The Girl In Church

[Iheartcoffee]

What better place to meet someone than Mass?! Don’t miss out on the opportunity to meet someone that shares your Faith.

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

This is so sweet. I would love it if a nice young man approached me after mass. I agree with everyone to say hello, introduce yourself, make a little small talk. Then the next time, maybe ask her to get coffee after church. Good luck!

Agreed - approaching her just to say “hi” or “good morning” is the first step. The fact that you are noticing her because of her devotion to the faith along with her beauty is awesome.

 

[underacloud]

I wouldn’t make the approach in church itself. To me, that’s a bit unseemly. I can’t tell if she or you go early. I don’t know how late either of you stays. If it’s not a huge church with big crowds engulfing everybody, I would get out first and sit somewhere outside that’s fairly obvious. Sitting makes it obvious you’re waiting for something or someone. That bespeaks patience and earnestness, even if just a little.

But one should try not to look too much like a stalker too.

Either way (sitting or standing) just try to keep it friendly and casual. There’s nothing at all odd in politely introducing yourself to a fellow mass-goer after mass.

 

[William777]

But one should try not to look too much like a stalker too.

Eh… No, I’m not stalking her…

Part of the problem is that I have a disability with Asperger’s Syndrome (see my bio)., so I tend to come across as very blunt, even arrogant sometimes - although it is not my intention at all… and - not knowing me - she might see red flags…

For example, I know this is going to sound weird, but, since most of the suggestions on here are impractical for the church under consideration, I had actually thought of just referring her to this thread to ask her for her opinion on it. See? In my mind it’s kind of a romantic idea because I’m happily surprised this thread has turned out so well, and I’d like to share it with her. But I also know how Aspergers Syndrome effects me well enough to say that idea is probably a little too strange to actually put into practice. It would probably come across as - well, I dont know how it would come across, but it wouldn’t seem natural, I guess. I’m trying to shed the temptation on that one…

The only other thing I have to say for myself is - yes, I’m physically attracted to her, but, while she sort of became the focal point of this thread, the thread was actually more generally intended. For example, if you look back to my initial query, I had said “This is so common (for me at mass)…” and “it’s a distraction (for me at mass)…”. There’s a lot of pretty girls at mass, so what would really single her out as “the one”? And it might seem a bit presumptuous to designate her as “the one” without even really knowing who she is.

What I guess I’m trying to say is, well, this thread has revealed to me a LOT of people actually DO meet at mass - and some even get married. That is absolutely wonderful. So my thinking is not completely inappropriate when I am attracted to someone at mass. So, if and when God gives me the occasion to meet someone I like, it wouldn’t be socially inappropriate or awkward to see if she’d like to go for a coffee or something afterward.

I guess, if God were to want us together, then there would be some greater occasion for me to get to know her. I don’t really know. Maybe God wants me to take some giant leap of faith, but I think she’d probably find it a bit strange if I threw myself in front of a bus just to get her attention.

 

[Bataar]

I’m just jealous you have the opportunity. It’s been several years, yes, years, since I’ve seen a woman at church who I found attractive, presumed to be single and an appropriate age.

 

[E_7]

This is very frustrating.

How do I approach her? Or should I just forget it?

William,

Try what austenbosten suggested:

If it were me, you know what I’d do…find out where she’s sitting in the pew (I’m guessing she’s sitting at the end). Then walk up and ask if you can sit down. She’ll most likely scoot over and then act all nonchalant thanking her and just telling her that you ‘don’t care to be in a pew all by yourself’ and then just lead in with that. Ask her how long she’s been to the parish…very light small talk and then about a few exchanges in introduce yourself before the Mass begins.

Afterwards you can catch up with her later and talk some more.

Don’t think about it do it. Dump this girl from your mind because all it’s doing is giving you anxiety. Dump her from your mind, pray to God for strength and just immediately do what I just previously said above at next Mass. Don’t think just do.

Look, how can you know if she’s the one if you don’t give it a try? How do you know if that’s the person God has for you if you don’t make a move? Give it a try, if she is meant for you, great! If not, it’s ok, God has someone else just for you. I’m cheering for you!

Let us know how it goes.

 

[underacloud]

Part of the problem is that I have a disability with Asperger’s Syndrome (see my bio)., so I tend to come across as very blunt, even arrogant sometimes - although it is not my intention at all… and - not knowing me - she might see red flags…

For example, I know this is going to sound weird, but, since most of the suggestions on here are impractical for the church under consideration, I had actually thought of just referring her to this thread to ask her for her opinion on it. See? In my mind it’s kind of a romantic idea because I’m happily surprised this thread has turned out so well, and I’d like to share it with her. But I also know how Aspergers Syndrome effects me well enough to say that idea is probably a little too strange to actually put into practice. It would probably come across as - well, I dont know how it would come across, but it wouldn’t seem natural, I guess. I’m trying to shed the temptation on that one…

In order to direct her to this thread, you’d have to talk to her first anyway. Just stick with talking to her…as you already seem to know, showing her this thread would be very strange!

The only other thing I have to say for myself is - yes, I’m physically attracted to her, but, while she sort of became the focal point of this thread, the thread was actually more generally intended. For example, if you look back to my initial query, I had said “This is so common (for me at mass)…” and “it’s a distraction (for me at mass)…”. There’s a lot of pretty girls at mass, so what would really single her out as “the one”? And it might seem a bit presumptuous to designate her as “the one” without even really knowing who she is.

In that case, just make more effort in general to get to know people in your church. The more attractive Catholic women you get to know, the better your chances of hitting it off with someone.

I guess, if God were to want us together, then there would be some greater occasion for me to get to know her. I don’t really know. Maybe God wants me to take some giant leap of faith, but I think she’d probably find it a bit strange if I threw myself in front of a bus just to get her attention.

Sometimes there are “great occasions” and sometimes not. Don’t sit back and presume that God will deliver your furture wife wrapped up with a pretty bow…go out and try to find her. And don’t worry too much about your Aspergers being an issue; if God has intended marriage for you, I’m sure there will be a woman you’ll meet who will enjoy your bluntness.

Good luck!

 

[chevalier]

This is something so common for me. I have such a strange feeling about it - maybe it will help to just talk about it.

So I go to mass this evening, and - as always - there’s a girl who sits on the other side of the pews in the small chapel. She’s pretty, and, well, a bit of a distraction.

I kind of go out of my way for her when I am around her, but I am not around her often enough to go out of my way as much as I’d like. So that’s how I feel.

But, while it’s good to date within one’s faith, I dont think church is a pick-up joint either.

This is very frustrating.

**How do I approach her? **Or should I just forget it?

I usually just try to put it out of my mind.

Boldly.

Before you need to approach women baldly. Just kidding. But only about the second one.

Sometimes there are “great occasions” and sometimes not. Don’t sit back and presume that God will deliver your furture wife wrapped up with a pretty bow…go out and try to find her. And don’t worry too much about your Aspergers being an issue; if God has intended marriage for you, I’m sure there will be a woman you’ll meet who will enjoy your bluntness.

Good luck!

True. You may need to pry her out of an ammo box.

 

[chevalier]

Here’s the kicker - assuming you get to the coffee-drinking, while there chit chat as best you can over one cup of coffee, and before you depart, say something like, "I’ve enjoyed talking with you.’ If she agrees (“I have too.”) that’s your clue to say something like, “Maybe we can do this again next Sunday?”

Also, if she mentions her boyfriend early on, time to move on.

Good luck and God bless you.

It is so reassuring to see that the ladies actually notice and care about that type of thing! It is one of the largest if not the largest clue I always use. Reciprocity is your best hint that a girl likes you. Otherwise she still might but the interest would perhaps be weak. And yes, it is polite of a lady to mention a boyfriend early.

We’ve all done it

And still do. Except the older I get, the more frequently it stops at just thinking if the pretty look is all there is. In fact, just because you’re attracted to a girl doesn’t mean she gets the right to lord it over you.

So… we always sit on opposite sides of the church (that’s just the way we’ve always sat), and there’s really no social time I am aware of, so it might seem a little strange to move over by her and start talking without a good reason…

The awkwardness lasts only a short while if the conversation goes well. Sometimes you can even acknowledge the awkwardness if doing so makes it easier for you. Sometimes I acknowledge a bit of stage fright on purpose, to see if a woman can appreciate a man who can admit to it and act despite it, as opposed to pretending there is none such and being too casual with her (which is not really that impressive in my book).

But - I dunno… maybe she’d be interested…

Don’t speculate. Verify! Life’s too short.

A few weeks back I was in the back of the small chapel gathering some pamphlets and such on her side of the church… She came in for mass, and, since the chapel is small and it’s hard to move around, I wanted to give her the right of way… So I stepped to a side and waited…

Well, she also had to gather some pamphlets, hymnal, etc., and it took her a few moments… I just kind of stood there waiting to let her pass by; it was pretty obvious I was waiting on her… and, when she was ready, she took her seat… then I went over to my side and sat down… She never really looks at me, but she looked over a few times during the mass… So I guess she found it a nice gesture…

Well, at the point you are now, I would stop the looking and gesturing and approach her. Sometimes if you let it lie for too long, the opportunity can pass.

I dunno… I guess I did something right for a change, and maybe I am just making too much out of it… I really don’t know her at all, and I don’t see a way that I could really engage in any small talk with her…

Just don’t overthink it. I think you think too much. I was worse than some ten years ago. Still am sometimes.

Here’s a variation on the theme. My brother, who was married at the time (and still is), noticed a pretty woman attending daily Mass at his parish. He moved to another neighborhood and started attending daily Mass there. She ended up moving to the same neighborhood and started attending daily Mass at the same church. He noticed that she had a Baltimore Orioles sticker on her car. Knowing I’m an Orioles fan, he struck up a conversation with her with the intention of introducing her to me. It took several months for him to connive a situation where we could meet, but eventually he did. Our first date was an Orioles game. We just celebrated our 24th anniversary and have 3 kids. Her idea of a great Mother’s Day is to go to an Orioles game! How lucky can a guy get?!

Nothing works like a well executed accident!

Church is one of the best places to meet potential romantic interests. Maybe one time change things up and sit near her area and talk to her after Mass. Just be sure to check out her ring finger though. My husband has to work every other weekend (he has no choice in the matter it is a military job) and every once in a while he has to go away for training or something of that sort for a month or two, so I am alone in Church a lot. I have probably had about 5 or 6 guys ask me out in church. lol

How daft of them! At the age some ladies you look at are married, you stop looking at the eyes or at the legs, you look at the ring finger first! Saves you some awkward situations. You can pass it up to them as free legal advice.

Ermmm… didnt realize the kiss part of the smiley there…

Just was going to give you some flowers… as a general rule, I never kiss on the first post - people might think I was easy or something…

shaw:

Well, sir, you can talk the talk. No more battleshyness. You just go and do it.

 

[chevalier]

The men usually were the ones who just started up conversation. In my situation, I think it was a little easier because they knew of me as a cantor and they almost always brought that up first, so it was an easy ice-breaker for them.

Ice-breakers are good. Sometimes all that’s needed to strike up a conversation is some detail to hang on. So it’s a sensible idea to supply such details. For example I always mention criminal law, Latin, PHP and playing computer games at night.

I wouldn’t make the approach in church itself. To me, that’s a bit unseemly. I can’t tell if she or you go early. I don’t know how late either of you stays. If it’s not a huge church with big crowds engulfing everybody, I would get out first and sit somewhere outside that’s fairly obvious. Sitting makes it obvious you’re waiting for something or someone. That bespeaks patience and earnestness, even if just a little.

When she comes out and separates from the crowd, then that’s when i would approach her, introduce myself and invite her for coffee or breakfast or whatever. (Hopefully some place nearby) Maybe there’s a parish event??? You’ll find out very quickly whether she has any interest in doing it or not.

The rest you’ll just have to figure out as you go along.

+1 and it’s likely she’s feeling just as awkward. If she blows you off rudely, which is not actually that likely, then you’ll know she wasn’t really all that (unless she badly mishandled the situation, which women do sometimes because they struggle with inexperience just like we do). If you don’t try to talk big but talk to her like a well-adjusted respectful gentleman would, she’d need to be a jerk to say anything bad to you (or just a misguided little flapper, those sometimes change mind after a short while ).

Part of the problem is that I have a disability with Asperger’s Syndrome (see my bio)., so I tend to come across as very blunt, even arrogant sometimes - although it is not my intention at all… and - not knowing me - she might see red flags…

Don’t worry about that. You can clear up that impression verbally. And if she wouldn’t listen or talk, then you’d be wasting time in the first place. Look for a woman you can actually have a meaningful conversation with and reach understanding. That’s a lot cooler than otherwise.

For example, I know this is going to sound weird, but, since most of the suggestions on here are impractical for the church under consideration, I had actually thought of just referring her to this thread to ask her for her opinion on it. See? In my mind it’s kind of a romantic idea because I’m happily surprised this thread has turned out so well, and I’d like to share it with her. But I also know how Aspergers Syndrome effects me well enough to say that idea is probably a little too strange to actually put into practice. It would probably come across as - well, I dont know how it would come across, but it wouldn’t seem natural, I guess. I’m trying to shed the temptation on that one…

Again, you’re overthinking. While Socrates said a life not examined is not worth living, you don’t need to go through all those gloomy scenarios even before they actually happen! And act. Practical data will give you a lot more to munch on than theoretical speculations.

The only other thing I have to say for myself is - yes, I’m physically attracted to her, but, while she sort of became the focal point of this thread, the thread was actually more generally intended. For example, if you look back to my initial query, I had said “This is so common (for me at mass)…” and “it’s a distraction (for me at mass)…”. There’s a lot of pretty girls at mass, so what would really single her out as “the one”? And it might seem a bit presumptuous to designate her as “the one” without even really knowing who she is.

Of course it would be presumptuous. That’s why you’re starting a conversation and taking it slowly from there. It’s not a life altering offer (although in effect, looking years back, it might become ).

What I guess I’m trying to say is, well, this thread has revealed to me a LOT of people actually DO meet at mass - and some even get married. That is absolutely wonderful. So my thinking is not completely inappropriate when I am attracted to someone at mass. So, if and when God gives me the occasion to meet someone I like, it wouldn’t be socially inappropriate or awkward to see if she’d like to go for a coffee or something afterward.

Something I could share with you is that I am looking forward to meeting someone who won’t care about things being awkward. I tend to pass over it and proceed despite things being awkward. It’s like with courage. Courage is not about not feeling fear but about acting despite it. Same with awkwardness. Besides, awkwardness is natural. It’s even natural for people to be artificial to some extent.

I guess, if God were to want us together, then there would be some greater occasion for me to get to know her. I don’t really know. Maybe God wants me to take some giant leap of faith, but I think she’d probably find it a bit strange if I threw myself in front of a bus just to get her attention.

Making a fool of yourself is always an option.

 

[Groo]

Another thought…you could practice introducing yourself to other people at church. Find someone with a friendly face and just introduce yourself. Say ‘hello, I am William. I see you at Mass a lot and thought I would say hi.’ No motive except to meet someone new. This gives you a chance to build up your confidence in a low pressure setting.

And some of these people may know young women in the church. They might introduce you to someone you have been dying to meet.

 

[joshnov17]

I would certainly encourage you to talk to her and ask her somewhere to get to better know one another. I think church is the perfect place to meet someone.

I’m hoping one day I’ll be fortunate enough to meet a girl in church.

So here’s your opportunity.

 

[Irishmom2]

OP, so…didja?

 

[cshoremom]

OP, so…didja?

I came on here specifically to see if there was an update!

 

[Irishmom2]

I came on here specifically to see if there was an update!

OP, people are waiting…

 

[William777]

OP, people are waiting…

Am sorry… I didn’t realize… I was actually away for the entire weekend! And, as a result, I wasn’t at the same church I usually attend, where said girl is…

Additionally, please don’t wait on my account at all… I was very happy to hear all the wonderful responses in this post, but it sort of ran away with itself. As I said earlier, I just wanted to know if it was wrong to feel distracted by her, but the general concensus seems to be - no, it’s actually okay!

Now - having said that - I honestly don’t see that God has put either me or the girl in a position to really interact with one another in a manner that would come across as natural and conducive to further interaction.

When I interpret signal graces correctly - things usually just have a way of working out, but I haven’t seen such a moment occur between us. Well, maybe a little bit occurred naturally when I stood to a side to let her pass by, but really that was about it. Anyway, if God were to put us in the right position, then things would work out naturally, but I’m not going to force it.

I appreciate all the prayers and good thoughts.

 

[Patavium]

Am sorry… I didn’t realize… I was actually away for the entire weekend! And, as a result, I wasn’t at the same church I usually attend, where said girl is…

Additionally, please don’t wait on my account at all… I was very happy to hear all the wonderful responses in this post, but it sort of ran away with itself. As I said earlier, I just wanted to know if it was wrong to feel distracted by her, but the general concensus seems to be - no, it’s actually okay!

Now - having said that - I honestly don’t see that God has put either me or the girl in a position to really interact with one another in a manner that would come across as natural and conducive to further interaction.

When I interpret signal graces correctly - things usually just have a way of working out, but I haven’t seen such a moment occur between us. Well, maybe a little bit occurred naturally when I stood to a side to let her pass by, but really that was about it. Anyway, if God were to put us in the right position, then things would work out naturally, but I’m not going to force it.

I appreciate all the prayers and good thoughts.

William777,

You are thinking too much. Just sit next to her at Mass, and before it begins comment about something, it could be about the Church. See what is her reaction. Don’t be afraid, and don’t expect for the “perfect moment”. There is no “perfect moment”. There is only You talking to her at any time of your choosing.

God bless you!

 

[MarisaJean]

I agree!!! Everyone prays they will meet a wonderful partner…and what a sign if it happened at church! I know you are probably a little shy about the whole deal but as a single woman I would really be open to someone talking to me at church. Start by a simple smile or hello. But believe me…God put you in that church for a reason, maybe it’s not because of her but maybe it is…take a chance, what do you have to loose? The best senario is you find someone your age that you can be friends with at church…case closed. Keep us posted…PLEASE!!!

 

[CatholicRaven]

I just wanted to point out that her stopping to get pamphlets while you waited for her to pass by might have been her way of giving you an opportunity to say something to her. Some girls are shy, and think they are being more obvious than they actually are. If you have another opportunity like that, don’t pass it up! Make conversation.

 

[domandcarols]

Aww I still think you should talk to her.