life, or single life… it doesn’t matter what ‘title’ so long as it is pleasing to God and promotes a joyful soul selflessly.
*I’ve been wanting to just stop discerning religious life to live my present life & see where God takes me, but when I mark it on my calendar of taking a break from it, something comes up or I see a spiritual mentor the following day that deters me from doing anything about it… then I feel guilty for taking a break a bit because I feel like God expects me to follow thru with this discernment since things keep coming up that progress the journey. I mean, God continues to provide spiritual consolations along the way while still discerning, but it doesn’t bring lasting joy in the long run- I still wonder about those years I used to pray for my future husband, write love letters about living chaste for him (whoever), & ending a past relationship to preserve my purity for him & for God… I still wonder what it would be like if I actually followed thru with trusting God about that & praying the Rosary again for my future husband & future children. What would make me happy, more than anything, is to marry a devout (catholic) man [God’s pick], have children (however many God desires), adopt children (if we can’t have any or adopt anyways) selflessly… but for years I’ve struggled with just finding a great catholic man, that it does discourage me from having faith to continue trusting God. Do any of you fellow Catholics have advice about this? My spiritual director has only said that both married life & religious life are good Vocations- neither one is better than the other (that only makes it harder to figure out WHAT God wills). Although we have free will, do you think God would be mad at me if I stopped discerning or took a break for awhile? Sometimes I wonder if God is the one that is encouraging me to focus on the present moment of living rather than so much on the future, but not quite sure.
