The Future of Marriage

[ZellieFan]

With the rapid degradation of traditional values and MANY Catholic and Christian singles who are LONGING to live God’s plan for human sexuality, why do so many languish in the state of singleness? Is it God’s will? Is it a spiritual attack from Satan that God allows? Why doesn’t He bring more couples together who will raise devout children? sigh

 

[JimG]

With the rapid degradation of traditional values and MANY Catholic and Christian singles who are LONGING to live God’s plan for human sexuality, why do so many languish in the state of singleness? Is it God’s will? Is it a spiritual attack from Satan that God allows? Why doesn’t He bring more couples together who will raise devout children? sigh

I’m sure that God would like to bring more couples together. I don’t blame God, but I do think that marriage has been on something of a downhill slide ever since the beginning of the sexual revolution in the 1960’s, or it can be dated even earlier, beginning with the acceptance of contraception in 1930, starting with the Anglicans.

Young people now seem to be scared of marriage. They don’t trust potential spouses to be faithful, or to give a lifelong commitment or to promise sacrificial love.

That’s a tragedy. It has probably been driven by their experience of divorce and sexual immorality. Older generations have let them down, giving bad examples of marriage in many cases.

Here’s an interesting article about the question: “Where the Fault Lies for the Collapse of Marriage.”
(It’s not the fault of homosexuals.)

 

[ZellieFan]

I’m sure that God would like to bring more couples together. I don’t blame God, but I do think that marriage has been on something of a downhill slide ever since the beginning of the sexual revolution in the 1960’s, or it can be dated even earlier, beginning with the acceptance of contraception in 1930, starting with the Anglicans.

Young people now seem to be scared of marriage. They don’t trust potential spouses to be faithful, or to give a lifelong commitment or to promise sacrificial love.

That’s a tragedy. It has probably been driven by their experience of divorce and sexual immorality. Older generations have let them down, giving bad examples of marriage in many cases.

Here’s an interesting article about the question: “Where the Fault Lies for the Collapse of Marriage.”
(It’s not the fault of homosexuals.)

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I DEFINITELY don’t blame God for the current situation. But why won’t He fix it?

I know many devout singles (including myself)–living a sacramental life, chaste, open to life, etc–who simply cannot meet a similar potential spouse. Why doesn’t God cause an outpouring of grace to bring those couples together???

 

[JimG]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I DEFINITELY don’t blame God for the current situation. But why won’t He fix it?

I know many devout singles (including myself)–living a sacramental life, chaste, open to life, etc–who simply cannot meet a similar potential spouse. Why doesn’t God cause an outpouring of grace to bring those couples together???

I don’t know. I don’t think God intervenes in so direct a way, especially since a remedy requires human cooperation.

I’m too old to know the answer, no longer being involved in the “dating scene.” Perhaps one of the problems is that there really is no dating scene any more. In some places, there are just hookups, or nothing. I don’t know what marriage minded young people do now to meet like minded persons. It’s harder than it used to be. (I got together with my future spouse because of the intervention of her younger sister, but I don’t think that there are that many 3rd party introductions any longer. Maybe there should be.)

Because of the sexual revolution, perhaps many young women do not feel safe just trying to get to know men, fearing that they will just want sex, and truthfully, young men probably have the same fear. So there is not the implied trust between the sexes that once generally obtained.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I DEFINITELY don’t blame God for the current situation. But why won’t He fix it?

I know many devout singles (including myself)–living a sacramental life, chaste, open to life, etc–who simply cannot meet a similar potential spouse. Why doesn’t God cause an outpouring of grace to bring those couples together???

I know several people like that and wonder about the same thing. Makes no sense.

We need to pray for the faithful singles.

 

[ZellieFan]

I don’t know. I don’t think God intervenes in so direct a way, especially since a remedy requires human cooperation.

I’m too old to know the answer, no longer being involved in the “dating scene.” Perhaps one of the problems is that there really is no dating scene any more. In some places, there are just hookups, or nothing. I don’t know what marriage minded young people do now to meet like minded persons. It’s harder than it used to be. (I got together with my future spouse because of the intervention of her younger sister, but I don’t think that there are that many 3rd party introductions any longer. Maybe there should be.)

Because of the sexual revolution, perhaps many young women do not feel safe just trying to get to know men, fearing that they will just want sex, and truthfully, young men probably have the same fear. So there is not the implied trust between the sexes that once generally obtained.

Yes in my own life, I have seen dating change from my 20s to my 30s. People, especially men who are called to lead, are crippled by fear. Women feel they need to take charge or risk missing out. People are also self-focused so those introductions are rare.

 

[ZellieFan]

I know several people like that and wonder about the same thing. Makes no sense.

We need to pray for the faithful singles.

Thanks for your prayers.

 

[Rosebud77]

I know several people like that and wonder about the same thing. Makes no sense.

We need to pray for the faithful singles.

Very puzzled here. I am a lifelong celibate living even in my old age a fruitful and useful life that benefits others. Celibacy is honourable. Marriage is not mandatory. Think it is thee who need the prayer for a wider understanding. When I was younger I was free to be auntie to all my friends children, godparent, friend. There is a freedom and flexibility in celibacy. I run a market stall, fundraising , and it is heaped high with my handwork, People ask how i find the time to make so much and i say, I am celibate . It is not about sex but about staying free of commitments to be there for more people.

 

[ZellieFan]

Very puzzled here. I am a lifelong celibate living even in my old age a fruitful and useful life that benefits others. Celibacy is honourable. Marriage is not mandatory. Think it is thee who need the prayer for a wider understanding. When I was younger I was free to be auntie to all my friends children, godparent, friend. There is a freedom and flexibility in celibacy. I run a market stall, fundraising , and it is heaped high with my handwork, People ask how i find the time to make so much and i say, I am celibate . It is not about sex but about staying free of commitments to be there for more people.

It sounds like you have the gift of celibacy/singleness that the Bible speaks about. Respectfully, I’m talking about those who want to be married, who are chaste (out of love and obedience for Our Lord) but don’t have the gift of celibacy. I am a virgin in my 30s and am committed to waiting even if a husband never materializes. However, it is my desire to be a wife and mother. Those who have a calling to marriage that is not and may not be fulfilled need prayer, not really those who have the grace/calling to celibacy and have no desire for marriage/sex.

 

[tifischer]

With the rapid degradation of traditional values and MANY Catholic and Christian singles who are LONGING to live God’s plan for human sexuality, why do so many languish in the state of singleness? Is it God’s will? Is it a spiritual attack from Satan that God allows? Why doesn’t He bring more couples together who will raise devout children? sigh

Please feel free to start a young adults group or single group in my area.

I prefer young adult groups than single…they seem to be more community oriented without the pressure of dating not that I have attended a single group but I have talked to people who have and I have heard our deacon say that our parish tried a singles group a few times and it has never maintained itself. Yet, I am just outside of the age range for young adults so what do 30’s and 40’s do?

 

[tifischer]

It sounds like you have the gift of celibacy/singleness that the Bible speaks about. Respectfully, I’m talking about those who want to be married, who are chaste (out of love and obedience for Our Lord) but don’t have the gift of celibacy. I am a virgin in my 30s and am committed to waiting even if a husband never materializes. However, it is my desire to be a wife and mother. Those who have a calling to marriage that is not and may not be fulfilled need prayer, not really those who have the grace/calling to celibacy and have no desire for marriage/sex.

There are many faithful Christians who wait till 30’s to get married. Please continue to pray that God guides you and your future spouse together and that God bless your marriage!

 

[JimG]

Maybe it’s time for a return to formal introductions, arranged introductions, arranged dates, discreet parental inquires about possible mates. Leaving things to just happen on their own doesn’t seem to work. As Zelie noted, men can’t be counted on anymore to make the first move. I know of several recent marriages in which there was a certain interest and friendship, but nothing happened until the woman took the initiative to show some interest, and in which it turned out the man had been interested for some time but never made a move!

 

[Vim71]

I agree with pretty much everything Jim G. has said, but I would also like to add that there are less and less young people in the church these days in North America. There was a study (Which I can’t find since I am strapped for time at the moment as lunch is nearly over) that said something like 20% of adults once they hit 18 actually stay in the Church.

It’s also been my personally experience that only about 50% of that 20% truly believe what the church says.

And I say this as one of three young people in my Parish. It’s gotten so bad here with the marriage rate dropping our Bishop recently stated there was a problem and that we had to do something about young people not getting married.

So basically OP, it’s a numbers game. Just pray and be patient. When you are ready to meet said spouse, you will.

 

[mh2007]

Rosebud made a wonderful observation - namely Marriage is not mandatory. Not everyone is suited for parenting and family. Singles have great purposes too!

 

[ZellieFan]

Rosebud made a wonderful observation - namely Marriage is not mandatory. Not everyone is suited for parenting and family. Singles have great purposes too!

You are missing the point. I’m obviously talking about people who want to be married, not those who wish to remain single.

 

[ZellieFan]

Maybe it’s time for a return to formal introductions, arranged introductions, arranged dates, discreet parental inquires about possible mates. Leaving things to just happen on their own doesn’t seem to work. As Zelie noted, men can’t be counted on anymore to make the first move. I know of several recent marriages in which there was a certain interest and friendship, but nothing happened until the woman took the initiative to show some interest, and in which it turned out the man had been interested for some time but never made a move!

I know I’ve had to be more “forward” (although not by today’s standards). However I think something natural rises in a man to pursue a woman that he’s genuinely interested in. I’ve learned that sometimes you have to give the guy a very glaring green light for him to pursue. But it’s not a comfortable place for a woman to be in.

 

[SWolf]

Yes in my own life, I have seen dating change from my 20s to my 30s. People, especially men who are called to lead, are crippled by fear. Women feel they need to take charge or risk missing out. People are also self-focused so those introductions are rare.

Most of the “Christian” dating advice these days tell guys to be supplicating wimps, and then people wonder where the strong men are who are willing to lead.

Also, when you know getting married leaves you open to the wife being able to take your children, your house, and your livelihood from you on a whim, with the full arm of the Law, you should be terrified.

 

[JimG]

Most of the “Christian” dating advice these days tell guys to be supplicating wimps, and then people wonder where the strong men are who are willing to lead.

Also, when you know getting married leaves you open to the wife being able to take your children, your house, and your livelihood from you on a whim, with the full arm of the Law, you should be terrified.

Well, of course, it’s not being married that does that–it’s being divorced! Which is part of the problem. Divorce has become so easy, so common, so accessible, that it nearly has the effect of vitiating the marriage vows which promise permanence, fidelity, sacrificial love.

We talk often about a vocation crisis with respect to the priesthood. But I think that the real vocation crisis is in the vocation of marriage. Without marriage, there will be no priests.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Most of the “Christian” dating advice these days tell guys to be supplicating wimps, and then people wonder where the strong men are who are willing to lead.

Also, when you know getting married leaves you open to the wife being able to take your children, your house, and your livelihood from you on a whim, with the full arm of the Law, you should be terrified.

As opposed to having children out of wedlock, where not only will you have to fight for custody/visitation, you’ll have to fight (and pay) to prove paternity first.

 

[CthgeDelendaEst]

you’ll have to fight (and pay) to prove paternity first.

This is not a problem in the West. The women are eager to pin paternity so they can start getting that child support check. If you suspect cuckolding, then you’ll have to fight and pay to prove (non)paternity…and then the court might might make you pay child support anyway.

SWolf is correct. Marriage is declining because of the perverse no-fault divorce laws that make it a horrible proposition for men. Besides, why marry when women will freely offer sex, bear children, etc without “putting a ring on it”? It leaves the small subset of Catholics - men & women - who are truly interested in living by the authentic teaching of the Church in a terrible situation. You can try to say it doesn’t matter if you marry well, but the constant barrage of secular hedonism we are all exposed to may have the devout 21 year old you married asking you for a frivorce a decade later.