The girlfriend's parents hate me

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hey,
Im from aus also, what state are you in?

anyway, glad you got some answers, if she has had problems prior to you is she still living at home? I can understand her parents wanting her to live my certain rules under their roof etc but she is 20 and we are adults in australia at 18 🙂

She would probably find if she had some girlfriends to share a house/apartment with it would give her the independence she need as an adult and her relationship with her parents might improve. although financially etc its not always possible to move out it could be something to think on. 🤷

Good luck to ya both
 
Stevo_87 said:
Yes, I do think they are unreasonable (to a certain degree)
I struggle to relate to their cause, which is why I posted on here to see if I could gain a better understanding of where they are coming from and what I can do to keep all parties on-side.

Although I understand the concern for the welfare of their daughter it is definately an effort to empathise with them; they have been incredibly rude to me and seem to show little interest in what their daughter actually wants (I’m talking about occurences prior to me, who she socialises with - where she can go and what she can do)

As for the ‘corrupt’ comment, thats interesting - you do not know me, my peer group nor my beliefs and morals - my intentions are good - although I think you already made your judgement - it must be a hard life with so many of us ‘evil doers’ such as myself out in the world, hey?
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You work in support of a morally bankrupt industry, an industry that destroys homes and marriages. Actions speak louder than words, so yes, “corrupt” is an accurate assessment. Her parents are not unreasonable. You are.
 
ellabelle said:
hey,
Im from aus also, what state are you in?

anyway, glad you got some answers, if she has had problems prior to you is she still living at home? I can understand her parents wanting her to live my certain rules under their roof etc but she is 20 and we are adults in australia at 18 🙂

She would probably find if she had some girlfriends to share a house/apartment with it would give her the independence she need as an adult and her relationship with her parents might improve. although financially etc its not always possible to move out it could be something to think on. 🤷

Good luck to ya both
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West Oz, yourself?

yeah she is still living at home but is contamplating taking next year off university and moving out (understandably) whilst earning enough cash to provide living costs for the rest of her studies.

I don’t really want to sway her decision at all, I’ve already told her that it is her choice that she must make - I guess we will see how it goes

Thanks again for your help 🙂
 
they do not hate you, or any of their daughters’s friends.
they love their daughter and want only her health and happiness and spiritual well being.
they will do all in their power to protect her from people who pose a threat to their daughter.
good for them, more parents should be vigilant.
they are also demonstrating their Christian love for you in modelling a better way to live.

anyone who works for a company or industry that promotes immorality is tacitly consenting and supporting that evil. period.
 
CWBetts said:
You work in support of a morally bankrupt industry, an industry that destroys homes and marriages. Actions speak louder than words, so yes, “corrupt” is an accurate assessment. Her parents are not unreasonable. You are.
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interesting view…although in my opinion:

PEOPLE ruin marriages
PEOPLE destroy homes
PEOPLE sin

Just because there is a adult toy store around the corner doesn’t mean that ‘Mr X’ had to go in there and buy “product A”
it doesn’t mean that “Mrs Y” is now cheating on her husband
It is also not the reason that both are now stuck in a loveless marriage from which neither is willing to break due to their beliefs, regardless of their lack of feeling towards each other.

Mr X and Mrs Y made that decision themselves, THEY were the ones responsible for the breakdown of marital companionship and THEY are ultimately responsible for the outcome
 
Stevo_87 said:
As for sheltered, thats perhaps a bit rich coming from a Catholic forum 😃
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Well it’s great that you spent a couple of months backpacking around south East Asia like thousands of Australian’s of your age. But let’s face it; it’s hardly ground breaking now is it? 🙂 I know it was meant in jest - but you really do show that you have some preconceived ideas about Catholics in general with your comment here. Try to stay a little more open.

If somebody chooses to live by codes of moral or ethical conduct (albeit with radically differing views on sexuality to you), it does not mean they are ignorant/outdated or sheltered for that matter.

Some people on this forum had lives that would make your hair curl before they decided to become catholic. Some people on this forum have lost children; some have been drug addicts, or alcoholics. You just don’t know.

I don’t know how hard core the video material you sell at adult shop is. But morality aside, can you honestly say that you have taken time out and through as to whether there are any ethical implications of what is being sold? I wonder.

Methinks if the parents had been active in the feminist movement with these views you would have had somewhat more “respect” for what they were saying. Perhaps you would even feel a little silly/embarrased?
 
Stevo_87 said:
interesting view…although in my opinion:

PEOPLE ruin marriages
PEOPLE destroy homes
PEOPLE sin

Just because there is a adult toy store around the corner doesn’t mean that ‘Mr X’ had to go in there and buy “product A”
it doesn’t mean that “Mrs Y” is now cheating on her husband
It is also not the reason that both are now stuck in a loveless marriage from which neither is willing to break due to their beliefs, regardless of their lack of feeling towards each other.

Mr X and Mrs Y made that decision themselves, THEY were the ones responsible for the breakdown of marital companionship and THEY are ultimately responsible for the outcome
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Where there is more opportunity for sin, generally there is more sin. If someone lives in a convent where there is holiness all around, that person will have less interest and opportunity in sin. But if that person is exposed to an onslaught of debauchery, that can have an effect.

It’s like saying you walk into a filthy bathroom or a clean one. The filthy bathroom is more likely to give you a disease than the clean one. And that’s like society. People have temptations, and if the society is designed to give in to those, then there will be more sin.

You also seem to have a moral relativist point of view. I don’t hear you talking about what’s right or wrong, but rather I hear you talk about what your friends think, or “opinions”. I can see why you think that way, we are taught this in schools and a lot of young people think this way, but opinion is not king.

You have to find out what is RIGHT and what is WRONG, not what everyone else is doing. A Nazi would be able to look around him and say, well, everyone else nowadays is killing Jews, so it can’t be too bad. People who don’t are old-fashioned. That would be morally wrong. This extreme example illustrates that.
 
Actually, I agree with you, Stevo. It is people who wreck families and so on, and not the sort of stuff you probably sell at your job, and the shop you work in actually sounds pretty tame and mom’n’pop compared to what you often see in the states, which may be why a lot of posters are jumping at you this way. Australia has pretty harsh porn and censorship laws, but the lingerie and educational/marital aid stuff sounds…actually fairly wholesome all in all.

On the other hand, why not look for another side-job? If that’s their real objection, they’ll drop the hostility and be fine (I bet it isn’t, they’re just clingy and uptight is my guess and would hate you for your interest in their little princess no matter what…and it’s time for them to cut the cord already). She’s 20, and can date whoever she pleases, and if that’s not enough, you should both tell them to go take a flying leap. 😉 Your intentions sound honorable, so hey, throw the parents a bone and give them the shallow, look-of-the-thing if that’s what they need. Sadly, many people can’t or won’t look past the superficial, and I agree it’s lame to kowtow to that, but it’s a small price to pay for a chance at harmony.
 
Nepenthe said:
Actually, I agree with you, Stevo. It is people who wreck families and so on, and not the sort of stuff you probably sell at your job, and the shop you work in actually sounds pretty tame and mom’n’pop compared to what you often see in the states, which may be why a lot of posters are jumping at you this way. Australia has pretty harsh porn and censorship laws, but the lingerie and educational/marital aid stuff sounds…actually fairly wholesome all in all.

On the other hand, why not look for another side-job? If that’s their real objection, they’ll drop the hostility and be fine (I bet it isn’t, they’re just clingy and uptight is my guess and would hate you for your interest in their little princess no matter what…and it’s time for them to cut the cord already). She’s 20, and can date whoever she pleases, and if that’s not enough, you should both tell them to go take a flying leap. 😉 Your intentions sound honorable, so hey, throw the parents a bone and give them the shallow, look-of-the-thing if that’s what they need. Sadly, many people can’t or won’t look past the superficial, and I agree it’s lame to kowtow to that, but it’s a small price to pay for a chance at harmony.
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Nepenthe, I think the reason Steve posted on the Catholic Answers forum is because he wanted a Catholic response to his question, not a “non-theist” answer. On what grounds do you judge this sex shop as being “wholesome”. I guess whatever grounds you want. Maybe a sex shop that doesn’t sell illegal porn in your eyes is “wholesome”. I guess you really can’t even have a definition.
 
Steve,
I don’t know how serious you are about this girl, but let me just tell you a bit about my situation. I am Catholic, but not a very good one when I met and married my husband. Much like your younger Catholic friends, I thought all that stuff was fine too. My husband liked that stuff and liked looking at Playboy and things like that. I thought it didn’t bother me and that I was very sophisticated and enlightened. Mind you I never told my parents about any of that (they still don’t know). The problem comes later. As we grew as a family, those things began to matter more. We have a teenage daughter and if she were to find those things it would be horribly embarrassing.

Besides, Steve, the fact that my husband finds sex as a biological function takes away from the beauty of the act. It starts off small, but when you do that, you make it unpleasant. To this day my husband would say that he has no problem with sex. But in reality, it is a huge source of difficulty. I am not sexually attracted to him because I know how he views sex and it is not a beautiful thing to him. It is like drugs. It may seem harmless to try a little here and there, but why would you even start something that never leads to any good for anyone. Love and marriage should be looked at as something that leads to good and you need to do everything in your power to help it get that way.

Steve, when you expose yourself to the kinds of attitudes and environment that a sex shop promotes, it slowly creeps into your head and changes what the act means. You may not notice at first. I didn’t notice with my husband until I found what he was looking at and it disgusted me. It profoundly changes your sexual relationship. So if you are really serious about her stop your second job, talk to her father about why you stopped and have an open heart to her faith.

Because I my experience, I would fight very hard for my daughter to stay away from you as you are now. I would be willing to give you another chance if you stopped your job and expressed an understanding of why it is damaging, because if you were willing to do those things for my daughter, then you would have proved what she is worth to you. I’d be skeptical and I’d watch closely, as trust has to be earned, but I would be willing to open that door to you again.

Best of luck to you. I am praying for you and all of your “customers” and their families.
 
It’s wholesome if it is focused on helping marriages, the handicapped, and the uninformed. Catholics do not think sex is evil, by any means, as far as I know (and I have checked!) Since this shop is in Australia, I doubt it is anything like as sordid as most such places in the US, and even here you can find family-oriented shops for such things that are really friendly, warm-hearted, and not promoting promiscuity.

But the main part of my post was…why not just get another job, until that Civil Engineering career really takes off (he is a little young still, but it’ll happen 😉 ) He just sounds like a really good guy, and someone a Catholic parent could be really proud to have a s a possible son-in-law. And if that really is their only quibble, easily fixed. That’s all I meant. Of course I’m not Catholic, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand their pov, nor am I ignorant on such matters. I was raised by Jesuits, you know. 😛
 
Nepenthe said:
It’s wholesome if it is focused on helping marriages, the handicapped, and the uninformed. Catholics do not think sex is evil, by any means, as far as I know (and I have checked!) Since this shop is in Australia, I doubt it is anything like as sordid as most such places in the US, and even here you can find family-oriented shops for such things that are really friendly, warm-hearted, and not promoting promiscuity.

But the main part of my post was…why not just get another job, until that Civil Engineering career really takes off (he is a little young still, but it’ll happen 😉 ) He just sounds like a really good guy, and someone a Catholic parent could be really proud to have a s a possible son-in-law. And if that really is their only quibble, easily fixed. That’s all I meant. Of course I’m not Catholic, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand their pov, nor am I ignorant on such matters. I was raised by Jesuits, you know. 😛
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Do you do drugs?
 
Nope. Why do you even ask? What on earth does that have to do with the price of eggs or this thread? I should probably report you for slurring me ad hominem, out-of-context posting, and so on…but I won’t. This time.
 
Because your name Nepenthe is a drug of forgetfulness mentioned in Greek mythology, depicted as originating in Egypt. Many scholars think that nepenthe might have been an opium preparation, perhaps similar to laudanum.

If that’s not why that’s your name, then why?
 
Then you should have asked in a ‘why did you choose your username?’ thread. Did you forget your ADHD meds today? Sheesh.

And yes, Stevo, you hit closer there…I had a few reasons for choosing is, as well as finding it euphonious. 😉
 
Nepenthe said:
Then you should have asked in a ‘why did you choose your username?’ thread. Did you forget your ADHD meds today? Sheesh.
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I don’t even know if there is such a thread, and I certainly don’t know if you would read my posting there. And you still didn’t answer my question. And why are you asking me about ADHD?
 
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