The frustration! argh!

[whatevergirl]

Those friends delayed my husband asking me out, to the point where I almost moved on to date someone different.

Then where would we be?

***But, it’s all moot now…you are together and happy. I think it is very interesting how they knew though…they had a 6th sense. Are you all still friends? ***

 

[MCGar]

Yes, it’s moot now to us. But my situation could possibly teach the OP to let other people deal with their love lives without interfering or gossiping.

Yes, we are all still friends now, but we both learned to keep the most interfering friend at a distance. He’s a fun guy and really wanted to help but he gossips unlimitedly and gets too emotionally involved in things that aren’t his business.

The friends that let us have our privacy more are the friends that we are closer to now. We trust them and they trust us.

p.s.

My hubby and I back then were soo apparantly meant for each other. It was like being with someone that you forget you aren’t married or engaged to them after a few minutes.
Same interests, similar but also just different enough personalities, similar outlooks on life.
And in the Deep South were I had no one, not even any of the cradle-Catholics of my own aquantance, that I could talk Catholicism with…I could talk to him about it non-stop! Not only that, but he took me seriously about it. I mean how could I not fall head over heals?

So I get a little emotional thinking that we might not have even dated because he didn’t want to ask me while all our friends were asking us all these questions about each other and trying to push us together. He felt like we couldn’t date freely, getting to know each other at our own pace with all that pressure.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, it’s moot now to us. But my situation could possibly teach the OP to let other people deal with their love lives without interfering or gossiping.

Yes, we are all still friends now, but we both learned to keep the most interfering friend at a distance. He’s a fun guy and really wanted to help but he gossips unlimitedly and gets too emotionally involved in things that aren’t his business.

The friends that let us have our privacy more are the friends that we are closer to now. We trust them and they trust us.

p.s.

My hubby and I back then were soo apparantly meant for each other. It was like being with someone that you forget you aren’t married or engaged to them after a few minutes.
Same interests, similar but also just different enough personalities, similar outlooks on life.
And in the Deep South were I had no one, not even any of the cradle-Catholics of my own aquantance, that I could talk Catholicism with…I could talk to him about it non-stop! Not only that, but he took me seriously about it. I mean how could I not fall head over heals?

So I get a little emotional thinking that we might not have even dated because he didn’t want to ask me while all our friends were asking us all these questions about each other and trying to push us together. He felt like we couldn’t date freely, getting to know each other at our own pace with all that pressure.

***I know, that is a shame that your friends got in the middle. I totally agree that the OP (sorry OP) would be best to bow out of this, at this point.

I really love your courtship story…it’s so beautiful…It sounds like you are soulmates. My dh, upon the first night of us meeting, not even dating…meeting, said…‘wouldn’t it be weird if we got married?’ The reason behind that was that the party we met at, was for an old bf of mine who was moving away…lol God works in mysterious ways! ***

 

[lenni]

mmmmm…ok ok! i get the point…il butt out!!..
but she told me last night, that she is gonna ask him straight up about what he thinks of her… etc etc!!..so that she feels content and move on if he doesnt want to do anything about it!..
but yeah, she said she would break down if he said no! ah, so im a little worried about that!
mmm…so i hope that goes ok! as i supported that decision of hers. since she asked me if thats an alrite thing to do?!..
mm…so at this point. i hope she is making the right decision to ask about his feelings for her.

 

[happymommy]

mmmmm…ok ok! i get the point…il butt out!!..
but she told me last night, that she is gonna ask him straight up about what he thinks of her… etc etc!!..so that she feels content and move on if he doesnt want to do anything about it!..
but yeah, she said she would break down if he said no! ah, so im a little worried about that!
mmm…so i hope that goes ok! as i supported that decision of hers. since she asked me if thats an alrite thing to do?!..
mm…so at this point. i hope she is making the right decision to ask about his feelings for her.

Well, I think she is setting herself up to get hurt! She should let it go, if it is meant to be, it will happen. Harping on him and trying to find out his feelings is just going to push him away. I’m afraid it will make her look desperate:blush: He knows she has liked him for 2 years, not a good thing since they were never together to begin with. It would be different if they had dated and gone their seperate ways and she still had feelings. But to just have a crush on a guy for that long…I don’t want to sound mean, but it all sounds very Junior High-ish to me. Time to grow up and have adult relationships now. She can’t make him like her and she needs to respect his feelings. I think he was just trying to be nice when you asked him if he liked her…he probably didn’t want to say no. But liking someone and wanting to date them can be two very different things.
I hope you learned something in this. It is never a good idea to get in the middle of these things. Let them work out on there own!!

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

mmmmm…ok ok! i get the point…il butt out!!..
but she told me last night, that she is gonna ask him straight up about what he thinks of her… etc etc!!..so that she feels content and move on if he doesnt want to do anything about it!..
but yeah, she said she would break down if he said no! ah, so im a little worried about that!
mmm…so i hope that goes ok! as i supported that decision of hers. since she asked me if thats an alrite thing to do?!..
mm…so at this point. i hope she is making the right decision to ask about his feelings for her.

In my opinion, I think you should advise your friend not to go through with it. Of course it’s ultimately her own decision, but I really don’t think there’s anything to be gained by her asking him again. Just my $0.02.

 

[roselily]

Matchmaking never worked for others when I tried it for them with the best intentions!

If she wants to put herself out of her misery, there’s nothing wrong with her asking him to go have a coffee together or something similar.

If he’s too vague and non-commital then she can move on…but all these ‘maybes’ aren’t good for anyone!

Regards, Trishie

First of all, I don’t think you should’ve talked to the guy about this without asking your friend first, even though I’m sure you did it with the best of intentions. As for your friend, I think it’s best if she just moved on. I know it’s easier said than done, but really what did you hope to accomplish by telling your friend? It just made matters worse. If the guy’s interested, he would let her know; otherwise, he’s not worth the trouble. Seriously, what self-respecting girl would want a wuss for a boyfriend? Besides, I think the guy’s made his intentions quite clear. I just don’t think he’s interested, or at least his interest level is not high enough to initiate anything with your friend. Judging from your conversation with him, he was just being nice, and didn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings. Unfortunately, you went and told your friend and got her hopes up again. My advice to you is to basically stay out of it from now on. Be there for your friend, but try not to do stuff like this again. I know I may sound harsh, but seeing that I’m probably a bit older than you, I do know what I’m talking about, sometimes. In any case, I hope things work out for the best.

In my opinion, I think you should advise your friend not to go through with it. Of course it’s ultimately her own decision, but I really don’t think there’s anything to be gained by her asking him again. Just my $0.02.

That’s all good advice. I would love to read them again.
Sometimes one may be mistaken about people.

 

[roselily]

Good gracious !.- That I read all the posts in this thread, Irishmom2; whatevergirl; Marycruz; RedGecko; Liberanosamal; happymommy; MCGar; and Trishie and Catholic guy…all your posts in this thread!
How wise you all! That I would learn lots from all your words-that I am not know about it.

 

[roselily]

hey…
i havent posted here in quite a while!!!..anyways…so here goes!
my best friend is having a guy problem…and im not sure what more advice i can offer her.
well…pretty much it starts out like this -
2 years ago, she was head over heels for this guy who she met through my cousin. he is a good catholic, smart and not bad looking!!.. but he ‘never’ returned those feelings. well, thats what we thought back then. so he didnt want to lead her on so he avoided her a bit more than usual. however, only recently (2yrs on), did i have the guts to ask him straight up whether he had feelings for my best friend. The answer was - ‘well…i dont know, maybe!’ and i said, ‘ok you have to put it to me in black and white, so yes or no.’ and he looked at me, like, omg, i do not know what to say. but i suggested, ’ so yes!’ in that case. and his expression hinted at yes. so when i continued the convo, he didnt reject to not liking her. but then after, he came up to me and stated that ‘he was not sure and times were complicated back then.’
I think it was partly because he also was in another relationship at the time.
anyways…i couldnt hide this from her, so i told her! she is now head over heels for him again!!..
and pretty much, everyone who meets the both of them, reckon that they would be an ideal couple!!.. he is 21 and she is 20!!!..
she gives him hints that she is interested. and he seems to show some interest. well according to the guy’s really close friend, he thinks that there is chemistry among the 2.
but this guy hasnt bothered to ask her out!!!.. and both have records of having previous dating experience. i.e. he has asked out other girls before. and she has been asked out a few times before.
but…she doesnt know whether hanging on longer just for this boy to ask her out is worth it??.. i mean, isnt it the guy who is meant to be chasing the girl. isnt it the other way around. should she even bother waiting. when it’s more of a man’s job to wait.
i mean, the poor girl has rejected other guys in the process of waiting for this guy!!..
and this guy, apparantly, according to a reliable source, has a fear of rejection!!!.. so i dont no!!!
i think all of her close friends who know this guy are trying to help the 2 come together!!..but honestly, i dont know how the process can be sped up!!!..
i mean, she has been waiting for this guy for about 2 or 3 months now!!..
i dont know what to tell her, since she is my best friend. and i dont want to tell her to move on because, thats what she did last time. and i want them to give it a go…
plus, i can sorta tell, that she would be hurting if she moved forward!!..
any advice on what my best friend could do…???

you are so good . lenni,
Truly you are a very good friend to your friend!

 

[chevalier]

My advice is that a serious conversation is needed. There’s no need to lead your friend on and there’s no need to lead that guy’s current girlfriend on. There’s no need for your friend and that guy to “try” a relationship if one of them is not convinced.

 

[lenni]

In my opinion, I think you should advise your friend not to go through with it. Of course it’s ultimately her own decision, but I really don’t think there’s anything to be gained by her asking him again. Just my $0.02.

actually, no she has chosen 2 not go through with it!..
however, she did send him a text saying, ‘we seriously need to talk!’ to the guy!..
she regrets that now! and wants to avoid the guy now… but she still likes him still!
but doesnt plan on talking to him about her feelings…
but i told her to move on! and i think thats what is going to happen soon…

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

actually, no she has chosen 2 not go through with it!..
however, she did send him a text saying, ‘we seriously need to talk!’ to the guy!..
she regrets that now! and wants to avoid the guy now… but she still likes him still!
but doesnt plan on talking to him about her feelings…
but i told her to move on! and i think thats what is going to happen soon…

You all sound kinda young. How old is your friend?

 

[lenni]

You all sound kinda young. How old is your friend?

actually…my mistake! she wants closure so she is going to confront the guy!
not my idea…she wants to go through… anyways…
im 18, she is 20 and the dude is 21!!..
its just, im prettty bad wif advice wen it comes 2 matters of the heart!

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

actually…my mistake! she wants closure so she is going to confront the guy!
not my idea…she wants to go through… anyways…
im 18, she is 20 and the dude is 21!!..
its just, im prettty bad wif advice wen it comes 2 matters of the heart!

Well, I suppose it’s her decision. I just don’t see what she hopes to gain from asking the guy. In my opinion, it’s only going to make her look desperate, and the guy will think he made the right decision. As her friend, I think you’ve already done all that a friend can do. If your friend still wants to ask the guy, let her. Sometimes people can only learn by actually making the mistakes. Just my $0.02.